Cry of Heart

TRIGGER WARNING: This story touches timely and very sensitive issues. It'll talk about suicide, depression, LGBT+ struggles, and more. Please proceed with caution. ——     To my sister: I love you and I’m sorry. Sorry for leaving you. All my things are now yours. I know you’re using them anyway when I’m not around ha-ha! Please take good care of them, especially my Luna. Don’t forget to clean and use it every now and then. It’ll hate you if you just let it at the corner get all dirt and dust. Continue inspiring others as to how you inspired me. Keep reaching your dreams. I will continue watching and guiding you even if I’m not there by your side. I will cheer you even at the great infinity and beyond. Take care of mom and dad for me.    To my mom: I’m sorry I gave up easily. There’s no hope for me mom. Thank you for your tender love and care. We’re so lucky to have you as our mother. I’m going to miss everything about you. Especially how you put the ‘champ’ to your champorado. Please don’t be sad for a long time. Keep drinking your medicine, please? I don’t want to worry about you when I reached the place where I am headed to. Thank you for bringing me into this world. I love you the most!   To my dad: I know, sorry won’t be enough. You have a lot of plans for me, but none of them will be possible now. Sorry for disappointing you dad, but this is the real me. I know it’s hard to accept it, even I can’t handle it. I don’t deserve our name. I am nothing but shame. Yes, I am being a coward for just running away and letting you all clean up the mess I made. But all I can say is sorry. I guess I deserve this. Thank you, dad. I love you.   That was me in the video. I am guilty. I lost control. And now that my life is about to be shattered and judged, my instinct tells me one thing. End the root before it grows. I don’t know what to do now. It’s all over the internet and there’s no way of stopping it. I know you all care about me and willing to help me overcome this, but I guess that’s the problem, I don’t want anyone of you get involved. I don’t want to cause any more trouble. I’m sorry and I love you all. Mom, dad, and Ysa, take care of each other now.   To my friends: I'm sorry for bringing shame and being a great disappointment to all of you. The next days of your lives will probably be the worse. It'll also be one of the most confusing and painful parts you might ever experience in your whole life. I am sorry for causing all of this. It might sound selfish, but I just want to rest. The kind that lasts forever.   To everyone involved in this scandal: I AM GAY. Yes, I’ve been hiding my true identity for years. It’s hard and confusing. But what hurts me the most is the fact that I didn't get to decide when and where to come out. You took over and manipulated my life. I am furious, sad, and hopeless, but I will still choose to forgive you. Don’t do this again, please. Don’t do this to anyone. Let people decide when to come out of their closet. Let people live their own lives. They’re already fighting a battle you know nothing about, at least be kind and understanding. This death may serve as a lesson to everyone. Be careful of your words, for they are too powerful. Either it’ll spark life, or lead to death.   Love and Regrets, Aiden