Return To Be Mine

IN A LONG TIME

ESTEFANÍA

The guests were gathering in the center of the party. Joshua and I were practically alone. He had a tight grip on my arm, like a tick on the skin. He had no intentions of letting me go, and I was on edge because I didn't know what I had heard.

"Answer, Estefanía, who was that man?" he said, clenching his jaw and revealing his perfect teeth. I stood there, staring into his eyes, unable to respond.

"Nobody," I replied, shaking my arm forcefully to free myself from his grasp. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my friend Josué behind Joshua, ready to intervene. I silently pleaded with him not to.

"Nobody? Do you really think I'm stupid enough not to see that he was holding your hand?" he tried to grab my arm again, but I took a step back. I knew I couldn't cause a scene in public. "Wasn't once enough for you?"

"I have never denied my mistake," the words were stuck in my throat. "I have never denied my infidelity, and it was only once," I bit my tongue to hold back the tears. It was never my intention to hurt him like that. "I know it was my fault and..." I had to bite my tongue again to hold back the tears. "I regret that day so much... it was my fault."

I lowered my head. I closed my eyes tightly, trying to calm down.

"Why did you do it?" He closed his eyes, trying to contain himself.

I remained silent, not knowing how to respond to his question, because I didn't know what was best in that moment.

"Are you doing it again? With him?" He looked me in the eyes. "Answer, damn it, Estefanía." He clenched his jaw. I felt helpless, but in the end, I exploded.

"I haven't done anything!" I shouted. I took a deep breath because I didn't want to attract attention. "It was just a conversation because I was alone because I saw you..." I stayed silent for a moment, thinking if it was a good idea to say it, but eventually decided to do so, as he was questioning me when he was in the same situation. I raised my face to look him in the eyes. "Are you really complaining about this when I saw you hugging another woman?"

He froze. I had caught him off guard.

"Don't try to change the subject," I interrupted.

"Don't accuse me of something I haven't done. You accuse me of not being able to talk to a man when you were laughing, talking, and hugging another woman at the party." I couldn't stay silent. I was vibrating with anger... and damn jealousy. I knew I didn't have the right, but I couldn't keep quiet.

Joshua opened his mouth as if pretending not to understand what I was saying.

"What are you saying?" he interrupted.

I pushed him to the side, ready to leave his company. At least he hadn't heard the offer for my professional practice. My dream was safe.

"I saw you with that blonde," I stopped abruptly, turning back to look at him. "Hair tied up, fake boobs, and a huge ass because nature was generous with her."

I swallowed hard in response to his bitter silence. I turned around to continue walking away. I took a champagne glass from a passing waiter's tray. I wanted to wash away the bitterness in my mouth.

"Estefanía, wait," Joshua caught up with me. I didn't stop until he once again took hold of my arm and dragged me to a empty corner of the party. This time, he did it gently.

He leaned me against the wall, looking into my eyes.

"If you're referring to Ángela, she's married."

"Are you involved with a married woman? For God's sake," I almost screamed in surprise. I couldn't believe his audacity. I opened my mouth, wanting to unleash a string of insults, but I closed it in time.

"Ángela is a childhood friend who is going through health problems. She has breast cancer. I hugged her because her treatment is working and her husband planned a trip to celebrate. The music on that side is too loud to hear it from here," he explained.

I was frozen. Now I understood why she had breast implants. I took a big sip of my champagne. I felt sorry for Ángela, for misjudging the situation, but I just didn't understand how to behave with Joshua. I didn't know what to think about us.

"Who was that man, Estefanía?" He downed his glass of champagne in one gulp. He seemed nervous about my answer.

"He was a man who struck up a conversation with me. He was talking to me about canapés. I came to this side of the party because I didn't want to interrupt you with Ángela. I was waiting for his wife," I lied. I didn't want him to know that he was a doctor and that he would find out that I was studying medicine in some way. I was terrified at the thought that if he found out about my studies and my night job, he would try to make sure I didn't continue.

"Just because you see me next to a man doesn't mean he's a potential lover." I took a sip of my glass, a little angry.

"It's hard to trust again," he said, the pain in my chest. Distrust. The worst part was that I understood and felt like a shitty person. I remained silent. Joshua took two more glasses of champagne from another waiter passing by with his tray. He offered me one and I accepted without hesitation.

