You are the light of my life

Only a fool looks Alpha Zavier in the eye when he speaks. You dare not interrupt him and if you’re an omega girl called Aysel, it’s best to hide. I learnt these tricks early in life. I knew not to look up, not to make a sound and to make myself invisible in the crowd of people that filled the banquet hall to celebrate the Feast of the Moon. But I never did anything right. When asked to take a step to the left, I ended up at the right, whether I took a step to the left or not. Fate worked in reverse for me. If I sowed good, I reaped misfortune. It was the reason why, while serving with my head down, trying to make myself smaller than my small frame, I tripped on a fair leg, my tray of wine flying from my hand and tumbling to the ground, crashing – loudly – to the floor and spilling its red content against the fair feet of the Alpha’s daughter, in the middle of the Alpha’s speech. I raised my head and caught the Alpha At that moment – when I made eye contact with the Alpha and sealed my fate – Skylar, the Alpha’s daughter, let out a blood-curdling scream, as if it took her that ten seconds of silence to process what I’d done. I’d spilt expensive wine on her equally expensive, white, floor length dress. Her hand smacked my head to the right as an apology dropped from my lips. Then to the left, and right again. She kept smacking me as everyone stared with their mouths open at what I had done until the Alpha cleared his throat and called for order. “That’s enough, Sky.” Alpha Zavier looked at me as he addressed his daughter, his eyes filled with deep hatred and fiery anger. I gulped, cupping my hot cheeks. “It’s not. This little b***h ruined my dress!” Skylar cried, her sweet soprano voice raising as she hit me for the last time. “Why are you so jealous of me?” She cried yet again, dragging everyone’s attention back to the scene despite the Alpha’s call for order. “I’m not, ” I answered in a whispery voice with my hands shaking. My eyes stung with the tears I held at bay, blurring the faces around me. I didn’t want to cry now – not now. It would only make my humiliation worse if I broke down here. I told myself I had to wait – I had to wait for them to take me out for a beating when the enforcers would give me a good reason to cry but I wasn’t strong. My lips quivered as the tears slid down my face. I blinked rapidly to clear them but they fell faster the more I blinked. Alpha Zavier signalled something at those behind me as his daughter stumped out, pushing people out of her way as she went. Two men grabbed me from behind, dragging me out of the hall. I looked at the few people who still watched the drama unfold as the Alpha went back to his speech, a muscle twitching at the side of his jaw. Only one person watching me looked at me with anything other than scorn in her eyes as the enforcers dragged me away. They threw me into a dark room, locking the door behind them. This dark room belonged to me. I slept here, had all my possessions – a single bag – in this room, the days I had food, I ate here and every day, I cried in this same room. Two months ago, I spent two weeks locked up in my room and sometime in the two weeks, my food supply was cut off. I’d starved for at least five days but down here, in the cold, damp basement of the pack house, time became relative. I could have starved for one week or to days, there was never a way to be sure. Everything was dark – every hour of the day, night. The door handle jiggled as someone tried to get in. The door jammed a lot and needed brute force to open on most days. Skylar came in with her brother and her boyfriend all wearing nasty smirks on their lips. My eyes lingered on Skylar’s boyfriend for a minute. A few years ago, Lucien had been my best friend. I told him everything. I loved him as a best friend and more. ‘Promise me we’ll never fall apart.’ I held his hand and stared up at him the night before we started high school.  ‘You’ve started with your cute sentiments.’ He kissed my nose. I pretended to hate it but it warmed my heart.  ‘It’s me and you for life, Ay-babe.’  ‘Me and you and Celeste, ’ I mentioned my other best friend which made him laugh. ‘Whatever you say, doll.’ The sound of his laughter made my knees weak. A few years later I found out we were mates so I tried to do something sweet for him, knowing what it’d cost me. ‘Lucien –‘ I just wanted to see him smile.  ‘It’s Beta Lucien to you, ’ he snapped, his hand around Skylar’s shoulder. The alpha female stared at me with indifference on her face but a spark of glee in her eyes. ‘Beta Lucien, can we – can we talk?’ I watched as he twirled Skylar’s hair between his fingers. ‘We can talk here.’ Someone behind them chuckled at his mocking tone.  ‘What do you want? You’re wasting my time.’He stared at the gold watch on I stretched out flowers with shaky hands while the school watched with bathed breath. It was a secret he kept well but I’d been his best friend since we were in diapers and I knew he loved receiving flowers. He hid that part of himself because it wasn’t considered manly but he didn’t have to be manly with me. ‘I love you.’ Loud guffaws surrounded me. Tears stung my eyes when my best friend and mate joined in the derisive laughter. “It’s time for you to pay.” Skylar smirked, pulling me back to the present. She’d taken off her ruined dress to come black combat shorts and a black long-sleeved keyhole shirt. “On your knees, ” Alpha Bethel, the future leader of our pack called, dragging me out of my flat bed. I got on my knees without protest, facing my back to him. “Come hold her, Lucien.” “There’s no need to hold me, ” I muttered. My head spun at the blow that landed on my head from behind when I dared to say anything. “Keep quiet!” Beta Lucien hissed. He not only humiliated me in front of the entire school that day, he also rejected me that same night. ‘We can’t be mates. You’re ugly, poor and a stain on my reputation. I’d be a madman to mate with you.’ Those were the words he said to me before he rejected me. “I won’t – I won’t fight.” I took a step back when Lucien approached me. The worst part of taking a beating was being held down by Lucien.  I’d learnt to take a beating without trying to run like the other omegas did because when Lucien was involved, it meant paramount pain. He was a choker and gasping for air with a belt lashing down wasn’t pretty. “Oh, really?” A strong hand gripped my jaw with bruising force, forcing me to look up at cold black eyes. Everyone in the Redville pack hated me but Lucien had a special place in his heart for hating me, a part of his mind dedicated to formulating many ways to torture me and make me wish I’d never been born all because I’d loved him. “Take off your clothes then” I blinked. Tears spilt from my eyes when I blinked. I didn’t expect that but it made Bethel guffaw. He’d become especially cruel to me after we broke our mate bond. “W – what?” I swiped at my cheeks as the next alpha continued to laugh. I wouldn’t fight didn’t mean I wanted to humiliate myself in that way. “What the f**k is wrong with you, Lucien? Oh, so you want to see her naked?” Skylar boomed from behind us. I jerked away, Lucien’s hands falling from my face. “Baby –“ Her yelling cut off his soft, simpering tone. “Don’t baby me! Hold her, let’s get this over with!” Skylar’s jealousy saved me from humiliation but it made Lucien angry. He forced my head down by my neck, squeezing my neck with one hand while the other held my hands. Bethel’s belt came down hard against my back forcing a gasp from me. The gasp caught in my throat as Lucien squeezed harder. He wanted me to die and it seemed he wanted it today. The belt came back again with Lucien continuing to squeeze the life out of me. But the third strike, I could not keep silent anymore. Choked words spilt from my mouth, falling with tears and a bit of saliva. The belt came down faster and harder, Lucien squeezing my neck harder. My wolf whimpered, the physical pain getting to her as the men broke me. “Enough,” Skylar commanded. Bethel didn’t stop at once. He brought the belt down three times more after that command. I’d become a mess by then. I couldn’t scream. I couldn’t thrash, couldn’t beg or fight. They overpowered me as they liked and ripped me apart the way they liked. Even after Lucien let go, I couldn’t raise myself from the table they bent me over. My body slid to the ground when my quivering legs couldn’t hold me up for much longer. My back bled with my throat raw and my eyes were swollen. I gasped for air now that I could take as much as I needed while Bethel put on his belt and Lucien wiped his hands on my sheets. “You’re not only stupid, you’re also useless. Learn to stay in your lane.” She finished. “To think they tried taking over.” Bethel laughed his loud obnoxious laughter. I curled into myself, tears sliding into my ears from the position I lay in. “She has always wanted what I have. Nasty little thing.” Skylar clicked her tongue. “She deserves another beating just for bringing up bad memories.” I shut my eyes tight. I wouldn’t survive another beating. I wouldn’t. “She wouldn’t make it through another beating. Look at her, ” Lucien sneered. “She doesn’t deserve an easy death.” I didn’t deserve any of this. Why did they make me pay for the sins of my people? I had done nothing to warrant this! This was for the disrespect I dealt Skylar. How would I cope with the Alpha’s wrath when it came? I interrupted his speech and dared look him in the eye. “Stay wretched.” Skylar crooned. She jabbed her boot into the side of my head in a hard kick that stole the light from my eyes. ‘ Maybe today is the day I die’ Were my last thoughts as my world went black. “Aysel.” I curled away from the person touching me. I didn’t want to open my eyes. I refused to awaken to a world that hated me.  