Cry of Heart

Chapter 1: The First Talk in Five Years

AIDEN SERRANO

After finishing my email, I scheduled it to be sent by tomorrow morning to my mom, dad, sister, and a few friends’ email account. The moment they’ll receive my suicide letter, it’ll be too late to stop me—which I made sure. It’ll be just between me and this blue sea I am staring down.

I am sitting on the cliff holding my phone where I composed my farewell to this cruel world. Below is a huge pile of rocks getting hit by the strong waves of the blue sea. The seas are very charming, astounding, and breathtaking. And by breathtaking, I meant it literally and figuratively. Figuratively, when it astonishes you so much that you hold your breath for seconds. Literally, when it seduces you so much that you hold your breath forever. Mine's the latter, though it didn't seduce me. It's just that seas are one poetic way to die.

While looking from above, this pile of huge rocks got me thinking: will I feel my head split half-open when I tumble down there? Or will I just pass out while falling? But whatever the answer is, I am more than prepared. This is better than the life waiting for me down this mountain.

"Um, hi?" Someone uttered from behind. I jolted in shock and it made my phone slid through my grip.

My attention was nailed to the falling phone, waiting if it'll hit the sea or the rocks. A tiny bang was heard just seconds after it fell off my hand, telling me it hit the rocks. I paid no more attention to my dead and crushed phone. I looked at the person who talked just a while ago and saw a young man just about my age. He's wearing a half-sleeve lavender polo shirt tucked into his jeans, paired with nice white sneakers—so nice my allowance would die first before me—and a car remote control with a key hooked to his belt-loop suggesting he owns an auto.

He's fixing his dark brown hair while walking towards me. I just continued staring at him. I also noticed a bouquet of white roses he's carrying from behind. Who brings a bouquet of roses here in such a place? I asked myself for a moment. Maybe he just got rejected by a girl and now he's thinking of throwing the roses away at the sea because he wants it to be poetic.

"It's my first time to see someone else here. Good thing it's a familiar face. What brought you here?" He asked comfortably, like we already knew each other.

I just gave him a confused look instead of answering him. I think he didn't see what my reaction was because he kept drawing close to me, and there, he sat next to me. I was slightly shocked by what he did. Sitting on the edge of the cliff is such a dangerous act for someone who wants to see another day, but not for someone who plans to do exactly the opposite. I went here to die alone after all. He looked at me and finally he saw my still confused reaction.

"Oh, right! My bad. You don't know me," he said in between of laugh and embarrassment. He put the roses on his side and introduced himself. "You may not know me, but I think we’re familiar with each other. I am the grandson of the elders living just across your house. We're technically neighbors. Malachi Sebastian."

I just nodded and looked straight at the horizon again. Malachi Sebastian. Both names from the bible. Seriously? Did God send him here to stop whatever’s about to go down?

I remember him, but didn't recognize him because of how he looks today. The first time I saw him was 5 years ago, I was 16. Mom and dad told me about this new neighbor just about the same age as mine. Me, being a kid, ran hotfoot to Mr. and Mrs. Sebastian to get to know the new guy, but they told me he's not interested in making friends that time. I was embarrassed and didn't ask why. I let it go. We didn't have the chance to be friends because of school.

He's only living in our neighborhood during weekends and comes back to his father on weekdays at their real house far from here. That's what I heard from his grandmother when she was talking about their relative who just passed away. Two days in a week is such a short time to befriend someone, so I didn't care much. I saw him sometimes strolling alone. I pitied him, but I have my own life, friends, and busy about school and co-curricular activities. This is actually the first time we talk in 5 years of living just across each other.

"Why are you here, again?" I finally spoke after moments of silence, still looking at the horizon. I saw his reaction in my peripheral vision. He looked at me, smiled, and shook his head.

"I asked you first." He insisted. Well, he's right.

"I'm here for a... Jog." I answered not suspiciously—or at least, I think. I looked at him this time and all I saw on his face was a faint smile. It's like smiling, but forced; tried but didn't succeed. It was like a dead smile.

"And you?" I repeated my question. He didn't answer for a moment, but he took the roses and threw it into the sea.

