The Subtle Way of Letting Go

Chapter 6

It was Saturday and I was just in my room staring at the ceiling. I don’t know what to do. It’s been weeks since I last talked to Ethan. And that was during the cafeteria incident. I miss him. Badly.

I was contemplating whether to call him or not. I was just looking at my phone. Is it okay to call him? After having an internal battle with myself, I dialed his number and before I could even finish entering his number, his name popped up.

[You busy today?]

[Nah! Bored as f**k. Why?] I replied.

[Wanna hangout?] He texted after a few minutes.

[Sure. Where?] I was so excited. Finally, we were going to spend time together.

[Amusement park?]

[Yeah sure. Meet me in half an hour. I’m just going to prepare.]

[Okay.]

It was so evident that I was excited to see him. I was moving so quick. I went to look for something to wear. I ruffled through my stuff and I can’t seem to decide. Since when did I become so choosy of what to wear? It was just Ethan. Then I scolded myself. It was Ethan not just Ethan.

I ended up wearing a loose top paired with high-waisted shorts and sneaker. Yeah you can say that I am a fan of sneakers. It’s my to-go shoes. I fixed my hair into a pony and put some daylight cream in my face. I also applied a little bit of blush and lip gloss.

I was almost finished preparing when mom knocked on my door.

“Andi hurry up. Ethan’s downstairs waiting.”

“Coming mom!” I hurriedly finished preparing and quickly ran downstairs. I don’t want Ethan to wait and yes! I’m super excited to see him. Yeah, I missed him that bad.

I ran down the stairs and smiled at the sight of him. It feels like forever since I last saw him. I paused for a moment and tried see how I feel. My heart still beats for him no doubt. It didn’t change.

“Let’s go?” He suddenly said that brought me back to reality.

“Yeah, Let’s go. Mom we’re gonna go out.” I informed her.

We rode his car and we went to the amusement park. I was so excited. We used to go to amusement parks before. I was almost jumping when we arrived.

“You look so excited.” Ethan laughed looking at me. His laugh was music to my ears.

“It’s been so long since we last came here. It brings back memories. I’m just so happy we get to do this again.” I smiled at him. He held my hand and led me to the entrance. We chose a ride-all-you-can ticket. Even though we can’t ride everything because I’m scared of roller coasters.

We started riding the Vikings because it’s our favorite ride. It was so scary yet so fun at the same time.

“Can we ride the carousel next? Pretty please?” with matching puppy eyes. I really want to.

“Urgh! Do we really have to? Look the ones riding it are kids?” It written all over his face that he doesn’t like the idea.

“Come on. Pretty please?” I was really persistent.

“Fine!” Finally giving up. He was persuaded by my puppy eyes. (*insert victory laugh*)

We lined up for the carousel. True enough only kids lining up to ride it. I was so happy when we rode the horses. It made me feel like a kid again with no worries in the world. I looked at Ethan his face can’t be painted. I laughed hard at his reaction.

We rode all the rides we passed by after carousel. We were so happy laughing together while we try almost everything.

“This feels good. Just like the old times.” He suddenly said. We stopped by at a pizza parlor since we’re became so tired and hungry.

“Yeah. It feels really great.” Especially because I’m with you. “I missed this.” I missed you. I was looking at him.

“I missed this too. I’m sorry if I don’t get to hang out with you often.” He said with apologetic eyes.

“It’s okay. I understand.” I smiled to assure him.

He was laughing while talking about everything we did earlier. His laugh was music to my ears. I smiled to myself.

I will savor this moment. This very moment that there’s just the two of us. Can the time stop? I don’t want this to end. But I know, this is the selfish side of me that I wanted to get rid. He wasn’t mine to begin with. It really hurts when you’re hit by the truth.

We roamed around one more time before deciding to stop by the last ride.

We both chose the Ferris wheel. It was almost starting to get dark. The city lights were showing.

(Iris cover by Kina Grannis)

“How are you and Jill?” I suddenly asked. We were currently at the top of the Ferris wheel.

“We’re doing great. I have never been so happy Andi.” He answered with a full smile. His eyes were saying how in love he is.

“I’m happy that you’re happy.” I smiled at him to hide the pain. Why did I ask when I know I’m gonna be hurt this much? I guess I got used to torturing myself.

