A Lie So Beautiful

38. Thorns

Jace's point of view.

Mia: Claire.

Oh God! No please No.

Claire: Claire as in?

Mia: Claire as in your ex girlfriend Claire.

What do I do now? Shall I so cheaply lie to her again. Or shall I just shamelessly act like Iam being the honest one again? Telling her the truth was never an option for me to begin with, so why am I finding it so hard to lie now?

Jace: Oh! What a coincidence, even their name are the same. Now I get why you think what you think.

That her sister is alive, she have the answer she wants right in front of her eyes but is not grabbing it just cause she blindly trust the people around her with too much faith.

But the irony is that even in this situation my angel is looking at me in pure anxiety, still worrying about me that I might be uncomfortable cause it involve my ex Claire.

Jace: Mia, don't worry about me. We are all adults here, and there is nothing wrong with it being Claire. But I just wanna know, do you wanna ask Claire where she get the camera and stuff like that or?

As I look at angel deeply thinking, I did not even know what to hope for at that moment. Caused on one hand I'll have given anything to see how happy Mia will be when she realise that, her sister that she miss so much is still alive. While on the other hand I know my reality too well. That reality where I'll selfishly cover up all the loopholes there is and cut all the ways there is for her, to ever find out that Claire is indeed her sister Claire.

I know that to protect her let alone parting with her sister, I'll have done many thing worse.

Mia: I can't think that my sister can be alive, I just can't. I don't have the guts to do so. I just wanna know that, if like I remember she wasn't there when the fire happen. Then how did she die and why does dad hide that from me? I was just curious about that, I don't think of other things.

My poor angel, she must have been so confused.

Jace: Okay if that is what you think. But how do you wanna find out what happen? If the camera can help on anyway, shall I ask Claire for it?

When people say, digging your own grave. This must be what they mean.

Mia: No, I wanna check the certificate again first. Maybe there was some mishap when I check today. I'll check again when I go for work. And if Iam really all that confuse and doubt things, I wanna talk with dad first before I went to someone else.

Of course its Mia, she will always choose to talk or discuss anything with her dad first before she do anything. She is that daughter who shares everything with her dad to the point where it baffled us sometimes.

But I guess, that's the beauty of their relationship.

Jace: Okay, if that's what you want, then so be it. But if something happen and you need anything, you have to come to me alright?

As I said that she happily nod in agreement making me smile at her as well. Her smile is contagious, it just automatically make me smile as well whenever I see it.

Jace: Shall we go back now? Its getting a little late.

Mia stand up as I said that and dust herself clean.

Mia: Okay! Let's come back some other time.

We walk back the way we come from and get in my car to go back home.

As soon as Mia get in the car she was rummaging through the car looking for snacks. She personally made herself a snack corner basket in my car and Iam responsible for always keeping that full. After a while of rummaging she finally settle with a pack full of gummy bear. Her and her love for eating is a superb combination.

And work is the love rival in this relationship as when she works, she can even forget what food means.

Mia: Want some?

I open my mouth for her to feed me making her grin in satisfaction. She feed me some chips cause she know I dont really like sweet thing. So gummy bear for her, chips for me.

Actually she always gets a little discouraged if I said no to her snack offering whenever she offered as we drive. I learn this through experience, even though she said nothing about it. And I also learn that she can eat this little snacks for a whole ride happily if someone eat with her, but if they don't she don't eat either. So I have come to the conclusion of always eating with her whenever we are travelling. It had somewhat becomes a habit of even mine to snack now.

Like that we reach home and she keep back her precious snacks making me chuckle at her behaviour.

Mia: Wanna come in? We can have lunch together.

It was a tempting offer caused I mean there is Mia, there is delicious food and there is home. What else can I ask for, but then I had to say no cause I know really well what I have to do now.

Jace: Maybe next time, I have a little presentation to prepare for now. But I'll try to come by later on?

Mia: Okie then, remember to take your lunch and then comes work.

She look at me sternly as she said that, she still looks so cute. She can't really pull that stern look off but I don't need to inform her that.

Jace: Okay, I'll make sure I eat. Now go in.

