Desire becomes Her

Chapter 11

11

The last two months followed peacefully. She was getting irritable and uncomfortable and couldn't sleep. Whatever was growing inside her was very active and liked to do tumbles inside her in the middle of the night, kicking her insides and making her jump. She would wake up groaning and trying to roll over. Lucian had found that he enjoyed her just as much pregnant as he did when she wasn’t. It was a new thing for him, and he liked it. He had become more attentive; more so when he was so infatuated with her he barely let her sleep. But then again, things were created down in the Pit, they were not born. The thing that grew inside her was a one of a kind and it was his. She wondered sometimes how he became what he was. Then again, Lucifer had said he had never given up his compassion, the love he could feel. It made him a weak link, but the wrath on those he was put in charge to punish never wavered; it had never become an issue and so he was left to do what he did best.

Her new status however did not exempt her from what she was to him; a trophy. She sat with Lucian in his Great Hall, trying not to doze off; she was tired all the time now, head rested on her hand, the other on her rounded tummy. "I don't want to have this baby down here. I want to go to a hospital" She had her worries. Things were not born down here, Hell represented death not life and she feared if she stayed down here, it would die, it would not survive.

"I'll think about it."

"You won't think about it, you'll do it." She demanded this as she frowned at him. He sighed and gave the signal for the soul he had been entertaining to be sent back to be blown through the layers of hell for eternity.

"Fine." He did not like the confidence she had gained. She knew she could not be harmed, that she held the key to this realm's freedom as a prison. She couldn't be touched.

"It’s what I want. I'm worried something will go wrong. You live in a world of death and torture, and awful. If something goes wrong and it dies." She ran her hand over the baby inside, worried as she looked to him. He rested a hand over hers, feeling it move around.

"I don’t know what will happen my Darling.” He took her hand and kissed it, laced his fingers with hers and sighed.

“This hasn’t been easy, Lucian. Worrying about what this is, what it all means. I don’t like being pregnant, I don’t like how I feel.”  Tears slid down her face and he leaned to kiss the tears from her face.

“I know this has not been easy my Lovely.  If I had just let Lucifer do as he wanted, you would not be in such limbo about this.  I will do my best to convince him to let you have it in a hospital.”

 When her time came, he took her to the surface; holding onto her, shielding her eyes from the horrors that passed as they shot through the layers of hell, through the plain that separated the surface and the pit.

"I'm not ready for this, Lucian. I can’t do this alone, what if it dies?" She clung to him as early labor started and he checked her into the hospital.

"Just hope that it is a boy, and it survives.”  He did not stay; he left her there when the nurses came with a wheel chair.

.........

She was admitted, but it wasn’t easy; it usually wasn’t with her. She struggled with them as they inserted IVs.  She had no doctor, no address and no phone number.  She was alone but well dressed and didn’t do a lot of talking.  Nurses talked quietly about whom she might be, tried to get more information from her but she didn’t have anything to tell them.  She sat in her room alone and watched TV, watched the screens that monitored her baby’s progress.  Every time a contraction would come she would just clench her teeth and breathe through it, squeezing tears from her eyes; wishing she was not alone, desperately wanting her mother.  When the time came for her to push, she did not have anybody with her, just a nurse to hold her hand, and the doctor between her legs coaching her along.

She didn’t scream out, she just cried, tears running down her cheeks as she sobbed, one nurse helped her to sit up and she held her breath and pushed when she was told too. “First babies are always the hard ones, sweetie. You need to breathe, come on now, one more big one.”  Addison took in a breath squeezing that nurse’s hand as hard as she could; until she could lean back and listen to her baby wail as he emerged into the world.  “It’s a boy, congratulations.”

“Oh thank God…” she pulled the oxygen mask off and took in a deep breath, relieved to hear it was a boy.  She watched as the cord was cut, as he was taken to the table and examined.  Finally the bundle of crying baby was rested in her arms so she could at last look at what they had done.  He was normal, this little boy. Pink and healthy, dark hair painted like watercolor on his head; he had his mother’s nose and mouth; the shape of his ears and his brow belonged to Lucian. She wasn’t sure what she had expected to see, but she had definitely not expected to see such a perfect little boy.  She was suddenly completely overwhelmed and quickly handed him back to the nurse. “Please, take him…I can’t…” Her eyes were swollen with tears and exhaustion as the nurse took the baby from her and placed him in a cot.  Lucian only came hours after he was born and he only looked at his son lying there; allowed himself a little smile at what he had done. The nurses whispered, the doctor asked her questions that she couldn't honestly answer. About where she came from, about the scars on her body. She knew they wondered if she was some kind of abuse victim, and worried for the welfare of her new baby and her own mental health. She feared they would lock her up, and take him away from her.   But when she was left alone with him, when Lucian went back to the Pit all she did was stare at him. She didn't want to feed him, she didn't want to comfort him and as the hours passed the nurses fed him, changed him, and placed him back in the cot next to her. She fell asleep finally, exhausted after the adrenaline had passed.

When she woke up, she looked over at the tiny being in the cot next to her and finally shifted herself to pick her son up. She made him jump as she touched him; and little arms stretched out and shook and he gave out a cry. "Oh, Oh, don't cry." she shushed him, brought his head to her lips and kissed his forehead.  She shifted herself, crossed her legs on the bed and laid him in her lap. "We have to go; we have to get out of here before they come back for us." She pushed the mess of hair from her face, and glanced around. Addison shifted the baby from her lap back to the cot to pack a few things and change her clothes.

It had been easier than she thought it would be to get out of the hospital with a newborn. But she supposed that it was not uncommon for a new mother to leave only after a few hours if the baby was healthy. Besides, it wasn't like they could stop her. She signed a few forms, left and took a cab out of the city and into the outer neighborhoods. Forty-five minutes later the cab pulled up to a large house in an upscale neighborhood. She paid the driver in cash. "Thank you."

"You really should have a car seat for that baby you know."

"Mind your own business..." she gave out an exhausted breath and opened the door, bag and baby in tow and went to the door and rang the doorbell, taking a chance that what they had told her all those years ago, was simply a lie to get her to leave with him. She could hear the woman inside, ranting in Italian about people soliciting this early in the morning and they have signs and she was going to call the police. Addison dropped the duffle bag, cradled the baby a little closer and closed her eyes, waiting for the door to open.

When the door was flung open, an older woman was standing there, dark hair starting fade to silver. She took a step back when she saw who was standing there...with a baby no less and let her mouth drop a moment. She had not seen her daughter in years. "Hi Mom. Can I come in?"