Again and Again..

I love Calvin so much and the fact that I’m always thinking I am not enough for him and even up to his class is making me so paranoid, Lisa is beautiful and of the same social class as he is and she would not hesitate to jump into his life if given the chance. I mean, who wouldn’t???? Calvin my man is the most sought after Bachelor in Texas, he’s a Bank manager and he’s super hot!!. All the most beautiful and powerful women are lining up just to get a taste of him and yet here he is, in a relationship with an ordinary and dull looking me. There's nothing special about me and that’s what is making me paranoid and insecure. "How can you do this to me?!!! You said you loved me?" I was still confused about what was happening. Are you really breaking up with me??? Is this the end of everything you promised me???, After giving myself to you is this how you want to leave me?? "I did and I still do, Alice, love is not enough if we are both enduring each other. We need to end this and stop this miserable thing we call relationship." Slowly, he started walking away while I just stand and stare as my whole world is crumbling, thinking of how Jessie warned me to never get involved with Calvin as it would not end well. "Calvin, please don't do this to me, don’t break up with me." I begged and fell on my knees crying profusely. Calvin slowly straddles towards me and knelt beside me, hugging me and trying to say words but I can’t hear any of it… "Stop this Alice, don’t make me feel any worse than I am already feeling, stop begging and crying helplessly, have some shame and even respect for yourself. Don’t make it look like I’m doing something very terrible, we are miserable and I just want to end it for us, He was loud like shouting and even though I choose not to hear any trace of insults from his words, I felt really crushed and belittled by his words, I would never beg anyone not even my Mama or Jessie who I offend every time but look at me begging a man with tears now, funny. After that, he left. I felt so helpless as he walked to his room and shut the door without looking back at me. Calvin left for the night and here I am still thinking he is going to be with Lisa or the other beautiful women waiting on him. I blamed myself for not trusting him and being insecure, he has assured me countless times that he is not cheating but I won’t just believe him and now I have scattered everything. I stayed awake most of the night hoping he would come back and we could talk things out or better still sort the issues we are facing and go back to dating but he didn’t come home. The driver is here to pick me and there’s still no trace of Calvin, I packed my things and let him take me back to my long abandoned apartment I share with Jessie whom I haven’t seen or visited in months after I moved in with Calvin and she was against it. I rang the bell and waited for Jessie to either answer and if not, I will just sit on the stairs and wait for her because I had angrily dropped my keys after our argument. The door swung open and there was Jessie looking as though she just saw a ghost. “Can I come in??, I asked not knowing what to say to her. “Why not???, It’s still your home after all. She answered. I entered looking at the apartment I once cherished and cleaned everyday because I had gathered all my savings and paid for it alongside Jessie. The lighting was still the same, the TV and couches were still in the same position I had left them. I looked at Jessie, my best friend and roommate, she’s wearing a dress that has a crimson top and a black pants, the dress looks new, her long legs were bare and she’s putting on heels. Her hairs are neatly straightened and fell to her shoulders: still beautiful with her fine features and clear glittering eyes. Her appearance clearly tells me she’s dressed to go out and if we were still close as before I would have begged her to stay with me and pour out my heart and hurts to her but I can’t. “Alice, how are you??? And why are you here with all your things”??? She asked and smiled, Jessie has one of the finest set of teeth, white and even. I was just waiting for Jackson to pick me up for our date… “I miss living here and you too, I have no idea how long I will be here because Calvin can come pick me up at any time”, I lied. ‘Okay, great, I would just leave you to settle in… Will see you when I get back and with that Jessie left for her date as I hear the horn of Jackson’s car outside.. I head straight to my room which is just down the passage, Jessie’s room is directly opposite mine and I opened my door, flicked on the light, my room is smaller than the big luxurious room I stayed in at Calvin’s. but it’s as comfortably furnished as his own. I have a double bed instead of the single one, to the right is a wide curtained window… I looked at my room all over again and I remained motionless for some seconds, I walked straight to the window and lifted my curtains, I took deep breaths to calm and stop myself from crying out.. I carefully arranged my things and lay on the bed staring at the ceiling thinking of what next to do, I’m 21 and it’s looking like I have wasted the past year of my life living for Calvin. I have less than 500 dollars saved, I owe money and if I don’t get a job quickly, I will never do or achieve anything.. Jessie didn’t look convinced by my answer and I need to think up something really good to tell her while hoping Calvin will call me back…. I will just stay in my room all day and night to avoid talking with Jessie when she gets back from her date. I had slept off without putting down my curtains and now the bright morning sun woke me up, I didn’t even hear Jessie come in last night… I hope Jessie has gone to work so I can comfortably leave the house and go look for Calvin in his office…. I tried as much as I could to dress really nice and off I went to see the man I loved first and willingly gave myself to. I got to his office and his secretary said he was outside the nearby shop taking coffee, I quickly turned and went there and before I could even step inside, I saw Lisa sharing a laugh with Calvin!!!!!!!! He laughed so freely and I could see that the happiness and whatever it is they share was deep, I’ve never even see him this happy with me. Before I could even think of confronting them or going back to his office to wait for him, I saw it, I saw Calvin’s face pressing towards Lisa and slowly, their lips started locking with each other.. This was the same woman we argued about and Calvin said he had nothing to do with her, now he’s happily devouring her lips. All my hopes started to collapse as I felt the stream of tears freely flowing through my cheeks. I thought I was just insecure and I blamed myself for not trusting my man but right before me is the truth. We were truly miserable together and now I’m setting myself free. I started running to no particular location in mind but I just needed to leave move away from that scene…