One Bed, No Boundaries

Kabanata 7

FLASHBACK (college days) : DAVIAN

I didn’t really plan to fall for her. Wala talaga sa plano ko ‘yun. We were best friends. That was all. That was supposed to be all.

We did everything together. Sabay kumakain, sabay umuuwi, sabay nagrereklamo sa stress ng buhay.

She was my safe space, my loudest supporter, my partner in everything. And I was okay with that…

Or at least I thought I was.

Pero hindi ko napansin, little by little, things changed. ‘Yung paraan ng pagtitig ko sa kanya, naging mas mahaba. The way I smiled when I heard her laugh, mas totoo. And the way I felt when someone else made her laugh, mas masakit.

I kept brushing it off. I told myself, "Wala ‘yan. Best friend mo siya. Normal lang ‘to." But deep inside, I knew. I was already falling. Slowly, quietly, painfully.

There were moments I wanted to tell her. So many times.

Like that night we stayed up late talking about our dreams. She was lying next to me, her voice soft and sleepy. Gusto ko nang sabihin, “Alam mo, mahal kita.” Pero I bit my tongue. I looked at her instead, memorizing the shape of her eyes under the dim light, and I said nothing.

Kasi takot ako. What if saying it ruined everything?

Mas naging malinaw ang lahat nung napansin kong iniiwasan na niya ang mga tanong na malapit sa puso. Kapag biglang nagiging seryoso ‘yung usapan, she’d laugh it off. Kapag tinatanong ko kung may gusto ba siyang iba, sasagot siya ng biro, “Bakit? Concerned ka?” then she’d smile, pero hindi ‘yung genuine smile niya. It was the kind of smile that hides something. And I felt it… na baka alam na niya.

Maybe she already knew I loved her. Maybe she was just pretending not to hear it. And maybe she was pretending… because she didn’t want to break me. O baka dahil may mga bagay siya na hindi pa kayang harapin.

That’s what hurts the most.

Hindi ko alam kung ayaw niya ako... o kung natatakot lang siya magmahal.

There were days na parang okay kami. We’d laugh, we’d hold each other’s gaze too long, she'd rest her head on my shoulder like it meant something. And I swear, I wanted to believe na may ibig sabihin ‘yun. Na baka may nararamdaman din siya pero pinipigilan lang niya.

But every time I tried to take a step forward, she took two steps back.

Palaging gano’n.

And slowly, I realized... maybe I was the only one holding on.

Naisip ko, maybe she’s been through something I don’t know about.

A past she never talks about.

A pain she hides behind every laugh.

Hindi man niya sinasabi, ramdam ko ‘yung bigat na dala niya.

Minsan, tahimik lang siya, staring into space like her mind is trapped somewhere else.

Minsan, parang ang saya-saya niya, pero may lungkot sa mata niya na hindi nawawala. And I knew then, she was protecting herself.

And maybe, in protecting herself, she started pushing me away too.

So, I made the hardest decision of my life.

I chose to stay. As her best friend.

As someone who cares deeply but will never say it out loud again.

I chose not to make her uncomfortable with the weight of my feelings.

I chose to love her from afar, quietly, consistently, unconditionally.

No more subtle hints.

No more long stares hoping she sees how much I care.

No more overthinking her words, trying to think if she means something more.

I’ve let go of the what-ifs.

I’ve let go of the dreams.

I’m learning to find peace in being just someone who loves... and expects nothing in return.

And yet, even in that decision, the pain lingers. Every time she talks about someone else, I smile and pretend to listen, while my heart slowly breaks. Every time she asks for advice on love, I give her the best answers I can, even if deep inside, I’m screaming, “Piliin mo naman ako.” “Sana ako nalang.”

She doesn’t know that every random coffee I buy her was me saying “I thought of you.” She doesn’t know that every late-night call meant, “Please stay in my life.” She doesn’t know that behind every joke, every casual touch, every small gesture… was a quiet kind of love that waited patiently. That never demanded. That only wanted her to be happy.