I kiss her in the forehead, for which I earn myself a sweet smile and a kiss on my forehead as well. Saying her byes she went in, so I get in to my house as well.

What do I do with her? It feel so warm everytime I am with her that I never wanna let go. She is that soul who never kept any secret from me, she may need sometime to process some things. But in the end, Mia will always comes to me herself and just pour out everything.

Making me feel guilty for always keeping things from her but I knew better than to share them. The world would have been so much simpler if everyone was like her, just not complicated. She will tell you when she feels unhappy or happy directly with no other intention. She is innocent like that in her own way. But sadly I could never give her that kind of openness and trust or love that she gave me, what a shame!!

I sigh to myself and walk inside and

as soon as I was inside my house, I was busy dialing a number.

Justin: Hello!

Jace: Make up Claire's death certificate and register it in your hospital.

And yes, I indeed chose to lie once again.

Justin: Wait, Claire does not have a death certificate?

This is exactly my point, why doesn't she have a death certificate when she is already pronounced dead.

Jace: Apparently not, Mia went through the records in the hospital today and she couldn't find any.

Justin: Wait why was she searching for that in the first place?

I did understand her shock and confusion cause I feel the same thing earlier. How can she go from knowing nothing the day before to knowing almost everything just today?

Jace: She found out some things, so before she know everything, do the things right and make up that damn certificate.

The urge to shout at him was strong but what did he even do that Iam angry at him.

Justin: Okay, first calm down and explain what the hell happen.

Well at least he is also holding back his anger or the anxiety.

And so I explain everything I heard from Mia.

Justin: Damn it!!

Jace: Exactly, damn it!!

Justin: How did she even come to this, this quick?

Its like one mind but only during planning shits.

Jace: There is no time to complain about this things, you better fixed everything before she comes back to work. She shouldn't be ever given the chance to meet Claire because of this.

Justin: Iam on it.

And he hang up, I guess he will be busy for a while again.

I sigh to myself and sit down in the floor besides the bed, feeling like all the energy has been drained from me.

I can't be this weak yet, the real battle has not even started yet, and how can I be so tired already?

But just for a bit, if it was up to me, I just wanna sleep in peace and get away from all this problems I create. If I could, I would have surrender a long time back. But I know, I don't have the courage to give up.

No, I don't even have the choice to give up now. The damages are all already done, so what's the point of giving up now? It will all hurt the same anyway.

I regret all this so much to the point that, the image I saw as I look at my mirror right now, scared me as to my core.

But what's much more scary is that even if Iam given the chance to choose again, even if Iam given the chance to repent. Iam more than sure the choice I would make wouldn't have been any different from what Iam walking right now. A hell.

Cause I still don't know how, I'll ever be able to live in a world without her?

I still don't know how I'll be able to live with the thought that I had a way but because I was too scared I didn't take it?

And I also don't know, how to ever find the courage to say my goodbyes to the love of my live?

I didn't know how to before, I don't know how to now and Iam sure I won't know later on as well. And because of that I can't be tired, I can't be sympathetic, I can't feel all this things I want to feel. And I can't love or care as well.

Because I know if I had to choose I'll forever choose my love, that's why every time I wake up I tell myself to just turn a blind eye and move forward acting as if everything is fine. I told myself to rush by the day quickly so that I won't be able to register properly what happen that day.

I told myself every morning, I have to, no matter what I have to turn away from what seems right, cause I knew the only truth I could ever choose was already chosen from before.

To follow that wretch truth, I hurt her, I saw her cry in pain, I saw her begging me to stay. I saw her being hurt a thousand times, everytime she saw me but magically I found out, I have find it in myself to ignore all those.

But only because my eagerness for her to live was beyond all these feeling I have ever felt.

I could do all this, so that she could experience all the wishes she had wished for, on that night beneath the starry night.

So that she could meet the hope she gather as she cried in agony at that white bed suffering through everything.

So that just once she could also have a normal life she so helplessly prayed for while sweating in that excruciating pain.

So that she could be with that person she called love and love him dearly with all her heart.

But, that was just one side of the coin, on the other side, there was me. The selfish bastard. I was given a chance to love such a wonderful person that I doubt whether I ever deserve this.

