Escape To Paris

  Chapter 1   My flight lifted off the runway and shook violently as the plane reached the height of the Logan airport terminal. The take-off was always worse for me than landing. Once the seat belt sign clicked off, it felt good to lean back in my first class seat. First order of business was eating the olives in my martini. When the no smoking light flashed off, I lit a Newport cigarette and drew in deeply. It was freeing to look out at the sea of lights spread out below. It was September 1980 and my life had been tied to Boston for five years. My divorce from Mark could become final soon and our daughter was with my parents in Atlanta. A large gulp from my drink gave me an instantaneous wave of warm relief. It was time for me to spread my wings to sore like an eagle! An original taste of freedom was my trip to visit Muriel Monroe at her family’s summer home on Cape Cod. We both attended The Davis Academy, an elite private school in Atlanta. The flight out of Atlanta was uneventful other than the opportunity to view the Atlantic coast from fifty thousand feet. Our landing in Hyannis provided a breathtaking view of the Cape Cod Canal, bridges entering the Cape and the sparkling ocean. Their house sat up at the top of a hill in South Chatham overlooking an inlet that flowed from the Atlantic Ocean. The highlight of the visit was the opportunity to dig clams during low tide on the inlet sand bar. Her dad would put the clams in water with cornmeal which they would eat and discharge to self-clean. The clam meat was used to make a hearty pot of New England clam chowder that we ate along with baked stuffed lobster and salad for dinner. A close second was body surfing at Nauset Beach in Orleans where the massive waves could carry us for a hundred yards or more. We both would quickly tan to a golden brown while my blond hair got lighter and her black hair turned jet black. Next door lived two boys, a couple years older than us, who we would sneak out with many nights. They had cigarettes and beer and we would party with them until early morning. It was my introduction to heavy petting but we stopped their attempts grope for more. Thankfully, Muriel again realized that I needed an escape from my insane existence so rented a cabana in Costa Rica. It was a perfect time for another visit reminiscent of our glorious youthful summers together on the Cape. She had become a successful, self-reliant model who stood out because of her strikingly beautiful face, closely trimmed black hair and shapely figure. Her claim that she coveted my perfectly shaped blond hair, button nose and knock out legs, seemed far-fetched. Our bond mainly existed because we had remained on the same wave link since childhood. When we went out together, we always attracted a bevy of handsome, rich guys. Freedom can be delicious and escape was sublime! Life had been easier during my early life as a youthful Atlanta socialite. Those years were filled with endless parties, many days sunning at our country club pool and occasional studying for dry tests. I met Mark Wilcox at a country club dance and we dated periodically through high school. We drifted apart during my years attending the University of GA where most of my social life revolved around my sorority. Not like the last year of hell! Getting tangled again with Victor, Mark’s boss and my former love interest was insane. The possibility that my actions could have been a catalyst to his murder would probably haunt me forever. Thankfully, I could get out of town after his funeral. It made me sad that Tim was stuck making all the arrangements without help from anyone. He was sucked into many of Victor’s self-centered schemes and now he was stuck in the role Victor created to the bitter end. Soon after he was transferred from Vietnam, Vic first entered my life. The country had survived the deaths of family members and massive protests against the war. Our social fabric had been stretched to near its breaking point when he swept me off my feet and the desire to escape the real world consumed me! I was totally blindsided when Mark reappeared and asked me to marry him. Our marriage set off a chain of events which led to our grand escape to Paris! What was most amazing about Paris was the joy felt when we returned after leaving that glorious city! We were married in Atlanta and immediately left for a year-long honeymoon in Paris. When I reached my eighth month of pregnancy, we remained in Paris for the birth of our daughter. Soon after her birth, everything seemed similar but our feelings of joy were more intense! Susan Train from French Vogue helped us find a flat near Les Grands Magasins. It had two bedrooms, large great room, elegant bathroom and large eat in kitchen. She said, “Welcome to our beautiful city Sherri! Can you and Mark join us for dinner this evening?” All my dreams about finding a new life in Paris were set to come true.   My plane landed at San Jose International Airport at 7 pm and the Peace Lodge transport driver was waiting for me at the off ramp. In an hour, Muriel and I were sipping margaritas at our cabana pool. She said, “Later, we can head over to the cool club that has an amazing rock band and a ton of dreamy guys looking for a crazy time. They’re rich, fun and most are real gentlemen. Tomorrow we can hike with a mixed group to view La Paz Waterfall and skinny dip in natural and totally clear side pools. A couple of the guys from the band usually join the group to serenade us during our after-swim picnic.” “What a wonderful hideaway; just what the doctor ordered.” Over the next couple of days, a few guys provided the first decent s*x I had experienced in years! Muriel always knew just what I needed. She would also disappear periodically and return with a satisfied look on her face. The food was out of this world with a chef who had mastered many ways to serve Caribbean sea food which we washed down with many bottles of white wine. My tan returned quickly which included my breasts. The old feelings felt in Paris, seeped into every ounce of my being. Feeding my base desires, brought me back to life! What astounded me most, were the flash backs of Mark showing up in