Cry of Heart

Chapter 4: This World and Everything in It

AIDEN

The warmth of the sunlight woke me up. I tried to open my eyes despite the blinding light that I can sense, even with my eyes shut closed. I covered the sunbeam that's hitting my face through my hand and half-asleep got up in bed. A sudden headache struck me the moment I rose up. Dang hungover! I also felt an ache and numbness in my back, it was like I fell asleep in a wrong and strange position. Classic me. My eyes were adjusting to the unfamiliar place when suddenly, I realized where I am. The pick-up truck, the bed, the setup, the overlooking, and of course, this guy sleeping next to me. He's also sleeping in an abnormal position and I'm pretty sure he will feel what I felt earlier. The last thing I remembered about last night was our own experiences with the grumpy old lady just a few blocks away from us; the lady really doesn't like teens. Maybe I had fallen asleep after that.

I took Kai's phone out of my pocket and checked the time: 9:45AM. My eyes were attached to his phone's lock screen wallpaper. It was a lady with a bright, beautiful smile. Her facial features tell me she's not much older than us. I think she's Kai's mom. This picture was taken in her teenage years, I guess. I smiled a little—the sad kind. She was beautiful and I'm really sorry for Kai for losing her mother at a young age. I was about to put it back in my pocket when I suddenly remembered my suicide email. I took a quick glance again at the time and stood up right away on the bed to shout, "s**t!" I awakened Kai in his deep sleep.

"What's wrong?" He asked as he tries to get up. He's covering his eyes with his both hands, trying to block the light. "Ugh, my back hurts." He also complained. As I was about to tell him what the problem was, his phone notified a shutdown message and died in an instant.

"Oh, great! Good Lord!" I said angrily. I tossed him his phone and he caught it. He immediately gave me a surprised look and then shifted to a confused one.

"I made a suicide email yesterday and scheduled it to be sent to my parents today by 8:00AM. But guess what, I'm still alive, so apparently not a suicide email, just email. I was about to check if it was really sent—though I know it was because it's already 9:45AM—but still, maybe they haven't read it and I can undo that email. But for the nth unfortunate time, your phone died. Great timing." I told him frustratedly then sat on the truck bed again.

"Tsk." His only answer, then laid again.

"Don't tsk me," I fiercely said and stood up again. "I need to delete that message! What are they going to say when I come back home later alive, enthusiastic, and well?" He sat again and looked up to me. He's covering a side of his view to block the sunlight.

"Okay, Aiden, first, you can't be enthusiastic. Your energy is just this little." He said irritating me more while gesturing a tiny size through his two fingers. "Second, you said it yourself, it was already sent. Don't bother and waste your energy about it. Just explain to your parents that you had been thinking about it and changed your mind at the last minute. They are your family, I'm sure they're going to be so happy to see you alive rather than to be delivered at your doorstep in a box cold and dead." He added. "And third, if you're really so eager to delete that message—with your little to none odds, to be honest—let's just charge my phone, wait for a couple of minutes, then viola, do whatever you want to do." He suggested. Among all those three things he enumerated, it was only the last one that I focused on.

"Yes! You have your charger, right? Let's charge it inside." I said and immediately jumped out of the truck. He just stared at me. "Come on, chop-chop!" I said hurrying him up.

"Actually, I forgot to bring my adapter."

"What?"

"I was just visiting my mom yesterday. I didn't plan any of these. It was all unexpected, you can't expect me to be prepared. Plus, the charging of my phone I was talking about is not here. Somewhere place we could also eat, take a bath, and rest for a little while before we go home. We're a couple cities away from your town, remember?" He said. I closed my eyes, clenched my jaw, and deeply breathed. I leaned on his car, realizing he's right. I checked myself and still wearing the same dirty clothes from yesterday, these gauzes from the wound of yesterday's "accident", and bruises on my knuckles from last night.

"Yeah, you're right. It was all unexpected and I shouldn't hold you accountable for my lapses. I'm sorry. Sorry also for waking you up. I was just really so hopeless and anxious right now." I said and looked at him. He already packed up the sheets, pillows, and blankets we put on his truck bed.

"The more reason for you to spend this day out!" He said jumping off the truck. "You’re still anxious and I know you're still thinking about it. Go home whenever you're ready. I'm still here, no worries. Besides, I still owe you for almost selling you out last night." He added nodding. My lips curved a smile. "But first, let's have a breakfast, take a good shower, and figure out what to do next. We might still have at least half of the day before the sun's out." Tapping his car. I momentarily gaze upon his face.

"Can you drive?" I was snapped out of my daze when he suddenly tossed his car keys to me. Unfortunately, too late for me to catch it.

"Yes, but I can't," I said while picking it up. Ugh! Exasperating backache. Why had I even slept in that trunk? When I got his keys from the ground, I tossed it back to him. "I only have a student license and sad to say, I didn't bring it."

