OUR STORY (BxB)

Chapter11

-AKIRO-

It was early morning, and while the members settled into sleep, I stayed awake, waiting for the sunrise. Roo loves the sunrise too, but he was already sound asleep beside me, so I let him rest. I slipped out quietly and stepped into the cool air to capture the sky. The sunrise was soft and golden—just enough to make the world feel new again.

After I took the photo, I returned to the van and lay beside him. I turned on my side to face him. As soon as he felt me there, he wrapped his arm around my waist and kissed my arm without a word. I kissed him gently on the cheek in return. With him this close, I fall asleep easily. He's familiar, calming. Even without a bath, he still smells good—it's honestly addictive.

A little later, I felt him stir. His eyes opened slowly as he looked at me.

"Why are you here?" he asked, voice soft and drowsy.

"Mmmm."

"Have you been here before?"

"Hmm... hmmm," I murmured, too sleepy to answer properly.

He hugged me again and drifted back to sleep. The members were still resting, so there was time—enough for one last quiet moment.

When everyone finally woke up, we packed up and got ready to leave. Our next destination was a scenic biking spot, and each of us was given a bike upon arrival. The scenery was breathtaking—wide stretches of green, the kind of calm that sinks into your chest. We stopped to take a group photo, smiling against the backdrop of Finland's quiet beauty.

But then, the weather turned. Rain began to fall suddenly, and the staff decided it was best to return to the van. We ended up being taken to a sauna house to warm up, sheltered from the cold outside.

Inside the sauna, Tamaro and I sat close together, surrounded by the rest of the members. We played games—and of course, the losers had to face funny little punishments. It turned into fits of laughter, the kind of playful chaos that feels healing after a long day.

After the sauna, the room quieted as a letter from Mr. William and Manager Brandon was read aloud. Everyone listened. It was one of those moments that pulled us all together—something official, something meaningful, layered over the simple joy we'd just shared.

We found ourselves quietly emotional, almost teary, after hearing the heartfelt letters from Mr. William and Manager Brandon. If there's anyone we're truly grateful for—it's them.

Before our trip ended, we visited the Santa Claus House. There was something whimsical about it, like stepping back into childhood. We were each asked to write a letter to someone we cared about. So, we got together and wrote letters to the members. They'll be delivered to us on Christmas Day.

This trip taught us so much. We learned to make decisions independently, to do things on our own without always leaning on the company staff. We've gotten used to being taken care of, but this time, we had to rely on ourselves. It was a quiet reminder: we need to learn the simple things, so next time we won't be in trouble.

Tamaro and I created so many memories along the way. He recorded GCFs filled with moments of us—little scenes, just ours. He said he'd keep them for the two of us only.

Now that our Travel Blog trip has ended, things have become hectic again. There's guesting, rehearsals, TV performances. But after three years of waiting, all I can say is: our era has truly begun.

All the members are busy now, each with their own projects. But Roo... he's the busiest. It's his debut as an actor, and he's starring in a drama series with some of the industry's top names. I'm proud of him—truly. Still, I wonder... does the company really not know about our relationship? Or am I just fooling myself? Sometimes, our gestures are too obvious. But what can we do? We love each other. Or... do we? I'm confused.

When our ship name was made public, the company told us there had to be another pairing in the group—me and Jemuel. And so, the JemKiro ship began. At first, none of us agreed with the idea—especially Tamaro and Jemuel. They're best friends, and Jemuel knows about my relationship with Roo. But it wasn't our call. The company made the decision, and we're only just starting our careers.

They explained the reason behind the fan service. It's not just about the music—we need to stir public interest through ships, pairings that fans can talk about. JemKiro has to play that role. But TamaKiro... that's not a fan service. There are real feelings involved.

That's what makes this harder. To be honest, I'm scared. I don't know what our situation really means anymore. I feel doubt creeping into my chest when I think of Roo. Am I really in love with him? Or am I just used to being with him?

At this age, there's a constant whirl of confusion and questions in my mind. All I know for sure is that I'm happy when I'm with him. But sometimes, I can't help the jealousy that slips through—the immaturity that shows when someone else is close to him. I guess I am selfish when it comes to him.