But I did love and it was magical, nothing can ever made me feel what I feel as I fell in love.

The day I knew I love her was the happiest day of my life. Since I was a child, I wasn't that connected to anyone mainly because there was no one to connect to.

But it all change the day I meet her, I feel the urge to protect her from everything, I feel the need to give her anything her little heart desire and mainly I feel that Iam in love and she also love me.

From that day on, I did everything I could,so that she could be happy but all she ever ask for was for me to be happy and that was all she need.

Happiness was a big understatement.

I though that was it, everything was fine and all of us were happy. I thought if we don't have a change of heart then nothing will happen, nothing will change. But I was wrong, everything change and we could do nothing but watch.

The love of my life was there fighting for her life, she was there in pure agony and I could do nothing about it. No one could tell me what was wrong with her, but then a path was shown to me. A path which will take my humanity from me but I could trade anything for her to be fine so I did say yes.

But after that all that is left for me was to lie, lie and lie. I couldn't even tell her the truth, I so wanted to share. All the time she gave me her trust I had to lie. But everything was worth the pain if she will be alright, if she could be with me everything I did was worth it.

But when all this pain, suffering, fear, tears and heartbreak were surrounding me. I saw a hope, and with no doubt I grab the hope with confidence but that hope was too fragile and delicate that I was afraid of even touching it let alone depending on it.

Thinking of all this I fell asleep while sitting besides the bed.

That is where, I saw a beautiful flower blooming in all its glory.

It was a shinning white lily, blooming alone in the middle of a garden of fiery red roses. That white lily seems to be completely out of place, not because it look different but because it feel different

All the roses around her seems to be in a chaos, with their thorn up for protection. But in the middle of that there was the calm lily looking so innocent and lovely. It was shinning but it seem to be leaning on those roses without knowing they had thorns which could kill her if it gets too close.

I look at that garden again and at a glance it seems like the roses were protecting the lily for it to be safe and sound with their thorn and the fiery color. But as I look further I can tell that the chaos was just after the innocence of the lily so that they could calm themselves. They seems to be protecting her so that it phase out their chaos with its whiteness.

It look pitiful to me, the beautiful and mesmerising ly innocent flower look just like a shield to the full garden of roses which clearly show chaos in themselves.

But the lily seems to know nothing and is there happily shining among them calling them family even when they are so different from each other.

But suddenly the image change and I see a different garden with the same lily but this time it has only one rose. And even this time, the rose seems to be a fiery red rose but with thorns much sharper and thicker.

The thorn were so deathly that it even scared me but it look like the white lily don't seems to mind. It keep on leaning on the rose and does not seem to get hurt by the thorns either.

The rose seems to be so happy to be in the lily's company. And soon some people come to pluck the beautiful lily, the rose scare them away with its thorns. They seems to be happy together like that way.

But I know better than that, cause no matter how much they try or believe so. When one has a thorn so fierce and leafs so sharp with fiery color as its face, it may look beautiful but it wont take even a second to break that delicate stem and color that pale white color of the lily with its essence which doesnt seems to be all that pretty.

Again suddenly the image changes, and this time it is also a garden but instead of the white lily , I see an angel, my angel. She is standing there looking as beautiful as that white lily, pure and innocence surrounds her like an aura. She is smiling brightly and jumping around spinning the simple white dress she wore, with her.

I automatically smile looking at her smiling face but then suddenly she turn my way and run towards me and jump on me for a hug like she usually does. But this time instead of the usual of me hugging her back. As soon as she touch me her paper white dress turn into red starting from her chest area.

And slowly slowly it flow to the whole of her dress and everything turns red as if she was bleeding profusely and covered in her own blood. I look up to look at her face to see if she is hurt, and surely enough she look sickly, thin and hollow and as pale as ever. The once bright smile in her face has now turn into a sad, empty expression and then a painful and a lonely tears drop and I heard her whispering.

Mia: Why did you lie to me, I show you everything I have and yet you...

While whispering her voice become faint and she start disappearing freaking me out more and more. I was trying so hard to touch her but I couldn't.

At that moment I heard a voice again.

Mia: Jace, Jace. Wake up, Jace.