BitterSweet - 1

Chappie 14

It was warm in the room but inside I was cold, freezing. I didn't feel like complaining. I just sat and waited staring at the cheap hotels decor. Yellow flower filled walls with spots of black mould, and the chairs were probably filled with fleas, if fleas live in chairs. This was all my fault. Clay wouldn't have got hurt if it wasn't for me. A girl, well she was a few years older than me so a women walked into the room; her hair was bleach blond, blonder than my hair and her eyes were a milk chocolate brown. She was wearing last seasons Prada’s heels along with a black skirt and silk white shirt. I had rang her, Amilla, from the hotel room and waited in the truck for her to come. She hadn't asked any questions on the phone just for an address. The next thing I know some dude was pulling Clay's lifeless body from the truck and she had paid for me to stay here,

"Is he OK?" I jumped up from the seat,

"He's stable and awake for the minute." Her lipstick red lips were bright against her pale skin. Jee this women knew how to rock the white skin look,

"Can I see him?"

"No." She said and walked out of the room. I stared at door which she had closed. Was Amilla for real? I stood up and tried to open the door but it was locked. She had locked me in. Why?Clay was stable, which was good right? So why did I still feel like an ice cube? My head thumped with tiredness and hungry. I hadn't ate properly for two days, hadn't had a shower for three days, basically I felt like a walking stinking zombie, but I couldn't sleep or shower not yet, because I had a plan. The first thing on my plan was to see Clay, which meant getting out of here and finding him. Luckily for me the lock on the door was cheep and old so it gave way after I had ran into it a few times. Lately I was getting super good at things like putting wheels on trucks, breaking locks ect. OK so if I was a cow like Amilla and I wanted to hide a super fit guy where would I hide him. Surly he was at the hospital? Not in this stinking hotel. To be honest I didn't even know hotels could smell this bad or even looked this crabby. It looked like something out of a Saw movie. I mean if the hotel just painted the walls and maybe....

"Scarlett!?" Amilla was clip clopping towards me down the corridor. I thought about running but I was wearing Clay's shoes which were too big for me and I'd probably trip and fall over, "What are you doing? I kept you locked in the room for your own safety!"

"I have to see him." I said. She gave me a stern look but turned around,

"Follow then."

*****

*****

The room was spotless and pure white. I glanced around shocked, a second ago I'd been inside a grubby hotel corridor expecting to see a grubby hotel room behind the door, not a super clean fresh room. On a bed with a heart monitor surrounding him, looking whiter than Amilla was Clay. His eyes were gazing at the ceiling but when I stepped in he looked at me,

"I will give you ten minutes Scarlett." Amilla walked out shutting the door softly behind her. I stared at Clay's green eyes and chocked back a sob,

"Hey." I whispered,

"I'm OK." He said. I nodded and stepped towards him,

"I thought you were dead. You were just laying there in the truck and I thought you weren’t breathing and..."

"Shh." He lifted his hand and grabbed my fingers, "Seriously Scarlett I'm OK. I just lost a lot of blood and passed out." I stared at the sack of blood hanging on the pole, a wire fed the red back into him,

"I'm sorry." I muttered. Clay frowned, "It really is my fault Clay. Listen I..." He interrupted me,

"Don't make me stressed, it's not your fault you never asked for this."

"And neither did you!" I hissed. His fingers gripped my hand tightly,

"I knew what I was signing up for when I choose my career." I stared at him in silence. There was a time when I tried not to care about my body guards so when they died it wouldn't hurt. I'd got to close to Clay. I'd let him in, and when I had saw him in the truck his face pale, looking dead. I knew now that I couldn't lose him. It would tear me apart, even if he didn't feel the same. I knew what I was about to do was for the best, but it didn't make it any easier,

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Here's you sat in bed ill and you're worried about me." A tear escaped my eye,

"But I'm OK, so why are you crying?" I ignored the questions and stared at him,

"Thank you." I muttered and stroked my fingers down his hand,

"What for?"

"Everything." I said, letting go of his hand and stepped out the room without looking back. First thing on my plan - done. Amilla was not outside in the horrible passage way but it didn't matter. I walked down the stairs which echoed loud music from rooms and arguing shouting voices. Wow not a nice place to stay. I scrubbed my crying eyes with Clay's shirt, it still smelt of him, and walked out the hotel. Outside the sun was still shining and the truck was there looking dusty and rusty in the light. It still stank of poop but somehow that didn't matter anymore. I got in pulled out my surviving sun glasses, started the engine and drove down the road.

