The Words That I Cannot Speak

2 - I'll Keep an Eye Out for You

[Sweet Talker]: Good morning, Haley. Idk if I'm still allowed to text you but hi. I hope you have a good day. I can't wait to see you at school in a completely non stalker way

Haley wasn't the kind of person to check her phone first thing in the morning. No. She would almost always head to the bathroom first to shower and brush her teeth. She believed that it was nothing but a distraction to a routine in the morning, which would most likely delay everything, and in turn, she'd be late to school. Detention was nothing but an inconvenience and she’d rather avoid that.

So, why was she holding her phone?

She’d been looking forward to that text message since she closed her eyes, and she could not even begin to explain the excitement that bubbled within her. She breathed a raspy chuckle, ignoring the scratch in her dry throat.

Haley inspected the time, observing that the message had been received over half an hour ago. She found it odd and to her, those thirty minutes in the morning are precious, and she’d rather spend it sleeping.

[Me]: Good morning, Sweet Talker! Why were you up so early? And I was hoping you would talk to me

[Sweet Talker]: You were?! Damn! You have no idea how much that means to me

And I like waking up early jk jk But if I have to beat the sisters to the bathroom, I have to wake up extra early. I don't like cold water in the winter, so. Well, that's if you call today winter

This day just started out just fine...and I may start to like waking up early.

[Me]: Lol why?

How many sisters do you have?

[Sweet Talker]: You replied and I had waffles for breakfast! Mom made them. They were already making me very happy and then you happened

I have two. One older, one younger

On the list of things Haley found out about her new friend, she added two; one, they had sisters and two, they like waffles.

That didn't do much for the physical aspect but Haley was gratified for what little she knew. They were still steps to the right direction.

She wouldn't deny how much she loved the attention and her mind had been reeling, just thinking about who the person could be. She still wondered how Meg was doing, if she was settling in alright but knowing her, Haley had no doubt she would be fine. Having to go to school without her would be different and she wondered if her feelings were a mere product of a comfortable norm of having her best friend around nearly everyday.

Because if it only took mere curiosity of Sweet Talker’s identity to distract her from heartbreak, it might not have been love after all.

[Me]: What are you wearing today?

[Sweet Talker]: You're trying to track me down, aren't you?

Generic jeans and top lol

Smart. The reply only reaffirmed Haley's assumptions from the previous night and somehow, she wasn't too disappointed by that.

She could use a little mystery and excitement in her life.

Haley rubbed her sleep-ridden eyes with the back of her free hand. She was beginning to wonder why her head never pounded like crazy, a daunting recap of how pathetic she felt, crying over a person who never felt the same way about her.

[Me]: Why don't you want to meet me? Don't give me that it's not the right time crap

[Sweet Talker]: I'm too shy to. And I don't know if you'd like me...

It would hurt to see your face being disgusted and all. I mean, a hint of disappointment would kill me

This way, you can imagine what I look like, slowly build a face

You’re creative

Haley sighed heavily. She did not sign up for a puzzle game so early in the morning. One more fact about the sweet, sweet stranger: they were a little insecure. Haley knew it wasn't an attack and it wasn't anything that meant harm. But Haley was surprised at how it bothered her. A lot of people are insecure but that really struck a chord in her sympathetic heart, prompting her to sit up and lean against her head board, a stance she felt like she could discuss grave subjects with.

She had time.

[Me]: If you knew me, you would have known I look beyond physical beauty. Besides, I know I'll find you extremely attractive

You have more than my attention now, you know? It's too early to tell but I feel like if given the time to, I'll feel something more profound than curiosity

[Sweet Talker]: Oh wow…I'm honestly speechless

Please just give me time?