The only thing I wanted was to sleep the sleep of death to join my parents in the world after. I didn’t deserve any of the pain and suffering that awaited me in the world of the living. “Aysel, wake up.” My eyes fluttered open when the person shaking me refused to relent. “You have five minutes to eat before Monica comes barging in.” Celeste pushed a tray of food to me. “I’m not hungry.” I sat up in my dark room, wiping caked blood off my lips. “What time is it?” I didn’t know how long I’d succumbed to the darkness. “It’s morning.” Celeste brushed aside my question with haste, pushing the tray of food to me again. “The Feast of the Moon continues today. You have a lot of work waiting for you so you better eat now before you collapse doing your duties.” It’ll be unfortunate to faint while working today yet my stomach was a tight knot that wanted nothing in it. I staggered to my feet to change my clothes. The Feast of the Moon was a sacred and revered event held once a year. It would be folly to ruin it by showing up in a bloody dress whether I was an irrelevant omega or a powerful alpha. Celeste sucked in a sharp breath when I took off my clothes with my back to her. There was no need to look into a mirror; I knew what she saw and I didn’t have a mirror. I felt the sting of Bethel’s belt on my back as if it happened a few minutes ago. My teeth gnashed as I pulled on a clean black shirt, the stiff material of the cloth brushing against open injuries. “Don’t you dare.” Celeste didn’t understand what I went through in this pack. As the beta’s daughter, everyone loved and adored her. She had pretty strawberry blonde hair and large, expressive hazel eyes. She was a beta, like her parents. Her parents never tried usurping the alpha. The only blemish on her person was her friendship with me. She had an idealistic view of the world, believing that things could be better. She wanted to help me but every time she interferes, things got worse. “He can’t do this to you! You’re battered!” Her soft voice rose in a shriek. “He can and you won’t say anything about it.” She meant well but she had this disconnection from my reality that sometimes made it hard to converse with her. She didn’t know what a whip felt like. She didn’t know what being an orphan felt like. She would never understand what it meant to go to bed with a biting stomach and tearful eyes after a long day of rigorous work. I wouldn’t wish my worst enemy to experience the things I experienced but when she made it seem as if I didn’t try enough, as if I hadn’t tried too much, I wished she would leave me alone. Who would I tell what Skylar and her gang did to me? The Alpha lost his Luna because of my family. The Beta hated me. Who else could I turn to? Who would listen to my cries if I cried to them? My parents betrayed Redville pack and it was my fate to suffer the consequences of their actions. “Aysel, please.” She walked up to me and took my hands in hers, her big eyes filling. “Let me help you.” I pulled my hands from her, turning to face a wall, I needed all the help anyone could offer me but Celeste had tried enough. I couldn’t ask her to keep trying. If she confronted her brother about what he did to me, he would come back with Bethel and two belts.  “Aysel.” Monica rapped on my door. “Get out here. No one keeps you around to sleep.” She yelled from outside. “I’m coming, ” I yelled back, tying my hair. “Celeste –“ “I can’t handle Lucien but I can handle Monica.” She squared her shoulders before marching out of the cold and damp corner I slept in. She was a good friend. I didn’t know how I would have survived all these years without her. She wa s the only one to stick with me through the years after my pack wrote me off. I didn’t get to eat that day but I got to leave my room. I had only the Moon Goddess to thank for that. She made the Feast of the Moon, an annual celebration to give thanks and make merry amongst packs. For the next week, there would be a lot of food to cook, halls to mop and champagne to serve. Redville would need all the hands she could get so no one kept me locked up for long. The other omegas complained about all the work they had to do this period but not me. They had rooms with beds to sleep on. I had nothing of that comfort. My bed didn’t qualify as a bed anymore. My room didn’t have any lighting and darkness scared me. No matter how many clothes I piled on myself, I could never escape the cold of the damp room. Working took my mind off the many things that