Breathe

chapter 5

I woke up surrounded by machines around me ,i continuously blink my eyes to try and take in all my surroundings .My eyes come across Jay who is seated across my bed with one hand on her phone and the other entwined with mine .When she looks up she's met by my dismayed bloated eyes ,Jay stands up and hugs me tightly ,she hugs me as if she is patrified to let me go or leave me alone in result of me harming myself again ,she hugs me as if it's the last hug she'll get from me,her hug alone carries soo many unspoken words ,words we're both afraid of saying ,words that are reciprocated through a single hug .I squeeze my arms tighter around her waist to feel her warm bloomy scent . She lets me go after a while and uses the back of her hand to wipe her tears as fast as she can , she's trying to stay strong for me but I can see the fear in her eyes ,I can tell by her puffy eyes that she's been crying .We stare into each other ,but this time it's not just a stare ,I can feel her looking deep into my eyes in search of my soul ,I can tell that she has million questions she's afraid to ask . We hold on to the stare for a full minute without blinking .A soul that always saw the brighter side of everything and the one that's stuck in a hole too steep for it to see the sun or any other color in the darkness

We're interrupted by a old aged woman who's my doctor I assume ,her face remains blank and doesn't greet either of us ,she instead asks me a few questions ,I remain still and give her short answers ,from the looks of things ,she saw the video too ,which explains her unwelcoming expression. She shortly walks out to inform my parents about the changes . Our eyes follows the woman as she walks out and Jay copies her actions and i release a soft laughter .my laugh gets louder as she tries to examine me like the lady did .We both laugh as she hugs me again . She says that woman has been very rude and unwelcoming to her ever since she found out Jay's visiting me .We spend the whole afternoon watching my favorite documentary series.Jay tells me that my mother found me the next morning ,she immediately called the ambulance,luckily the knife was worn out so it didn't cause much damage .

We're disturbed when my parents walk through the door ,i'm holding Jay's hand ,my hand starts to stiffen against Jay's ,she returns the energy by holding my hand firm to let me know that she's there for me.

My parents greet us and we respond simalutaneously .I switch off the screen and keep my head down ,my leg is shaking uncontrollably so I tug my hand under the sheets and try to hold it still but it continues to shake .

"How are you feeling Ashley?"my mother finally breaks the silence

"I'm fine Mother ,thank you for asking" I reply quietly

"I think it will be best to attend what happened when you are fully recovered " my Father finally speaks

"Yes Father"I try to keep my answers as short as I possibly can

Another awkward silence fills the room ,their expressions are hard to read ,I wonder if they feel any kind of guilt maybe or empathy .I try not to think about them ,I try to dismiss my thoughts but the silent room full of people makes it difficult so I switch on the screen again instead.Jay keeps on asking me questions about the series and I spent half of the time explaining the show to her ,she shakes her head and laugh softly ,I focus on the screen but I can feel that Jay is looking at me ,for an extented period .i ignore her stare and then feel a soft peak on my forehead

"I can't imagine life without you my chucky"she finally says

I give her an appreciating smile , my eyes are met by my parents' stare ,they are just standing there and looking at us .I immediately look down ,I can't face them ,I don't want to see the disappointment in their eyes .

Ashley

After a while the nurse walks in again ,I look at her batch written Dr Bahm in it .She tells my parents that I will be discharged after 2days ,I will have to go to a psychiatrist for further check up ,she walks out without waiting for a response .

Jay's alarm rings to inform us that visiting hours are due .I look around and my parents are no longer there .i don't remember how me and Jay ended up falling asleep in my hospital bed .She wears her shoes and hugs me goodbye. There's a small knock on the door before appearing a beautiful lady who looks like she's in her twenties ,she's in scrubs so i guess she's a doctor too ,She greets me and then she and Jay share a small hug as if they know each other ,she helps me to take my medication as she tries to hold a small conversation with us . Jay takes her bagpack and hugs me goodbye ,she walks out with the lady and promises to come again tommorow after school