Paris Blues

Infedility

I was heading into my seventh month of pregnancy and I was still on bed rest because the doctors thought that my pregnancy was high risk so they wanted to be safe. I was bored I could no longer explore the city as I used to or visit friends. I couldn't even teach anymore. Marie visited me occasionally when she wasn't working and Hans bought me books to read and records to listen to though they were all in German because he wanted me to learn German so I would speak to our child. He wanted our child to be raised as in his words good German who would hold pride and nationalism to the motherland. I told him if he wanted a perfect German baby he should have impregnated a perfect German woman instead of a nigress. This resulted in an argument and he stormed out coming home later stumbling and smelling like alcohol. Though I was warned to stay stress-free for the remainder of the pregnancy it seemed my relationship with Hans was becoming strained he was determined to carry on with the teaching of Hitler and teach our child those same principles, I reminded him that our child was biracial and Hitler would see him or her as inferior. He didn't care about my race it seemed his hatred was for the Jews but I would never allow my child to be taught to hate a certain group of people because of the race or religion. We fought more often and he came home later than usual claiming he had more work but I suspected that he was just avoiding me. We sat around the table eating dinner.

"How was your day?". I asked attempting to make a conversion.

"Good and yours?". He said whilst cutting his chicken.

"Good". I said.

"The baby has been moving around and I couldn't sleep during the day". I said and he swallowed.

"Did you call the doctors?". He asked and I nodded.

"I was told to stop stressing". I said.

"Than you should do precisely that". He said before taking a sip of his water.

"How can I stop stressing when I'm always fighting with the man that I love, the father of my child". I said as tears brimmed my eyes.

"You can't even look me in the eyes anymore Hans. Is there another woman is that why you come home late". I cried watching him rub his temples as he sighed.

"Why do you do this to yourself, why are you doing this to our baby. The doctors said no stress". He said in obvious frustration.

"Do you think I want to lose my child. I'm stressed because the father of my child is cheating on me". I cried finally voicing out my frustration.

"What makes you say that?". He said.

"Your shirt had pink lipstick on the collar and you haven't touched me in weeks". I cried.

"Who is she, who is this woman breaking my family apart I can feel you pulling away Hans". I cried desperately and he sighed moving his chair back.

"You f*cking ridiculous, do you know that?". He cackled as he stood up.

"Why was there lipstick on your collar?". I cried

"I don't know I greet a lot of female employees it's probably my secretary". He said and I wiped my tears sobbing. He pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration

"F*cking hell all you do is cry every day you cry. My wife was not like this during her pregnancies". He said.

"I'm stressed out okay". I cried desperately.

"Than stop stressing it's not good for the baby!". He screamed.

"Stop yelling at me". I cried covering my ears.

"Stop acting like a child!". He screamed as I continued sobbing and I felt a sharp pain in my belly, I clutched my stomach rubbing it to ease the pain.

"I'm trying okay please just stop being mean to me". I cried.

"I'm going to bed". He said turning around to walk away.

"Don't leave me please?". I cried getting up whilst clutching my belly. Another sharp pain hit me and I tumbled to the floor crying out in pain.

"No my baby ow". I cried as Hans quickly rushed to me.

"Call the doctors". I said as another sharp pain hit me and I silently prayed for my baby to be okay.

My screams filled the room as pain ruptured my body, my skin and hair wet with sweat as I tried emulating the breathing technique that the nurse was showing me. Dr. Kinski was in the room whilst Dr. Rosberg was in the living room with Hans discussing something. I screamed when another sharp pain hit me, I had been in labor for six hours and I was on two centimeters dilated.

"Aaah". I cried as I tried evening out my breathing.

"Breathe breathe". The nurse said and I complied huffing and puffing. I saw Hans walk back into the room with Dr. Roseberg following. It was unusual those days for the father to be present in the room during the delivery but Hans was paranoid, a man like him had enemies so he didn't want to take risks.

"Hans it hurts so much". I cried as I tried rolling to my side to relieve the pain.

"I know baby I'm sorry but you have to be strong, yes?". He said and I nodded feeling him kiss my sweaty forehead before he massaged my back. I felt my body relax a little from his magic hands and I couldn't wait until I could hold my baby in my arms.