Dangerous To Love

Chapter 17

Kyle's POV.

I knew that Natasha's conversation with Leo won't be easy. When Leo arrived, I was a little sceptical whether Natasha is ready for him or not. But Leo was determined and ready to do anything for Natasha.

"I won't hurt her Kyle. I would never ever hurt her intentionally. I just wanna be next to her. I was never angry at her. Not last time, not ever. I know I hurt her by leaving but I just had to leave not to hurt her more. But I just wanna make you sure that this time I won't leave her. I need this talk with her. And to let you know I am grateful for your help and support and your love towards Natasha. "

Leo was never so sincere with me before. As he went to Natasha, I promised myself that I will not disturb their conversation unless Natasha herself is calling for me. I started to realise that I trust Leo. I am not jealous, I don't have bad feelings towards him. He loves Natasha but with that brotherly love that I love and care for my sister. And Natasha deserves that love too. I would hate myself for taking Leo away from Natasha because of my own stupid jealousy. It's not about jealousy but about trust. The trust that you know and believe that person you love. And as I got to know Natasha better and better, I love and trust her more and more.

When Leo was with Natasha, I heard her crying. But I reminded myself for my promise. I promised myself not to intervene and Leo promised me to protect Natasha. So, they will manage. She is telling many hurtful memories to Leo, and she is dealing with the burden of not being honest with her best friend. That is huge pain. But it won't just disappear. No matter how bad state she is in, it will just get worse if she doesn't try to handle these things. We help her but she needs to accept that help. And I too suffer to see her suffer but I am not letting her push her problems away. Depression is not waiting for you to feel better. It sure doesn't. If you wanna fight it, you have to fight it when you believe that you are absolutely unable to do it. Cause it can defeat you over and over again. And the worst realisation was that Natasha has depression. The one that has convinced her many times in her life to try to commit suicide.

I was not stranger to depression myself. I promised Natasha to tell her about my past, but it will have its own time. Natasha is not strong enough for that. I could fight my depression, but it can break someone's heart just to listen as well. And her heart is broken enough. Now it's just not my time to tell her everything.

As hours passed, there were some parts what I could overhear from their conversation cause Leo got really angry when she told him that she was raped. Just as I imagined. Leo will have a hard time too. As I just thought of myself getting the 'news' that my sister was raped, my blood was boiling. I am sure Leo is feeling guilty. I would feel the same too. I am so sorry for both of them cause they go through and went through a lot together.

I had to leave for my office to have a phone call with  Taylor. News. Which I have to tell Natasha when I will find a bearable moment for her.

It was getting late when I heard Leo coming out of our bedroom. He seemed happy and sad at the same time. We didn't really talk much now, but I thanked him for everything and as he left I immediately went into Natasha. I brought her the meds for the night and just laid next to her and hugged her tightly. I didn't wanna push her to talk. I just laid there with her showing her the support that she so needed now. She was broken but looking better. She could suffer a lot because of not being honest while honesty is the one thing that kept her alive and together.

In half an hour she was sleeping in my hands like an angel.

I had woken up 2 hours later realising that I had fallen asleep with Natasha.

After I had woken up, she woke up as well.

"Sorry to wake you up baby. How are you feeling?"

I realised that she doesn't answer immediately nowadays. She thinks through everything what to say. And I can just hope that it's for the good use and she doesn't try to hide anything.

She looked sleepy and still tired, these meds do have a serious effect on her. She just buries her head into my shoulder:

"Not so good but tired of thinking about it. "

"Can I help somehow?" I hoped she will feel better, but she is deeply depressed as I feel.

"No. Just don't leave please."

"I wasn't planning on leaving. You know you don't have to talk about anything. I am not pushing you. Look at me Natasha. Please."

As our eyes met, I saw that sadness in her eye that I hoped will just disappear. It's not just a talk with Leo and everything is fine, is it? I was foolish thinking that. She deals with much more than problems with Leo. And I was just planning to add more problems.

