When The Sun Hides

12

" L, kailangan ka sa Hospital mamayang hapon, importante ang meeting natin." Huminga ako ng malalim.

Allyza informed me about the Important meeting, there's a problem about production of our meds in the hospital and I need to fix it before the day ends.

"Okay, I'll be there." I said and hung up.

It's been five days, hindi pa rin ako umuwi, instead I work in our branch here. Maliit na private hospital, sa isang hotel ako nag stay.

Malamig pa rin sa akin si Papa, even Xia, she never talk to me. She's mad, while Liam is not here. I want to ask where he is but It always turns into nothing, they don't want to see me.

I sign. Staying here bring everything back to life, kahit na na susofocate ako dito ay wala naman akong ibang choice until mapapayag ko ang pamilya ko to move in to manila with me.

I know hindi nila ako matitiis one of this day mapapagod na lang ang mga itong magalit at tatangapin nila ako, I hope so.

" Good morning Ma'am, table for?" Tinaasan ko ito ng kilay.

" it's not obvious I'm a lone?" Napayuko naman ito.

I wear my sunglasses, red lipstick, red heels, and to my outfit I wear Black sleeveless fitted V line a bit of cleavage with a slit exposing my right legs. I became comfortable wearing such. So it's no big deal.

"I'm sorry Ma'am." Hindi ko na ito pinansin pa, naglakad ako at umupo sa isahang upuan, No. Actually dalawa yun dahil may isang upuan pa sa unahan ko.

I order steak with pineapple juice with Carrot cake, well, breakfast is the most important of all hindi naman ako nag papabaya.

I scan my phone while waiting for my food. I'm so hungry but waiting is a virtue. So I had to wait.

before going home later I need to attend this seminar. I preach to some future doctors or nurses anywhere. I love to do that. So far wala naman akong ni isang taong nakasalubong na dating kilala ko.

Manila is not big or it's just that I isolated myself more on those years picking up myself. It helps me a lot to share what struggle I experienced with those who want to go on this track.

It became my therapy, but limits it with only the things I did or done in those 8 years of my new life. Never I ever shared that complicated part of me before that 8 years.

Only two people know it, Tita Emelia and Ally. I told Ally everything that happened to me after she left, at napagalman ko din na sinundan pala siya si Hiro sa province.

Well that's base on what I see, they are together now, asawa na ni ally ang long time crush niya. So lucky huh?

I was amaze, I'm not that bitter, in fact nandoon ako when they got married at lalo na nung nagbuntis siya at isilang ang panganay niya. They have two kids.

I'm so happy for them, she's happy now. After a minute dumating na ang order ko, at dahil gutom na nga ako I nevermind people around me.

Like I care about their business? I continue eating my food when a built stops me for what I'm doing.

Someone stop in front of me, I didn't notice this coming, handa naman ako at alam ko naman na hindi maliit ang lalawigang ito not to see people I don't like to see even their shadow.

" So, your back." She didn't change siguro kung may nagbago man ay lalo lang tumingkad ang maputi nitong balat.

Joyce is with her chanel bag naka red dress ito at sobrang kapal ng make up. Nabinagayan ng kanyang kapal na mukha. I smirk with that thought.

After long 8 years Hindi nagbago ang tingin na ipinupukol nito sa akin, may panunuri at disgusto iyon, I wonder why she stop in front of me.

To catch up maybe.

" Obviously." I said. Gusto ko sana siya na baliwalain but I'm not that rude to do so. I'll entertain her.

"Why? Akala ko nilamon ka na ng hiya at hindi na nanaisin na magpakita pa."

Nakatitig lang ako dito, ngumisi ako, pinagsalikop ko ang kamay ko at pinatong ang siko sa mesa.

Really? Lumapit ito para lang sabihin yan? Halatang ipinapamuka nitong hindi niya ako gustong makita. Well, the feeling is mutual.

" I heard what happened to you and to your baby, Condolence." I try hard to give her my emotionless face. Mentioning the past makes my blood boil. How dare her huh?

"Salamat." Walang gana kong sabi.

"Are you staying for good?" Tumingin pa ito sa kabuuan ko bago niya dugtungan ang sasabihin. " Mukhang maganda na ang buhay mo. I wonder how?" She look at me accusingly.

Inayos ko ang buhok ko sa gilid, hinawi lang ng marahan at ang bawat galaw ko ay sinusundan niya na kinangisi ko. Why Joyce?

