No Hope

VII - Serious

"kid, open the door, you need to eat something, you haven't opened the door for two days" Stephen said from outside my room. it has been two days and i refused to open the door. the captain never came, just Stephen, Edward and Oscar. can you believe that Edward is nice with me?.

"go away Stephen, i will go out when i want to" i said. i hate to admit this but i am starving, but i refuse to leave this room normally like nothing happened.

"the captain wants to see you Clay" Stephen said and i instantly had a mix of a bad and good feeling.

"i am not leaving this room" i said. i am only doing this because i want them to see how much of a headstrong woman i am.

"did she open the door?" the captain said from distance. oh god.

"she is refusing" Stephen said, then the rough footsteps that clearly belonged to the captain appeared in front of the door.

"Clay, we can do this the easy way and open the door like a good girl, or we can do this the hard way" the captain's voice appeared. 

"No" i said. i am surprisingly enjoying this. 

"open the door Clay" the captain screamed, i stopped myself from laughing.

"make me" i said. that sounded so dirty.

"i promise you that you will regret this" the captain said as he slammed his fist on the door. i laughed loudly.

"you promise? you are not good at making promises" i said and silence filled the place. someone had to say this. 

"the past is in the past" the captain screamed. he wants to make himself look guilty now?

"two days are not that old" i fought back. the memories came back to my mind.

"i know that he did stuff but at least he did not put his di-" the captain said and i chocked on air.

"SHUT UP" i screamed. he can't be serious?.

"TELL ME THAT I AM WRONG?" he screamed back, i mean there's a point but still.

"YES YOU ARE WRONG" i screamed. are we really fighting like some kids?.

"WHY IS IT STILL BOTHERING YOU? I HAD SOMETHING TO DO AND I WAS FORCED TO ARRIVE LATE, IT'S NOT LIKE I WANTED TO SHOW UP LATE" he screamed. what a gentleman.

"OF COURSE IT WILL BOTHER ME" i screamed but this time louder than ever. 

"GIVE ME ONE DAMN REASON TO BAD MAD ABOUT" he said and oh bloody hell there's too many reasons.

"ONE BLOODY REASON? OKAY LET ME TELL YOU, FIRST OF ALL, YOU FORCED ME TO DO IT, AND I REFUSED BUT YOU FORCED ME" i screamed. and i took a deep breath before i kept talking.

"SECOND BLOODY REASON IS THAT A MAN THAT I DON'T KNOW TOUCHED ME IN MY PRIVATE SPOTS. MY PRIVATE SPOTS" i screamed and he was silent, i don't know if Stephen is still there or not.

"and do you want to know the last reason?" i said and he was silent for a few minutes.

"tell me" he whispered. and a part of me is enjoying this, making him feel guilty.

"on that day, is the day i turned twenty one, it was supposed to be a good day" i said. and when i finished talking, a part of my soul was on fire, i am not lying. it was my birth day, and that is how i spent it.

"are you joking or playing around?" the captain asked, his tune was both annoyed and surprised.

"do i sound like i am playing around?" i said. does he seriously think i am lying?

"open the door so i can make it up to you" he said and my emotions changed from angry to happy.

"i refuse" i said. i wanted to open the door, but i didn't want him to think that i am easy to satisfy.

"i will break the door" he said and i was speechless.

"move away from the door kid" Stephen said. and i sat on my bed.

"you are not serious, right?" i said. i was afraid that he is dead serious.

"want to see yourself?" the captain said said, and before i had the chance to say anything, his fist broke through the door. no, like literally broke through the door.

"STOP STOP STOP" i screamed on top of lungs. the captain removed his fist and he peeked through the hole he made. and he gave me a dark smile. 

"you can open the door now" he said and i quickly stood and i opened the door. Stephen stood there as he tried to hide his laugh. 

"you broke the door, with your fist" i angrily said in the captain's face. he didn't make any expression on his face. 

"so?" he said. as if nothing big just happened. not to mention his bloody fist. he literally did this just to show me that he can do whatever he likes and want.

"i warned you, didn't i?" he said and i folded my arms angrily. well i didn't expect you to be such a psycho and really break the door with one fist.

"how am i supposed to sleep at night?" i said and he and Stephen looked at each other. as if they wondered if am being serious or dumb. i am a mix of both.

"we have many extra rooms for guests on this ship unless you don't know" the captain said and that made a point.

"i am not a bloody guest here" i said and Stephen laughed. i almost killed myself to be a part of them, and they have the guts to tell me that i am a guest? where is the respect i deserve for risking my life for their desires?.

"fine, you don't want to be a guest? go sleep with the pirates. they stink and there isn't much space" the captain said and i regret saying anything.

"he is not serious, right Stephen?" i said and Stephen looked back and forth between me and the captain.

"he just proved that he is never not serious" Stephen said. the captain just gave me a look that said 'i win'.

