Desire becomes Her

Chapter 13

13

Lucian gave her two months. Two months to learn to take care of David and get comfortable with it. It had been a month and she was about ready to kill her mother. Always hovering, always telling her what to do. "You really should breast feed that baby." They were in the kitchen eating dinner. She bit her lip to keep from shouting.

"Too late now... He's fine on formula. Look, he's fine." He was sucking happily away at the bottle.

"I breast fed both you and Jason. Jason a little longer, you gave me trouble. You always gave me trouble."

"Well, he's not Jason. I wish you would stop comparing him to Jason." She frowned a little, brows furrowed at the thought of her older brother. He'd been killed in a car accident when she was 12. He had been the only one who could keep her in line. After he was gone, she just didn't care and went wild. "I know he was the good one, I'm the bad one. But could you at least try to be nice every now and then?" Looking at her mother she removed the bottle from David's mouth and put him up on her shoulder. She was not very good at this mothering thing, but she was getting the hang of it. She had to, she had no choice. The instinct did not come naturally to her. She had always thought of herself, and only herself. Thinking about someone else was difficult and foreign to her. "Can you please take him; I need to lie down for a while." She handed David over and made her way upstairs.  Her mother put David to her shoulder and patted his back. She kissed his head.

“She will get it eventually David.  I hate to admit it, but she does love you.”

.........

They were getting ready to go shopping and she had, had a bad night and even worse morning. David had learned how his lungs worked and exercised them all night, crying until he was picked up. He wasn't hungry, he didn't need a change, he just wanted to be held. She had him in a car seat in the bathroom with her as she took an ice cold shower trying to wake herself up. She didn't like this motherhood thing. She preferred to sleep late into the morning instead of waking up every few hours and then up for the day at 7 am.

The water had been running for twenty minutes, and David had been crying for nearly ten when her mother finally marched up the stairs to bang on the door. "What did I tell you about letting that baby cry for so long!" she pounded on the door and when there was no snarky response tried the door knob. It wasn't locked so she walked in. The water was running, baby still crying. "Addison. Answer me. This ignoring me is getting real tiresome."

"Leave me alone Mom, just take him if you’re so worried."  She had been crying in the shower and peeked her head around the curtain and glared at her.

"Don't let him cry for so long."  She looked at her daughter, she knew the expression on her face and shook her head, feeling she needed to comfort her, but knowing that Addison would not take it.  She picked David up out of his car seat and took him out of the bathroom with her.  "I'll take him for a little while, Addison.  I'll be downstairs."   Maria knew her daughter was having trouble, but she didn't know how to help her.  The two of them had been so distant for such a long time it was sometimes like talking to a stranger.  She took David downstairs and sat him in a bouncy chair on the kitchen table and proceeded to make breakfast.  She heard the water stop and expected that Addison would be downstairs soon. A half hour later, she heard her come down the stairs and then heard the front door open and shut.  Walking from the kitchen she looked out the front door just in time to see her daughter climb into a cab and speed away. Quietly, she walked back to the kitchen and smiled back at her grandson.  "Just you and me today, David, she's off like a bird again."

Addison scooted herself into the back seat of the cab and shut the door. "Church of the Blessed Sacrament, Beach and Gleason please."

"You got it."  The driver set the fare and pulled away from the curb.  They drove out of the neighborhood and into the city.  She just watched out the window and didn't say anything.  It was a 20 minute drive with traffic and when they arrived out front Addison paid the driver and walked toward the old stone building.  She hesitated however, when she reached the top of the stairs, wondering if she would even be let in.  But as she opened the doors, there was no c***k of lightening, no barrier to block her from entering the cathedral.  She entered nervously and walked toward the confession booth.  Again, she hesitated but opened the door and walked in. She had not been in this small private space in years and it felt very unfamiliar, not comforting at all.  Pulling out her grandmothers old, worn rosary beads she waited for the screen to slide open.