I tilt my head.

" Bilib din naman ako sayo. Sa daming nagbago sa loob ng walong taon, iyong pagka chismosa mo ang nanatili."

Naningkit ang mga mata nito I get my purse.

" Nabihisan ka lang kung makapagsalita ka akala mo hindi naging isang kahig isang tuka." Sabi nito.

Lumapit ako dito I get the tissue kahit alam ko naman na walang dumi ang labi ko ay pinunasan ko iyon, I love to see her watching my every move.

Binitiwan ko iyon at tumingin sa lamesa, I lost my appetite at natira ang carrot cake na binili ko. Sayang naman.

Tumango ako sa kanya.

" Ang taas ng heels mo, bakit hindi ka maupo at kainin yang cake, ayoko na kasi tutal naawa ako sayo, sayo na lang, tutal mahilig ka sa tira tira." Sabi ko, sabay talikod.

She said something, hindi ko na iyon pinagtuunan pa basta ang alam ko lang, I left her there furiously.

At katulad nga ng nakalagay sa Sched ko I attend the seminar, natapos naman din iyon agad kaya nag ayos na ako para bumalik ng manila.

Dadaan ako sa bahay para kamustahin sila, kahit wala naman ang mga itong pakialam ay magpapaalam ako na babalik sandali sa Manila.

" Babalik po ako ng Maynila Pa, May gusto po ba kayong ipabili?" Tumingin lang ito. Wala si Xia.

" Babalik din ho ako agad..." Ganun parin hindi ako nito pinansin at ipinagpatuloy ang kung ano man ang ginagawa.

Bumuntong hininga ako, nagpaalam naman ako agad dito at lumisan na. Sa Hospital agad ako dumeretso ng matapos ko na iyon agad.

Kailangan kong bumalik, I need to convince my Family to move here as soon as possible. Hindi parin mawala sa isip ko ang insidente ng pagkikita namin ni Joyce.

Hindi ko gugustuhin may sumunod pa doon at lalong may iba pang tao ang makita ko especially him.

" Nag back out ang pinakamalaki na ting supplier, at maraming na cancel na mga gamot for this month." Napahilot ako sa sintido. Why now? Wrong timing naman.

" Then, humanap ng iba? I'm sure maraming willing mag supply ng gamot sa atin?" I said.

Napayuko ito. Siya si Mr. lim, siya ang uncharged for the stock of drugs in my hospital here in manila.

"Yun nga po Miss L. Walang gustong tumanggap. Isang kompanya na lang ho ang hindi natin nasusubukan" napikit ako ng mariin, I know that already. Damn!

I'm so frustrated with this f*****g problem, and why those s**t doesn't want to give my hospital those f*****g drugs?

" I told you, I banned that Company, so search for others supplier!" Umiling si Allyzza. Napahinga ako ng malalim.

" Let me think about it, you may go." I said with a dismissive voice.

" Bakit ba hindi mo na lang payagan na sila ang maging supplier?" Ohh, she talking like she doesn't already know my f*****g reason?

" Look, it's just business! No harm! " Napatitig ako dito ng mariin. Ganun din siya.

I hate it, I don't want to be involved in anything with them, Not now! Not ever! Hindi na dapat pa ako mag karoon ng connection sa mga ito.

" Forget about it already, okay. Accept it, L. It's about time. Allow yourself to face all of this." She said then leave me alone. Thinking deeply.

She's right, it won't hurt. Beside hindi naman ako mismo ang kailangan magtrabaho niyon, I have people for that. Fine!!!

At the end of the day pumayag na din ako, we had no Choice. I also need to go back to Batangas, that's why. Don't need to make this a big deal.

" Okay, I changed my mind, you can make a transaction with Del Fabbro's Pharmaceutical Laboratory."

Kinabukasan ay maaga akong umuwi sa batangas, I also visit my Mama's grave since I learned her death and grave yard.

Today, I will try to open up about my plan of moving to Manilla to Papa. Xia for sure is not in the house, nagtatrabaho pala ito.

"Pa, let's move to Manila." I started it, he is doing his work he just avoiding me since then but now I finally caught his attention.

" Bakit pa? Dito ang buhay namin ng mga kapatid mo. Kaya bakit kami aalis." I don't know how to say it, all reason that pop up in my head vanish. Easily. I got nervous. Maybe he have a hint why I really want them to move in with me?

