Tempting Kisses (ENGLISH)

Chapter 8

Chapter 8

YESENIA ESCOBAR 

GOING IN OR NOT? I've been standing here for a few minutes, and I've been thinking about it for a while. I don’t know if I will pursue what I am planning or not. It’s also been a long time since the last time I was here, so my fear is consuming me. It's even harder to deal with your past, especially if you know you never want to go back or even remember it. 

I swore to myself at the time that I would never return to this place. I couldn't breathe evenly because I was thinking about what had happened to me. Add to that the strain of having to talk about what happened that day, despite the fact that I don't want to think about it again.

I took a deep breath again before finally stepping into the clinic. It's been a long time since I last visited here. I almost dragged myself to just get here today, even though I am the one who made this schedule. Even if I hate this feeling, right now I need to do this so I can move on and won’t be intimidated by my past. 

“I'm glad to see you again, Yesenia!” 

That was the first thing Doctor Vernice Evans greeted me when I entered her clinic. Yeah, it's been years since I last came here, and she knew I didn’t want to come here. If it weren't for my series of panic attacks lately, I wouldn't have been forced to visit her today. Although we often meet in Paladizzo, I often avoid the topic of my health problems. 

“It’s Yesia, Dr. Evans.”

She chuckled and guided me to her office. “So how are you? Aside from being a good mother to Ishie.” 

I smiled at what she said as we sat together in her office. I also thanked Vernice's assistant, who placed a cup of coffee in front of us. She just greeted me before leaving and for a few more minutes, there was silence between Dr. Evans and me, and I had the courage to speak. 

Doctor Vernice is not as serious as the other doctors I have met. So you will not be conscious of discussing an important part of your life in front of her. It's as if you're just telling a story to someone you don't know who is listening to you silently without judging you. 

I don't know how long I’ve been talking alone. I just realized that my tears were already dripping as I told her again what happened to me before. The fear I get whenever a man approaches me more than a step apart scares the hell out of me. And the feeling of waking up naked and without any recollection of what happened is still fresh in my mind.

Sometimes we have experiences that are difficult to put into words. We have pasts that we want to bury in oblivion because of their effect on us. But if you think about it, every time you try to bury it in a corner of your mind, you are only pushing it even harder into your life. Sometimes, even when things are painful, we have to accept them so that we can move forward even when it is painful and difficult. 

“Visit me always, Yesenia. Don't just drop by if you need me.” 

I bit my bottom lip because I felt guilty about what she said. I will come here if my panic attacks become frequent. Maybe because I know that if I come here I need to face my fears that I am also trying to avoid.

“I will remember that, Doctor Evans,” I said before saying goodbye. 

I took a deep breath when I came out of Dra. Evans clinic. Vernice. It was as if a thorn had been pulled out of me after a few hours of talking to her. I often dreamt of what had happened in the past, and somehow, after talking to her, my fears and doubts that have been bothering me were reduced today.  

All my worries before were gone, seeing my two friends waiting for me. I waved back with a big smile on my lips as they both got out of the car and greeted me. “Thank God, you're done. We're hungry,” Eury complained while her mouth was still full of the hotdog stick. 

I had no choice but to follow the two of them in the car. We also drove a few minutes to the place where Roux wanted to eat. Eury and I looked at each other when Roux stopped her car at a diner on 23rd St. Without a word, Eury and I got out of the car quickly and entered the diner. This was our favorite place to eat back then because their food was delicious, cheap, and always within our budget. 

When Eury and I entered Malibu, we immediately sat down and ordered the food we wanted. We ordered almost everything that was delicious in our eyes, so Roux, who was just quietly watching us, couldn’t contain her laughter. She said we looked like we'd been starving for days with the number of orders we both had.

As I glanced at the dishes we had ordered, I began to salivate. After we prayed together, we began eating bacon, eggs, pancakes, and much more. Nobody talked to the three of us; we were too preoccupied with our food since we were starving and it tasted great.

"Oh, I didn’t expect we would meet here. And you eat a lot, huh?”

The three of us stopped eating at once and looked up at the person who was speaking next to us. When our eyes met, he smiled and waved at me, making me almost choke in shock. I was too stunned to speak and all I could do was punch my chest while asking my friends for a glass of water. 

But it seems that even my friends were surprised by his sudden appearance, so he handed me water. Although I didn't want to accept his help, I couldn't do anything because I might faint because of my pride.

"You surprised us, Eli. What are you doing here?" Roux asks him while I calm myself. 

“I didn’t know you ate a lot,” I heard him said again. 