He's a social butterfly—warm, easygoing. His smile could charm anyone, and it often does. He meets idols, and before long, they become friends. And I sit there, trying to quiet the jealousy that claws at me, but it's hard. It makes me uncomfortable.

I've met other artists too, some close to my age, fellow P-pop performers. And while I enjoy their company, I still find myself thinking about him—missing him. I've done my best to understand his busy schedule, to be patient, to give him space. But there are days when my immaturity overtakes me. Days when I feel insecure, unsure, and too full of feeling.

-TAMARO-

I've started shooting my first drama, sharing scenes with some of the biggest actors and actresses. It's exciting—but mostly, I feel lost. Everything's new. I don't know what I'm doing. And from the moment shooting wraps, I head straight to dance practice. I haven't told the members how stressed I am. I keep it all to myself.

I barely have time for Akiro anymore, and I miss him more than I can admit out loud. Every time I come home to the dorm, I fall asleep instantly. It's like my body's on autopilot—no energy left to feel.

I haven't told anyone that I cry when I'm alone. That I feel this bone-deep exhaustion.

One night, I finished shooting and went straight to the studio. I was starving—my head aching from hunger and fatigue. When I saw a box of pizza, I didn't even think. I reached for a slice, just needing something to hold me up. But Jemuel got angry. We argued. The fight was childish, I know... but I was too tired to care. Too hungry to explain myself. We got kicked out of the studio.

I wish someone had asked if I was okay.

After the fight, Jemuel and I avoided each other for days. The air between us was tense and quiet. I couldn't even talk to Akiro properly—I was too stressed, too wrapped up in everything. And I could feel he was keeping his distance too. Maybe he was sulking. Maybe he was hurt. I felt it.

One day, after my shoot, I got a message from Jemuel. He wanted to talk. So, I went to the park—the place we always go to when we're overwhelmed. I sat on one of the benches, waiting. He approached quietly.

"Tamaro," he said, his voice tight with emotion.

"I'm sorry. I was so insensitive that day."

He was crying.

"Hey, stop crying," I said gently. "I know we're all exhausted, all stressed. Don't worry—I understand you." I wrapped my arm around his shoulder, holding him close.

We talked everything through, not just the fight, but the weight of it all. I told him how tired I was. How heavy things had felt. Jemuel is my best friend—my soulmate. I can't stay angry at him for long. That's how much I love him. That kind of love is solid. It's the kind that stays, no matter how rough the days get.

I just wrapped another day of shooting and headed back to the dorm. There's no dance practice tonight—we have a performance tomorrow, so everyone's resting. When I arrived, they were already asleep. I crept in quietly and lay down next to Akiro, pulling him close. He's the only one who can ease this kind of tiredness, even though lately, he's been pulling away.

I understand him. I haven't had time for him—not like before.

"Roo, did you just come home?" he asked softly, pulling my hand tighter around him.

"Yes, baby... let's sleep. I'm tired," I murmured, drifting off before I could hear his reply.

Time passed, and my drama filming started to wind down. The exhaustion never stopped. I shared my stress with Jemuel—he's my safe space for venting. But I never opened up to Akiro. And maybe that was my mistake. He began creating distance—stepping back when we were alone with the members. I felt it. Quiet moments that used to be ours started slipping away.

Then he posted something—his art, titled "CHANGE ME." I stared at it. Something about it felt... like a message. But we never talked about it. I didn't ask. I just let it sit there. Like us.

"Scared of what?" I asked, my voice barely holding steady.

Akiro took a breath but didn't look at me.

"Scared of feeling like I'm not part of your world anymore," he whispered. "You're meeting all these actors, growing so fast. You're changing... and I'm just here. Watching from the side."

I didn't know what to say right away. I squeezed his hand—hoping it would speak for everything I couldn't.

"I never wanted you to feel like that," I said quietly. "You're not just part of my world—you helped me build it."

He finally looked at me.

"I know you love me, Roo. But sometimes I feel like I'm being left behind. And then I wonder... am I just someone you're used to having beside you? Or do you really need me there?"

That question hit harder than I expected. Because it's the same one I'd asked myself, just nights ago.

"I do need you," I said. "Even when I'm busy... even when I don't say it. I still look for you."

