Why Not Me?

Chapter 9 [O N E]

May's POV

I understood that he was going through a lot but there was just something about what he said that struck my entire heart. Nothing killed me more than the fact that he was right. Everything he said made so much sense and even though if I could rewrite our lives I'd change that, it was our reality. He has never needed me and he never will. The look in his eyes told me he was sorry but I was done. I was going to leave soon and the last thing I needed was getting close to Harry and aborting plans I've made for years. I entered my sitting room to everyone sitting awkwardly.

"He can be rude sometimes but he didn't mean any of what he might have said" Niall said obviously knowing Harry must've said something bad because of my facial expression. I just smiled and nodded but what Niall didn't know is that Harry meant every single word that came out of his mouth. He's never needed me and he wouldn't. I sat next to Zayn who immediately wrapped his arms around me. A much needed sign of affection. I smiled and laid closer to him. No matter how much he held on to me I felt nothing.

"Aren't you guys worried about him though?" I asked Zayn.

"Of course we are but even though we've never seen him get this affected because of a girl, we do know he might probably be driving around town to clear his head" Zayn explained to me.

"Yeah he does that whenever he's mad" Louis said rather calmly. He didn't look the least bit worried.

"I told him he was going to fall in love one day but he kept saying not anytime soon and now look" He added and the guys chuckled. The words hit me like a truck.

Mariana and Liam were still busy wrapped in each other's arms but the worry was still evident on Mariana's face, she doesn't like to admit it but I know for sure that she really does care an awful lot about Harry.

The fun atmosphere soon returned but whiles everyone was feeling much better I couldn't help but still think about Harry. I wish there was some way in which I could channel all his pain to me so he wouldn't have to suffer but there wasn't. Just seeing him so unhappy killed me. However, the drinking and smoking continued until everyone was wasted.

Around 8:47pm everyone had left including Mariana who wanted to spend more time with Liam. I was all alone seated on my couch worrying the hell out about Harry. I wanted to go over to his house but I knew he hadn't come home yet. The argument with Kelly also kept playing on my mind. We have fought before in the past but this time it was different. I was intruding in her affairs and we had never spoken to each other like that. I tried calling her several times but she didn't answer so I gave up. I just stared at the ceiling. My phone vibrated and I looked at the screen at an unknown number.

From unknown: Hey.

To unknown: Am I supposed to know who this is?

My reply was a bit harsh but I was in no mood. And one bad trait I have is being unable to hide my emotions sometimes... Sometimes.

From unknown: It's Harry

I was glad that he was okay but I was also still angry for the way he spoke to me. He was being truthful but it still did hurt. I saved his number and contemplated whether to reply or not.

I decided against it and threw my phone onto the couch and fell back on the sofa. After about 15 minutes I heard the door bell. I ran towards the door thinking it was Mariana because she promised to come back.

I flung the door and my face immediately dropped. It was Harry staring back at me. My first reaction was the shut the door but he was too quick and blocked it with his foot.

"Ouch" He exclaimed when I crushed his feet. My eyes widened.

"Oh my God I'm soo sorry" I panicked as I helped him inside toward my couch.

"Are you okay?" I asked still freaking out. He chuckled clearly amused.

"It was just an accident so don't go thinking you're that strong" He joked but I didn't laugh. I frowned my face.

"Okay if you are fine can you please leave my house already?" I tried not to sound rude but hey what can I say? He bit his bottom lip which was so f*****g sexy and it took every bone in my body not to drool.

"I'm sorry for what I said earlier" He apologized.

"Oh why are you sorry though? You were absolutely right. You don't need me, you have a lot of friends to rely on if you ever did want help or whatever" I shrugged.

"I didn't mean what I sai-" I cut him off before he could finish.

"No Harry!" I held my hand up to shut him up. "I'm fed up" I said

"Of trying... trying to be your friend. It's clear this entire friendship was never meant to be. Considering all my efforts and it didn't even work either" I vented as he just sat watching my every move.

"But I want it to work" He muttered as though I wasn't supposed to hear that. We remained silent.

"Why now?" I asked looking him dead in the eyes.