[Me]: Okay. But I'll just have to look for you with my gut

It'd know you

[Sweet Talker]: I did not expect that. But I'm secretly blushing. Don't tell Haley

But it probably won't

[Me]: I know but I want it to

Yeah, Haley will definitely not know

I can’t believe I just talked about myself in third person

[Sweet Talker]: Good luck, then :p

Count on precious Sweet Talker to navigate a very fragile situation back to their usual lighthearted tone. There was a part of her that was still in shock at what she was saying back there but she was aware that she was being truthful not just to the person she was talking to but to herself, as well. Yes, it was too soon to tell but isn't that where potential relationships should root from? Emotional connection. Because right now, she was certain that she cared and that caring would lead to something more.

Her musings led her to glance at the clock situated on the top right-hand corner of her phone and if she didn't hurry, she'd be late – only proving to herself that cellphones are distractions.

[Me]: I have to go get ready. :( I'll talk to you later

[Sweet Talker]: It's okay. Have the greatest day, Haley!

-

Haley felt Megan’s absence as she strolled into Turner High. Her best friend would have been by the steps. She’d ask her what took her so long, and then loop their arms together as they headed to their lockers. She felt it in AP Physics, her least favorite class that Megan made bearable. But as she sat there, listening to the lecture, her mind drifted off to her sweet talker, wondering which class she was in while fighting the urge to send her little text messages.

A small part of her wondered if her stranger was merely adapting an identity to lure her in. She was charming and sweet, caring and thoughtful, anybody could easily fall for that trap.

Haley would find out soon enough. No one could fake something for too long.

But she argued that Sweet Talker was far too spontaneous and ungainly to be faking it.

She missed Megan the third time during lunch. Her best friend would have been talking her ears off about what Francis did for her, the surprises he gave her or the little sweet note he slipped in her book. It was a new story every day. She would swoon like a love-struck fool, unable to see the pain in Haley’s eyes.

Haley would have been wallowing in self-pity if she didn’t have a mission. She looked around the cafeteria, seeing if she could spot the Sweet Talker with her gut like she’d said. She couldn’t tell if it was her longing for Megan or her curiosity for Sweet Talker but her salad was long forgotten, and the three other people she shared her table with were too groggy to notice.

Jane was out of it, resting her head on the table while clutching a bottle of water. She was the most curious of her friends and the most outspoken one, too. But she’d been Haley’s confidant for so long, she wondered when Megan stopped being her best friend because Jane definitely deserved the title more. She would never admit it out loud but Haley found it comforting that her friend was barely able to open her eyes or eat her sandwich.

She didn’t have the energy to answer her prodding questions.

Holly and Dean, the Whittaker almost twins being only ten months apart – as Jane dubbed them, were silently eating but were in no better shape than Jane.

Haley retrieved her phone again, rereading the messages Sweet Talker sent her. She hadn’t had the chance to reply to them as she rushed from one class to the next but reading them against made her smile the same way.

[Sweet Talker]: I don’t really use my phone during class and the first time I did, Mr. Poore caught me and took it first period

I wanted to text you

He caught me before I wrote the first letter lol Oops

Second period, I saw you by your locker. You were talking to Jane and Holly came to join you guys and gave you a hug

You smiled when she did and you just tugged my heart along with the corners of your lips

Yeah, I just spammed you and sounded creepy

And cheesy

And gross

Way to go, me

Sorry. I'll see you at the cafeteria

But you won't see me

Yup, that made matters worse

[Me]: Can I please know your name now? It's been half a day. I think I deserve to know. You know, since it's been a super looong time. Seriously though, I want to call you by your name

Haley tapped the sides of her phone with her index fingers as she cradled the device in both hands. Her eyes flitted towards Jane once more, having earned a curious look from her friend. She was bracing for the time when she would fully recover and interrogate her as if she was a suspect in a murder investigation. That would be a fine day.

She was not looking forward to that.

[Sweet Talker]: You have to promise me something first

[Me]: What is it?

[Sweet Talker]: That you won't look for me

Promise me?

[Me]: I want to say so many things in protest but fine. Please know I am begrudgingly agreeing to this

You just told me Mr. Poore was your first period

[Sweet Talker]: Oh, right! Dang it!

You say fine a lot

[Me]: Well, give me a reason not to

[Sweet Talker]: I could give you hundreds

[Me]: Starting with...

