Mackenzie

Chapter 21

"Wake the f**k up!" I wasn't sure if it was in the dream I was having that Bambi stood by the side of my bed, pulling my covers off my body.

"Mackenzie Starr!" I heard her scream and my eyes flew open immediately.

"Damn, girl." I said groggily, rubbing my eyes and squinting to look up at Bambi who stood, pouting.

"Kenzi, get up! You should be happy I wake up early-"

"Way too early, in my opinion," I rolled my eyes, "I don't get it. What makes you so excited about school? I'm ditching school today, how about that?"

"Well, how about you get your ass up from that bed? There's no way you're ditching school."

"Yes, mommy."

"Like, really. I was thinking about having a lovely breakfast immediately I got in, but no. You're still asleep."

"You go have breakfast. When you're done come wake me up." I said, burying my head in my pillow.

She sighed, "You leave me no choice, Kenzi.. I'd just go ahead to sing... Uh, Chandelier.. no, wait! One less problem!-"

"I'm up!" I immediately got up, my eyes wide all of a sudden.

"You're a terrible friend." Bambi said.

"No, you're the terrible friend. How could you be so cruel to have intentions of destroying my ear drums? I've always told you, Bambi.. any song by Sia or Ariana Grande, Mariah Carey... Or Adele is not for you..."

"Okay, then, Zayn Malik maybe?-"

"No." I said a little too quickly, but honestly, hearing Bambi sing was like hearing a train scraping on tracks.. or sometimes, it was like a squeaky wheel that needed some grease. Yes. It was horrible.

I let out a breath, "I don't want to go to school today. Honestly."

"Too bad, you have to... But, please, not with a breath like that." Wrinkling her nose.

"It's called morning breath, dummy." I rolled my eyes​

"Exactly. And it's terrible."

"Wait. Is it that bad?"

"I said terrible. That's what it is, so go freshen up! I'd be in the kitchen."

"Alright." I nodded as I watched her leave. As soon as she left my door, I placed a hand a little far away from my mouth as I let out a breath.

"f**k it." I ran to the bathroom.

....................

"I really wonder why you're always so happy on a school morning when everyone wishes to be anywhere but school." I said to Bambi as we walked to our lockers.

Bambi let out a chuckle, shrugging.

Bambi and I opened our lockers at the same time, both chuckling. At that time, Ryan came along, hands in his pocket. "Hey girls!" He greeted, smiling.

"Hi Ryan." I looked at him, returning his smile.

"Bambi?" Ryan turned to look at Bambi who was busy grabbing her notes from her locker. She didn't look at Ryan, and I could tell that she was definitely still angry about yesterday.

"Oh, Bambi's just feeling a little-" I tried to cover for her.

"I'm perfectly fine, Kenzi. And you know it." Bambi looked at me.

"How's mom?" Ryan asked.

"She-" I started to say.

"Maybe if you weren't so busy you wouldn't be asking that question" Bambi snapped, "You really wanna know how she is?-"

"Bambi." I called sternly, looking at her.

"Oh.. right" Her words came out as a grumble.

For the first time, I was happy the bell rang, it just saved us from an awkward situation.

"I'll see you later." Bambi said, then turned around and walked away, notes in hand.

"Kenzi?" Ryan called.

I sighed,"Please, Ryan... Don't ask." I said, ignoring the hurt expression on his face as I asked,"Can we go to class?"

I didn't want to talk about mom now.. I wasn't just ready for it. Thinking of it alone made my heart heavy.

Ryan and I walked in silence to class and while he threw occasional glances at me, I bit my lip.

..............

"Mackenzie, again, I need your attention here." Mrs Martinez said.

I sighed in frustration, closing my eyes tightly and running a hand through my hair.

"What the hell is she always thinking about?" I heard a guy say at the back.

What?

I was ready to ignore what that guy just said, but then, I heard Tanner say, "How to get you a brain, which clearly, you don't have."

"Dude, I wasn't talking to you." The​ guy said.

I wouldn't know who was speaking, because I didn't look back, I just sat, looking down at my note, my eyes closed.

"Hey guys-" Mrs Martinez started to say, but Tanner wouldn't look at her as he said to whoever was speaking,

"Are you stupid or what? You didn't even specify who the f**k you were talking to, fucktard."

"Tanner, leave my class." Mrs Martinez said sternly.

"You can't do that, Mrs Martinez," I heard Jesse say, defending his best friend,"That's unfair. If you're gonna send Tanner out, then you've go to tell Brady out too. He started it."

