Blessed & Broken

Chapter 6

I had a few student teaching jobs over the next couple of days and I was so happy to have the opportunity to be able to work at different schools. I believed that it would help get my name out there more, making my chances greater for getting a permanent teaching position after graduation. Teaching was truly my calling. I loved to be surrounded by all of the laughter of the kids and the look on their little faces lighting up when they finally figured out something they had been trying so hard to learn. It brought me so much joy.

After work, I stopped by the cemetery to go see my dad. As always, I sat beside his grave. It was starting to get cooler and the leaves had begun to change, making for a beautiful setting. “Hey, Dad”, I started. I sat lost in thought thinking of all that had happened since the last time I was here. “So, I met my Guardian”, I said. “I’m sure that you must know him.” 

Out of the quiet came, “Of course, he knows me.” I looked behind me to see my angelic friend standing there. “Hi”, I giggled. Then my face and voice went concerned. “Won’t someone see you?” The corner of his lips peeked up. “Only you can see me.” He came and sat on the cool grass beside to me. “Oh”, I said as I looked to the ground.

“You don’t always have to come here to talk to him”, he said. “You can talk to him wherever you are. He is always with you.” I contemplated that and rebuffed, “Yeah, but I can’t see him. I can see his grave”, I said pointing down. “I can touch the stone. It is something physical to grasp.” I looked back at the ground. “I guess I feel like it’s a representation of him.” 

My Guardian smiled slightly and said, “He is with you now.” I turned my head to the void space beside me and imagined my dad sitting there. I could feel a tightness in my throat as I met my Guardian’s smile. “I must go”, he said hopping to his feet. I heard what sounded like a car horn honking behind me. I turned to look, but nothing was there. I pivoted back to see I was alone. “Why does he keep doing that?”, I asked out loud in a frustrated high-pitched voice.

When I got home, I made my way to the shower. Sometimes, cleaning off the day feels so good. After I dried off and dressed, I went down to the kitchen. I was so hungry; my stomach was starting to scream at me. I took the warm, toasted Philly cheese steak that I picked up on the way home, out of the container and put it on a plate.

I sat on the couch, found something worthwhile on t.v. and ate the delicious concoction to shut my stomach up. After I was through eating, I turned the volume down on the television and picked up the book that I had started reading months earlier. 

“Hello, Kaila”, my Guardian greeted me from behind. I smiled, excited to see him. He smiled back warmly and said, “Kalia, you will have a visitor in a moment.” My eyes brows mushed together. “Who?” At that instant, the doorbell rang. I looked at my Guardian with concern. I mean, he would protect me if the visitor was a robber or something, wouldn’t he? His face was soft as he stood there looking at me. I got up off of the couch and started towards the door. “Kalia”, he called to me. I turned to look at him. “Be kind”, he whispered.

Now I was just more confused and more concerned. I opened the door slowly and cautiously to find what made my heart sink. Gemma. But this time, it wasn’t the fun-loving, free-spirited girl she was a few years ago when I last saw her. She leaned up against the frame of the door. Her eyes darkened and heavy. Her face sunken in and gray. Her clothes were drenched with stink and filth.

“Gemma!” She lifted her face to mine. “Kali,” she said as her voice started to break. I took my arms under hers to support her. “What happened to you?”, I asked worried. I got her into the house, closed the door and took her over to the couch, where I sat her down. She grabbed ahold of my arm and pulled me down next to her. She started to sob as she buried her face into me. She was so shaken and I had never seen her this way before. I wasn’t ready for this. I didn’t know what to do.

“Did Logan do this to you?”, I demanded. Gemma’s cries then got harder. “That son of a b***h!”, I loathed through my teeth. I wrapped my arms around her tight, trying to keep her together. Something on Gemma’s arm got my attention. I picked up her limb to examine it closer. I would be the last person to say that I was street smart, but I sure wasn’t a complete moron either. Seeing the track marks on her arm made my blood boil. “How could she be so stupid?”, I thought to myself.

Just as I was about to rip her ass apart, a voice penetrated my head. “Be kind.” I heard my Guardians words again. I took a deep frustrating breath of defeat and just held Gemma tighter to me, my hand stroking her head. I then realized that right here, right now, in this moment, was what she needed the most. Safe, unjudgmental arms wrapped around her. Tonight, there will be no questions.

Later, as all the emotions died down, I had Gemma shower and put on a clean pair of comfy pajamas of mine. She didn’t want to be alone. She laid in my bed with her head on my lap and I caressed her hair as she slept. My Guardian stepped out of the shadows, neither one of us saying a word. He walked slowly to the bed and gently sat on the side.

He reached out his hand. It was like our minds were one in that moment. I knew exactly what he wanted. I extended my arm to him. He placed his fingers to mine and his face turned grim. “Worried”, I whispered. He then disconnected our touch. His face softened as he reassured me, “She will be ok.” I shrugged my shoulders and my voice started to shake.” I don’t know what to do.” His head tilted slightly as he said, “What you are doing now, is saving her. Just by holding her.” I looked down upon her sleeping face. “She must make her own choices, Kalia”, he said. “However, you can help her to make the right ones by guiding her.” I didn’t know how I was going to do that. The rest of the night, I adhered tight to my dear friend.

The next day, Gemma and I were able to talk about what had happened with her She talked about Logan’s and her travels and how they ended up in California. They lived anywhere that they could find on a daily basis. She said that what started out being fun and free, turned dark and grim. She spoke of how they both got into some pretty heavy drugs. With that, came erratic and dangerous behavior. 