"That was for my mother. She died exactly 5 years ago because of an accident. We scattered her ashes in this very place—the sea. It's the place she loved the most." He turned to me again and gave me another faint smile. The very exact smile he gave me just a while ago.

A thought formed in my mind. Next year, he and my sister will be meeting each other here the same day. He, commemorating his mother's sixth death anniversary while my sister, still in pain of my first year of death. Well, only if they discover my disintegrated body.

"You haven't told me your name yet." He said then turned to me again. I didn't look at him this time. I kept my eyes to the sea, the clouds, and the birds flying. Funny how the world gave us this day to meet each other. Today I'm alive, talking to him, but tomorrow he'll just receive a news telling I'm dead.

He stood up, catching my attention. This time, I'm all eyes on him. He offered his hands and asked for a handshake. As I was trying to stand up, I lost my balance and fell off the cliff. Something both of us didn't expect. So, this is how my life ends.

I am now taking back what I've just said; about today I'm alive and tomorrow I'll be dead. It should be we met, we talked, and I died—all happened in one day.

Adrenaline rushed through my body and for some unexplainable reason, I held on tightly to a steep rock. This guy immediately grabbed my wrist and helped me climb up. These few seconds feel like forever. I was able to think about many things. Like the fact that I'm not going to die of suicide, but of foolishness and carelessness. How is this guy going to prove his innocence in case I die here? And most especially, why am I trying to save my life if I'm actually planning to end it?

A loud voice brought me back in an instant to the reality of me dying. I took a quick look at the death waiting for me down there. The peaceful rocks and sea I saw moments ago are now like a hungry hell waiting for me to be swallowed. The next thing I knew, he was able to pull me up and brought me to the top again.

"Oh, God! I'm really sorry. It was my fault! If only I didn't ask for a handshake you wouldn't have stood up and fell. Oh, God! What was I thinking?" He started to panic. I was just silent and shocked.

It was an opportunity, why did I hesitate? I asked myself again while looking at the bright sky. I was laying down and can't find any strength to stand up. I am still processing what happened.

"Are you okay? Damn! You're bleeding." He said, and that's the only time I was able to see my body. My hand is bleeding because of a wound, I also have some scratches on my arm, I got dirt all over my clothes, and my whole body is obviously trembling.

Still in appall, I continued staring at my hand while he's covering it with his handkerchief to stop the bleeding. "I'm really sorry. I don't know what to say anymore. Thank God you're okay now." He said.

I got up slowly and patted his shoulder.

"It was an accident," I said. "You okay? Relax, I'm good now." I comforted him. He just gave me a wondering look after that.

I stood up and offered him my hand—the one with no wound. "Aiden Serrano," I introduced myself. It's obvious he's in shock and questioning himself why in the damn world am I introducing myself when moments ago I was about to die. "Come on, I won't be standing here all day." Then, he took my hand.

"I don't think the 'It's nice meeting you' line would be appropriate to say at this time, considering what just happened to you." He said and it made me c***k a smile.

"We're all good now, Malachi. Don't sweat about it. Thanks, by the way, for helping me. I could've died if it weren't for you." I said just to ease this man up. And he smiled. The relieved kind of smile.

"Just call me Kai. I'm not used to be called by my full name. Plus, it's cool." He said, and I nod. "Do you want to go to the hospital? You're in a pretty bad shape." Then he looked at me from head to toe, so I did also.

"It's just scratches, I'm fine." I said then sat to where I was standing. Far from the cliff now.

"Yeah, scratches that could get infected. And please, let's not start with your wound that might get worse if we let it that way." He insisted. I clenched my jaw while rubbing the bridge of my nose. It's one of my habits when I am in a situation where I would think a lot, gets nervous, ashamed, or just pissed off.

"Seriously, Kai. I'm fine now. No need to be so concerned." I said, still sitting and not paying attention to him.

"Okay, then, I'll stay here." He answered and before I could argue with him again, he's already sitting next to me. Such a headache.

"What is your problem?" I said barely inaudible. I'm sure he'll be tired of waiting and doing nothing so I just let him. We sat there for a couple more minutes. Any time now, I'm sure he will leave.

"You know what," he said starting a conversation after a silent couple of minutes. "Dying is never an option. Whatever you're dealing with, it's never the solution and never will be. You'll just pass on the pain—to your mother, father, and sister. The pain will always win. It'll hit the family in one single blow." While looking at the sky, he said those words like he's still living with the pain of his late mother.

