Summermoon Fire

Chapter one SuviThe first step is admitting our addiction. Sobriety Partnership Handbook The shadows in the kitchen had once been frightening, but now they were her friends. Huddled with her — enveloping table and chairs, cupboard and stove — they helped, in their silent way, hiding the filthy floor and the food-crusted dishes stacked in the sink. Suvi Markku stared at the empty glass in her hand. “One more, then I will get to work. I have a lot to do, don’t I?” One more... Tom’s words came back to her. “It’s always one more, isn’t it, Suvi? One more before you study for your entrance exams, one more before you clean the house, one more before you come to bed.” He had snatched the bottle from her hand and thrown it into the sink. “No more! That is what I say. Do you hear me, Suvi?” She had heard the precious liquid dripping down the drain. “I’ll try, Tom, really I will. It’s just...” He was already putting on his coat, reaching for his keys. “Just what?” “I get so lonely here by myself. Why do you have to work so many hours?” She got up and crossed the kitchen, walking a little unevenly. “Stay here tonight, please? We can put that Tommy Dorsey record that you like on the phonograph and dance. I love dancing with you, Tom.” Her feet tangled with each other, and she staggered forward, only just catching herself against the countertop. He gave her a withering glance. “I have to go to the hospital and check on some patients. Don’t wait up for me.” She held out her hand, wordlessly begging, but he turned on his heel and left. As soon as the door slammed, she staggered to the sink, determined to rescue what was left of her bottle. Now, Suvi filled her glass again. The rich, ruby-red port looked almost like blood. Why shouldn’t she have a drink or two if she wanted? It warmed her; made her forget her loneliness and her failure to adapt to the strange land to which Tom had brought her. He was always busy at the hospital — he hadn’t even tried to help her fit in. Another swallow washed away the stab of guilt she felt inside. Tom worked so hard... For her. So that they could leave this shabby flat and buy a house somewhere. So they could afford to start a family. Suvi let her head sink down on her crossed arms. The shadows pressed close, offering their comfort. A tap at the window brought her head up. She stared at the indistinct image through the fly screen. “Ludde!” She stood; careful, this time, not to move too quickly lest she lose her equilibrium. Suvi paused for a moment to straighten her rumpled clothes, then opened the door. Lut waited on the step and peered past her into the darkness. “I thought you might not be home. Why are all the lights off?” Suvi shrugged. “Nothing to see. But, anyway, come in, please.” She brightened as he crossed the threshold. “I’m so happy you came to visit me. Do you want a drink?” She swayed to the cabinet and fetched him a glass. He sat opposite her at the table, and she pushed the bottle over to him. Lut poured himself a splash in the bottom of the glass. “Dagsanat!” he said, as he raised the port to his lips. Two swallows, no more, and he had finished. Suvi took much longer. Lut studied her wavering image through his glass. Her dark brown hair had grown thin and straggly since the last time he had seen her. “How are you, girl?” She smiled cheerlessly. “Fine. Very fine. Happy as a degum in a rette’s nest. Can’t you tell?” He frowned. “No, I can’t. Where is Tom, anyway?” “Out. He’s always out.” Suvi reached for the bottle. Lut beat her to it, and moved it beyond her grasp. “Good. Then you and I can have a chat.” “Just like the old days, eh? You and I used to be the best drinking buddies, didn’t we?” Suvi gave him a lopsided grin. “We left no bottle of poteen untouched. I could drink you under the table then, too.” She reached again, further, and he placed the bottle between his legs, on the chair. Suvi frowned. “Why did you do that? I’m thirsty.” “Because I want to talk to you, not watch you get drunk.” “I’m not...” An idea formed in her mind. She glared at Lut suspiciously. “Did Tom put you up to this?” He watched as she upturned the glass, her tongue hungrily seeking the last drops. “To what?” “Another lecture about my drinking. Because if he did, you are wasting your time. I’ve heard it all before.” Lut sighed. “I didn’t come here to lecture. But I won’t deny I am worried about you.” Her voice gained a belligerent edge. “Why? I just told you I was fine.” He changed the subject. “How did you get on with those tests you had to take? The ones to see if you could go to nursing school. Last time I came to visit you were studying for them.” Suvi stared at her hands. “I... failed. All of them. But it wasn’t...” “Your fault?” Lut’s face was grim. “You always say that, Suvi.” “It’s true! I had to learn English first. No one else in the room had to work as hard as I did. And Tom wouldn’t help me, not at all.” Lut shook his head at this. He had seen Tom patiently drilling Suvi on her English vocabulary many times. “So now what? What will you do?” “I can try again in six months. This time I am sure I will pass them.” “Are you? Have you started studying again?” She blinked slowly. “Yes, of course...” His blue eyes bored into hers. “I mean, no. But I plan to. Tomorrow. Honestly.” He didn’t say anything. Anger made her gut feel as though it churned with broken glass. “Why did you come here? Why don’t you leave me alone? I’m doing the best I can. But it’s hard.” Suvi put her face in her hands and sobbed. “It’s so hard...” Lut stood quickly, forgetting the bottle. It fell to the floor and spilled, making a dark red puddle amongst the dust and food scraps. With a cry, Suvi dropped to her knees, scrabbling under the table. Cursing, he