DC. Muriel threw a party when she heard he was visiting and invited me for obvious reasons. Her party had just begun when Muriel’s brother walked in with Mark. He was tall, muscular and walked with a confident air. He had a wide smile, piercing eyes and wore pressed chinos with a blue button down shirt. He had arrived in the capital to raise funds for an entrepreneurial venture he hoped to launch. Mark mingled with several of the people he knew while he kept tabs on me with periodic glances. He looked a little lost because I didn’t acknowledge he was there. He had always been a little pathetic during our previous on again, off again relationship. When we were connected, we did get passionate at times and always had fun on dates. That evening, the intensity of his feelings for me were more obvious than our earlier times together. He had always been cute so possibly absence does make the heart grow fonder? He finally maneuvered close to me to say, “It’s been ages since I’ve had a chance to be with you. How have you been?” “My life in DC has been great. What brought you here? You know it was your fault we drifted apart!” “That’s why I jumped at the opportunity to see you to explain what was behind my behavior,” was his weak response. Could I take you to dinner tomorrow? That way we could relax and talk about old times. I plan to be in town for a few weeks and would love to see you as often as possible.” “Let’s get together and kick around our fun past and see where it leads; tonight, have a drink and mingle. We invited a bunch of party animals that are smart, fun and enjoy a good time. Excuse me; I need to check on the ice and beer supply,” I responded hurriedly. He seemed shaken by my cool response but what does he expect from me? He drops into my life after many years and I’m supposed to fawn over his presence? Meanwhile, I’ve got to keep this party going. Later that night, after all the revealers left, my thoughts turned back to my previous relationship with Mark. In my mind the question was, “Do I really want to hop on that roller coaster again? He was untrustworthy and could be a real jerk! He was a dreamy guy and we did have fun. Yet, my relationship with Vic Landsdown was heating up and we were having a blast.” With nothing resolved in my mind, I drifted off to sleep. Mark called me at work the next day to set up our dinner date for later that week. We laughed and kidded around which seemed like old times. He picked me up that evening in a Mercedes sports car and drove us to the Old Ebbitt Grill. He showed some of their antiques as we walked and pointed out some of the best known politicians that had congregated at the bar. One of biggest seemed half in the bag which got a reaction from Mark. “That’s one of the most famous drunks, Teddy Kennedy. He blames it on the murder of his brother JFK and the fear that Bobby could be next. He is also known for throwing the wildest parties in the city. Have you been to any? A word of warning; don’t get in a car that he’s driving because he is known for giving wild rides when he is three-sheets-to-the-wind.” “The motto, stay clear of drunks has always been my guide. I hope you aren’t one those kettles calling the pot black. You put away your share of beer in your high school days!” “I have become a more sophisticated drinker these days,” he replied sheepishly. “Let’s have great dinner and talk about our good times together.” “Thank you for inviting me. We had so much fun; especially at our country club.” We talked, laughed and even became somewhat melancholy at times. Thinking back now, it was an event that changed the whole course of my life. My demeanor was transformed from rootlessness and uncertainty to openness for adventure. That night’s glimmer grew into a joyful explosion into life! For a few years, he became mature, productive and creative. He carved out his identity and displayed a full range of talents. My fascination with Mark’s ability to captivate a room full of people and cleaver business sense grew through our early years together. When the two of us were alone, he showed an honest deference toward me to demonstrate that he was a true southern gentleman. He often told me that I was a captivating woman—down to earth, smart, witty, alluring and strong willed. Our good nature and decency were a clear representation of our southern roots. Yet, we both were able to hide our deep seated distrust of most people and a dark side. Most importantly, we both longed to feel that we could be truly free. As we became reacquainted, my desire to escape from my humdrum existence began to form. Each time the thought of escape flew into my mind, I would ask myself, “Where would I want to go?” While we ate he opened up about things that remained hidden in the past. What astounded me most were the similarities in our family backgrounds. We both grew up as an only child and refused to be dominated by our father. Both of our fathers became rich as self-made men and cheated on their wives. As teenagers, our lives gravitated away from home to country club activities while both dads suffered from flights into mania and depression. Our mothers simply withdrew from life, so we found we were on our own. For me, it meant taking many flights into my world of fantasy. After that reconnection dinner, we got together often and I shut down all other relationships. We became kindred spirits as we pretended to have a loving relationship. Mark showed an attraction to my intelligence and beauty while I became infatuated with his willful drive. Looking back, it was our lack of true connection that attracted me most. That way, my fanciful creation of a make believe relationship could take hold! As we developed our own style of angry love making, it found its place in my dream world. Mark tended to dominate most aspects of our time together which was fine with me. His need to dominate women was profound! Slowly but surely, we drifted toward marriage which was nurtured by our out-of-control families. One evening we were having dinner at a Chinese restaurant and he asked me to marry him. We had just finished our Poo Poo Platter when he got on one knee and brought out a massive diamond ring to pop the question! The next day I quit my job, broke it off with Vic and paid off my lease. When we arrived in Atlanta, our parents were the first to hear the news and they were overwhelmed. My dad quickly organized the wedding. We were married in the Artmore Hotel because the gala event after the ceremony could be held in their grandest ballroom. This included an iced vodka bar, a twelve piece orchestra, sea food extravaganza before a prime rib or lobster dinner and a wedding cake that stood twenty feet high. We all danced until two in the morning and congregated in another ballroom for a breakfast buffet with booze until sunrise. That next day, we flew to Paris and began our great escape together. The furthest thing from our mind was the disastrous events that would unfold!   