The journal of deep thoughts

Wednesday April 19

Hello stranger...

No thoughts today. I've been studying for the exams that are next week, pathetic right? What is a 16 year old teenager studying for exams that are a week away? Well that's me I guess, I just can't be calm with myself until I have the certainty that I really studied, hell of a personality I've got. Even Abby doesn't work that hard and lets not talk about Violet, she studies everything a few hours before the exams, I'm actually amazed how she actually doesn't fail them. But putting that aside I finally had fun with Violet ridding our bikes to school, since her fetish was triggered we started talking less and less because of our different mentalities but since yesterday when I proposed to take our differences aside we started to get along like nothing was wrong, I have to admit that I missed our discussions about music even if she always stressed me out. After we were done parking our bikes Damien came to say hi and for once in many days it didn't felt awkward at all, the three of us talked for a while until Damien told me he wanted to introduce me to someone, I wondered who it was. He took me by the hand to guide me through the morning crowd of students until we approached towards a red haired boy that was smiling to us in particular.

"I want you to meet Steve, he's my best friend and partner in crime" he said laughing 

"Hi, so you are the girl that Damien doesn't stop talking about, nice to meet you"

"Hi Steve" I say with a smile, he seemed friendly

"So are you going to the party next Friday?"

"Party? What party?"

"Oh so you haven't heard, don't worry I'll tel you, some guys are throwing a party next Friday after the exams are over. If you want to come I can get you and some of your friends in if you want"

"Who is coming exactly?"

"People from both schools but not just anyone, you have to like Sam to get invited, he's the one in charge of the invitations but if you want to go I can handle that for you"

"Come on little one, its going to be the greatest party ever and you being in it will make it even better, please?"

"Fine but I'll have to ask my parents"

"Awesome! Well, I've got to go but if you need anything Damien will give you my number"

Steve left in a hurry, not surprised if he was late for class

"So... did you like him?"

"Of course I did, he's really nice, I guess you only hanged out with him on the other school right?"

"Nope, we're members of a g**g called The death crew, I supposed you've heard of it"

I was clearly familiar with that g**g, they were known as the thugs of the place, s**t, I suddenly realized how little I actually knew about him, he always asked to know more stuff about me when I just knew his name and that he was good at math. I started to question if he was acting like my friend because he wanted to or because he had chosen dare in a game.

"We should head to classes" was the only thing I said

For the rest of the day I had this feeling when ever he talked to me of uncertainty and confusion, I didn't like it. The good thing was that I was meeting Abby at "The hideout" to have lunch an catch up on everything.

"May I start with the interrogation first? I'm dying to ask you"

"Sure"

"Do you like Damien?"

"s**t. I didn't know actually, if you asked me this a few hours ago I would say yes but I don't know now"

"WHAT?? What did he do to make you change your mind? Don't you lie to me missy, I saw how you looked at him last night"

"I know but I realized things I hadn't"

"Like what exactly?"

"I don't know anything about him, I don't know about his past, its always been about me and never about him"

"Still don't get you point"

"He told me he was part of The death crew"

"Wait what? Are you sure?"

"I'm sure"

"No, there is got to be a mistake. Last year a friend of Violet introduced us to that crew, I'm sure we would recognize him among them"

"Great, but either way the next time we meet I'm going to be the one asking questions"

I had to at least make sure he wasn't a thug.

"So how about you, have you found a place to move?"

"Yep, remember Oliver?"

"That kid that had a crush on you since kindergarten?"

"Haha, and yep thats him. Well turns out he never knew about my family so he's not a traitor and asked me to move with him"

"Really? That's really sweet of him. So when do you move in?"

"Already have, his house is small but I can live with it"

"How long have you not talked to him?"

"Umm...since he went to college...like five months I think"

"Wow"

"Yeah, its nice to get in touch after so long"

"I'm glad"

We continue talking like we've always had, remembering things and proposing new ones, and at that point I remembered about the party, but I still didnt want to tell them, not after I know  more about Damien at least. After that I decided to go home, I was in a mood of being alone and listen to my music, maybe write or paint. When I entered my room I dont know what got into me but I started to feel really nostalgic, hormones I guess. I just stood there somehow admiring my room that I had spent all my life in it, pictures of me and my friends were all over the place, paintings I made to, some glow in the dark stars from when I was little and posters of my favourite bands plus my famous crush, Harry Styles. I laugh at the memorie that by only liking a picture in ** a huge obsession came over and all those years of finding the perfect posters of my music. I really liked my room, it was my sanctuary were I could be finaly relaxed and do the things I enjoy. I was tired, I layed in my bed listening to a really good band called "Cigarettes after s*x" and before I knew it, I was asleep...

Lost teenager:)