Return To Be Mine

TWO OPTIONS

ESTEFANÍA

“Did you take the morning-after pill?” Josué asked me for the fifth time. It was my turn for the night shift during my internship. For now, it was a shift that worked for me. Mrs. Adela had gone to live with her son in the United States and I was left alone with university.

“Yes, I took it.” I was reviewing the report of the last patient. He was about to be discharged the next day because his appendectomy had gone well.

“Fanny, did you really take it?” Josué looked me in the eyes.

“Josué, I may be stupid for being in love with my husband, but not stupid enough to have a child with him.” I closed the report to submit it. It was almost seven in the morning and all I could think about was getting to my bed and sleeping.

“What happened that day at the party, friend? Because I don't think you just fell for him out of the blue.”

“He acted like the fun-loving Joshua I fell in love with. Between the alcohol and the excitement, I ended up in bed with him. I don't want to talk about that jerk.” I clenched my lips to keep from screaming. I was too hurt by him.” He treated me like a wh***re.” I felt my gaze moisten. “I never thought Joshi would treat me that way, ever, and... it was my fault Josué. I can't help but think it was my fault for failing him.” My voice broke.

My friend hugged me immediately. I buried my face in his chest and shed a few tears in a safe place.

“It's not your fault, Fanny. We all react the best way we can. It's not your fault, my dear.

“If only I... hadn't gone that night. Oh, Josué, my marriage would have worked, and Joshua wouldn't have called me a wh***.” The tears started flowing from my throat.” I want to rip this love out of me, but at the same time, I'm scared to go out into the world again. I don't want us to be discovered.

“Joshua, that miserable jackal, is not worthy of the title of husband.” He spat out the words angrily. “You have me, friend. I hope the day comes when his lazy *** of a wife rises from the ashes and he falls on his *** and crawls like the wh*** he called you, like a filthy water bug.

I wiped away my tears. Josué was like a brother to me. We had always been together since we were very young, and from the beginning, we knew we only had each other.

“Come on, I'll treat you to breakfast before we get home.” I smiled at him. “I don't want to eat alone.”

“Let's go, my love, I'll treat you to one of those fancy Starbucks frappés.”

We clocked out of the hospital, and my friend put his arm around my shoulder to walk to the bus stop.

“By the way, have you thought about your graduation dress? We won't always graduate as general practitioners.”

“I'm still working on it.”

***

JOSHUA

“Did you sleep with your wife?” Adauco asked me, almost choking on a piece of egg with tortilla.

I nodded. We were having breakfast at a restaurant near my office. The truth was, I wanted anything but to go to work. I lacked concentration and all I could think about was Estefanía and the damn feeling of her body etched into my soul. That woman made me stupid, and that's how I felt for falling for her charms again.

“But how?” my friend couldn't believe what he had heard.

“Alcohol.” I said simply. I took a big sip of my coffee. I felt like crap, and I didn't know if it was because I slept with Estefanía and treated her like a wh***, or because deep down, I was afraid to take a step towards her and have her see right through me again. I couldn't bear it twice.

“Damn.” He took a sip of his mimosa in one gulp.

“I don't know what to do. On one hand, I feel disappointed to see that she isn't the woman I fell in love with. She's just lazy, she cheated on me, and on the other hand... damn it, I still love her and I'm not capable of letting her go because I'm afraid I'll never see her again.

I pushed my breakfast aside completely. My stomach had turned.

“Honestly, I'd rather stay single.” Adauco put his plate aside. “Listen, you have to clear your stupid head once and for all. Estefanía probably won't put up with your bipolarity anymore. She may be lazy and everything you say, but calling her a wh*** won't solve things between you two. You have two options, either you take a chance on her, forgive her for cheating, get off your a** and apologize to her. Or grow a pair and let her go, start your life with someone new and be done with it.”

Adauco could be a jerk in every sense of the word, but if there was one thing I could applaud him for, it was that sometimes he gave good advice, and I had to really think about what to do. Honestly, there wasn't much to think about. I didn't have to play dumb when I knew deep down what I wanted, but I was too much of a coward to take the leap. I had to seize the bull by the horns.

