Return To Be Mine

THE MORALS OF OUR HISTORY

JOSHUA

I had a great evening that I hadn't had in a long time.

I don't remember ever getting drunk and having so much fun with Estefanía, that woman I had fallen in love with in the past. That Fanny from the past was fun, positive, uninhibited, and we always shared crazy moments together.

Getting that dress she liked so much was a success. It was a way to make sure I would at least see that woman I had given everything for. I didn't like seeing her sad. I don't know if it was the alcohol, but we were doing our classic tequila shot ritual. We got the rest of the guests dancing as if it were the best party of our lives, forgetting about formality.

I don't know how much time passed, but after laughing and dancing so much, we decided to take a break from the dance floor. The only people sitting were the older ones who were bitter with life. That's what I thought because of the alcohol.

"My feet hurt horribly," Estefanía said with a huge smile. "Oh my god, it's the first time my feet hurt so much because I had so much fun. Oh!" I surprised her by lifting her in my arms and going to find a place for us to sit so she could rest. "What are you doing?"

We looked into each other's eyes, laughing silently.

"Finding a place to sit. I don't want you to use that as an excuse to stop corrupting the party," I said seriously.

We started laughing out loud as I ran with her in my arms towards the gardens to get some fresh air. I had to slow down when I saw my mom standing in front of me. I didn't know she would also come to the party.

Estefanía fell silent almost instantly when she saw her. I had to put her down on the ground.

"Good evening, Mrs. Dolores," my wife greeted politely. My mom just swept her with her eyes. She glanced at me. "I'll be outside."

She walked ahead towards the garden. I noticed that she was walking like a frightened duck because her shoes had really tired her out. She stumbled a bit due to the alcohol, just like me.

"Hello, Mom," I greeted her.

"Is this for real?" she questioned me. I shrugged in response. "That woman betrayed you, and the first thing you do is have fun with her?"

"She's my wife," I told her.

"Son, she's a woman who played you for a fool. I truly don't know what I did to make you give up everything for her. I will never forgive you for breaking your engagement with Paola and for making your father acquire debt so you could be with that harlot."

"Don't talk about Estefanía like that," I gritted my teeth to avoid yelling at my own mom. "I'm old enough to know what I'm doing."

The truth is, I had no f*****g idea what I was doing.

My mom fell silent for a moment, looking at me with a certain compassion.

"Come see us. I'm upset with you and everything you've done, but you're still my son in the end," she said.

She walked away without giving me a chance to say anything else. I watched my mom as she joined my dad's company to leave the party.

Once I lost sight of my mom, I went to the bar for some electrolytes because the dizziness made me realize how drunk I was.

***

ESTEFANÍA

I was sitting on the garden planters massaging my feet.

I had danced a lot, and the world was spinning around me. I didn't know if it was because of my clumsy dance moves or because I had mixed wine and tequila.

I was nervous to run into Dolores because I knew she had never liked me since I wasn't a person of social status, and I had caused her son to break off the arranged marriage they had for him.

Joshua arrived with a glass of electrolytes prepared for me. His tie was undone, and he had rolled up his shirt sleeves. He sat down beside me and offered me the drink. I accepted it and took a big sip, which made me feel relieved.

"Thanks," I said.

"I hope you don't have a strong hangover tomorrow," he shrugged.

I put the glass aside and continued massaging my sore feet. I had gotten used to wearing high heels since I only wore them for a while during the events I appeared at with Joshua. My schedule at the university and my internships, including night nursing shifts, didn't leave me with any other option but to wear sneakers or comfortable sandals.

My husband took my hands off my feet and put them in his lap to massage them himself. It was an unexpected act from him, but it made me happy that he did it.

"It's the first time I see your feet hurting," he murmured without taking his hands off me. He continued massaging. His movements felt amazing. He had always been good with his hands, and he often gave me shoulder massages when I came home from work.

"It's the first time I've danced in a long time," I affirmed. "Usually, I'm like Cinderella, I have to run before midnight before the spell ends."

He thought for a moment without taking his gaze off my legs. He pursed his lips and furrowed his brow. He was thinking about something.

"I don't think that gives me the option to be the prince, but I also don't want to be the fairy godmother," he said.

"You're the damn wizard," I raised an eyebrow.

"I'm still the damn wizard," he muttered resignedly.

We stayed still for a while longer. I looked up at the sky, that night there were hardly any stars, it was just a dark night with city lights adorning it. I closed my eyes to listen in the distance that the party was still going on. The jazz band was playing bolder songs so that people would scream.

I was almost sure that the party organizers didn't know whether to love us or hate us.

Joshua began massaging further up my ankle.

"How did we get here?" he didn't take his eyes off my legs. He uncovered a bit more with each stroke up my calf.

I turned to look at him.

"It was my..."