dragged her upright again. “Leave it! For the gods’ sakes, girl, it doesn’t matter.” She struggled against his arms, then suddenly went limp. Suvi buried her face in his chest. Her words were quiet, muffled through his cable knit sweater. “Take me back...” “What?” She raised her head, and her amber eyes blazed with desperate need. “I said, take me back. To Severnessa. Your house will still be there, by the ocean. We can live together. I’ll help you catch pikken...” Her voice trailed away as she felt his sigh. “Suvi... It isn’t that easy.” She pounded his chest with a closed fist. “But we are married! You made a vow to take care of me. Remember?” The shadows swirled around Lut, reminding him of the past. His own battle with alcohol. Suvi had been there, in Severness, and had tried to help him, just as he was trying to help her now. But he had found his reason to sober up on another world, in another time. Jane... Suvi pulled away from him, as though she had read his mind. “Oh, I see. You have your doctor lady to think about. No time for stupid Suvi, not now. You don’t care if I am happy or not...” “Stop it! How can you be happy in all this darkness?” With an angry cry, he grabbed her arm and dragged her through into the tiny lounge. Lut switched on the light. This room was even messier than the kitchen. An ironing board took up one corner, surrounded by baskets of unwashed laundry. Aluminum TV dinner trays and filmed-over cups of coffee littered the low table. A threadbare settee and chair hunched around a dusty television set. Lut watched the ghostly image of Lawrence Welk cavort across the screen. “My gods, girl. How can you live like this?” She cleared a space on the settee and flopped down, then stared at her bare feet. “Humph. You should talk. Your house in Ayedeen Beach was far worse. I should know. It took me all day just to clean out one corner.” He sat down beside her, and then took her hand. “Fair enough. And you know why — ‘tis the drinking. Makes you blind and deaf to the things and people you should be caring about.” Suvi frowned. “I’m not that way. I have to do everything around here. Tom is always working.” She leaned close to Lut and laid her head on his shoulder. “I get very lonesome sometimes.” Lut sighed. “Is it any wonder? You never go anywhere. Why don’t you try and make some friends?” Her voice was devoid of any emotion. “I did, in the beginning. When Tom first started at St. Luke’s, he used to invite the other doctors over for drinks and dinner. From the kitchen I could hear them asking questions about where I came from and why I couldn’t speak English properly. Someone cracked a joke about a dumb Polack, whatever that is.” Bitterness crept in. “Their wives were so pretty, with fancy clothes. They wanted nothing to do with a peasant girl like me.” Lut grabbed her arm, and held it up before her face. “Look at this tattoo! It says you are a Harp, the highest of the bright realm.” “That was in Severness,” she argued dully. “Here, I am like a Dog or a Snake. Even though people in A-merica don’t mark themselves with Soli, they still stick to their own kind.” “I thought you didn’t believe in that rubbish?” “I didn’t. I mean, I don’t... In Carina, I managed to get everyone to work together. But that was only because of the War. Once it ended, they went back to the same old thing again.” He patted her hand. “At least you tried. You kept a lot of folk at that shelter from starvation, Suvi. You should be proud.” She brightened a little. “We did have some fun there, didn’t we? Remember Brini, with her endless pots of stinky cabbage soup? And you, bringing us more pikken than we could eat?” Lut laughed. “The children loved their kaapjies, didn’t they?” With a wistful sigh, she continued. “And the dances. I believe that was my favorite part of all. We made music with washboards, jugs and string. But somehow it sounded so wonderful.” “And you with your yitar,” Lut added quietly. “What happened to it?” Her smile faded. “I left it behind. I left everything behind, really.” They sat for a long time, each lost in memories of the past. Lut finally broke the silence. “Suvi... There is an organization, called Sobriety Partnership. Jane told me about it. At first, I didn’t want to go, but then...” Suvi sat forward and swept four of the TV dinner trays to the floor. Underneath lay several stained SP pamphlets and a schedule of meetings for Cloudy Bay. “Is this what you are talking about? Tom brought these home from the hospital three months ago. I should have thrown them out with the other rubbish.” Lut kept his voice very low. “He only wants to help you. So do I.” She leaned back and tucked her knees beneath her faded skirt. “Oh yes. Everyone wants to help poor Suvi.” Her golden amber eyes did not warm her bleak expression. “If you truly want to help, then take me back to Severness. I’d be happy if I was there with you.” “I... can’t. I would do anything for you, Suvi. But not that.” Her head settled on his shoulder again. “Then stay with me, just for tonight.” Lut inhaled sharply. “Tom is my oldest friend. I couldn’t possibly...” Her hand crept across his chest, like a needy spider, and then began to move downwards, towards the brass buttons of his dungarees. “I’m not married to Tom. You are my husband. I want you.” “Why did you run away from me then? You left the ring I gave you behind, remember?” “I made a mistake,” she insisted softly. “A big mistake.” Her fingers fumbled with his belt buckle. “Let me make it up to you, right now...” He threw off her hand and stood. “No! That isn’t what you need.” She stood too, and walked around to face him, then reached high to wrap her arms about his neck. “Ludde, please... I’m so lonely. What difference will one night make?”