If Only

No Future

19 - No Future

Did I have feelings for Hannah? Maybe?

Did I have feelings for Tracey? A little, and I was sure that one day I would love her.

So why was it so hard to make a decision? She gave me time.

"A week. Otherwise we're definitely over," she had said, and turned around.

The fact that I was doubting about Hannah made me feel guilty. Haze might not accept it. And when did I stop thinking about her as a sister.

How did this happen?

My thoughts were a flurry of different emotions, scrambled in my brain with no order, like debris of an earthquake.

An earthquake named Hannah Meadows.

But in the end I made my decision after a phone call from her.

"Hey, Hannah. How's everything? " I asked.

"Actually it's pretty amazing here! Everyone's after the same thing, which would make you think they're are against each other but everyone's been SO helpful! I love it!" she gushed.

I should have been happy for her but I felt a pang. Right from the start, it was me who planned to get out. But now she was out of here filling her whole life when I barely knew what to do in college.

She was out of my life, making new friends. She deserved someone else, a man with dreams higher that I could even imagine.

And it was unfair for Hannah to have a long distance boyfriend.

And Tracey was like me, pretty and smart enough to make it big but without the courage.

Tracey needed me. So I called her an told her my decision. Which did not include Hannah.