"Shhhh," he looked up to meet my gaze. Our breath caught for a few seconds. "I don't want to hear it."

He closed his eyes and kept massaging. My body tensed as I felt Joshua kiss my foot, then my ankle, then my calf, and in less than a second, he was right in front of me, just a few millimeters from my lips.

"You have no idea how much I miss being close to you." We both smelled like alcohol.

I swallowed. I opened my eyes without knowing what to expect. My heart raced nervously, as if it were the romantic first date of a teenager. I felt the touch of his nose, and then something came to mind that made me move away from him abruptly. I put my hands on his chest, fixing my gaze on his blue eyes.

"I think it's better if I go, Joshua," I whispered.

He swallowed. He brushed a strand of hair away from my face and tucked it behind my ear.

"I have to take you home. Remember, we have the same driver," he pressed his forehead against mine. "If you want to leave now, we can go, although honestly, I wouldn't like that."

I smiled, even as I cursed my traitorous body for reacting to a simple kiss. I hadn't had any s*x in the time I had been married, and honestly, I had been dreaming of a good romp for a while. I used to react that way with Joshua, which is why s*x was always good with him.

Joshua couldn't resist the closeness, and after hesitating for a moment, he kissed me. It was the first time I felt his lips devouring mine. It was the first time in two years that I was savoring the warmth of his tongue and breathing the same air.

The kiss grew more intense, just like his hesitant hands found the courage to explore my body after two years of not being touched by anyone.

To be honest, I didn't know how we ended up at home and locked ourselves in my room. Joshua attacked me, pinning me against the wall, his hands roaming my thighs under my dress. I felt the warmth of his fingers leaving a burning trail on my skin.

"You have no idea how much I miss touching you, how much I want you to be mine and mine alone," he whispered, biting my earlobe. I felt my skin react to his tease.

In that moment, I just wanted him. I wasn't thinking clearly. I didn't know whether to blame the alcohol or the fact that sensitive fibers were moving inside me, but he was performing the miracle I had been waiting for. Embracing the Joshua from the past, the one I fell in love with.

"I miss you too," I murmured in the midst of the kiss.

I hurried to unbutton his shirt, and he, with the same desperation as mine, went straight to taking off my dress completely.

We turned our clothes into a collection on the floor, taking them off with a ritual of kisses and caresses that only we knew.

I missed being in his arms and feeling him. He lifted me onto his hips without stopping kissing me. We were completely naked and he was leading us to the bed, where he laid me down gently on my back. We didn't need words, only the looks we exchanged, some filled with lust and others filled with mischief.

"You're still as beautiful as ever," he whispered in my ear. "Will you be mine tonight? The need to feel you during all this time is eating me up. I need to know that you're mine tonight, Fanny, my Fanny."

"Yes. I also want you to be mine." I wasn't thinking with my head. I was thinking with my heart.

Our desperation to feel each other led him to take me in that moment. We couldn't resist, as we drank each other between kisses for the rest of the night. We told each other everything we felt in that moment. He was warm, caring, and passionate throughout.

I woke up the next morning with a headache. The light streaming through the window hit me directly in the face. I sat up in bed, leaning against the headboard, and by instinct, I remembered what had happened last night, so I reached out to touch Joshua, but when I opened my eyes wider, I realized once again that my bed was empty.

Nothing had changed.

A feeling of guilt, sadness, and remorse had taken hold of me, hitting my chest and leaving me breathless.

I was absorbed with a blank mind and my gaze lost in some random point. Things weren't as I had thought last night. I was stupid, I accepted it.

Two tears rolled down my cheeks. I wiped them angrily. I was angry at myself for being so vulnerable to him. I got out of bed and the first thing I did was wash my face. I was debating whether to talk to him or not. I had many conflicting feelings and a knot in my stomach.

In the end, I decided to talk to him. I grabbed my phone as I paced naked in the room.

"What do you want, Estefanía?" Joshua's same unfriendly voice pierced my heart. "Do you think things will change between you and me just because I ended up in your bed?"

Son of a b**ch.

"You could have at least said goodbye. No one put a gun to your head to get involved with me."

"It was a mistake that won't happen again, Estefanía. I don't usually go back to bed with a b***h twice."

I ran out of air. I felt something breaking in my chest. A b***h?

"Well, if I'm such a b***h, next time you should think with your head instead of your damn d**k, you i***t. I hope you go bald soon and suffer from erectile dysfunction!" I shouted angrily, ending the call.

It was a bitter pill for him to consider me a w***e. I cried because it wasn't far from reality, I had failed him once, and I had been very naive to think that things between him and me could improve. Nothing could be further from the truth. What we had was dead.

That night, I went to take care of Mrs. Adela, and the next afternoon, after class and finishing my internship, I went to buy the morning-after pill to take it.