Unplanned, Undestined

"Amy" Jack whispered my name making me stir a bit. "Hmm" I groaned shifting towards him, that now we were face to face, but my eyes were still closed. "Why you never fall in love with someone?" He asked, by his tone even with closed eyes I could the inquisitiveness in his voice. For a second I froze, thinking about why he wants to know that? Why would he ask such a thing at this moment! But more than all this his question affected me more. Why I never fell in love with someone? Why I never let myself go down that alley? Why, even after fourteen years I am still struck at him. After knowing that I can never have him, make him love me back I couldn"t love anyone. Somewhere my heart is still waiting for our happy ending and no matter how hard I try to let him go, it"s difficult. I swallowed the lump in my throat as I thought about those light Brown eyes staring back at me. I instantly drew myself back from that memory. Whenever i think about him, it always ends with me falling for him more which I don"t want do I? After realizing that he is better off me, I promised I will never give someone that power of overpowering my every emotion, he makes me weak, so much that I am even ready to leave everything for him. I cannot afford to that, in the hope of him loving me back, I cannot lose myself! So after all this, I casually started dating men, but before things got serious I left them before they could do that to me. "We need to talk!" "I think we should give each other some space" "Things aren"t working anymore" These phrases I never let them come into my life. This love is too complicated for a girl like me. It"s easy that way. And I am happy the way things are, I don"t want to be heartbroken, I don"t want to cry my eyes out for someone I stupidly get attached to. Casual s*x is better than making love to someone and I can"t even think of someone making love to me ever! "I don"t believe in true love so I never thought of going through that alley, plus i don"t want to get hurt and usually it"s the girls who are left heartbroken." I said covering my naked self with the help of the white sheets sprawled all across us. "How can you assume that at the end you will get hurt or end up being heartbroken? You are not like every other girl. " His words, it seemed, were challenging me and he came closer to me. I wasn"t scared, but terrified of what is he trying to prove by saying I am different! "What if someone else falls in love with you?" He asked, coming too close to me that our nose were touching. "Ahem, I guess..., Things will not work out between him and me anyway, so I will make him understand that he deserves someone better than me!" I said after taking a minute or two, to gather my thoughts. It"s getting difficult minute by minute and Jack is not planning to back off! This is so uncomfortable, it"s like he is evading my personal space! "You know what Amy, in the future, whatever happens, that man is going to be so f*****g lucky to have you beside him!" He said exuding so much confidence that I got scared. Nobody is going to be happy having a partner like me who is so negative when it comes to relationships. My insecurity will never let that relation survive for long, I wanted to say but decided against it. "Well, we will see then, " I said, smiling, reducing some tension which was palpable. "Can I ask you one thing?" I asked, thinking it will be better if I voice my thought out. At least then I will not assume things. "Anything," he said, giving me his lopsided smile, which I knew was fake, he was tensed about what was I going to ask, I can easily sense that. "You are not in love with me, right?" I asked, holding my breath waiting for his answer to be negative. "Who can resist not loving you Amy? But don"t worry, I am not in love with you, not at least now." He said making an apologetic face, but his first line caught my attention. And his expression for that one second changed everything confirming my assumption. "You should catch some sleep" I said, getting up from the bed, elegantly wrapping the sheet around me. "I will, if you will join me," he winked at me and for the first time since I met him, his words melted me, given the fact his choice of words was so cheesy! "You are too cheesy" I said, getting inside the comforter again and before I could protest, he pulled me towards him that my head rested on his naked sturdy chest. His lips kissing the crown of my head and his hands on my waist holding me close. I was scared at that moment, this was turning into something serious for him! I don"t want him to think about anything related to us! As I looked at him, his eyes closed, I heard his breathing, his heart was beating forming the perfect rhythm with his soft snoring and I could hear it! Oh Jesus, what am I doing with this man? I thought it was only s*x! I thought it was what a both wanted! In the beginning I cleared I don"t want any feelings, just normal s*x, to have fun and it was what he wanted to! If he wants something more than I am, so screwed, I cursed myself for going on a date with the same person thrice in a row! I never in the last fourteen years did this