But deep down I knew I needed this. I needed to see how happy he is for me to realize that these feelings I have, have nowhere to go. I needed to open my eyes and see the reality. Not everything we want will be ours, no matter how hard we try.

“I hope that you’ll do the same. I hope you find the person who’ll bring you happiness. I really mean it.” He said while looking at me. “You’re so precious Andi. I just hope that whoever you choose to give your heart to will never break it. So be careful who you choose to fall in love with. I don’t want to see you cry.”

But I gave it to you a long time ago. You just never knew you had it. How can you take care of something that you never knew you had in the first place?

“Maybe someday, I’ll be as happy as you. I hope.” I smiled at him.

After the ride we decided to go home. I can’t believe that the day is already over. Well, Fairytales have endings too.

After that day we barely saw each other. Only during his free time, he walks me home.

I decided that I’ll try to stop my feelings for him. I don’t know how to start or where to start. We’ve been together more than half of our lives. I got used to him always being there.

This set up somehow is helping me. I don’t get to see him every day. Though I still miss him so bad, but maybe this will help me move on.

“Hey Andi!” I heard a shout that stopped me from whatever I was thinking. I searched where the voice was coming from and my eyes became so wide when I realized I almost got hit by a ball if Toby did not pull me aside.

“What the hell! Are you deaf? I’ve been calling your name but you don’t seem to hear anything. You’re walking mindlessly.” He was so annoyed and it was written all over his face. I was lost in my thoughts that I didn’t hear him calling me.

“Sorry I was just thinking about something. And thank you for saving me. If it weren’t for you, I’d be dragged to the clinic by now.” I laughed a bit to lighten up the mood. Toby seems to be too serious because of what happened.

We were on the field and there were players playing soccer. I didn’t realize I reached this side of the campus. I guess he’s right. I really was walking mindlessly. The guy who kicked the ball immediately apologized to us and I just smiled at him to assure him it’s okay. It’s my fault anyway.

He pulled me to the side because he’s afraid I might get hit by a ball for real.

“Where were you going anyway? And what were you thinking that you can’t seem to hear anything?”

“Actually, I don’t have anywhere in mind as to where I’m headed. I guess I just decided to walk with no destination in mind. My last subject is already finished and I still don’t want to go home yet.” I chuckled.

“Do you want me to come with you? Let’s go to the park. I’ll accompany you to make sure you won’t be hit by a ball along the way.” I glared at him after saying that. He just laughed at me.

Then he guided me to the park at the village. He bought Ice cream for both of us. He said I needed it to lighten up my mood because it’s showing in my face that I’m not okay.

We arrived at the park and sat at the swing.

“You know what this looks all too familiar.” I suddenly realized.

“Yeah. But the difference is you’re not glaring at me this time.” He joked.

“It was your fault anyways. I’m not actually rude but when it comes to you, I can’t help it. You don’t filter what comes out of your mouth and you just say the things you wanted to say.” I laughed.

“why were you so distracted earlier?” He suddenly shifted the topic.

“Just thinking about some stuff, I guess.”

“And that “stuff” is him, right?” he fired back.

“No point in denying. You already know what I’ve been hiding.” I answered truthfully.

“You really like him that much, eh?”

I just smiled to answer him. I don’t think words can describe what I feel for Ethan. I suddenly asked him something out of curiosity.

“I know you already said last time that you have never been in love. But I was just curious, don’t you like someone? I mean with your looks and all you can easily get any girl you want.”

He looked at me. He was not saying anything but his eyes say otherwise. It’s like there’s a lot of emotion bottled up inside. I just can’t pin point what kind of emotion is showing in his eyes.

“I like someone actually.”

“Oh? Really? Why don’t you court her?”

“It’s impossible for her to like me.” He chuckled. He looked up.

“How can you say that? You have the looks. I think you’re not too bad too. You’re not even trying yet but you’re already giving up.”

He looked at me again. There was something in his eyes. Was it pain? Is he hurt?

“Her heart already belongs to someone and I am no match for him.” He sadly smiled.

I was speechless. He’s not talking about me, right? Please let it not be me. I was about to ask him when my phone suddenly rang. I saw Ethan’s name. I was contemplating whether I’ll answer it or not. I looked at Toby.

“Answer it.” he said. Maybe saw the hesitation written all over my face. I nodded and answered the phone.

“Hello?”

“Andi.” I was shocked to hear Ethan crying. “Andi, she left me. Jill left me.” And I heard him breaking down.