"I'm scared of everything," he said quietly. "I'm scared because I'm not sure about my feelings for you. I'm scared because... what if the company finds out? What will happen to us?"

The words hit me harder than I expected. I felt myself freeze.

So, I was right. He was confused. About us.

I let go of his hand. Slowly. Quietly.

He looked at me then—his expression searching, unsure. Like he was hoping I'd say something, but not certain what that should be.

For a moment, I just stared back. The weight of everything we hadn't said resting between us.

"Did I rush things?" I asked, my voice low, shaky. "I'm sorry I haven't had enough time for you. I'm sorry I made you feel afraid. But you have to know... I'm scared too."

I couldn't look at him. Not yet. One glance and I'd fall apart.

"But every time I see you, I find the strength to keep going. That's how much I love you, Akiro."

He looked at me, soft and trembling.

"Roo, don't say sorry. I'm the one who's confused. It's me... I'm the problem. Not you."

"I think... I'll give you time," I said softly. "Time to be sure about your feelings for me. Don't worry, I'll wait for you—no matter what. Just remember this: I love you."

Without waiting for a reply, I stood up and quietly left the dorm. My vision blurred with tears as I walked—every step heavy with the ache of something I hadn't wanted to hear.

I didn't break up with him. I couldn't. I just gave him space. Space to figure out what he truly felt. But still, it hurt deeply.

I wandered through the streets until I reached the small park near our dorm. It was late—the kind of silence that wraps around you when the world is asleep. I sat alone on a bench, and when I couldn't hold it in anymore, I cried. Loud, unfiltered, the way you do when it's just you and the night air.

And after a while... after my breathing settled and the weight began to lift, I stayed there. Letting the stillness carry me a little closer to peace.

When I got back to the dorm, everyone was asleep—except Akiro. He was sitting quietly in the living room. As soon as he saw me, he stood up and looked in my direction.

I gave him a small, tired smile and walked past without a word, straight to our room.

I lay down, facing the wall, and the tears came quietly. I cried without sound, letting each one fall as slowly as the weight I carried.

I shouldn't have done that to him.

I shouldn't have walked away like that.

Shouldn't have left him to wonder.

But I did. And now, I'm lying here with tears in my eyes, wishing I had just turned around.

The next morning, everyone was caught in the rush—we were flying to Thailand for our concert. I stayed quiet the whole day. No one spoke to me. Maybe they sensed it, maybe they didn't.

At the airport, I sat still, scrolling through Twitter, trying to keep myself distracted. Then I saw it. Akiro's tweet. He recommended a song... and added a screenshot at 1:23, highlighting the lyrics: "Please come back to me."

I froze.

The words hit harder than anything I'd prepared for. My chest tightened. I tried not to cry—tried not to let it show. I was sitting in front of the members, and I couldn't afford to fall apart here. So, I did the only thing I knew how to do: I pretended I didn't see it.

I kept silent.

Even as we landed in Thailand. Even when we all moved like usual—laughing, rehearsing, performing. That one line kept playing in my head. Over and over.

We were staying at the hotel when I received a message from my family—the most heartbreaking news I've ever received. My grandmother, the woman who raised me for fourteen years, had passed away. And I wasn't there with her.

When I received the message, I dropped my phone. It hit the floor with a soft thud, but I didn't flinch—I kept staring at it, still reading the words that didn't feel real.

Everything around me went quiet. I didn't hear a thing.

The members turned toward me, concern slowly settling across their faces. Stephen walked over. He bent down, picked up my phone, and read the message. He didn't say a single word.

Instead, he pulled me into a hug and held me tightly. Then, gently, he handed the phone to the others.

No one spoke. And somehow, that silence said everything.

When Stephen hugged me, that was the moment I finally broke. My knees buckled beneath the weight of everything, and I cried—messy, trembling, unable to hold it in. Still, Stephen didn't let go. The others came soon after, their arms and words gentle, trying to gather my pieces.

Why is this happening to me? First, the exhaustion from drama shooting—the kind that empties you out. Then Akiro, so suddenly uncertain, pulled away with no warning, no closure. And now, the worst of it—my beloved grandmother, gone.

Why?

I don't remember doing anything wrong to anyone. I gave my all. I loved quietly, fiercely. So why does it hurt this much to live right now?