[Sweet Talker]: I find your talking voice sexy

I’m getting braver and creepier

Haley raised her brows in shock but the reaction that followed could not have been suppressed. Her lips tugged to reveal a flustered grin and the warmth that was cloaking her heart raised up to heat her entire head, coloring her ears red in the process.

Up until that point, she never thought that there was something more than just pining over someone who never liked her back. Haley thought young love wasn't for her. Hence, she wasn't prepared for the next couple of messages that would very well agitate a part of her that may have been asleep up until then.

[Sweet Talker]: Your eyes are mesmerizing

Your hair tousled like that, glorious

Your lips are divine

Your laugh is a symphony that serenaded my heart

Your smiles are words of poetry that no one could ever begin to describe, and I find myself speechless every time I see them

That was very horribly cheesy but I can’t say I regret it

[Me]: If you're trying to make me a blushing mess, please stop. You've made your point. I do not think 'fine' would be an appropriate response to that

I wasn't just trying to make a point. I was being honest

And I can see you from here. You’re blushing! Finish that salad, Haley

Sweet Talker was definitely eloquent.

Haley's survival was at risk. When her eyes would find the person behind all those words, she might just spontaneously combust. She always thought that professions of love and compliments said with piercing, unpretentious eyes and uninhibited words were beautiful. She never once considered them to be aimed at her, not after what she'd considered unrequited love. And while she was in the midst of it – at least, half of the prerequisites met – Haley was beginning to wonder if she'd melt into a puddle or simply be stripped of her conscious mind.

She could never contain her feral heart if she could. It was striking with such purpose that if she were to lay limp, her body would be jerking with it. The sheer thought of being in the same room as the Sweet Talker was inconceivable at best and having realized it was happening in the moment, she was stunned.

Green eyes scanned the room once more with rapt attention, aiming to see a slight twitch or a smile that would mirror her own. She almost forgot about her audience who were talking about their last summer before college, and if Haley were to pay the topic some speck of attention, she would wonder if she could spend some of it with Sweet Talker.

Oh, was she hooked and like a fish, she was being reeled in despite her best attempts at escape – not that she was trying. At that point, Haley might have submitted herself to her death.

As her eyes continued to scan around, she caught a boy's gaze. He was blonde with dark eyes and he was hunched over his empty plate and was surrounded by a number of people. Haley didn't really know him. Coincidentally, he, too, was holding a phone and he seemed to have been mirroring Haley's flustered state while a flicker of hope burned in the gentlest of embers. It was if he was bracing for rejection.

It was coincidental, Haley convinced herself. But in case that was Sweet Talker, she made sure to send him a small, appreciative smile.

She alternated her gaze between the boy and her phone, looking for more signs but was hopeful that boy wasn't her stranger. The suspense was clouding her judgment, as well as her hearing and her entire head pulsated as she waited for the reply.

[Me]: Are you really here? I want proof

[Sweet Talker]: I just told you to eat your salad

But okay, let's see...

The boy remained intently watching her as if waiting for Haley to make a move. Tough luck, she wouldn't. But he seemed to have been staring at his phone, too.

Again, coincidence! Haley insisted.

In her frantic state, her knee bounced and it seemed to have been perfectly timed with her shallow breaths. The anticipation proved to be stressful and her inquisitive mind was not helping. She wanted to strangle someone and make them give her answers that no one else possessed.

Well, except for Sweet Talker him or herself.

[Sweet Talker]: Hair down, black jeans, striped white shirt, boots

And you're looking around right now, lips slightly parted

You're really beautiful from here

There it went, the heat that surrounded her head intensified, Haley might just look like a lightbulb switched on; or maybe a lamp post, just because she could stand up and her head would be bright red. The analogy was necessary. She was desperately trying to hide the blush prickling her cheeks from her friends and chanced a glance to check if any of them noticed.

They didn’t.