*****

*****

I was outside my villa alone for the 2nd time in a year but this time I was lost . The first night on the road I’d slept in the truck. It had been lonely and I’d hardly slept a wink but I was still alive as the sun rose. I needed a shower and some food and clean clothes but it was OK, because leaving Clay was the best decision I had made. Turns out, when I parked on the side of the empty farm lane and rummaged inside the undiscovered bag of Clay's, that he had a map but I couldn't even understand it. It was marked with red circles and blue circles that pretty much covered the whole damn thing. Colourful but completely useless. I swigged the bottle of whiskey from Clay's other bag and cherished the feeling as it burned down my throat, it was a feeling inside me and better than the cold numbness of before. Crap. I didn't think I would miss him so much, the way his eyes lit up in the sun and...shut up Scarlett and drive. At least I had found a petrol can at the back of the rusty truck. I didn't know where I was going but driving somewhere was better than being stuck thinking.

Rule one: No thinking.

Rule two: Drive.

Rule three: Find somewhere to hide.

I wasn't super clever but I knew that those guys, The Rockers were probably still looking for me and they had guns and lots of white vans. But now I didn't have Clay or anybody else, no one was gonna get hurt because of me again. I suppose I felt like I was growing up. I flicked on the radio and listen to a playing song- Adele - Someone like you- Wow man, this was depressing. Who knew that being on the run and believed to be the leader of some hard nut gang (how could anyone even believe that?) would be so much fun! Not. I drove into a village which was called New Oldhamspam, which made me laugh a little when I saw the dusty sign swinging in a gently breeze. In fact the whole of Oldhamspam was dusty, like something from a cowboys film. There was a rusty car lot, an empty rusty pub called The Boat Boy’s Arms, a Gothic looking church, some houses speckled about and that was about it. I suppose it was one of those places in the country where everyone knew everyone and travellers were rare. I pulled up beside the car lot and sat thinking. I couldn’t just drive about in this truck for starters and I needed some new clothes and a map maybe. I had money from Clay’s wallet, it wasn’t much but maybe I could stretch it out until I could think of another way to get cash, strange how I’d never had to think about money before. The sound of a rumbling engine made me glance in the trucks window. The car was zooming down the farm road at a speed that would get you banned from driving for life. I frowned, maybe it was those guys after me. I was about to start up the ignition when I saw the driver. Oh. I could see the flop of jet black hair and his white t-shirt and I knew if I could see his eyes they would be green. Do I start the truck and try to escape or not? There was no point anyway. His black car skidded to a dust stop and Clay slammed out the door. Oh man, he looked pissed with a capital P. He wrenched open the truck door,

“Out now!”

“You got better quick.” I said. He glared at me as I stumbled out the car door,

“Are you...” He sniffed the air. Yup I defo stunk, “Have you been drinking?” Oh, that. I shifted, pushed away from him and ran away. I know I’m stupid. I just had to get away from him. I didn’t need Clay protecting me, even if it was his job. He caught up with me and blocked my path,

“What the hell are you doing? Why did you run away?” He looked confused and grabbed my hand when I went to turn away,

“No! Just leave me alone!” I hissed,

“Why?”

“Because...I...I...” I wanted to say that I didn't understand how I felt about him, that I couldn't distance my feelings from him, so the only other way was to remove myself away from. Or that staring at him could bring my heart to a stop. It sound super cheesy but it was true, “I don’t want you to get hurt anymore.” I finished lamely instead,

“It’s my job.” He said,

“And that is the only reason why you stay. Just go please.” I muttered. You can push feelings away inside you. I was good at that. I’d done it when mum had died. I’d done it with Clay but when he leaned in close to me, so that all I could see was his green blazing eyes, the feelings all came rushing back. His hand lifted up and circled behind my neck and I knew he would kiss me, right then if I didn’t move. I knew his lips would fold down onto mine, if I didn’t move, but I did move and man it hurt. It tore my heart inside, but I couldn’t, I just couldn’t. I looked at the dusty floor,

“Scarlett look at me.” He breathed. I didn’t, because I was trying to do the right thing, the thing that would stop me from hurting in the end,

“I can’t. We can’t,” I mumbled and he surprised me by saying,

“I know. You're too young. I’m sorry.” He moved away softly and swiftly, “I’m sorry I got the wrong idea.”

Clay walked back into the car and waited for me. I got in next to him thinking deeply. He got the wrong idea? Oh, he thought I didn’t like him. Did that mean he liked me? Shut up Scarlett you just had the chance to kiss him and you refused.

Why the hell had I refused him?