could be fixed in my life. When I worked, I put in all my effort, all my energy and strength so that when I finished, I went to the darkness of my room with pains all over my body and fell asleep in the blink of an eye. “I just want to grab a quick snack! Goddess, you’re clingy!” S kylar’s soprano called right outside the kitchen as I scrubbed the pans used this morning. My heart leapt to my throat, my hands freezing in the murky water I used in a scrubbing the pans. My mouth went dry and my eyes flew all over the place, jumping from the window near me and an open, empty cupboard beside me, looking for a way to get out or get lost. She couldn’t see me! Before I knew it, tears flowed down my cheeks with my hands shaking in the water. Breathing turned difficult. Sweat congregated atop of my brows as I hid inside the dark cupboard, flinching when her footsteps got into the kitchen. I didn’t dare breathe for fear of my breathing being loud enough to put me. I rubbed my hands at the back of my neck, my skin heating. Tight spaces terrified me. They made me dizzy, made my hands tingle and my legs lock. The small, dark cupboard closed in on me causing full body tremors. I clutched my knees to my cheek, closing my eyes and rocking back and forth in the little space the cupboard afforded me. My lips quivered, salty tears falling into my open mouth. I gasped but pressed a hand to my mouth when the movement in the kitchen seized for a second. My brain focused on her movements, forcing me to hold my breath to listen to her prance around the kitchen. At that time, she stopped before the cupboard I hid inside. I forced my knuckles into my mouth to stop a whimper of fear. “What is that awful smell?” She snickered. My eyes tightened, my body stopping the jerky, rocking rhythm. “Too good to answer?” She was talking to me but I couldn’t answer. I couldn’t bring myself to remove the hand I stuck into my mouth to keep silent – to hide from her. “Have fun in your new cell.” My hands wrenched out of my mouth in a split second. “Skylar, please –“. A gasp escaped my lips. Her response came as a derisive chuckle. “It’s cosy, isn’t it?” She laughed. Her footsteps grew faint as I pushed at the cupboard door bolted from outside. “Skylar! Skylar, please!” I pushed at the door, the world swimming around me, the darkness rushing to consume me. “Please don’t do this to me.” Small spaces terrified me. Oh goddess, please. “Skylar, please, don’t leave me! Don’t lock me in.” I screamed for her but even as I screamed, as the world closed in around me, I knew she already left me in the small cupboard space. “Skylar!” I positioned my shoulder against the wood of the cupboard door, banging against it with all the strength in my tired body while screaming her name until the door broke. I dove out of the cupboard, my chest heaving, only to see meet Alpha Zavier stirring a cup of coffee. “You can’t let them win, ” I repeated my mantra in my head as two men held me down while a third lashes at me. The wounds on my back never healed. I didn’t go a week without being introduced to one or more new ways of torture. I’d developed a high tolerance to pain and to keep me down, Redville pack got more creative in their methods. “They won’t break your spirit.” If I proved deeper, I’d find my spirit in shambles – what was left of it – but my mantra kept me going. The Redville wolves used me as their lab rat – the victim that they tested out new methods of torture on. “I’ll be strong.” These words repeated in my head, a steady mantra that lived with me for the past eleven years. Eleven years ago, my parents betrayed the pack. I had friends and a good life until they ruined it. They wanted more. My father wanted Alpha Zavier’s position and he went for it. My mother never learnt not to support her mate so through it all, through the secrets, the going about behind the pack, the infiltration of the Alpha’s circle and the subsequent attack, she supported him. I’d been nothing but a nine-year-old whose parents turned traitors. They didn’t even get to rain down fire and brimstone as they planned. A close friend – a man my father promised would be his Beta at the end of the coup – chickened out at the last minute and went running to Alpha Zavier. He played double-agent for my father and Alpha Zavier but really, all his loyalty shifted to the Alpha. He didn’t believe my father could pull it off so thanks to him, the mission failed before its completion. My mantra couldn’t help me this time. The chants in my head, the desperation to hold on to something, to find a bit of inner strength so I didn’t break, failed me that day. It had become too much. This, heaped on everything else I endured since yesterday, went past the mental barrier I struggled to keep in place all these years.