"It's fine." Tanner stood, grabbing his notes,"I'll leave," and he left while I sat still, buried in my own thoughts. This had to stop. It just had to.. Mrs Martinez would never believe I was okay... And the bitter truth was, I wasn't​. I'll never be until mom was fine. I'll never be until I stopped crying all night, only to wake up late the next morning. For crying out loud, Tanner just got sent out of class.... Because of me.

....................

I walked in the cafeteria alone when it was lunch time. Bambi wasn't out and I was definitely sure she had been called back by a teacher or maybe she wanted to stay back.. Ryan wasn't here.. well, of course. It was so damn crazy the way I was getting used to Ryan not being around again.. I was supposed to be bothered, but I just found myself warming up to the fact that he wasn't there...

"Hey." I found myself getting used to this voice instead. Darren's.

I turned to smile at him, "Hi Darren."

"What's up?"

"Uh, just acknowledging the fact that Bambi probably isn't coming for lunch and Ryan isn't here."

"Yeah, Bambi actually got called back, so she might come late.. and speaking of Ryan, I actually haven't met him, but anyway, you could come sit with us, by the way.. I have, uh, a few friends." He said, pointing to a table where two guys and a girl sat.

I didn't think he had to worry about meeting Ryan, actually. Since these days, I didn't really get to see much of him myself.

"Uh... Sure!" I smiled.

We walked to the table where his friends sat, laughing. As soon as they saw us -or him, they all greeted.

"What's up, guys?" Darren looked at them, then back at me as he motioned for me to sit,"Guys, this is my friend, Mackenzie."

"Hey Mackenzie." The girl smiled, waving, while the guys said, "What's up?"

I smiled as Darren looked at me,

"Mackenzie, these are my friends, Todd, Jake and Chanel."

I seen never them around, but again, I was gone for two years. Anyway, hot people had to have hot friends, considering the guys in front of me did look good. Definitely, Chanel was pretty. She had her eyes like that of a cat's. Don't get me wrong, I adored eyes like that! Her chestnut brown hair was parked in a ponytail, and it did get to her waist.

"Hi." I smiled, feeling shy all of a sudden.

"I'm classmates with her best friend, who got called back and it doesn't make sense that she sits alone for lunch." Darren explained, grabbing the tube of ketchup.

"Oh, that's no problem." Chanel said while the guys nodded.

"Hey McCann, you gotta see this!" I heard Jesse laugh and I looked over at their table, expecting to see Tanner laughing, his eyes lit up, but instead he sat, glaring.

At the table I sat on.

Especially at Darren.

....................

"Darren said you got called back during lunch." I looked at Bambi as we walked down the hallway to our lockers after school.

"Yes.. I was. Mrs Phillips freaking took my whole lunch time!" She threw her hands up in the air.

I chuckled, "I'm sorry about that."

"Yeah, but I'm hungry as hell right now."

"Then let's just go grab something to eat when we leave school."

"I've got an extra lesson on Literature!"

"Oops. You're the one who left simple shapes to complex English plays." I said.

"Hey, they're not complex!"

"Okay. If you say so." I said, faking a British accent.

"British accents don't sound nice coming from your mouth." She rolled her eyes.

"You'd see that's​ not true when you stop being jealous." I smirked.

"You're right. I am being jealous! It's so perfect."

I chuckled, "Get your ass to class, Shakespeare."

"Wait. How would you get home?"

"C'mon, don't worry about that. I will eventually."

"I could quickly take you, I mean-"

"No, Bambi. You have a class, besides, I'm not going straight home. I have to get to the store."

"Oh... You'd be fine?" Bambi looked at me.

"Yes, mom." I rolled my eyes.

"Right. I'll go to class now, be careful, though. Bye."

I rolled my eyes,"Bye, mom."

I faced my locker and reached out to where I had the money left from the other time. I sighed in frustration when I couldn't get it. I took out my notes and looked into my locker... Empty.

What?

This had to be me not searching well. I looked harder into my locker, shaking my head. I looked in between my notes, silently praying that I would find the money. If that money was missing, I had no idea what I'd do.

After ten minutes of searching and huffing with angry tears, I gave up. I realised it was probably taken -or should I say, stolen? But how? My locker was always locked. But then, it occurred to me... When I dragged out my Calculus note yesterday, it must have fallen out... Why didn't I see it, then?

"Kenzi?" I heard Ryan call and I looked back to him. "Hey."

