I See You

Remembering

Have you ever felt......dead?

Like you're trying to scream but your head is underwater?

Like you're trying to move but you're being bound by some invincible chain?

That's how I feel, now,

Except one thing is different.

I remember

I remember who I am, how I got here, my baby, the hospital, my hallucinations, what happened yesterday. I remember it all

More importantly,

I remember Dean.

I want to run to him, shower him with kisses, cry my eyes out and tell him how much i've missed him.

I'm 21 now, it's been two years since the incident and I can't help but imagine the amount of pain and sadness Dean must be going through.

I'm being kept in a simple room with one bed, the walls and the floors are made of soft materials. It's been a week since my ECT therapy and I've been trying to tell the doctor and nurses that I remember but of course none of them believe me

They still think i'm out of my mind because I can't speak, I can't even write properly.

I can't communicate

Dean walks by every evening, I know it's him because he sits outside my door and I sit there as well.

He talks to me and I always want to say something back but I can't and it hurts, it really does

I want to tell him I remember everything, from how we met outside a shitty club and he saved me before I got my ass beat by the bouncer

How I was the one who ate his last pizza roll and not his brother

I just wish I could tell him all of it.

But I can't

Literally

Every day, I have four hours of ASL every day.

I'm pretty fluent, I also asked if I could see Dean but the doctors said that I wasn't ready yet

11:40 pm

Dean would be here in twenty minutes, he's never late.

I walk to my bed and sit down,

How long have I been here?

My door is pushed open as my head snaps up to see a nurse with a metal tray in her hand.

She looks.........scared

Scared of me

"Amelia" She calls out "Time for your drugs"

I dreaded this part of my day, I felt like the drugs only made me worse.

But the institution wouldn't do that, they're only trying to help me get better.

Right?

I say nothing to the nurse as she crouches in front of me and gestures for me to stretch out my hand

I do as she asks and wince at the slight pain I feel from the needle puncturing my sin.

Pain

There was a time I couldn't feel it, a time where it was my friend, a time where I depended on it because it was the one thing I could feel.

"Amelia" The nurse below me call out

Seemed she had been trying to communicate for a while

"I asked how your day was" I found it amusing you know

How I'm stuck in this plain four-cornered room with nothing but utter silence and two hours of class.

I'm mental they say but still, they leave me in the one place that would probably drive me to the brink

My mind

I signed to her that it was fine and she nodded her head.

She doesn't understand ASL

I lay on my bed and turned away from her, she walked out and when I heard my door close, I lay on back and stared up at the ceiling

My baby

His name would've been Theodore, Theo for short. That's Dean's middle name

He hated it when I called him that so I decided to go crazy and name our baby Theo, causing him to love the name

I remember when I found out I was pregnant. I didn't want to say a word to Dean.

He was always against the whole kids thing while I was all for it.

I was on the pill, until I stopped, I didn't tell him, just made sure he always used a condom or pulled out.

Then there was that one night, we were so drunk and I had the mind to tell him to come in me and he did.

A few weeks later my pregnancy test revealed double lines but instead of joy I felt dread

Pure dread and fear

I was quick to get the abortion pills but Dean saw me with them and hugged me, so tight.

Tears fell freely from my eyes as he asked me

"You're pregnant?" I cried harder and nodded my head ashamedly at him but he lifted my chin up and told me it was okay

How happy he was to start a family with me and he couldn't believe he was going to be a dad

I smiled at the memory

Those were happy times

Until the accident

We were on our way to his parents house, could you imagine, we had been together for a year and his parents didn't know about us.

I was nervous, my hormones were everywhere but Dean kept his hand on my thigh and rubbed it, soothing me.

But it all happened so quick

One thing I know is we're fine, then i'm in the hospital, lost my baby, forgot everything, now i'm here.

With my memory back

I still don't know why the Institution doesn't want me out.

I've signaled that I remember but they probably think i'm just playing.

A knock came at my door and my eyes darted to the clock

12:00

Time really flies here

I quietly stood up and walked to the door, sitting with my knees folded up.