"Why?", he asked. I just gave him a ‘really?’ expression. Coming from a person who missed one of the important things in his car.

"The same reason why you didn't bring your car adapter. I wasn't planning on wandering around. I was actually planning on killing myself, why is an ID necessary?" I asked him back. He pondered for a moment. While he's in the middle of finding answers to my question, I went to the other side of the car and stand in front of the passenger's seat, waiting for him to open it.

"Uhm, for identification purposes?" He answered and I immediately looked at him with a more surprised look. Oh God, help me here. He just gave me one of his annoying chuckles and then opened his car.

"Yeah, right! Because the fall from that cliff might crush my whole existence, so better be sure my mangled body will still be identifiable" I answered sarcastically before we got into the car. He didn't answer me, instead he started driving. "Plus, I think I can't drive today. Me and alcohols, hangovers and mornings—not great friends" As soon as I said that, he looked at me, looked at the road, and then stopped the car. I almost hit my head in front if it weren't for the seat belt.

"Are you trying to kill me? Because that would be nice and highly appreciated."

"I'm sorry! Haha. For the record, I looked at you first to make sure you're wearing the seat belt." He said laughing. Oh, he did that on purpose. Really funny. "Did you just say you have a hangover? How? We just had sodas last night." He started driving again. He signaled me to look at the back seat, so I did. I saw paper bags and soda cans there; no alcoholic drinks, no beers. The shame started crippling me up.

"D-did I?" I stuttered. "I said bad mornings." Trying to get out of embarrassment. He just laughed again and looked at me, I immediately looked outside to avoid his glance. I really thought that was a beer. Oh no, I shared some of my buried in the ground secrets with him last night. That includes the mysterious and sudden death of my sister's guinea pig when we were kids. It was not really mysterious because it has an explanation—me. I accidentally release it from the cage and didn't find it. The next day we did, being played by our neighbor's cat in its mouth. I think I also told him about the greatest sin I did way back when I was in my grade school. Me and my friend were playing along the corridor when we decided to hit the fire alarm bell—well I did. You know what happened next. Only the both of us know about that, until last night, of course.

It's just a soda, Aiden, just a soda. That's the very reason why I can recall all the things I did and we talked about last night, because I wasn't really drunk. Also, what I am experiencing right now is just a normal headache. I clenched my jaw and pinched the bridge of my nose in embarrassment. Why had I even assumed it was a beer in the first place?

"Where are we going again?" Changing the topic so I could finally be free of this infernal humiliation.

"There's a motor hotel not far from here. I think that's the best place here to have a decent meal and a bath." He answered while keeping his eyes on the road. "Do you still have a hangover—I mean headache?" He started annoying me again. I just looked at him with a death glare. Oh, please, take this man away. "Haha! Go check the glove compartment. I think I left some medicines there. Bottled waters are at the back, cure your hangover yourself—I mean headache." He said giggling. I can't stand this guy. I wish I could take back what I said about us being friends. Friends my ass. I am so dramatic.

We took the road, for I think 20 minutes or so, before we reached the motel he's referring to. Songs were playing while on our way here. He became silent all of a sudden. It was highly noticeable that he's worried about something; he talked only once throughout the trip. Also, he had been fidgeting with his index finger on the steering wheel and kept looking at his phone at the dashboard, like it's going to open with that. He asked me if I saw a text message or a missed call before it shut down, I answered no, then that’s it. I wondered why, but I didn't ask, I don't want to get into someone else's business.

"We're here." He announced shutting off the engine. I took off the car first as he picked up the paper bags in the back seat. When he got out of the car, I ran to his side and helped him carry some. I am carrying the small paper bag with unknown contents inside and two soda cans; he's carrying the three bottled waters.

When he's about to go, I called him out. "How about some other stuff on the trunk bed? You're going to leave it there? There's a high possibility that we will not see it again later."

"Right," and he just remembered it now. See, his mind is off somewhere. "Just a second." He handed me the bottled waters as he took the blankets, pillows, and sheets on the trunk bed, opened the back seat, and put it all inside. "We don't need those," pointing at the things in his car, "And we need these." Now pointing at the ones I am carrying. After he took the bottled waters in my arms, we proceeded at the lobby of the motel. I looked at him to make him uncomfortable, so he could spill whatever's bothering him.

"The parking lot here's pretty big huh." He said awkwardly, while avoiding my stare. Okay, I'm done.

"Okay, Kai, it's annoying. What's wrong with you?" I asked and we stopped in the middle of the parking lot.

"Nothing, don't worry about it. It's just family shit." He answered, then breathed deeply.

"I'm actually worried and kind of bothered." I answered and he sighed again. We continued walking.