" I am sorry Kyle. You always have to take care of me. And I am tired of telling everyone how I feel. Cause it can get boring for them. When someone asks you how you feeling, you want to say good things to them, maybe to make them smile. I have nothing good to tell anyone. I feel so low, and I am tired and angry of this feeling."

"I know it babe. Believe me when I tell you that I know it. And I would be so happy to make you smile too but I won't succeed either. I spoke with  Taylor."

I knew it's not the right time, but she needs to know what happened so far. Dishonesty is the one thing that led us there. So, I am not risking again. Her eyes became fearful when she heard about what we will speak about.

"What did he say?"

"Promise me that you will try to be as calm and rational as you can okay?"

"What is it Kyle? You are scaring me."

I have to tell her. It got more serious than I thought it will become.

"Just promise me. "

"Right. I am trying for you to be calm. You need me as much as I need you. "

And with this she just held my hand.

She is right. I do need her.

"As we thought, it was the same company who we try to accuse of pornography. But they played safe. We still couldn't find a straight evidence against them cause it seems they hired someone to attack you. They sent a letter which we know that they are behind everything but it's only us who know it. For the authorities it's not clear who is behind the attack. They didn't find any evidence, they believe that you were attacked but they can't f*****g do anything about it. They checked the security cameras, asked everyone who could witness anything, but they played it so well that they left no trace behind. Which makes everyone think that they are professionals. And the fact that they were following you for days at that time, they knew everything about us, and you make me mad. "

As I paused for a bit, Natasha seemed extremely scared. And she said the exact words that I wanted her not to hear or say.

"They are still out there."

I grabbed her hand and tried to calm her down:

"You are safe honey. I won't let anything ever happen to you again. We have extra security and thankfully the investigation didn't finish, because we fear and pretty sure that they will try again with anything to harm us. I know that you are weak, and I shouldn't have burdened you with this, but you need to be cautious anywhere where maybe I won't be next to you. You will have Jake next to you all the time when I can't be next to you. But I hope I don't have to leave you alone."  I kissed her forehead and tried to calm her cause she was shaking. She didn't need this. All the problems are piling up. Like always. When trouble comes, it comes as a package. I hope we will have only this amount of problems for now. But as I was thinking, I realised that tomorrow I have to take Natasha back to James for more examinations and to know whether she has to stay in the hospital or not. I am hoping for the best, but she doesn't seem to be a lot better.

"Tomorrow we need to see James again. "

"I don't want to." And she started again. I need to prepare her at least a bit.

"Honey, you have to. We both know it. And I know you are afraid of everything, but I will protect you. But you need your protection as well. You need your strategy how to handle a panic attack. I sure will be there and feel when you will be on edge but it's only you who can manage it. Or try to let me handle it. But you need to listen to me when you feel you are losing it. You must prepare everything. We don't know whether you have to stay in the hospital or not. But I will be next to you whatever happens.

But now you need to eat something. And the usual 'I don't want to' won't satisfy me. So, tell me what you wanna eat and we make or order something and rest, maybe watch a film."

I felt that she got a bit relaxed, and she even smiled:

"You really won't let me down, won't you? I really love you Kyle as much as I am capable of loving someone. And I try to face my fears or let you help me face them. And I know I must eat, and finally I am even hungry. So how about we order a pizza and watch some series?"

"Sounds good to me. But only if you keep your beautiful smile on. What type of pizza will we order?"

"Pineapple for you of course aaand let's say tuna for me with a sour cream base. Any series we like watching?"

"Angel? As I realised it got your attention last time. And I hope it's not just because of the guy."

"That hot guy? I mean nooo, not just because of him." We both started laughing which was the best moment of our last days.

"Sounds like plan. Let's have some fun babe. Feels heavenly to see you smile."

And I just scooped her up from the bed and as she was heavily laughing from me carrying her like a little girl, I put her on the sofa, laid a blanket on her and curled next to her in hope for a nice evening together with my love.

We don't know what tomorrow holds but I do everything in my power to help this angel next to me to face her demons.