My Triplet Lovers

Is This... Jealousy?

As I got home, what Luke said earlier before we left, left a mark on me.

Jealous? Me jealous? Doesn't sound like me so I just laughed it off thinking I won't be bothered by what he said.

A few more hours later, apparently I never stopped thinking of it..

Could I really be jealous? if so, then why?

It was already close to midnight so I tried sleeping it off hoping that I'll forget all of these things that went into my mind and hopefully feel better by the time that I wake up from this hopefully long nap but no matter how long I lay in bed and keep my eyes shut, it's as if something is wrong, something's bothering me but I don't know what it is, it's like I'm mad about something but I don't even know what that thing is. Pretty sure I'm not jealous, it's just most likely something else 'cause I'm not the type of person to easily envy someone.

I tried sitting up right thinking it would help me get sleepy but once I sat at the corner of my bed, I can't help but feel even more mad but now there's another emotion that's coming out of this anger I'm feeling.

Strangely, I feel hurt...

I feel like I wanna punch something but also be on my knees and just... cry...

I don't know if I'm going insane or this might be something that happened to me earlier?

Since neither of these feelings were going away, I tried giving in to the things I wanted to do which was both cry and punch something.

I grabbed a pillow or two then kneeled on the ground.

Before I started, I had to make sure I was still somehow in control to not make much of a mess nor noise.

After I got ready, I immediately punched my pillows so quickly and not so long after I broke down and cried and took all the pillows and hugged them so tightly.

After cooling off for a while I soon realize what this feeling could be-

I couldn't deny it any longer.

“Is this jealousy? is this jealousy I feel?”

I asked myself because I knew this felt familiar because I might not have gotten jealous over a guy that the girl I like might have liked too but I recognized jealousy over having brothers which sometimes does make me jealous with the great stuff they get but luckily I got over that.

I know jealousy but it never went this intense where I actually start crying.

Usually, it's just anger.

But then I thought of it with more detail.

Yes, I'm jealous of this guy which makes sense why I'd get mad but I think I'm hurt 'cause I might just lose Maya if he makes a move on her.

I mean, I'm not just overthinking it happening 'cause I can actually see that they're close to one another, probably closer than us.

Now that I make out where these feelings are coming from, it's clear to me that I'm really scared to lose Maya whether as a friend or something more.

I lay down again 'cause of the exhaustion of punching my pillows repeatedly and feeling both my emotions mixed up caused me.

Although it lit a fire in me, It awoken the sleeping courage I had and decided tomorrow I finally tell her.

This might seem repetitive that I keep saying that I'll do it but now I know I'm sure because now I'm literally filled with determination!

Determined to finally speak my mind and get things over with.

I don't have much time left to spend it with her. I might not even come back here so I gotta make the most of the time I have left here.

Eventually I was still determined but finally tired that it was enough to finally put me to sleep.

- The next day -

I woke up early again and I'm expecting to be there early 'cause like I've mentioned before, she gets there earlier than anyone else as if she was a guard there who's obviously early there as well.

I hop into the car and waited a little bit for the others until we were on our way to school.

I rushed to our classroom because of the feeling I had that she was already there.

Before I head inside, I heard a melody.

It didn't come from the other classrooms near by 'cause no one else was there.

I took a peek from the back door to check who could be inside, and apparently the one who's been singing and humming was Maya.

I got curious so instead of coming inside, I listened for a while.

Not gonna lie, she's got a great voice...

At least 5 more minutes later, she probably felt that someone was near by listening so I hid again so I wouldn't get caught. Luckily she didn't see me.

So then I decided to wait 15 more minutes before I came inside so I wouldn't look suspicious.

I sat there outside of the door and it was obvious that she stopped singing because she most likely thought there's someone who's here already.

After those few minutes were over, I came inside from the front door and went to my seat which was beside her.

We still didn't speak to each other but I was doing some quick glances on her to make myself ready to tell it to her.

I felt happy but I couldn't ignore the uneasy feeling I felt from her side.

I just decided to ignore it and because of the lyrics I think she was writing and singing earlier was something she was going to give to someone.

I just thought...

“Hmmm, what if it's for me? What if she's planning to make the first move?”

I can't let that happen though, I already keep repeating to myself that I'll be the one to do the first move this time because it would make me look more like I really didn't care specially with my actions towards her if I didn't do it first.

The tension between us was rising slowly while we remained seated next to each other alone in a room where no one else was.

Although it didn't take long until our classmates started to arrive so there was less tension but it was still there, just less.

It was obvious as well she was trying hard not to look at me because the whole time, she never stared at me once.

I know this because I've been staring at her the whole time.

At recess time, we were all lining up, the others went downstairs already. I was about to as well but I noticed, Maya was still inside.

I went behind the back door to peek a little, I might look like a creep here but I was really curious and also worried knowing that she's most likely gonna faint when she's really hungry like before. So I stood by and made sure she was alright.

After everyone has left, She was about to put something on my chair and I was sure because she already put down the note and was about to leave but before she could, a teacher went in and talked to her where she immediately grabs the note again because of probably worrying that the teacher would ask why she's still here.

Maya seemed to zone out the whole time she was being escorted downstairs by one of our teachers that she didn't notice she dropped the note.

I was about to get it and to read it myself but I couldn't because another teacher caught me still staying in our room so she also escorted me downstairs so all I could think of was what was written in that letter or poem like thing she wrote and if that was the thing she was singing earlier.

I briefly remember some of the lines but what stood out to me more was the melody she sang earlier and her sweet voice which made me smile a lot more that that thing was for me.

Throughout that morning, the sound of her sweet angelic voice is what filled my mind.

I finally got to the cafeteria and met up with Luke and told him with a serious and determined expression left on my face that today was the day I opened my mouth and said it.

“Ooh, nice. What got you all hyped up and finally determined without a look of being nervous this time?”

He replied and smirked yet still looking curious with what the reason is.

I answered with the truth.

“You told me I looked jealous when she was around Richard before so what you said left a mark on me yesterday which apparently was true. I was scared that I'd lose her to him so now is most likely the right time to do it.”

He nodded and tilted his head while doing so as if he was saying it was quite reasonable then patted me on the back.

I told him to come with me later this lunch because I wanted to personally introduce them to each other after I apologize.

Because if she does understand and forgive me later, I'd want her to be friends with my other friends too so she won't feel somewhat left out if ever I were to hang out with both of them.

And so he agreed and then the bell rang and we went back to our rooms.

As we head back, I got to my seat and just looked at her while imagining her singing again, it wasn't long after she noticed.

I didn't look away even if she caught me.

She looked a little high strung after catching me in the act which she eventually still tries to ignore but it still didn't stop me from looking at her although she looked confused afterwards.

I continued gazing upon her and more of admiration started to bloom. I guess I liked her more because before I was denying these feelings so now it has bursted out where I can't really fight it anymore because I don't wanna fight it any longer and I just accepted it.

Time started to tick away more quickly, I know I'm ready to finally tell her but I probably am still jumbled with why I still feel jealous.

At least it's clear to me now as to what it really is, right?

That's all cleared out although another thought came in to my mind, what if it isn't Richard the one she likes at the moment...

What if it's Luke?

they don't know each other yet but they both smile at each other brighter than she beams at either me or Richard...

What if she likes Luke??

“This mind of mine is filled with suspicions,

Could this lead to a new competition?”