"It's just my dad. I'm afraid he's looking for me now and probably he already knew I skipped today's class. Ever since my mom died, he's not been so approachable like how he was before. The first year of my mom's death was the worst: he's always drunk, he gets mad easily, he's crying every night, and so on." He said darting his eyes on the bottled waters he's carrying. Those were the things he said to me in the alley last night. Those were his own experiences. "I just don't want you to think that I am too softie and—" He was about to continue but I cut him off.

"Afraid of him?" Not looking at him, I know how more awkward this is for him. He's a guy. We reached the lobby of the motel, but there are other people to be attended first before us at the receptionist so we wait.

"Not really afraid, I'm just—" Obviously, he can't find the words so I helped him.

"You're afraid. Admit it. Spare me with your toxic masculinity. Everyone's afraid of something." I said. He just nodded as the line gets shorter through the attendant.

"So, how about you? What are you most afraid of?" He asked. I thought about it for a moment, then faced him.

"This world and everything in it." I said, looking directly into his eyes.

"Ha! That includes you!" He said giggling.

"That includes me." I said nodding.

We took a room with a single bed since we're just staying here for a while. We first bought bath essentials and clothes at the motel grocery shop before we went straight to the room. All are paid by his card, which is so embarrassing. I literally got nothing in my pocket, so everything that was bought was all his money—again, in my defense, not planning on wandering around. I had one actually, my phone. I'll just pay him the half of everything he has spent since yesterday once I got home.

When we entered the room, we put everything on the table and on the bed. He said he already bought us shirts, which is in the paper bag I was actually carrying since we got here, so we only took pants and undergarments in the shop. He also said he's going to use the receptionist's telephone to order food. I was skeptic once again, but he guaranteed no more betrayals and calling on parents, so I just let him. I am going home later anyway. He said I should take a bath first while waiting for the food, so I did.

After a couple of minutes, as soon I finished taking a bath, I went out of the bathroom. To my surprise, there's no one in the room except me. I was a bit anxious considering he should be here by now since I took a long bath. I checked his charging phone at the outlet beside the bed, which is supposedly here, but it's not. Fear, anger, and deep breaths started eating me out. I immediately went out of the room to look for him, still no Kai. I ran fast to the lobby with my heart almost exploding because of mixed emotions. I said to myself earlier that if he's going to betray me again or not, it won't matter because I'm going home anyway, but why am I acting like this? Why am I... scared?

I was relieved when I found him there, standing in front of the receptionist guy, carrying a first-aid kit box. When he saw me, he smiled and waved at me.

"Hey, took you 10 years in that bathroom huh?" He greeted me. He's here. I closed my eyes and composed myself again. "I just went there to get these." He said pertaining to his phone and the medicine box. "The outlet in our room is not working, so I have no choice but to leave it in their station. Luckily, it charged so fast! Or maybe 10 years really had passed since you got in the bathroom." He added with a joke. That explains it. "You okay?" He asked concerning my irregular breathing and uncomfortable look. He's here. I just nodded to answer his question.

"Also, you might want a help with that," pouting to my wounded hands, "with these." Now, raising the first-aid kit.

"Thanks." I said. I hate to admit it, but seeing his face and his annoying existence made me calm.

When we got into the room, he offered me a pizza. I didn't even notice that the food had been already here, I was so occupied by this unknown fear inside that it almost swallowed me whole.

"Glad it fits you." He complimented me with the shirt he gave. It's a midnight blue shirt with white "Hyacinthus" name at the bottom and a person above it. I know him, he's a divine hero from Greek mythology with a tragic ending. I looked at Kai. If only he knew who this Hyacinthus was, he will definitely think twice in giving me this shirt. Or maybe he really knew him, that's why he made me wear this.

"Anyway, you want me to help you with your wounds?" He asked handing me the first-aid kit.

"What am I, five?" I answered, he just laughed.

"Fine, grumpy 5-year old kid." He said sarcastically and I smiled. He learned that from me. A proud mentor here.

"Well, then, I'll take a bath now." He said, and left the phone on the table. "I already checked if my father's looking for me. I'm not sure if I should use fortunately or unfortunately, but he's not." I felt bad for him for a second. He took his things and stand in front of the bathroom. "Go do your thing, about your email." He said and went inside.

From the bed, I jumped out immediately and took the phone at the table. I almost forgot. I was about to ask him of his password when I saw his mom again through his phone's lock screen.

"Your mom was beautiful, I'm really sorry, Kai." I unconsciously said. A silence engulfed the entire room. I immediately regretted what I did.

"Yeah, she was." He answered from the bathroom. "How'd you know anyway?" He asked and slightly opened the bathroom's door, so he could see me. I waved him his phone. Silence for another moment, then he smiled, and burst into laughter. I just froze there in confusion. I waited for him to finish this tormenting joy he is indulging.

"Haha! I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Aiden. It's just—" He then laughed again. I just stared at him with a blank face. Go on, I got a lot of time with this nonsense. "Okay, Aiden, that's not my mom." He finally enlightened me.

"That's my girlfriend."