"i am okay with being a guest" i said and the captain gave me a devilish smile.

"let's go eat" the captain said and he started walking. Stephen pushed me behind the captain, i glared at Stephen, he mouthed me a 'go' and i walked behind the captain. he pushed the kitchen door open and there was no one inside. i sat down on one of the chairs on the dining table and the caption just stood in front of me.

"how can i help you?" i asked because i was uncomfortable with him looking at me this way.

"what do you want to eat?" he asked. and i was lost for words for a few minutes.

"anything available?" i said but it came more like a question. he rubbed his chin with his hand.

"there is cooked fish and there is chicken soup and there is some Potato and leek soup" he said and i wanted to choose all of them but i can't show him that i am a monster.

"i am fine with a bowl of chicken soup" i said. but he just gave me a weird look.

"i hate liar's, and i hate lying" he said and i felt my heart skip a beat.

"and what makes you so sure that i am lying?" i said. and he kept a straight face on his face.

"because it's obvious" he said then he walked away. i lowered my head and i played with my fingers. and after a few minutes, two plate we're placed in front of me, i looked up and i found a bowl on chicken soup and a plate with two fishes on it.

"i only asked for a bowl of chicken soup" i said as the captain sat down on the chair in front of me. he placed two plates for himself. same as mine, two fishes and a bowl of soup.

"shut up and eat" he said as he started eating. i didn't say anything, i just enjoyed my food.

"do you want more?" the captain asked as soon as i finished eating. this is the best fish i have ever tasted my entire life.

"no, i am full" i said and he stood up and offered me his hand. but i didn't take it. 

"let's go" he said and he pushed his hand closer to me, i pushed it away and i stood up and i walked to the door. then his arms we're place on my shoulder and he roughly turned me around, just like my first day here.

"do not bring out the beast inside me" he said and i kept my mouth shut. i didn't want to argue with him, i had enough fun today.

"follow me, i got some clothes in my room for you" he said and i followed closely behind him as we walked up to his room. and as he opened the big black door, i was shocked, this is not a normal room, this is a paradise. big and clean. something i didn't expect from a pirate.

"these clothes used to be mine when i was younger, they are yours now" he said as he handed me some clothes, i looked at them and they are similar to the ones i was wearing when i first came here.

"you can leave now" i said. but he just closed the door and sat on the bed. and he gave me a bored expression on his face.

"change" he said and i had the urge to slap him. this must be some sort of joke, am i right or wrong?.

"well, either you turn around or you can easily leave the room" i said and he just gave me a dirty smile as he laid down on the bed with his arms behind his head.

"do as i say so, and change" he said and at the moment i wished that i took the clothes and just walked outside.

"i am not going to remove my clothes in front of you, you filthy sick bastard" i said. and that bastard didn't remove the dirty smile off his face.

"change, before i change my mind" he said and i took a deep breath.

"change your mind about what?" i said. he doesn't mean the clothes, right?

"my clothes, my ship, my room. so you are doing whatever i say so, now change before i take the clothes from you and you will be forced to stay in these clothes" he said and that made me more angry than ever.

"why do you have to be such a bastard?" i screamed, then i turned around and i started removing my clothes. i removed them quickly. and now i was standing, in front of this bastard, naked and with nothing of my body covered. and for one brief second, i stopped and i looked at my body, i looked down at the scars on my body that he can't see since my back is facing him. i close my eyes and i took a deep breath.

"you have a nice body" he said and i managed to ignore him as i got dressed. believe me, you will change your mind when you see me from the front, it won't be nice anymore.

"why are you getting dressed so fast? can't a pirate just enjoy this wonderful view" he said and seriously want to slap the hell out of him. when i finished getting dressed, i turned around to face him and my heart skipped a beat when i found him standing only a few steps away from me.

"when did you get up?" i asked, but he didn't answer me. he just looked at me with darkness in his eyes. the look inside his eyes was so dark, as if hell is trapped inside those beautiful eyes.

"what are you hiding?" he asked and i felt my heart stop from the question.

"why would i be hiding anything?" i asked and he pushed me against the wall and glued his body with mine.

"i asked a question, and i want an answer, what are you hiding from me?" he screamed, then his arm found it's way to my neck, and he tightened his grip. harder than ever.

"i-i c-can't b-breath" i managed to say but that only made him tighten his grip harder.

"p-please" i said. then his eyes met mine, and for the very first time, i understood the look inside his eyes. he is remembering something, when he saw my body from a closer view, he remembered something that made him this eager. and in a matter of seconds, his eyes are no longer dark, and he let go of me, i placed my hand on the wall to gain some balance as i breathed out for some air. 

"go to hell" i said. i turned around to face him and he was just staring at me, as if he is imagining me as someone else. and then he opened the door and walked away, leaving me wondering what did i do wrong.