autumn leaves inevitably

reality

My reality is unbelievable to say the least

and nobody believes this much action isn't lies

I would just go ahead and end it but since September I've died 13 times.

I'm living with a serial killer but hoping I'm valuable enough to him to stay alive

we get along for the most part b

But it's don't ask don't tell cover what he doesn't hide

. I started off with five dogs that's why I was homeless but I won't get rid of them still

my daughter was kidnapped and in Texas

I know I never get her back but she hopes one day that I will.

My brother killed himself because I left him

my brother killed himself with drugs

everyone thought I was on drugs with him

But until I chose to save someone I never was.

I found my biological grandfather,

or you could say that he found me at the lake,

we had both been to jail over bullshit and got released the previous day.

I got arrested because I didn't die

I got arrested because I didn't stay dead

. They couldn't charge me with not knowing who I was so I got assault on an officer instead.

I didn't get a phone call or a hearing

I was nothing and I'm no one im better off dead

Last summer my daughter witnessed a murder on one of the worst blocks we shared a tent.

Everyone swears I'm only out to save myself

but I'll do anything to save the world from fent.

Maybe if my world was less crazy

maybe l could pretend

maybe I could lie a little

if I could only keep a friend

but I don't believe I can be less than honest

so I wish maybe my life would end

and maybe I can tell my story

and show how I'm unable to break, i can't bend

thought I found my person

but he's gone and will never be back again

he wasn't who I thought he was

he didn't break me but he left dents

I was with him that I gave up on my life

it was with him that I went to the other side

it was with him that I decided I wasn't destined for suicide

now I don't know why I'm here and I can't find my purpose at all

I don't think there's room for me here

I don't think there's a place for me in this world

so I drowned myself in beer

it does nothing for me now but I can't go a second without

because the thing I feel most is sobriety because that's where I find all my doubts

I have an addiction to the needle I don't have withdrawals for the drugs

everybody calls me a junkie but it's something I never was

Unless they mean to the sharpness

unless they mean to the idea

that I can choose to live or die

there's nothing holding me here

But I don't like to believe in fairy tales

I don't like to believe in fake

I'm destined to live a life in this world

I'm destined to live one i hate

please help me find my purpose or tell me what I can create

I don't want to be destined to live alone but I can't be someone who's fake

Is it possible there's no meaning at all

Am I'm just a miserable mistake