"Are you okay?"

I should tell Ryan what's up... But then, I didn't want to bother him or anything. Especially when he seemed so distracted these days.

"Yeah... Yes, Ryan. I am."

"Kenzi, you could tell me, y'know." He looked at me.

"Fine. I want to go home, but I don't feel up to walking home.. I mean, I feel really weak." I lied. Well, it wasn't really a lie. I did feel weak. Searching for the money and not finding it drained me.

"You should have asked me.. I mean, I have no problem at all taking you home."

"Right... I just thought that maybe you were busy today."

He cleared his throat,"No... Uh, c'mon, I'd take you."

"Are you sure?" I asked him

"Of course." He looked hurt, but I ignored it as I nodded slightly, "Thanks."

.......................

"Thanks Ryan. Bye." I told Ryan as soon as he pulled up to my house, and even if I knew he was about to say something to me, I opened the door and got out.

When I got into the house, I walked to my room and flung myself across my bed. All I needed was to think. Think of how to survive only on cereal. Think of how to get a job now. I'd do anything... Even mop the floors of supermarkets. Without bothering to get up and take off my clothes, my eyes closed slowly.

..................

My eyes fluttered open and I was quick to check the time on my phone. It was almost five o'clock. Great. Just f*****g great. I missed today of tutoring Tanner. Now was that my fault?

I needed to walk. Yeah. That's what I needed. I dragged myself off the bed and got into a sweater and a simple skirt. I guess you could say that was how I loved to dress when taking a walk. Or going to my spot.

I grabbed my phone and walked out of the house.

................

I found myself walking to my spot.I didn't realize I'd been kicking a particular stone since I got out the front door of my house.

I noticed a black car parked by the trees. Immediately, the thought of Tanner being here crossed my mind, but I dismissed it at once. There was no way he'd be here. He was probably home, thinking I was on my way. Probably.

I walked to the rock. My rock, and sometimes, Bambi's and Ryan's. I sat on it, pulling my knees up to my chest and hugging them tightly. I buried my head in my knees and I began to think of myself as another person. I would have the perfect life. My mom and dad's marriage and relationship would be my goals. None of them would ever battle a disease. We'd have enough money.. we wouldn't have to be very, very rich, as long as we had food to eat everytime and we would have two or three cars. Well, I would be happy. I wouldn't have to worry about anyone getting on my nerves most times. I wouldn't always have to get rides from my best friends. Hell, no girl would even have to feel insecure all because her boyfriend was giving me a ride.

But no.

I was Mackenzie Starr, and all these things were the opposite of what was going on in my life. That was right. It wasn't, but I was going to see it through. I had to see it through. Because I was Mackenzie.

I felt a hand rest on my knee and I sharply looked up.

Him. Yes. Tanner.

"Hey." He greeted in a hoarse I whisper.

"Really? When I think I finally have peace of mind, you show up." I put my knees away from my chest, dropping my legs to the grass.

"I was here before you." He smirked

"Cheers to that. I hope you're done here because I want to be alone.." I snapped.

"Why do you always do this? I try to be nice to you-"

"That's the point. The keyword there is try. You try... But you're not."

"I'm not? I wouldn't give you instances of when I've been extremely nice to you, but, I f*****g left class because of you today."

"I didn't ask for you to do that, did I?"

"You're so f*****g difficult and unbelievable."

"If anyone is unbelievable between the two of us, it's you! You're the one who's nice one minute, and bitter the next min-"

"Look, you don't know any f*****g thing about me-"

"Oh, please!" I got up from the rock in rage," I should tell you that. That's right, because, that's your specialty. You always act like you know me, but you don't!" I screamed.

"Oh yes I do! As I said before, you're a f*****g spoilt b***h with absolutely no shame and that's why you sleep hopelessly in class because well, only you know what you do a night before"

"I cry!" I blurted out hopelessly, "That's what I do! And if you're gonna use that against me in class or in the hallway, then fine! Because it's what I do, and I'm not ashamed of it! It's not because I got much water in my eyes, I have no choice!" My voice was failing me. It​ shook terribly and water filled my eyes. "Of course, what choice do I have? Your parents are not separated, are they? Your mom doesn't battle cancer, does she? You have no problem when you loose your money, or when it gets stolen, do you? So.....",and my voice trailed off as the tears fell down my eyes and my body shook furiously," Please... Don't.. don't act like you know me.... Don't." I covered my face as the tears pushed harder.

And he did the one thing I didn't expect him to do.