"Because it was meant to be now" He said simply and I couldn't help but smile. I'd said to myself for many years that if it was meant to be it'll happen before I left for uni and look, it was happening. I wanted to slap him because of his stupid reply but I couldn't, it melted my heart.

Ugh Harry..

"Just don't treat me like a stranger Harry. We might not have been friends for long but we have known each other for like ever" I warned him and he nodded with a smile on his face. My mind had a mind of its own and before I knew it... boom, I forgave Harry- just like that

"I promise" He pretended to pledge and I chuckled.

"I thought we were going to break the record for the world shortest friendship" He joked and I laughed totally agreeing with him.

"You look tired" I stated and he huffed.

"That's cause I actually am" He responded. I just smiled not wanting to push the topic any further because even though he was trying to make peace I could still see that he wasn't okay. He was trying to deceive himself but even he knew he wasn't okay.

He stared at me "Am I forgiven?" He asked pleadingly. I knew I had to kick him out before things got out of hands but I couldn't do it. Instead I nodded like a fool. He smiled but it didn't reach his eyes. Was he just going to pretend not to be shattered?

"So that place you wanted to take me today" He cooed off waiting for my reply.

I just rolled my eyes at him. It was in the heat of the moment that I offered to take him there but never will I ever do such a thing. That place is sacred to me, that's where I've cried my eyes out several times for years and not to mention the fact that I've never taken anyone there not even my best friends. I shook my head.

"The offer doesn't stand anymore, it was in the heat of the moment" I told him and he gasped.

"No way. Is it like some mini heaven?" He joked and I laughed.

"Well yeah" I folded my arms playfully whiles pouting, he can be soo childish.

"That's my favorite place on earth. I have so many memories of it and won't trade it for the world. I haven't taken anyone there" I told him with a huge smile on my face and he had a smile on his as well. It didn't look forced this time.

"I want to be your first then" He said and my heart stopped. I knew what he meant but I couldn't stop myself from thinking of other things he could have been my first in.

"So what do you want to do?" I changed the topic and he rolled his eyes.

"A movie?" I asked again before he could answer.

"Yeah anything you want to watch" He said. I squealed in excitement.

"But-"

"No buts. You already said 'anything'" I said and he muttered but I didn't pay attention to him.

"Let's watch it in my room so we can be comfy" I said and he looked at me in a way I don't think he has ever done. He nodded following me to my room.

He made fun of my little to do list that I had left open on my table.

"Buy a f*****g hot red bikini?" He said loud to my hearing and God was I blushing hard.

"What can I say? We girls never know when they might come in handy" I explained to him and his eyes darkened. I probably didn't think that through before saying it.

What can I say? Zayn and I have been sexually frustrating each other so I wrote that down to make sure I buy it.

Harry cleared his throat quickly and tossed my book back on the table. There was some kind of tension in the room and just something about the way he looked at me. He looked at me the way he did at the beach days ago and he was making it hard for me to remain faithful to my best friend. f**k and we had a bed at our disposal and we were alone. I was regreting why I brought him into my room. Besides the last thing I wanted was to be used as a rebound.

We got comfortable on my bed as I decided to go with the lucky one because I adore it. He kept complaining about how boring it was but still watched it though.

"Awwww this is my favorite part" I said but didn't get any rude remarks from Harry so I turned to look at him and he was staring at the ceiling. I pinched his side and he looked at me.

"Are you okay?" I asked with concern. He looked at me biting his lips innocently in thoughts but damn was that sexy. He nodded and begun to stare at the ceiling again. His pain was killing me. I could only keep him off Kelly's track for a while then boom he was back on it.

He looked at me and smiled.

"So you didn't answer my question at the beach the other time" He asked and I furrowed my brows.

Oh f**k, about my s*x life.

He continued to interrogate me for the rest of the night, it was f*****g awkward but I told him things I never dreamed of telling him but at that point I wanted to do anything to distract him. We talked for hours and a peaceful silence befell us. I turned towards him to see him sleeping.

I could get used to seeing his cute sleeping face for the rest of my life. I smiled and continued to watch my movie. Minutes later it came to an end. I turned off the tv and laid on my side facing him.