Maybe someday, she’ll realize. Maybe not. But that’s okay.

Because I loved her in the purest way I knew how. With no conditions. No pressure.

Just love, in silence, in distance, in the background of her life.

I’ll continue to be her best friend, the one who listens, the one who stays.

Even if it means burying the part of me that wanted more.

This is what real love sometimes looks like.

Not grand gestures or loud declarations, but quiet sacrifices.

Invisible devotion.

Silent prayers.

Longing stares.

And the kind of goodbye you say with a smile, even when your heart wants to beg her to stay.

“So talagang sure ka na titigil?” Tanong ni Saraiah.

May sleep over kami sa bahay nila at sakto naman na tulog si Ryen at sinundan naman nila ako sa balcony.

“Hindi naman titigil, let’s just say, I admit my defeat.” Seryosong sambit ko habang naka ngiti.

“Hindi ko naman kasi pwedeng ipilit yung bagay na hindi naman pwede.” Dagdag ko pa.

I would never risk it, lalo na kung ang kapalit ay ang nararamdaman naman ni Ryen.

After all, siya pa rin ang top priority ko.

“Lala mo Davian. Ikaw na talaga.” Sambit ni Noah at bahagyang napatawa.

“Wala naman akong no choice.” Kamot ulong sambit ko habang tumatawa.

“Nga pala, kesa nag gaganyan ka, write it all sa papel. Tapos lagay namin sa time capsule.” Suhestiyon ni Saraiah.

“Oo nga pala, may time capsule nga pala tayo.” Sambit naman ni Annaya.

“Alam ko nag sulat din si Ryen dun pero hindi pa niya binibigay sa amin.” Sambit ni Saraiah habang tumatango tango.

That’s when I realized, “Oo nga, bakit hindi nalang ako sumulat? It’s easy for me at pabor siya lalo na’t ayaw din naman maarinig ni Ryen.”

“Ano? G ka?” Tanong ni Saraiah kaya tumango ako.

“Tara, pati kayo. Mag simula na rin sa time capsule na letters.” Sambit ni Achilles kaya nag tanguan na sila.

Lumabas saglit si Saraiah para kumuha ng mga kakailanganin, sa totoo niyan ay si Ryen palang talaga ang ay nasusulat kaya hindi rin nila kinukulit na hingin dahil paniguradong matutukso lang sila at maku curious sa kung anong nilalaman ng sinulat ni Ryen.

“May pag lalagyan na ba ‘to?” Tanong ni Noah.

“Yeah, meron na, bumuo kami.” Sambit ni Annaya.

Tahimik lang kaming nag susulat. I was literally writing everything. Kung ano lang ang pumasok sa isip ko ay siyang isusulat ko.

I hope this letter finds her when she needed it. Sana sa oras na mabalikan itong time capsule at mahanap ang mga letters ay mabasa niya kung ano ang mga nilalaman ng liham ko.

Kung paano at gaano ko siya kamahal. Sana sa oras na kailanganin niya ay basahin niya ito.

Let this letter be her comfort when she’s sad.

To whoever finds this, or maybe just to future me, or her,

Hi. If you’re reading this, it means time has already passed. Maybe you’ve moved on. Maybe you haven’t. Maybe you’ve already forgotten the sound of her laugh, or maybe it still echoes in your mind like a favorite song that refuses to fade. I’m writing this now, while the feelings are still fresh. While the pain is still something I carry in my chest every day.

I’m writing this now kasi hindi ko alam kung kailan ko kayang sabihin nang harapan. This letter is about someone I loved, si Ryen, best friend ko.

Alam kong hindi niya ako mahal pabalik. Ramdam ko sa mga iwas niya, sa mga hindi niya sinasabi. Pero kahit ganun, I chose to stay. I loved her from afar. Wala akong hinihinging kapalit.

Maybe someday she’ll know. Or maybe not. But at least, alam ko — I loved her the best way I could.

Love,

Davian