The thunk of the screen sliding made her jump and she suddenly had a lump in her throat.  She crossed herself "In the name of the Father, the son and the Holy Ghost; bless me father, for I have sinned.  It has been 7, 8 years since my last confession."

"Why so long?"  The priest answered, though did not seem surprised.  Though he had a devout congregation, it was not unusual to get a few every year that had not come in on a regular basis.

"It's hard to explain.  I have done horrible things Father; I have been forced to do and see terrible things. I have a son, and I am worried for his safety."

"What are these things you have done?  Has your son been baptized?"

"There’s so many, Father; I have done so many awful things, I can't explain what I have seen, it's too horrible.  I..." She stopped, wiped the tears from her face, choked up on something she had not experienced in a long time- shame, regret, remorse.  "I need to have him baptized as soon as possible.  It’s the only way to protect him--” She stopped, the door was pulled open and Lucian stood there.

"We are going.  Now."  He reached in and grabbed her arm, pulled her from the confessional and started dragging her down the aisle.

"Lucian, stop, let me go!"  She struggled and the Priest came out of his side of the booth and shouted.

“What is going on?  You let her go, or I will call the police!”  He walked toward the two of them.  Lucian pushed his hand toward him, knocking the priest over, and slamming him against the ground, unconscious.

"I don’t have time for this.”  He looked at Addison “They have found you, Addison.  How can you be so stupid? You were perfectly safe until you stepped into this building but now they know where you are and know how to find you.  We have go now.” She frowned, and felt like she was going to cry. She had been enjoying it back here, she had hoped that maybe, just maybe if she had been able to have David blessed, they would not be able to take him from her. She threw herself to the floor, let her legs buckle under her and pulled her hand away from him.

 “I’m not going.  I’m staying here. You can’t make me go back, please don’t make me go back.”

“You are coming with me.”  He grabbed her arm again and dragged her down the aisle toward the door.  Just as he reached for the large brass handle, a being she thought she would never see in her life appeared before them. White shadows hung at its back in the shape of wings, it wore ripped jeans a white tank top, flaxen blonde hair that bent in a wave near the ends. It reached out toward Addison’s free hand.  Lucian pulled her to her feet and pushed her behind him.

"Come with me and you will be free of all of this." Her voice was like bells in her ears and Addison screwed her face up, free hand working to close over her ear but she could still hear it, piercing her ear drums. She closed her eyes and felt as Lucian's arm wrapped around her shoulders and she hid her face his jacket.

“It was a Fair deal, Bella, you won't get her back." He spoke to the Cherub with a grin on his face. He knew her, Bella Fleur, an Angel with the Choir of Cherubim.

"This isn't over Asmodeus."

"I think it is." They disappeared, both forms blurring until they no longer stood there, but in the Pit. She fell to her knees, breathing hard, and ears ringing. She hadn't been ready for that.

When she had finally caught her breath she looked up. "Who was that, Lucian? What did they want with me? What about David?" She got to her feet but then decided that was a bad idea and sat on the floor again, leaning on the wall of the hallway outside his Great Hall.

He looked down at her as he leaned against the opposite wall. "Her name is Bella Fleur, one of His Cherubs. They have been trying to get you back since He lost the bet. God doesn't like being proved wrong you know." He smiled a little. "David will be fine. They don't really know about him yet. As long as he's on the surface with your mother they will leave him alone. He doesn't make a habit of stealing healthy children. But you won't be able to go back for a while. As soon as you hit the pavement they will know where you are again and come."

She contemplated this for a minute. A chance to be free? But she would never see Lucian again and for some reason that tugged at her a little more than she liked. She drew her knees up and looked at him, standing tall across from her and gave a little smile. "When will I get to go back and see David?"

"A couple of weeks, maybe months, I'm not sure yet.”  It disturbed him a little bit and he walked away from her as he contemplated the situation. He was bothered more about it than he let on.

She however stayed where she was until her body stopped buzzing from the transition. Head tilted back against the gold painted wall she looked up at the darkness above her and wondered when she would see daylight again.