Broken Iris

Chapter Twenty-five

Her

Maybe I master the art of deadmatology dahil kahit anong pilit sa akin ni Raven na makipag-usap sa kanya ay hindi ko talaga sya kinakausap. He tried several times na maiwan kaming dalawa sa iisang lugar lang ngunit agad ko iyong nakukutuban. I know how he do his works on how he will pursue the things that he want and I'm not gonna let it happen again.

Tama na ang pagpapakatanga dahil kota na ko sa pagiging awardee ng martyr award of the year. Tama na 'yung sakit na naranasan ko nung isang araw dahil baka hindi ko na kayanin kung may susunod pa. Bawal akong ma-stress kaya't bawal din sa akin si Raven.

"Hanggang kailan mo sya di papansinin, Angel?. I know that you still love him and you're just being hard on yourself. Hindi kinakain ang pride, pinanglalaba 'yon." Matthew suddenly said while we're eating here inside his room. Yes, ako naman ang makikidayo nang kain. Haha

"Kahit pa mahal ko 'yung tukmol na 'yon. Ayoko nang sumugal, umasa tapos ang ending luluha ng ilang litro dahil nasaktan nanaman nya ko. Alam mo dyan kayo magaling na mga lalake. Sa una lang kayo magpapakitang gilas pero pag nasa inyo na, at hawak nyo na saka nyo kami tadtadtarin nang sakit. Iisiping mapapatawad pa rin namin kayo kahit ilang beses pa kayong umulit sa parehong kasalanan. Hindi babae ang malandi kundi kayong mga ADAN!" litanya ko at sana'y tama ang pagduro ko nang kutsara sa kanya. Hmp!

"Ang bitter teh?" Natawa ako sa pagbabakla-baklaan nyang boses. Ang baritono pa rin kasi nito.

Dumaan ang maghapon at tanging si Matthew ang kasama ko pero ni hindi man lang kami mag-sawa sa isa't-isa. Kilala na din nya si Ate Marian at Doc Breckett at natutuwa silang may bago na kong kaibigan dito sa ospital. Makakatulong daw si Matthew sa recovery ko na syang pinagyayabang nya sa akin. Sya daw ang susi sa buhay ko at access card ko para makalabas na ko ng ospital. Madami pa syang sinabi at hindi ko na iyon nasundan dahil sa sobrang hanging dala nya.

Inihatid nya ko sa pinto ng kwarto ko matapos namin mag-tour sa ospital. Hinayaan nya muna akong makapasok bago sya nagsabi ng goodnight at saka nya ako hinalikan sa noo. Nagulat ako sa ginawa nya pero bago ko pa sya masinghalan ay kumaripas na sya ng takbo papunta sa kwarto nyang kalapit ko lang naman. May sapaw talaga ang utak nu'n, ewan ko ba at hindi pa ko nasanay.

I close the door as I held my path towards my bed I slightly stretch my arms and yawned but stop in the mid when I smell a stink of alcohol. Hindi naman ako umiinom dahil bawal sa akin iyon! That thought terrified me. There's someone trespass in my room!

I was about to turn and call out for some help when that someone pulled me as he cupped his hand on my mouth. I tried to get out of his hold but he was too strong. I felt his other arm snake on my waist and lifts me up to the ground.

Oh God! Saan nya ako dadalhin?

Hindi ako sumuko at sinubukan ko ulit pumiglas. Narinig ko ang kanyang pagdaing nang masiko ko sya sa tagiliran nya pero hindi nya pa rin ako ibinababa. He held me closer to his and that's my cue to hurt him more but when I recognize his smell parang doon pa lang ako natauhan. My culprit is none other than Raven Heart Southwood.

"We need to talk... Love." My breathing hitch the moment he called me to that endearment again. Parang tumigil ang mundo ko dahil sa itinawag nya sa akin.

Naramdaman ko ang malambot na kama at doon nya ko marahan na ibinaba. Naalala na nya ako. Dapat na ba akong matuwa?

He was silent for a minute and then he cleared his throat to talk. Medyo garalgal din ang boses nya.

"I know I'm a jerk, douchebag, and a**hole for hiding from you this past few days and I'm not gonna lie about it...Yes. I did hide from you...because I r-remember e-everything about us."

I felt my whole trembling as my eyes started to make waterfalls. I was sobbing as he confessed that he remembered me but he still chose to hurt me? Should I give him a round of applause?

"I remember everything from the start 'till our car accident... But what breaks me apart was when you confessed to Nurse Marian and Doc Breckett what happens to you after the accident." He broke into sobs.

I thought he was done hurting me, pero mas may ikakasasakit pa pala. Alam na din nya ang lahat ng tungkol sa nakaraan ko pero sa halip na pagtibayin nya ang loob ko mas pinili nyang iwan ako. Gan'un na talaga ako kawalang-halaga sa kanya? Na kahit alam nya na 'yung paghihirap ko ay nakuha nya pa kong panoorin lang.

Nanghihina na ko sa labis na pag-iyak ko. Pero ramdam ko ang pamamasa ng hita ko dahil sa patuloy din na pag-iyak nya. Humihikbi din sya, at ramdam ko ang bawat hinagpis ng mga mura nya sa kanyang sarili.

"Sorry l-love... I'm s-so sorry. Sorry for being c-coward and a jerk. It was all my fvcking fault why you are blind and w-why you experience t-those. Fvck! Merda!" I heard him hit himself. And I was scared.

"H-hit me l-love. Please hurt me physically..I'll gladly accept it. I k-know this would be too much. B-but I can't lose you again! " He held my hand to guide me and slap him. I was crying hard the whole time he was hitching for his breath.

He was crying too and I can't believe the man I knew has been this defeated like this. He was my strength and all. He was a dominant King but he bowed and begging for my mercy. He was devastated and same as me he was deeply hurting. His cries and wailing, seize my heart.

Masakit sa akin ang marinig ko ang kanyang mga hinagpis at walang humpay ng paghingi ng tawad ngunit tao lang din ako..nasasaktan at patuloy na nasasaktan. Nakakapagod na. Napapagod na ko...

"Patawarin mo rin sana ako Raven. Pero hindi ko pa kaya... Iwan mo na lang muna ulit ako. Magpapahinga lang ako kasi napagod na kong mahalin ka. Ni-hindi ko na makilala ang sarili ko dahil sa bulag na pagmamahal ko sa'yo. Naibuhos ko na kasi lahat at wala nang natira pa, para sa akin. Please iwanan mo na lang ulit ako..." Pagsusumamo ko sa gitna ng mga hikbi at iyak ko.