mistake, but our first date was so much fun and surprisingly, we both were in the state for another week so we decided to meet again. I hate Beth for making me set up on a blind date, I hate myself even more for letting her blackmail me with her convincing skills! If something happens Beth then you better run for your life for ruining my life! This guilt will be too much for me to handle! Jack is a nice man and every girl would be lucky to have him as her partner except me. He is too good for me and I am not at that phase in my life when I want to give heed to all this Petty things anyway! "You are thirty five and you are not getting any younger!" My inner voice riposted making me swear under my breath. "Surely I am not getting any younger but that doesn"t mean I want to be in a relationship for God sake" I yelled at my inner self rudely. It was too much now and we have to end this. It"s final then I will tell give an alibi to Jack and after that I will not meet him again ever. Even if he is in love with me then also I can bet he will get over me soon, I am not that memorable and he has to let me go. "Oh Jesus, why have you made my life so hard? Why can"t I be normal like all the girls out there? Why?" I asked to no one in particular but the lack of answer made me annoyed. I Chided myself for being so inconsiderate, Jack is such a nice guy, but I can"t give him what he wants! I am already so messed up inside that I cannot even think of giving this whatever he thinks that we have, a chance! Huffing I shifted to another side of the bed, my back against his front and slept half praying and half cussing myself. "Good morning sweetheart" Jack"s sweet as sugar voice filled my ears and I smile sensing his lips on my earlobe, his hands enveloping me, in his taut masculine hands. This guy surely workout, I could feel his muscles, his body was pressed against mine that even the air couldn"t pass through it but I am not complaining till I realized what conversation we had yesterday! I hurriedly sat on the back and as I stood up my sheet slipped from my hands! I was all naked above waist and pool bed sheet formed on my waist, I got crimson that instant and Jack smiled at my misery. Immediately not wasting any other minute I covered myself again but this time with the blue color linen shirt which was soft against my flesh. "You look good in my shirt" his comment caught me completely off guard, before I could reach the door of my washroom, I stopped and turned around to face him! What I was enough for me to hyperventilate, he was looking at me so adorably but that wasn"t the problem, the point was his eyes! Though I never good at reading eyes, but his feelings were manifested in his eyes, which was scaring the s**t out of me! "Thanks," I said awkwardly, adjusting the Hem of his shirt which was reaching till mid thighs, my long legs were on display and definitely were a treat for eyes I can tell by the way his eyes were raking my body. "Give me a minute," I said and closed the door of the bathroom with a thud! The first thing I did was get out of his shirt, and immediately turned on the faucet to relieve my all the tensed muscles. I was halfway through my shampoo when it hit me that I forgot my clothes! "Damn you, it"s going to be so awkward if I go out in the bathrobe!" I cursed myself, blamed my fate for doing this to me. Taking two deep breaths, clutching the robe tightly, I step into the room, all the lights were off, with Sun"s Ray"s making its way from the window on the opposite side of the bed, it was not that dull. The room was eerily quiet and I figured Jack must have gone but his clothes were still on the floor, reminding me of the intimate moment we shared yesterday. He was gentle and he was worried about me, he was thinking more about my comfort than about his pleasure. "I thought you must be hungry, so I ordered breakfast, I hope that"s okay..." He stopped mid sentence. I was brought back from my reverie when I heard his voice and till now I was annoyed, irritated but now I was embarrassed. He was standing there with his mouth agape, staring at me. My hair was still wet and I couldn"t help but adjust my robe to cover every inch of me. Till now Every time I woke up, I was all alone, I never let anyone stay the night, but since we shared the same hotel, this thought never crossed my mind and here we are. "Umm, I am sorry. I should have knocked." Jack said, emphasizing sorry. "No, no, it"s fine, I am sorry in fact and I am grateful that you ordered food. I am famished." I said and managed a smile. Taking my clothes with me this time, I vanished into the washroom again. Since I had nowhere to go today I decided to wear a simple burgundy color jumpsuit which was sleeveless. Drying my hair I pulled them into a nice tight high pony tail. When I was satisfied with myself, I stepped into the room which was now smelled of delectable food waiting for me at the table. My face lit up seeing food and coffee, my stomach grumbled, making me realize how hungry I was. I devour myself with food as soon as I took a seat beside Jack, who was smiling at me, still dressed in his black trousers and his shirt.