The journal of deep thoughts

Saturday part 2

Damien

Since the moment that I hugged her in the middle of the street I knew that I was crazy for her. I was so afraid of loosing her, I even wrote something down thinking about her, yes, I wrote...

I can lose f*****g everything...

but not you...

oh god not you... 

Yeah, I know that I act all confident and like I don't give a f**k about anything but I'm just a kid who is scared of being hurt  with a wounded heart that is getting feelings of hope when I'm with her, and here I am sitting in front of my messy desk that I haven't cleaned in years with a pen and an empty notebook in which I wrote that thought that haunts me, god I need to get out of here.

I walk in the empty streets and call Steve, I need to clear my head. I meet him at the park where we sit in that huge tree that we discovered when we were ten.

"You okay? You haven't said a word since I saw you which is weird because usually I have to shut you up"

"Steve, what does it feel falling in love?"

Steve once had a girlfriend, she was a b***h because she only used him, I tried to tell him but he...he really loved her. When he finally realized it he was devastated, he barely talked to anyone he didn't trust and I barely heard him speak. After that he stopped trusting girls, he acted cold and distant with all of them, I really hate that girl for making him suffer, he was so proud of calling her his girlfriend, I can still see him in this same tree crying under the rain. Aren't we f****d up right?

"Its the most beautiful feeling in this world, you feel like you are falling but you don't feel scared, you feel safe and calm. When you think of that one person you can't help but smile, you would do anything for her just to see her smile..."

"Huh"

I start realizing all the things I feel for her...shit...what if the same thing that happened to Steve happens to me?... I don't think I would recover...shit

"Damien, dude you can talk to me. I've known you for too long to know that something is wrong, tell me"

"I'm...I'm scared Steve"

"Why?"

"Do you remember the girl I introduced you to?"

He smiled, I think he knew where I was going. " Of course I remember"

"I...I think I'm falling for her but...I don't want to get hurt...I'm scared"

"I know how you feel, the uncertainty kills you, but falling is a literal leap of faith Damien. No one can tell you for sure what is going to happen, you have to trust her, do you?"

I smile, that is the dumbest question someone asked me, of course I did

"Yeah"

"So there you go. Forget of the uncertainty, you like her don't you? Thats all you need, trust me"

After that I decided to call her, I wanted to take advantage that I wasn't feeling insecure, s**t I was going to do it. I call her and invited her to take a walk but she said that she was feeling sick, I got concerned and headed to her house, she could use some company. I got into her house and I have to say it was huge, I loved it but I wanted to find her first. I went upstairs where I supposed the bedrooms where, I walked through a hallway and saw a door in which there was a sign saying "Private" I immediately knew that was hers. I got in and saw her in her bed, sleeping, but I think she thought I was someone else because she literally told me to f**k off but when I answered she recognized me, jumped out of her bed and there she was in snoopy pijamas, she looked so cute but I couldn't help laughing. She told me to stay there while she changed, I decided to lay in her bed, it smelled just like her, I had to resist the idea of stealing her sheets. She guided me to her living room and it was amazing, it had shelves full of books and pictures, I wondered through the room in wonder, something of that room made me really amazed.

She asked me in what song would I live forever and I said that one song my brother had given me a cassette. I asked her the same and she told me that there were two and she started moving towards the piano, I was curios of what she was doing. She started playing a song that I had never heard, which made the moment more wonderful that it already was. I sat beside her and closed my eyes, oh how I wished the moment to last forever, and then I heard her say the words I thought that  she would never say, she liked me. I felt like a little kid that started jumping around full of joy like he just won in a contest, I finally felt safe. When she finished the song I told her the same thing, my true feelings for her that I could no longer hide and...I kissed her...I was her f*****g first kiss! God I wanted to live in this moment forever and forget all of my problems but it was getting late and I didn't want her parents finding me in her house late at night, it hurt saying goodbye but it comforted me that I would see her on Monday. When I got home all I wanted to do was play with my electric guitar thinking of that moment that seemed like a dream.

Fucked up boy

Violet

It is 11 p.m and I just want to sleep, I'm in my bed hearing my music while a drift away, or was. I heard someone knock on the door like a maniac, I got scared but then I heard the voice of my friend, I opened the door and saw her all blushed, something was wrong. I let her in and all she did was smile, she was acting weird. If we were talking of someone else I would assume that they were high but my friend is way to innocent to even get close to alcohol. I was freaking out a bit but I decided not to pressure her, she's quite sensible. After a few minutes she said something that I never thought she would say until we were like 20

"I...I...a boy kissed me"

HOLLY s**t! This was huge! When...how...oh my god!! My brain was trying to process the information and the only thing that it managed to do was scream like crazy!

"Oh my f*****g god! Who? Where? HOW?"

"Damien...it was him. I don't know what got into me but the moment seemed right and I somehow told him I liked him and he looked me right into my eyes and told me I liked him and he leaned towards me and...and we kissed"

"Are you serious?!!? I need time to process... I thought this would never happen and you would die a virgin, my prayers have been heard!!!"

She zoomed out and just smiled, I've never felt  happier for her, she was actually growing. We came back towards my room and she stayed the night while she told me every detail and blushed more and more. I will forever remember this night.

Selfish diva

Abby

I'm on the park having a walk with Oliver and I'm still not sure how I feel towards him. I mean he is attractive but I've known the guy since I was like four, my best friend tells e that I would make a really good couple with him but what if things don't work out? If things got messy it would become really uncomfortable, god I really have no idea. With most boys I know exactly what I want but this time its different, like if I were risking too much for feelings that I'm not even sure that are there 

"Earth to Abby, you good?"

My thought were interrupted and I realized Oliver had said something 

"Sorry, what were you saying?"

"I have an idea, I'm getting bored and I have a proposition"

"Which is?"

"Truth or dare?"

"Fine, shoot"

"Truth or dare?"

"Dare"

"I dare you to go on a date with me"

I stop walking and look at him, was he serious? I was trapped, he knew I took this games seriously and a dare was a dare, dammit. He got closer and I noticed that there was something different in his eyes, like if they were glowing. I want to say no because I don't want to ruin what we have but...he looks so hopeless right now...should I...no...maybe? Damm conscience, this is your fault.

"Fine"

Confused girl