"What do you mean?" pretending that I didn't get what he said. He turned to me and looked me straight into my eyes.

"You're not here for a jog, aren't you? You're here to die."

He got me.

"Are you insane? Why would I want to die?" I tried to sound firm. I will repeat, I tried.

"I don't know. You tell me." He then reverted his eyes to the sea.

"I told you what I am here for—" and before I could start defending myself, while looking at him, he cut me off using his hand, heaved a sigh, and gave me a smirk.

"Aiden, no one jogs on their trousers. Plus, do you usually jog at middays when the sun's in its scorching phase?" he stood up. "I may not be the best person who could help you with this, but believe me, I am willing to help. But first, I'm really hungry. I will be a great listener and could give you one or two best advices in the world if my stomach's full", he turned his back on me and started walking.

"What makes you think I will come with you?" I stood up glaring at him.

"If you come, let's talk, tell me everything and I will help you the best way I can. If not, I'm sorry, but I will have to call the police before you can do it." He took his car keys on his belt-loop, while on the other hand, he slowly took his phone out of his pocket.

"You know that's not the right way to comfort someone who wants to die." A subtle confession. There’s no point in lying now. He already knew.

"You left me no choice here, Aiden. You're standing next to the cliff. Even if I have to tie you up in one of these trees, I will." He then started jangling his keys, while on the other hand is a speed dial from his phone. It's like the scenes you see in a movie where a character will make another character to choose between two things. What a dramatic scene we have here.

And a nuisance character let me just say.

"Okay," I said, raising my hands in surrender. "I will tell you why, but we must come to an agreement. I will not take no for an answer." I added and he just nodded, so I continued. "I will come with you, we'll have a meal, and tell you my story. But in return, you have to bring me back here by night." and shortly after I said that, he gave me this 'what-is-wrong-with-you’ look.

"You serious? You’re asking me to bring you back here so you could still die?" He said in great disbelief. He pocketed his phone and returned his keys to his pants’ belt-loop. He drew close to me; I pulled a step back.

"Hey, don't! You'll fall!"

"Lucky me, it'll be homicide not suicide."

"Okay, wait! Stay still." Now he's the one pulling steps back while raising his hands—a gesture to say everything's cool now. He took a deep breath, closed his eyes for a second—which is the lamest thing to do if you have someone in front of you that wants to die and just waiting for an opportunity to escape this kind of situation—and nod. I can see in his eyes that he's getting tired here. I let out a deep sigh and sat after that. I asked him to sit too. We're facing each other now while still keeping a fathom distance.

"Okay, Kai. You will not bring me back here so I could still do what I am planning to do. You will bring me back here because my father will pick me up here by night." He just stared and waited for me to continue what I was saying. So, I did. "He knew I was here. Actually, he brought me here. I told him I had this homework that requires me to meditate somewhere peaceful—which is a lie. I told him the only peaceful place in this city is this," I pointed to the sea. "So, here I am."

"And when he picks you up here later, you'd be dead. Little did he know, what he's going to pick up here is actually his son's dead body. That was your plan." While saying those words, he looked pensively sadder.

"At least they have a body to mourn for." I mumbled in embarrassment. Yes, Aiden. Justify your selfish decisions. I diverted my attention to the grass in front of me and pulled some to avoid his judgmental eyes.

"But, because you're here, everything changes. We'll talk and that'll ease me up a little. It may change my mind about dying, or maybe not—" He glared at me the moment I said that. "But at least I'm not going to die tonight. I guess that's good for now."

"There's something odd here," He stared at the sky for a moment, then he raised an eyebrow. "Why can't I just send you home after?"

I sigh. "My father will surely come back here for me. I can't call him. My phone fell first before me. I was holding it until you came. You came out of the thin air and I lost my grip to it." He chuckled for a second and nodded repeatedly.

"Okay, then. But I will stay here with you until your father comes." He insisted. When I was about to contend, he cut me off, AGAIN. He stood up and offered his hand.

"So, do we have a deal, Aiden?"

I took his hand and stood as well. "Do I have a choice, Kai?"