When our story first began...

~18~

Ruby came back to me and before going out, her husband stopped us:

-Hey, Jade! Wait a second. I think you’d be needing a white cane! And I think I have one somewhere in this house. You know… patients mostly forget their stuffs so… yeah!

Few seconds later, he gave me a thin and long thing saying that it would help me while walking around. And as always, I had my phone inside my pocket; for emergencies of course, and my only companion… Music.

When your words run away from you, and you think you cannot explain your thoughts to someone else. When you cannot get the exact expressions to make them feel what you are going through right now. When after all the attempts you have done, but it all goes in vain. When no one is here to listen. When no one actually gives much importance to listen. When you give up on wasting your efforts and energy for others to pity on you, to help you. When you give up on healing… When your wickedness covers your lightning soul… When you get lost between your own thoughts… And music is your only escape…

The air was quit hot and heavy to breathe in this city, not like our beloved “Yellow springs”. Where trees are surrounding every corner, where there is no many population. Where there is my friends… Where there is my home… Where there is you…

Ruby was still holding onto me, watching every step I make. She started:

-You seem pretty different than other people.

-I smiled. Should I take that as a compliment or an assault? Hehe. ‘Cause being different is a beautiful thing and at the same time an unpleasant one…

-I honestly don’t know. What I wanna say is that… you seem different, something in you makes you so special in a strange and a bizarre way.

-Oh! Really?! I gently laughed, and so she did. But I don’t see myself as special actually... I’m just a normal teenager, or more to precise, a young lady, or anything you feel like calling it; hehe… Ruby… can I ask you something?

-Yeah sure! Anything you want.

-Eh… how do I say it?... Aren’t you afraid of being different?

-Well… aren’t we all? She patted my arm with her hand. As you said before, being different can be beautiful as same as it can be unpleasant… Well, for me… I’ve always been different comparing to people here. Especially in my childhood and early teens… You know, being the only black kid at school and the neighborhood wasn’t really easy. Hehe… she let a sight out… Maybe that’s one of the main reason why I became so tough at a young age. But… I never hated myself for being who I am. I mean like, it’s not like I’ve chosen it. And at the end, it turned out that it was just a phase of bullying, as soon as I turned seventeen I guess or something like that, people started admiring me… Can I ask you something too?...

-I’m listening…

-How are you? she questioned.

-Eh!

-How are you? how you really feel? Aside from the eye problem, how’s your heart? How’s your brain? I know I’m not that close to you, and I shouldn’t be asking this at our first meeting… but you somehow made me worried…

-Oh! Wow. Hehe. I smiled for a half second before answering… I actually don’t know. But I guess I’m fine.

Yeah, that famous lie we all say… I’m fine, I’m okay, I’m doing great… Even when we actually aren’t…

She suddenly stopped, and exclaimed:

-I’ll be right back Jade, okay?! Imma just go say hi to a friend of mine. She’s just across the street, you can sit here. Or go with me if you want. it won’t take long. We’re actually in the same reading club. Hehe. You know, trying to interact more with other women. So what do you think? Go with me or stay?

-It’s alright Ruby, you can go and I’m going to just sit here.

-You sure about that?!

-yeah, yeah. Don’t worry. I confirmed.

As I sat on the bench with my sunglasses on, trying to imagine the world around me. People passing by, cars honking at each other, kids playing around, all those flowers and plants in the yards. Imagining you sitting next to me, with your poker face on. And that cold smile on your face, yet… warm enough to melt all my pain and sorrows. Imagining you removing your weird hat on top of your head to put it on mine and saying: “protect yourself from the sun you little gentle creature” Oh God! How much I miss that voice. I am not stopping here! I cannot just move on! Maybe you do not love me as much as I do… But I think my obsession for you is enough to bring us together again… I do not want all your love… I just want a chance to prove myself! Wait for me Megan!

And after a long wait, Ruby finally came back. But this time, with a small moonflower in her hand. She gave it to me and explained:

-I think now I know what I meant when I said that you’re different. You’re just like the moon, like this moonflower… yeah you’re special just like how it is and even more than that… You bring hope to people life and light their road in their darkest nights… While you’re filled with darkness too… but seeing others happy would make you feel much better… I think you’re different in a beautiful way.

-Thank you Ruby. I really appreciate your words…

Her words were indeed comforting and beautiful... But I have my sun too… Megan’s my sun… she is my source of energy and I’m her sunflower that would look at her every morning… Yet, after the end of each day, I’d bent my head down when she disappears, wondering whether I should just let it go or should I keep holding on… I an not the moon! No! I do not want to be the reason why other people would lose their sights if I am ever trying to reach you… Or… Did I lose my eyes because my sun could not remember her moon?...