Don't Ask Me

Chapter 2: Home

After I finished my session with Mrs. Cora, I started walking to my next class.  Math is my best subject so my sessions are usually the first 15 minutes of that class because I can easily catch up.

          I kept thinking about the answers I gave Mrs. Cora for the last couple of questions she asked.  

"When was the last time you self harmed?"

        "About two to three weeks ago."   I still remember the disappointed look she had on her face, though that was the only information I gave her.  Very uncharacteristically judgmental of her.  I haven't told her what I have done... Though, now that I'm thinking about it, I guess it wouldn't have changed the outcome.  I cut "Home" into my wrist which she would have taken as me still grieving over my parents' death.

        "How about Nimah?  Has she ever done...  'It'?"

        "Don't ask me..."  Why did she ask me?  Why didn't she just ask Nimah herself?  Would she lie?  Maybe she already asked and she doesn't believe her.  Would Nimah ever cut?  She always seems happy.  But I should know more than anyone, that a lot can be hidden behind a smile.

        Distracted in my own thoughts, I picked up my pace, and eventually, I crashed into someone and fell on my back.

        "Oomph!"

        "Oh!  Are you okay?"

        The man I crashed into didn't even shift as I ricocheted off his body.

        I just look at him silently.  The man had glowing blue eyes and shaggy black hair.

        "Cat caught yer' tongue?"  He asked.

        "No, that was just a stupid question,"  I replied after I stood up and brushed myself off.  "I'm obviously fine, I thought you would be able to figure it out yourself."

        "Sorry...  I was just trying to be polite after you smashed into me."

        "Yeah well, you don't seem phased." I gesture to his body.

        The man smiled and started to rub the back of his neck.  "Yeah... I have been told I'm stronger than I look." 

        "Right..."  I muttered until I realized something  "Hey, I have never seen you here before."

        "Um... Yeah, I just transferred here...  The names Keith."

        "...I'm Bexlynne."

        "Nice to meet you Bexlynne!" Keith held out his hand for and handshake.  "Well, you're chipper." He complained as I ignored his hand.

        "I have nothing to be 'chipper' about."

        " I see... Well don't you have a class or something"

        "I do... Bye." I left when he didn't say anything back, and got to class.

. . .

        "What did you mean by 'normal people have no idea how black is'?"  Farah asked On our walk back home to our apartment building.

        "Normal people think darkness is scary because it makes it so you can't see your surroundings and causes confusion,"  I answered

        "Yes, we do, because it is, and it does..."  Farrah argued.

        "That's true but there is a beauty to it.  light would never exist if there was no darkness, stars can't shine without it,  But darkness is much stronger than light would ever be. There will always darkness on earth, wherever there is light there will always be shadows."

        "Well, that was deep and cringy... Even for you."  Farrah stated. 

        "Well it is 'deep' and 'cringy' but it is true."  I hesitantly added more to my reasoning.  "light can't exist without darkness so it creates it...  Plus I find it calming to not know what's around me.  It's light that is the illusion of safety, not the other way around."

        "Well, I never thought of it like tha-"

        "Of course not!"  I interrupted.  "As I said, normal people have no idea."

        Farrah took a deep sigh and mumbled something I couldn't understand.  "Well, goodbye Bexley."  Farrah said under her breath after we got to our apartment building.

         "Yeah..."  I replied.

        When I entered my apartment, it was empty.  But that wasn't unusual, my aunt was probably either working or hanging out with her friends.  I sat at the kitchen table and started my homework which was mostly just catching up on my math since I missed the first 15 minutes and I was also distracted during math because of Farah, she didn't talk to me much that period...  Or at all until the end of the day.  That's very strange of her.  Was it something I said?  After I finished my math I started thinking about dinner.  "What would my 'master' feel like eating today?"  I whispered to myself as I opened the cupboards.  "You know what?!"  I continued,  "I am really tired today, she'll have to deal with spaghetti."

        I filled a pot full of water and set it to boil on the back burner.  I got another pot for the sauce and put in some canned tomato sauce and chopped onion, mushrooms, and green pepper.  "Just how she likes it."

        Once the water began to boil I put in the spaghetti, set the timer and headed to my room to do the work Mrs. Cora assigned me to do.  I stared at the blank page which I was supposed to write down how I'm feeling  "What am I feeling?"  I asked myself, and then I knew exactly what to write.

. . .

        The alarm started going off on the stove and I rushed to the kitchen.  Last time, I burned the food and my aunt was infuriated with me.  I can NOT deal with her nagging today, so I will make sure that it does not happen again.  I began to stir the sauce and then I checked the spaghetti.  Once I was sure it was done, I put it through the strainer and plated it.  I turned the back burner off and the front on low and stirred the sauce for a while again before pouring it on the spaghetti.  I grated some cheddar cheese and sprinkled it over my dish completing it.  "Finished!"  I said louder than I thought, I was so surprised that I looked around the room to see if it was actually me speaking.  I took an irritated sigh as I put our plates in the oven so our cats don't get to them while I wait for my 'master' to get home.  She gets angry if I eat while she's gone, she says it's disrespectful and it's polite to eat together as a "family".  Though I'm pretty sure family doesn't make you starve while their out with their friends eating chips and dip.  I washed the pots, put them back where they belong and headed back to my room.

        I laid in my bed and grabbed my sketchbook from my bedside table and started to draw an eye.  Eyes are my favorite things to draw.  There is so much detail you can put in one without adding color.  There's so much each one can tell you. 

        I heard a loud bang from my aunt slamming the front door.  Next, I heard her heavy, unsteady footsteps in the kitchen.  She must have been drinking again.  "Bexlynne!"  I heard her yell from the kitchen,  "Dinner better be ready!  I'm starving."

        "Yeah!"  I yelled back at her.  I wasn't sure if she heard me because of the long pause.

        "Bexlynne!?!?"  I guess she didn't.

        "Yes, Ma'am!"  I yelled frustrated,  "It's in the oven!"

        I walked into the kitchen and noticed 'master' was already eating.  'What happened to eating as a family?'  I thought.  I grabbed my plate out of the oven and as soon as I sat across the table from her I could smell the alcohol on her breath.

        "Where were you?"  I asked her not really caring.

        "Doesn't matter."  She replied and she started coughing.

        "I didn't really care much anyway."

        "That better be sarcasm young lady!"  she said, sounding angrier than her face showed.

        "Of course it was!"  I said with a smirk,  "Are you drunk or something? you seem out of it." as if I didn't already know.

        "A little.  I was at a party with people"

        "People? really?"  I whined sarcastically.  "I thought you were cheating on Scruffy and Shadow and partying with other cats."

        She gasped loudly! "Never!"  She replied and began to giggle.

        I like my aunt when she is drunk.  she is a little less... "bothersome" that way.  For example, last time I made pasta,  she came home sober and complained the whole day.  She said she didn't want pasta, she said she wanted grated cheddar cheese, not Parmesan cheese, and worst of all I didn't clean the pots before she got home.  Eventually, she just slapped me twice and dragged me to the basement by the collar where I was supposed to sleep for the rest of the night in the pitch, black darkness.  I guess that's how I grew to enjoy it and learn about the true meaning behind the darkness.

After diner, I did the last of the dishes and went to bed.