Second Chances

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I didn't feel or see them do it, but I KNOW someone put something in my IV because I felt suddenly sleepy. "NO! I need to..." I said suddenly, feeling weak. "Grab her legs. GENTLY" I heard the doctor say as I felt someone pushing me back against the bed. "No." I said, but I was unable to resist as I felt the darkness engulf me.

"We need a decision soon. He wouldn't want to be like this. " I heard Donna say to someone in the hallway. "I know," I heard Kyle's voice crack. "But they won't let me make any decisions like that because of mom. It's on her." "I know that's hard for you Kyle. But Mom and Dad had already talked about this a while ago when they got his first diagnosis. She knows what he wants, and she will stick by that, no matter how much it hurts. I mean you saw her reaction when you told her yesterday." "Yeah, I'm sorry about that. I didn't think she would freak out like that." "Yeah, it kind of surprised me too. But we need her to see him." I wiped away my tears and said "Yes, I do need to see him." Loud enough for the kids to hear. Donna and Kyle came into the room. "We didn't mean to wake you" "You didn't. I just woke up." "I'm sorry I upset you so much last night Ma." "Well, it is upsetting to know he's on life support. He never wanted that." " I know, but they won't let me make that decision as you are his wife. " "I am calm now. I need to see the doctor as soon as possible", Donna nods and walks out. "You know that I would not ever purposely take any time away from you."" Can I just have some time alone with him? " "Yeah ma. Kelly and I have had 3 more days than you have so you are good." "Where is my phone?" "It's on the night stand. Surprisingly, it survived the accident. So did dads." "Have you called his mom?" She has been here, too she couldn't stand to see him like that. So did Steven and his aunt. They've all had their chance to say goodbye to him." "What about his brothers? Has anyone called them?" "Well when they saw the accident on the news, they started blowing up my phone. They've been here, but the hospital wouldn't let anyone but us kids and family see him" "OK. They need to say goodbye too." I said, taking a shaky breath as the doctor finally came in. "Kyle, Donna, could you give me a minute?" They nod at me and the doctor follows them and closes the door. "I’m only going to ask you this once and I want you to be truthful and not sugar coat it because of my 'condition'" I say looking into his eyes. He just nods and takes a deep breath, "Well Mrs Smith, Carl had extensive damage to his body when he came in." I close my eyes and get a flash of his bloody face as tears start to fall." We took you both into surgery. You fared well, and your surgery went smoothly. Carl, on the other hand, was not so lucky. He had to be intubated to keep his airway open, which is very common with the type of trauma that he suffered. We had a difficult time stopping the bleeding, and we lost him twice on the table." "NO...." I moaned as the tears started to overtake me. "Do you need a minute?"the Dr asked me as I started sobbing. I took a few deep breaths to regain control and waved at him to go on. "We got him back and did the necessary repairs to his body. But he hasn't woken up, and we don't think that he will. I'm sorry." "When can I see him?" "Mrs Smith, I don't think that is a good idea." "I WILL see my husband before I lose him forever. I will NOT allow you to keep him on these machines. That is something that he NEVER wanted. We will all be allowed to say our goodbyes before we take him off of that machine. You will NOT take that from us." "No, I don't mean that. I'm just concerned about you. You need to think about yourself and getting better." "No sir, I need to think about my husband and what he asked of me. I will figure out how to deal with all of this," I wave my hand at my injuries "Once I have done my job as his wife and"my voice breaks"his best friend." "OK. I will give you a little time to get your thoughts together, and then we will get you to him." "Thank you doctor." I sob as he walks away from me leaving the door open a crack as I sob my heart out. I felt Donna's presence next to me, "Oh Mom I'm so sorry." "Me too." Could you send the doctor back in real quick?" "Sure?"she asked, questioning me." His brothers need to say goodbye too, the ones that are here." "Mrs Smith?" the Dr came back in asking. "He has his extended family that are here, and they need to be able to say goodbye to him also" Sighing"Well we are moving him to our larger room so the people that are here can say goodbye. They can come in two at a time, and you can be in there also." "OK. Let me know when he is ready in his new room please." He gave me a tense smile and a nod as he walked out of my room. I clutched a pillow to my chest and sobbed uncontrollably...

The Dr came back in, "We have moved him to the larger room. We can get you in a wheelchair so you can go to him if you would like?" "Absolutely." The orderly and a nurse brought me a wheelchair." Ok we are going to get this on the right side of the bed so you can use your good leg to help brace you. Let us know when you are ready." I carefully scooted myself to the right side of the bed, so I could sit up and get out of that bed and see Carl. Waves of nausea and spots clouded my vision as I sat up on the edge of the bed. "Are you ok?" "Just give me a minute" I said as I take a few deep breaths and steadied myself. I opened my eyes to see Donna and the nurse looking concerned. "Mom, are you sure that you're ready for this? I mean, we don't have to do this right now. We could wait a little longer, till you're stronger." My eyes snap to hers. "NO I will NOT allow him to suffer anymore. I just need a little time with him." I look at the nurse, "I'm ready." I nod and inhale deeply to try to keep a handle on the pain as they help me move to the wheelchair. They adjusted my legs and covered me with a warm blanket. " I would like to see our friends before I see him please?" "Mrs. Smith, its not policy to do that" "I don't give a damn about your policy! These people are his brothers and sisters and I want to prepare them. We all deserve that." She pursed her lips and tried to stare me down. When she realized I wasn't going to back down she sighed, "Fine Mrs Smith, but only because these are extenuating circumstances."