Five days had passed since the last time I saw my wife and we ended up in her bed. It was time for me to leave work and I had decided to go buy flowers. I bought an arrangement of pansies, purple flowers, which I ended up putting in the trunk of my car.

My mom called me to invite me to dinner and patch things up in the family. It had been two long years since I had seen my family.

***

When I proposed to Estefanía one summer when I ran away with her for a weekend by the sea, upon returning from the trip, I went straight to talk to my parents about the decision I had made.

“I'm getting married,” I told them at a family dinner. I was sitting with my parents and my two sisters.

“Did you consider marrying Paola?” My mom asked hopefully.

I hurriedly finished all my food before broaching the subject.

“If you're going to marry Paola, son, you just saved us from ruin. With her family's investment, the insurance company is saved.” My dad immediately started uncorking the wine.

“No, dad. You know my answer is no. I'm going to marry Estefanía. I just proposed to her, and she's the woman I want to build my life with.” I stood firm in my decision to make Fanny my wife.

The atmosphere became tense in the family. My sister Isadora simply took a sip of her wine and watched as the world began to burn, while my sister Lea looked down at her feet to avoid seeing what was about to happen.

My dad put the bottle of wine on the table. He threw the corkscrew towards one of the display cabinets, causing the glass to shatter into a thousand pieces. I remained standing in my place.

“Tobias, please,” my mom chirped behind him, pleading with him not to break everything in the house.

“If you're going to keep insisting on being a damn selfish brat and marry a nobody, forget that you ever had a family.” I could see my dad's jaw so tense that I thought it might fracture. I remained calm.

“I would like for you to be at my wedding...”

“Get out of this house! And never come back if you marry that nobody!” He yelled at me. “If you're ruining this family because of her, forget that you ever had a family!” My dad turned around and left the dining room, throwing the bottle of wine on the table.

I looked at my mom, but she was furious. She stood in front of me.

“You disappoint me, Joshua. Never come back to this house. You're choosing a woman over your family, and I doubt she'll be faithful to you. I have my doubts that she's just interested in you for money.” She swept her gaze over me before turning around and leaving.

I stood there with an empty feeling in my chest. I really wanted them to understand that I wouldn't be happy marrying someone like Paola. With a lump in my throat, I turned towards my sisters.

“Well, what about you? Are you going to kick me out too?” I asked resignedly.

Isadora placed her empty glass on the table.

“I don't care. It's the first time I've seen my parents mad at you instead of me. So, you can do whatever the hell you want.” She shrugged. She got up from her seat and left the room.

I looked at Lea, who was embarrassed by what had happened.

“And you, Lea?

“I... I want to go to your wedding.” She smiled at me timidly. She got up from her seat and hugged me. “Congratulations, little brother.”

She smiled at me again before leaving through the door, leaving me completely alone.

My parents didn't show up at the wedding, but they gave me a house to live in as a wedding gift. It was the only gesture that gave me hope that someday I might be able to rebuild the bond with my parents.

***

And here I was in front of the house I had left over two years ago when I dropped the bomb that I was going to marry someone other than Paola.

I parked my car in the garden and made my way to the foyer. I won't deny that I felt nervous being there again. Deep down, I had really wanted to return to my family for the usual family dinners. I knew that would end with Estefanía, but here I was again, only without her.

I walked into the dining room, where the kitchen staff was finishing setting the table.

“Young Chevalier, nice to see you here.” The butler greeted me as I walked in.

“Benito, long time no see.” I greeted him. “Where are my parents?”

I looked up to see that they were finishing setting the utensils on the table. There was no one around.

“They're in the living room. They told me to join them there. There are appetizers and Oscar is preparing drinks for you all.”

“Thanks, Benito.”

I continued on my way to join my parents, who were sitting at the bar. They were talking to a couple I couldn't recognize. My sisters were also sitting there, until my eyes landed on Paola, who was laughing with my parents, as if she was made to please them.