We stood in that corner, watching the party. We leaned our heads against the wall and took a sip of our drink. We shared the silence between us for five minutes. The first five minutes of peace in two years.

"Why are you still with me if you don't trust me anymore?" I asked, staring at the party.

"Because it's hard to let go of what you once loved so intensely," neither of us turned to look at each other. We just finished the remaining half glass. He had loved me, which meant... he no longer loved me. I swallowed hard, struggling to hold back my tears.

This time, it was me who took two more glasses, offering one to Joshua. He accepted without hesitation.

The silence allowed for a temporary truce. For the first time in two years, we weren't arguing. We simply observed the people dancing, drinking, and laughing.

"Do you remember when you used to work at the restaurant, and I would come pick you up?" he suddenly asked. We were at peace, and I didn't know if it was due to the alcohol or the simple fact that we had resigned ourselves to living like this.

"Yes, I remember you asking the gardener for his Chevy so your parents wouldn't find out that you were going out at night to pick me up from work," I took a sip of my drink.

We took a sip of our drinks.

"What have you been up to in these two years?" he asked. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry at his absurd question.

"Are you serious?" I asked. We didn't dare to look at each other. We took another sip of our drinks.

"I don't know what else to ask," he shrugged, glancing at me from the corner of his eye. He took a sip of his drink.

I sighed.

"I'm planning on kicking the ass of an evil witch who has me captive in his house," I took another sip of my drink, finishing the champagne.

"I think that evil witch might actually need a kick in the ass," he finished his champagne.

We smiled quietly.

"Do you think the evil witch will let me go after the holy ass-kicking?"

"I think he needs to be exorcised. He might be a really stupid witch."

"At least I didn't say it myself," we smiled again.

Another waiter passed by and we didn't hesitate to take another glass of champagne. Neither of us wanted to move from our spot. We simply listened to the music of the party. The jazz band was really good. I felt like dancing and showing off my dress.

"How did you know?" I asked, until that moment I became aware of what I was wearing. Between the stress of seeing him and the fact that Juventina was once again replacing me in taking care of Mrs. Adela.

"What thing?"

"About the dress. It's an Oscar de la Renta. It's the dress Scarlett Johansson wore to the after party at the 2020 Oscars."

"Maybe the witch remembered you talking about that dress for days," my heart squeezed, him remembering that trivial detail and going through the trouble of finding the dress was one of the things I had remembered about him. "It was the only way to make sure you wore something nice for the night."

I remained silent. I felt his gaze on me, but I chose to keep my eyes on the dance floor.

"I think this captive needs some fresh air." I didn't want to be there with him any longer. The detail of remembering the dress I had loved in an unimportant conversation had moved something inside me that I didn't want to move.

"Wait." He took hold of my arm again to prevent me from leaving. For the first time since our conversation, we looked each other in the eyes. "I don't think we've been photographed together. It would be nice to dance and let people see us together before we end the night."

I swallowed hard.

"I don't know if it's a good idea," I murmured.

"Why not?" he asked. "I won't let the thousands of dollars I invested in your dress go to waste."

I smiled quietly.

"One song, and then my appearance tonight is over," I didn't want to spend any more time with him.

"Deal," he said.

We had another glass of champagne before stepping onto the dance floor, as if the alcohol gave us the courage to be together for a moment without fighting.

As we entered the dance floor, I felt the touch of his fingers on my waist. He placed my hands around his neck. It was the first time in a long time that I could smell his perfume invading my nostrils. If Joshua was always like this... it would be like going back to the past.

"Don't be tense, Estefanía. I won't hurt you," he whispered.

"It's the first time you're dancing with me after so long."

"And you're still terrible at it," he said when I stepped on his shoe.

"Dancing is one of my worst qualities."

"I know, but other things have always made up for it."

"Tequila shots?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Let's ruin the formality of this party," he replied.

He smiled at me knowingly.

We had the habit of arriving at the dance floor with a bottle of tequila and starting to take random shots to make the party a kind of nightclub.

We ended up dancing and drinking too much. We were the life of the party. I danced until my feet hurt and had to take off my sneakers.

To others, we were the life of the party, the strong marriage, the perfect couple. Alcohol had given us a brief moment of what our union should be like, but I didn't know that it would also lead me to change my life forever that night. Something else was about to happen.