BECOMING MY EX's SURROGATE

UNNERVING PLEA

What am I going to do? Even I don’t know that. My mind isn't working at all, so I have no plan. Yes, I know I should have a plan because I have no one to pull me out of this impasse but myself. But I don’t. I’m in an absolute quandary.

But if I could choose, I would take a break from all this. Perhaps I will go far away from this place that has given me nothing but pain and try to explore new adventures as I heal, if I ever recover. But I don’t have even a single penny on me. I am Totally screwed! Doomed forever. There is no hope, even for my next minute.

“Lynn?” Liam snaps me from my engrossed thoughts, and I realize he is caressing my hands. I don’t try snatching them away from him. I need this closure. I need to feel that I am not alone, even for a minute.

“I have no idea. I am in total darkness. I am in a cage, and I have no way out.” I murmur.

“Then, let me help you, Lynn.”His words echo with a sense of hope and confusion.

“How?” I whimper, my gaze fixed on him.

He looks away for a minute, taking in so much oxygen that it skyrockets my anxiety. Why does he seem like he is about to drop a bomb? Ooh, well. This is a bomb already. My ex is helping me. This is unheard of.

“Look, Lynn. I am fully aware that I don't have any right to ask for anything, especially after what happened between us. I am sorry. Please forgive me. A lot was at stake." He frowns.

I get him, though. I mean, the absurdity of these arranged marriages comes with mind-boggling prices. It’s a ‘do or get screwed for good’ sort of insanity! He couldn’t let his family’s empire and legacy go down. He had no choice. We had no chance at all. Love had to bow to responsibilities and duties. We had to let each other go.

“You explained yourself well back then, Liam. And from the start, you were so honest with me. You did what you had to. We are good. And at least you aren't as miserable as I am.” I say.

“What if I am? What if I am suffering too?” He asks, boring his bottomless orbs into mine as if pleading with me to see what’s hidden in their deep astuteness.

I delve into them easily, like before, and I see some dark shades in them that I cannot quite decipher. They possess this tinge of vulnerability that sucks out my curiosity and concerns. Why? Isn’t he happy?

“Why Liam? Are you…”

“You are not the only one going through sh*t, Lynn. My story is a long one, so can we help each other?” He pleads, soothing me with his thumbs and coercing me not to refuse him.

And when have I ever refused him? Never. Especially not when he seems like he is in dire need of my help. Anything for the only man I have ever loved. Maybe he is my guardian angel in this nightmare. The question is, in my predicament, how can I help someone when I cannot even help myself? And especially him—how can a lonely, empty soul like me help him?

“I like your suggestion, but it sounds like sweet mockery to me, Liam. What kind of help can you possibly get from me right now? I am nothing. I have nothing at all.” I spit the bitter truth out, and I feel his grip on my arms tighten, sending spark-like tickles all over me.

“You are not nothing, Lynn. Believe me. You are the only one who can help me right now.” He affirms, staring deep into my eyes to substantiate his unbelievable point.

“H...o…w?” I whimper, banking all of the notoriety on him.

“I will give you anything you want, and in return, be my SURROGATE!”

A loud bang of lull and blankness echoes in my head as I battle to swallow the nothingness suffocating me. Everything stands still, and a screeching lull engulfs the surroundings, his words hanging like clouds in my head. In my endeavors to try and rationalize what I think I heard, which I am presuming was a dysfunction of my ears, he utters again in a murmured plea that is too earsplitting, almost deafening me.

“Bear me a child, Lynn, and I swear I will provide you with everything you will ever need, and I will forever be indebted to you my entire life!”

A moment of dreadful screaming silence!

Silence echoes louder, but his words subdue every other sound. Shock strikes me like a centrifugal force, pulling me into a state of dumbfoundedness. My heart is at a standstill, and so is my mouth, which hangs agape. I am in utter bewilderment!

“Su-rr- oga- te? A child?” I think out loud as I compel some bravery to curb this paralyzing stupor as I feel my hands sudor in his strong grip.

“Please? I know it's too much of a favor to ask. I know it’s so selfish of me to ask you such a favor. But please, for the love you once had for me, don’t say no. My life hangs on this! Everything hangs on this. Please, Lynn!” He pleads again. And I plunge my head back, shutting my eyes tight to prevent a tear from falling.

A baby!

A baby?

My mind is swirling with conflicting emotions. The request has stirred up a mixed bag of hope and fear. The throbbing euphoric rapture of becoming a mother once again is unconcealable, and the fear of the past wounds is making everything in me tremble. It's a tormenting situation.