[Sweet Talker]: Pink suits you, btw

Nope, she wasn't in the clear at all. Sweet Talker had seen it. Her body had betrayed her. But it wasn't like she was hiding the slightest bit of attraction. Right, she was attracted and she'll be damned if she ever denied it. It was a blatant truth that only she and her stranger knew, at least.

Love was too soon, too strong a feeling that needed time but attraction was instant, far less complicated.

But there was the fact that Sweet Talker could be a boy, and Haley didn’t know if she could convince herself she could love one, after all, nobody ever really falls in love with just a person’s physical characteristics. But the knowledge of Sweet Talker being a boy would have definitely kept her from pursuing anything else but friendship with him, not when she could still make decisions that falling in love could take away from her.

[Me]: STOP!!!!

[Sweet Talker]: I can't believe I'm making Haley Wilson blush. Who would have thought?

[Me]: Shut up!

Wait! Don't!

Are you that blond boy across from me? He keeps staring

[Sweet Talker]: Nope. I have brown hair and I’m a girl and around the cafeteria, there are at least 10 brunette girls on their phones and they're just the seniors

[Me]: You're a senior. So, I'm 10% there

[Sweet Talker]: How do you know I'm a senior?

[Me]: You happened to mention sharing a few classes over the last few years

[Sweet Talker]: Oh, right!

In my defense, I didn't know you'd still talk to me so I couldn’t be discrete

[Me]: Well, I am and I'm happy you're a girl. You know, since I'm like...very gay

I never really came out but I think everyone thinks I am

[Sweet Talker]: lol it was you who sealed the deal for me tbh

Up until you, I thought it was just some sort of appreciation

I don't think I'm the last person who would get to say that though

I genuinely think that

[Me]: Good to know? I guess?

[Sweet Talker]: And I also don't think people only thinking you're gay will stop all the boys from trying

Like the blond boy you just mentioned

[Me]: I did go out with a few boys just to make sure and nope, I can’t force it

But why don’t you want us to meet?

[Sweet Talker]: I told you why this morning

[Me]: Are you secretly a pedo?

[Sweet Talker]: Lol do you really think that?

[Me]: No. I mean, I wouldn't have been talking to you if I thought you were. Maybe I'm just a little too trusting

[Sweet Talker]: Maybe you are. But I swear I'm 17

Honest!

[Me]: Name

[Sweet Talker]: I was getting away with it

[Me]: Name

[Sweet Talker]: Why?

[Me]: Because! I wanted to know your name. Just your name. Is it that hard? Do you not trust me?

[Sweet Talker]: You didn't promise me

[Me]: Fine

I promise!

[Sweet Talker]: You'll let me come to you and not you doing some research

[Me]: PROMISE! PROMISE! PROMISE!

[Sweet Talker]: Okay

[Me]: Name!

Haley was frustrated and her stress levels were persistently trying to disintegrate the foundations that contained it. She was worried that her pressurized skull would burst and squeeze her brains out, making zombies around the world happy.

But damn did it feel like a supernatural creature had reached inside the crevice of her ribs and squeeze her heart at how disheartened she felt. If she didn't get a name, she would feel like some game her stranger wanted to play.

It would be a shame.

She’d long come to terms with the fact that she loved talking to her stranger, and now she found out she was a girl, there was no holding back. Tapping a beat on the sides of her slim phone once more, she waited. She could very well be playing an eight-piece drum set with the beats she was making. She felt like a rock star playing drums and those percussion instruments were creating a drum roll in her head as she anticipated a reply.

It was either a disappointment or the highest form of accomplishment in their bizarre friendship.

[Sweet Talker]: Sam

Of all the names Sweet Talker could have, it had to be a very common one, and yet, Haley couldn’t think of one she regularly spoke with. The realization made her feel worse. She didn’t like that they weren't friends at all, it was worse to know that she didn't even have a clue who she was but the next text message made her whirl her head towards the wide entrance with a swift motion that her neck cracked.

[Sweet Talker]: And I'm about to leave and there are three other girls going the same direction

I hope your gut finds me