"You have no idea what you mean to me" I said to him knowing he couldn't hear me. I closed my eyes shortly and joined him in deep slumber.

I was playing with fire.

Harry's POV

I felt like s**t for the way I spoke to May. My entire ride was me thinking about May in the first place and not Kelly. I kept thinking about the words I said to her. I was an asshole and it messed me up badly.

I sent her a text but as I expected she didn't reply. Her silence was affecting me more than I thought it would have.

I drove to her house and parked before it, my palms became sweaty as I got down and pressed the bell and within seconds it swung open.

She looked beautiful in her baggy shorts and slightly tight white tank top.

It took some time to convince her that I was genuinely sorry but it wasn't as hard as I expected it to be. The look she had in her eyes when the words left my mouth is a look I never wanted to see again.

I've hurt a lot of girls in many ways but hers was different. The hurt in her eyes was something I've never seen.

We joked around for a while.

"So what do you want to do?" She asked trying to change the topic from me talking about her letting me be her first... first to be taken to her secret place that is.

"A movie?" She asked before I could answer and I held back my smile.

"Yeah anything you want to watch" I shrugged and she squealed. That was when I noticed what I had agreed to. Never tell a girl anything she wanted to watch.

"But-" I tried to speak but she interrupted.

"No buts. You already said anything" she said and I muttered a f**k but she seemed distracted.

"Let's watch it in my room so we can be comfy" She said and my eyes snapped. I'm madly in love with Kelly but we all know May has been dancing in my thoughts recently. There were some inappropriate things I wanted to do to her and being in her room wasn't the best option but I nodded and followed her anyways.

A black book caught my eyes when we entered her room and I reached for it. Her eyes widened and she tried to take it from me but I wasn't going to let that happen.

A page read 'to do list'. I chuckled and teased her about the things I saw on the list.

"Buy a f*****g hot red bikini?" I asked her in disbelief. That was probably one of the hottest things I've read ever. She blushed hard, God.

"What can I say? We girls never know when they might come in handy" She said shyly and I inhaled a sharp breath. I needed to leave before I r***d her but I couldn't.

I'm not stupid, I know she noticed how I looked at her. I couldn't stop myself. I cleared my throat and tossed her book away because if I had read another sexy thing I was going to throw all reasonable thinking through the window. There was s****l tension in the room, well maybe for only me but I couldn't take my eyes off her.

She chose the lucky one and I groaned but I was still going to watch it. Minutes went by and I felt a pinch on my side. I turned to look at May.

"Are you okay?" She asked, her tone laced with concern. I bit my lips looking at her. She looked f*****g hot with her hair messy and her n****e slightly visible through her white vest. She probably didn't notice else she would have covered up. I nodded and averted my gaze back to the ceiling quickly. I needed to get myself together, this is Zayn's girlfriend we are talking about. If he knew I were here he'd chop my balls off.

God....

I smiled at her and she looked confused.

"So you didn't answer my question at the beach the other time" I blurted immediately it popped into my head.

She looked confuse but realization struck her. She gulped.

"What was your question again?" She asked. I shouldn't be talking to her about this but f**k did I want to know.

"How was it? The first time you had sex." I asked not taking my eyes off her.

She bit her bottom lip nervously.

"It was good?" She answered unsure. That was it? Just good?

"Anything to compare it to?" I asked. Her lips parted slightly as she watched me. She turned away quickly and recovered from her state of shock.

"No but I don't need something to compare it to to know that it was good" She shrugged. She wasn't borthered telling me those things, it looked normal to her unlike other girls that would get shy and stuff.

"Who was it?" I was curious as f**k. I don't think she dated anyone from our school cause news spread fast and I never heard anything.

"A college guy" She said chuckling. I was getting turned on by the second so I didn't proceed with the questions. I just asked her a ton of other questions which helped me in knowing her a little better.

We stopped talking at the point and the next thing I know, I was drifting into slumber. I was tired as f**k and needed to sleep before I pounced on May with my raging hormones.

It feels good sleeping next to her....