Tally and Kai, Week 13 - December
1243 Words
Hey Kai,
Thanks again for taking me to meet your parents on Sunday. The food was delicious, and they were very polite. I got the feeling maybe they didn’t like me quite as much as I hoped they would, but maybe it was just paranoia?
Either way, it was still nice of you to do that.
I heard back from my first college today—the only one that really matters—NYU. I got in! And onto their volleyball team.
I’m thrilled to bits, but I’m having trouble finding a way to tell the girls. Our girls’ night Saturday was… sad, to say the least. Bridget was talking really dark—I mean, she always kind of talks dark, as you probably know, but even darker than usual—like about how she’s fake and actually an awful person and a bunch of other nonsense I don’t really understand.
And then Mem, well, you know. Things are going great with her and Gray, except that it’s been a few months now, and the natural progression of such things is s*x, and as I’ve mentioned to you before, s*x is… well, complicated, sad, and hard for her.
This is probably going to be too much information, especially to be written in a letter when we haven’t even talked about it in person yet, but sometimes I think the reason I’m still a virgin is because of Mem—like she was my cautionary tale, almost. It’s not just the one bad experience she had; it’s all the others, too. It all just seems to tear her apart even more. I almost hope she does sleep with Gray and pray that it goes well so that maybe, just maybe, my faith in s*x can be restored.
If it ever really existed.
Tal
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Tal,
You’re kidding, right? My parents loved you! My dad told me he has no idea how I got so lucky, and my mom couldn’t stop gushing about how you helped her in the kitchen—which, I guess, is a foreign concept to most young people?
(By “I guess” I mean “I know,” since I myself very rarely help her in the kitchen, I’m ashamed to admit.)
Anyway, please don’t let that paranoia get the better of you, Tal, because they really did love you. They’re already asking about having you over for Christmas.
Which reminds me—Christmas. Week and a half away. Any plans? Possibly with me?
As for the rest of your letter—WOW! NYU?? That’s amazing, Tally. And obviously well-deserved. We have to do something to celebrate. What are you up to this weekend?
Sorry that your girls’ night was so rough. I think there’s something going on with Bridget beyond just being dark and moody. I would suggest you push her for more and figure out what exactly that “beyond” is.
As for Mem—I’m not supposed to say this, but perhaps you could gently nudge her toward coming back to therapy? If she didn’t like my mom, we can find her someone else. But my mom seems concerned about her—wants to make sure she’s seeing someone. And from what you’re saying about her and Gray having s*x soon, it sounds like she’s going to need it.
Speaking of which, without going into detail—have you been seeing any of the therapists my mom recommended? I hope you were able to find someone you like.
I’m no psychiatrist, but I don’t think you should let Mem’s experiences with s*x affect yours too much. A little makes sense; it’s only healthy to adopt a cautious mindset about such things, after what you watched and helped her go through. But being careful and being afraid are two different things. You know?
That being said, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared of it, too. Scared of being bad at it, or of it changing things. Maybe that’s not very manly to admit, but something tells me you already knew I wasn’t the manliest man around.
Yours,
Kai
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Kai,
Thanks for telling me that about your parents. One of the things we talk about in therapy (yes, I have been going, and I like my therapist very much) is that I have a lot of insecurity. It’s normal for people our age, but probably a bit more than usual for me, given all the extra attention that was put on me by my peers when my dad died, and also the fact that my two best friends are gorgeous, outgoing, passionate rock stars and I’m, well, not.
I’d love to hang over Christmas break. Bridget’s been kind of vague and mysterious about her plans, and Mem is spending most of it in the Adirondacks with Gray (three guesses what’s going to happen between them up there… not to be vulgar), so I should be mostly free. Maybe you can come hang at mine a bit, and I can come hang at yours?
I told the girls today about NYU, and I think they’re putting together some sort of surprise party for me for this weekend, which I’m sure you’ll hear about soon.
It’s funny you brought up Mem not going to therapy, because Gray has been hounding me and Bridge about it, too, via text. Guess she avoids the subject every time he brings it up, so he’s hoping we’ll have better luck with it. Wish us luck.
Thanks for admitting you’re scared of s*x, too. Makes me feel like less of a freak. I did wonder, you know, given how slowly we’ve taken things, whether it was on your mind. I agree that I shouldn’t let Mem cloud the way I look at it, but I also don’t think I’ll be ready for a bit longer—and it sounds like you’re in the same boat.
Yours,
Tal
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Tal,
I think that statement about your best friends being rock stars and you being “well, not” might be the most ridiculous sentence I’ve ever read. You’re a drop-dead gorgeous, badass athlete who just got into one of the best schools in the country, Tally. You’re the last one who should worry about living in anyone’s shadow.
But I guess that’s how insecurity works. I know a thing or two about it, myself.
Down to spend some time with your family over Christmas, and you at mine. Maybe some soccer, too, and some volleyball? I’m always itching for a game at that time of year, with no one to play with me.
As for the surprise party… I have no idea what you’re talking about, but I’d love to take you out for dinner Saturday before casually taking us to Bridget’s for no apparent reason.
Love,
Kai
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Kai,
You’re sweet. Maybe a few more months with you will have me feeling a little less insecure. A girl can dream, anyway.
See you tomorrow.
Love,
Tal
- Writer