"Papa, I just want to be with you! Manila wasn't bad at all, I know hindi na tayo tulad noon, but at least try?" I said.

He looked at me intently, maybe forgiveness won't come overnight, indeed. But how could I get it and convince them to move with me?

"Bumalik kana doon, maayos na ang buhay mo dapat hindi kana bumalik pa dito." His voice was calmer now. But I can't help to feel sour with his words.

It pained me everytime I think about how my decision leads to disappointment. How bad I did that makes my family suffer more.

Hindi pa rin nawawala sa isip ko ang pagkawala ni mama and until now sinisisi ko parin ang sarili ko.

I wonder if I wasn't reckless and stupid, I wonder if it never happened, what would be my life? Nandito pa ba ang mama ko?

Pero those what if will stay it is, wondering won't change anything. That's life, revolving with the things you missed.

" Pa..." Nanghihina ako at gusto nang umiyak sa harap niya. Noon my Father is the one who let me do things I love.

" Miss na miss ko na kayo." Nanginginig na mga labi ko dahil sa damdamin.

" Walong taon? Talaga?" Sarkastiko nitong pahayag. Wala na ang malambot at maunawaing magulang. At yun ay dahil saakin.

" Ang tagal Ana! Ang tagal naming nag hintay na bumalik ka! Pero wala! Hindi ka bumalik! Umalis kana." Napahawak ako sa dibdib ko. Lalo iyong sumakit na parang may punyal na tumutusok dito.

Durog na durog ang puso kong pilit kong binubuo pero hanggang ngayon walang nangyari.

" Pero nandito na ako Pa, pinilit kong tumayo sa pagkalugmok para bumalik dito ng buo kahit imposible at kahit walang kasiguraduhan. "

His bloodshot eyes turn to me, lumambot ito at pinakatitigan ako, siguro oras na para malaman nila ang nangyari noon.

"Nabuntis ako, yun ang huling plano ko, ayokong mawala siya saakin ng wala akong ginagawa Pa. Sinabi ko sa kanya pero anong nangyari..." Humagulgol ako, ito ang ayoko sa lahat.

" Pinagtabuyan ako ng maraming beses! Iniwan! Na deny kami ng anak ko! Dahil sa sakit na nararamdaman ko namatay ang anak ko... At sa kaalam na iyon ay na wala ako sa sarili. Ilang buwan akong tulala... At nang magising parang bombang sumabog sa utak ko ang lahat."

I admitted that I messed up my life, I been a fool, stupid for loving someone. For giving all and regrets it afterwards.

" Kinalimutan ko ng pilit, gusto ko ng bumalik dito noon pero hindi ko kaya! Maraming beses akong nagtangka pero takot ako. I'm sorry kung ngayon lang... Sorry pa."

Tumalikod ako at umalis, I'm such a failure. And now I don't know what to do anymore.

Habang tumatagal na nandito ako bumabalik na naman ako sa pagkalugmok, I want to fix this and get out of here as soon as possible.

I don't want to meet anyone here anymore, Joyce is enough and I don't want to be involved again with them. Not this time.

"Ally." I sigh.

" How was it?" Natikom ko ang ilang sandali ang bibig ko.

" They're still mad at me." Bumuntong hininga ito sa kabilang linya.

" As expected, umuwi kana ba?" Napaawang ang bibig ko. Hindi pa...

" I'll fix this soon, Ally. I can't just leave here again."

" Oo nga pala, About sa production. Del Fabbro agreed and they said to have a meeting with you this Saturday..." Nagaalangan pa ito.

Kumunot ang noo ko.

" Ally... I don't have anything to say. Lim will manage it, siya ang ipaharap mo sa kanila. I'm busy."

" But, that's they're condition." What the hell?

Mag supply lang kailangan may kondisyon pa? With hell with that.

" I don't have time for this Ally, I hung up. I need to rest, bye." Hindi ko na ito hinintay pang makapag salita at agad ko ng pinatay.

I won't face them, not this time. Hindi ko na gugustuhin makisalamuha ang mga matapobreng pamilyang iyon. At ano naman ang gusto ng mga ito?

I have someone to present that meeting at bakit kailangan niyon? Basta, hindi ako tanga para humarap sa mga taong kinaiinisan ko.

I won't, never!!!