Our apartment was comfortable, spacious and located near popular celebrity hangouts. One of my first mornings in Paris, as I sat drinking my expresso, Marlene Dietrich walked into the small pastry shop where I was sitting. It was located near her apartment located on Avenue Montaigne. She was white as a sheet and seemed shaky as she ordered her expresso. She sat and opened her handbag to pour from a bottle into her drink. Feeling adventurous, I walked over to her table to say, “Could I join you? My husband and I recently moved to Paris. Have you lived here long?” She looked up at me with an unmistakable smile saying, “Please join me dear. Yes, I have lived hear for many years; also California and New York.” That was the beginning of a beautiful friendship which led us to friendships with Coco Chanel, the Duke and Duchess of Windsor, Bridgette Bardot, Josephine Baker and Picasso. The Duke threw the best parties, Bridgette tantalized my husband, Josephine became my soul mate and Picasso tried to seduce me. Coco was just Coco. It all made no difference because it was all make believe! We both believed that meeting new people gave life true meaning and the search for pleasure provided the gifts we all deserved. Coco took Mark under her wing and provided invaluable entrepreneurial guidance as he worked tirelessly to develop his business ideas. She had masterfully revived her career in the 50’s using design expertise, tireless effort, powerful friends and strategic skills. She saw Mark as a possible protege who understood the art of product branding. It appeared that she built her business around the art of living. Mark tried to understand the source of Coco’s instincts which became frustrating over time. During the day, Mark worked on his business plan, struggling to define the market being targeted. Each evening, we would explore the sites and excitement that unfolded throughout Paris. We could usually find a few celebrities holding court to revel in their uniqueness. It all became a dream come true with overwhelming speed. Because Coco was drawn to Mark, many of the others followed suit. Some would share with me that my style and demeanor were impeccable. Displaying a down to earth manner endeared me to them because they claimed that I instinctively did the right thing. This blew me away; my behavior in the past had always been the opposite! They were infatuated with Mark and I because he worshipped the ground I walked on! This all proved that there was such a thing as heaven on earth. Unfortunately, these gatherings created cover for our slow insidious slide into addiction. Mark’s substance of choice was alcohol and mine became pills. Fortunately, we enjoyed swimming, going to the theater, playing bridge, walking endlessly around the city and most of all, elegant parties. Our s*x life was glorious and eventually, I became pregnant with our daughter. Mark gave her the nickname, Moonbeam, which the Paris crowd embraced with enthusiasm. We both loved excitement and finding mind expanding places! We spent our winters in Bavaria and enjoyed trout fishing in Switzerland on getaway weekends. Marlene provided recommendations on places to visit and stay. We were madly in love which blinded us at times. Mark told me many times that he would build a business that would make us rich and that our child would only experience all the finer things of life. He vowed that our child and I would never worry about our financial future. He professed a love that blocked out all possible desires beyond my well-being. He once said, “I would prefer an agonizing death over loving anyone other than you! Your grace and beauty outstrip all other possible objects of affection.” In my mind at that time, our love could withstand any threat known to mankind! During the years we were together, I witnessed his slow, insidious slide into the depths of alcohol addiction while my inability to cope with this and other aspects of our life led to my abuse of calming medication. We didn’t recognize the signs that our needs for chemical help were growing. The first sign of his emotional turmoil was a tendency to boast about the slightest accomplishment. We began a cute practice of writing love notes to each other soon after we were married. In most of his notes, he implied that I was stoic, smart, devoted and romantic. My notes to him rang with the phrases, “I want what you want. My love and commitment to you will last forever!” He once wrote, “How I admire your common sense, your mind, your sweetness and your loving caresses. You are the best, noblest and the kindest person I have ever known!” My notes were more subdued than his which slowly eroded the core of our relationship. Yet, I realized that my desires would play second fiddle to his and understood that his business sense needed my support. An excerpt of one my favorite notes to him was, “You should be aware that I’ve got the type of insight that you need and want from me. I am eternally grateful that you have given me the key to the world. You provide everything which is beautiful and wonderful that life can provide. You have helped me build my sense of self and the strong identity that I can carry with me forever.” It was heart-warming when he responded, “We are happy and we are deeply in love; let’s please just be happy!” This was an unattainable ideal that eluded our grasp. Yet, most of our escape to Paris was absolutely sublime!