"Amelia? Baby can you hear me?" He asked and I felt the need to cry again.

Why couldn't I see him?

Dean heaved a sigh

"It's getting harder Amelia. I-i'm getting tired. I will never give up on you baby but-" He paused

"I'm starting to think you'll never remember who I am. Or what we had. I'm trying to be strong for you, I really am. It's worse now because I can't even see you. I can't look into your beautiful eyes and tell you how much I love them, can't stare at your face and think about how lucky I am, can't look at your lips and think about nothing but kissing them"

Tears slipped from my face as I sobbed quietly

"I feel like i'm running mad Amelia" He laughed to himself "Look at me, i'm here every night, talking to myself while you're probably asleep. My drinking's gotten worse. You'd kill me if you heard this." I smiled sadly to myself "I dream, dream about you, about what we had, what we can still have if you could just remember"

I stood up from my position and looked around, rushing to my table, I found a pencil and paper

I haven't written in........forever

Sitting back down, I forced my hand to get into a position of writing. I used my left hand to hold my right hand as I tried my best to form words.

Dean was quiet and I wondered if he had left.

"I-i'm going now love" He said and I heard him sigh for the third time tonight "I love you, I always have and always will" I heard his feet and quickly managed to slip the piece of paper under the door

His footsteps came to a halt

He saw the paper

"Amelia" His voice was barely a whisper and I smiled to myself "Amelia, if you're there hit the door twice" I did and he cursed out loud.

"I-f**k! Amelia i've missed you. I love you so much baby, I promise I'll get you out of here. D-do you remember me?" He asked

The big question

The one I was finally prepared to answer

I hit the door twice and he was silent for a while

"Are you sure?" I hit the door twice again and I felt his feet move further away

He was running

Dean arrived not much longer and another voice was heard

"Mr. Anderson, I assure you what you heard was not Amelia. Even if she says she remembers, she does not"

What sort of slimy-

"Cas I know she remembers me" Dean said, his voice slightly raised "She wrote my name on this f*****g paper!" The outside world was quiet for a second

"Dean" It was doctor Milbrough "Amelia can not write. Even if she did write your name on that paper I assure you, she is not ready"

The wall shook

Dean punched it

"And how the f**k would you know that if you won't let me see her!? I have every right to!"

Yes tell them baby!

"No, Dean. You don't because the last time she saw you we had to send electric shocks through her brain. A procedure which you fought against so I advice you to leave this matter for the actual professionals. That is, if you want her back" Oh to rip him to shreds

A loud sound bounced off my walls but this time it wasn't the wall that shook

No, I think someone's jaw just broke

And it certainly wasn't Dean's

More punches were thrown and judging by the amount of shadow that was covering underneath my door, they were on the floor

My God

The commotion lasted a while before more people came in and separated the two

"f**k you! I swear to God, i'll kill you Castiel!" I could imagine the rage that would be on his face

Fuck, I was enraged too

A few words were exchanged and I had to press my ear to the door to hear the conversations between Castiel and a nurse

"Doctor, what do we do with him?" She asked

"It seems my dear friend has begun to lose control over his own mind. Amelia's situation must be taking a toll on him."

"Do you think he knows?"

knows what? I pressed my ear more as if it would change the situation

"Of course not, no one can know, everything is going according to plan"

What is going on?

"And the girl?" The nurse asked

"Oh she's fine. Keep giving her those drugs and she's sure to stay here for a very long time"

What The f**k?!

I heard my door and quickly rushed to my bed and lay in it, pretending to be asleep

Light crept into my room and I opened my eye slightly, spotting the nurse that was probably talking to the doctor.

She walked in and dropped a glass of water and a tablet next to it.

When she walked out, I sat up immediately and looked at my side table, the tablet was on top of a paper. It read

'Drink up :)'

I rolled my eyes

Drink up my ass.

Drinking the whole glass and keeping the tablet in my pillowcase I lay on my side and thought of a plan before letting sleep consume me.

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