My brows furrowed at what he said. Is he insulting us? “Why is it a bad thing that we eat a lot?” he asked, talking as if he was also not eating much. “And why do you care if we eat a lot? You won’t pay—” 

“What if I pay for your food today? I can also pay for everything you want! Just say it!” he bragged. 

A smile drawn on my lips disappeared as I heard what he said. Is this man even serious? Or did his brain shake while coming here, so that the words that came out of his mouth were full of pride? I became even more annoyed because of what he said. 

I'm annoyed that he always appears in front of me even when I don't need him. And he always interferes in my life more often. It makes me wonder if his life is so boring that he tries to interfere with mine. My life is also not exciting, and nothing about it is interesting, so I wonder why he insists on squeezing my life.  

“We also had money and could afford to pay for everything we ate. You can leave if it's only arrogance that comes out of your mouth,” I told him, before turning my back on him and distracting myself again by eating.

"I'm sorry, Eli. We like you, but don't underestimate us just based on our work. You can leave now. See you around, Mr. Fletcher!" I heard Roux tell him.  

He was about to speak, but some men called him. And the next thing I heard was footsteps moving away from us. I followed him with my gaze as he approached several men who were waiting for him in a fancy car. From their looks, they all look rich and come from educated families, unlike me, who doesn’t even know who my parents are. 

I re-read the list of items Ishie planned to bring on her vacation with Vika and Delaney. She'll be gone for a week, and I'm not sure how I'll feel without seeing her. I didn't want her to come with them, but Vika said that they needed to mingle with other kids and discover themselves. So I had no choice but to let Ishie join them. 

And the child I struggled to care for years seems to be starting to find herself. For heaven's sake, my daughter is only five years old, but more often she acts like an adult who wants to discover herself.

“Mom, when are we going to meet Mr. Eli?” 

I almost choked on her question. I didn't expect Ishie to mention Eli again when they hadn't seen each other for weeks. And that meeting was unexpected and so fast that I don't think she would even remember that shameless man. 

“I don’t know. He always pops up when he wants. Why?” 

“Nothing. I find him nice,” she shrugs. 

“Is that so? You’ll meet him again, so don’t stress yourself out over anything. Let’s sleep now.” 

I just read her a story and made Ishie focus her attention on other things so that she would not have to talk about Eli again. I read her different stories until Ishie fell asleep. Otherwise, she wouldn't run out of questions either.

When Ishie came into my life, I did not expect to be a good mother. After all, I had no idea of being a mother. But now that I see how she grew in my arms, I can’t help but thank God because he gave me a gift for me to be grateful for the rest of my life.

Even if it wasn't in a good way when I received her, she will still be a blessing in my life. 

My eyes are busy looking for something to eat because I've been wandering around here in Suho for a while. I found on the internet the restaurant where I wanted to eat, but after roaming around for a few minutes while I was there, I still couldn't find it. 

"Where will the beautiful woman like going at this time?"

I almost screamed in shock when three men suddenly blocked my path. Then I noticed that I was in an alley that was quite dark and not so many people passed by. I had been so preoccupied with my thoughts that I was no longer aware of what was going on around me. 

I slowly stepped back, but a man blocked me from behind. "Oops! Where are you going?" I clenched my fists in fear because I didn’t know what to do.

"Let me pass. My husband is looking for me," I reasoned as I began to crawl in fear.

I don’t know what I would do to get away from them. They cornered me here, and I was starting to get scared, so my body couldn't stop shivering. How can I get out of here when there is no one around to help me, even if I cry in fear? 

"Don't come any closer! Don't come near me!" I shouted as they started to walk towards me.

"No matter what shout you do here, no one will help you. So tonight you are ours and I will give you the happiness that you have never experienced.” 

I almost cringed as I watched him laugh, as if possessed by a demon. My hands, which I had been trying to calm down, finally succumbed to the relentless trembling. My breathing was also gradually decreasing, so my shoulders were moving up and down as I ran after my breath. 

“Please let me go...” I whispered faintly while I was also gradually weakening. 

But the hands that were holding and pulling on me were slowly loosening. A dark shadow blocks my vision, and I no longer know what is happening in front of me. All I could hear were the grunts from around me and non-stop cursing. 

I flinch when a hand grabs my arm. "Are you okay? Yesia? Yesia?" and when I lifted my gaze, I found the man I never expected to see. 

I blinked my eyes a few more times, looking at the man in front of me. "Eli?" I asked, as if unsure of what I was seeing.

"Are you okay? God, you scared the hell out of me," he said before pulling me towards him.

I gasped in shock because of what he did, and before I could speak again, my lips were covered by his lips. And little by little, the fear and trembling in my body slowly dissipated as the quiet and cold night enveloped us.