She said that at one point, Logan would basically make her go sell herself just to keep his addiction alive. After a while, she started to realize that this wasn’t the life that she wanted to live anymore. She said there was a voice that kept calling in her head to go home. She said that it became so loud that she couldn’t ignore it anymore. 

Of course, Logan did not take that news well. She was his only way to keep the supply flowing. Gemma said that he started to get abusive, so she had to find a way out. She told me that one night, after she had sold herself, she was supposed to meet Logan back at the motel room that they were staying at. Instead, she made her way to the nearest bus stop. The money she made from that night wasn’t enough to make it all the way home. She made it as far as Idaho and she had to hitch hike and walk the rest of the way back to Michigan.

“I’m so exhausted, Kali”. She started to cry as she recalled the memories. I held her tight in my arms her and kissed her forehead. “We will get through this”, I whispered.

Later that night, after Gemma had gone to sleep, I went downstairs where mom and George were making a snack in the kitchen. “Hey, Hun”, mom smiled. “Hey, Kal”, George chimed. “Hi, guys”, I said without as much as enthusiasm as they had. Mom could tell that something was bothering me. I sat down at the counter bar stools and took a needed deep breath. 

“Can I talk to you?”, I asked in desperation. “I’ll go in the other room”, George offered. “No, George, you don’t have to. You are a part of the family.” The look of happiness on my mom’s face from the words I just spoke would be a look that I would never forget. “I need all of the advice that I can get.”

“It’s about Gemma”, I said. My mom frowned and said, “Oh, I haven’t seen her in so long. How is she doing?” I bowed my head a little and said, “Well, she is upstairs.” My mom’s face lit up with excitement. “I didn’t know she was here. Let me go see her!” My voice let out a high pitch, “No!” I startled her and she looked at me confused. “Not now, Mom. She isn’t good.” My mom’s expression filled with worry. “What happened?”, she asked.

They both listened attentively as I told them about what had occurred with her. I wasn’t in any shape or form trying to put her business out there, but I honestly didn’t know what to do next. “Oh, that poor girl”, my mom said with such deep sorrow. “She has been through so much”, she said. “Aaron and I basically took her in as our own. Her parents were so emotionally and mentally unavailable to her, and when they were, they treated her terribly”, my mom explained to George.

“I just don’t know what to do to help her”, I said rubbing my hand to my forehead. “Do you think she needs rehab?”, my mom asked. “Well, I don’t think that it would hurt, but she doesn’t have insurance and obviously no money. I’m really not sure how this all works.” 

George intervened, “If it’s ok with you Kal, I’d like to make a few phone calls in the morning. Maybe just to see if there is something that I can do.” I sat straight and my eyes widened. “Yes, absolutely. Anything would be great. Thank you, George.” He smiled and nodded his head. “Thanks for listening guys. I’m going to go get some sleep.” My Mom walked over and gave me a kiss on my forehead. “Goodnight, Honey.” I waved at George. “Goodnight, Kal”, he said.

The next morning, George had informed me that with his connections, he was able to get Gemma into an extended drug rehabilitation center, about 30 miles away. When I asked George about the cost, he said he didn’t know. I told him that I could possibly help pay for it with what I made on tips at the restaurant. George looked me in the eyes and said, “Kal, don’t worry about it. It is all taken care of.” I lifted my head in sincere awe and replied, “I don’t know how I will ever repay you for this, George.” He grinned at me and said, “Well, we better get her ready to go”, as he lightly patted my shoulder.

At first when I offered Gemma this opportunity, she turned it down. I could see in her face that she was ashamed and embarrassed. But I was patient with her. Eventually, she agreed to go with the maternal nurturing persuasion of my mother. George drove us while I sat in back seat, holding Gemma’s hand. When we got there, we made our way to the center’s lobby where we said our goodbyes. 

“I’m scared, Kali”, Gemma said, squeezing my hands. I took my hands on either side of her face and said, “You will be ok. I will be able to come see you in a month”, I reassured her. “A month will go by fast”, I promised. I laid my forehead against hers and said, “I’m proud of you for doing this.” With a sarcastic tone, she said, “Thanks.” “I love you”, I said as I kissed her forehead and hugged her tight. “I love you, too.”

Mom, George, and I walked back to the car. Before I got in, I went up to George and gave him a hug. “Thank you, George, for saving my friend's life”, I said to him sincerely. He smiled at me, stayed quiet, and helped me into the car.

“You did a good job, Kalia”, my Guardian spoke, sitting on the edge of my bed. “I really hope she sticks with it. It could be a long time that she is in there”, I said as I sat crossed legged next to him. “Remember, no matter what she chooses, this is her journey, now”, he responded. I looked over at him and gave him a half smile. He returned a full breathtaking one to me, with his teeth shining so bright. “You sure do smile a lot now,” I observed. His beam got even bigger. “Well, now that I know what happiness is, I feel it all of the time. I want to feel it all of the time.” “Good!”, I said with a giggle. “I like to see you happy. It suits you.” 

I looked down at my comforter and started to play with the fabric when he said, “I know that I am the happiest when I am with you.” I turned my head up to meet his gaze and knew that he spoke the truth. “I’m happy when I am with you too”, I said back to him. I sat there thinking for a moment before I said, “Before you came along, I never heard of a Guardian before. Everyone has one?”, I asked. “Yes”, he nodded. 

“Has anyone been able to see theirs the way that I get to see you?” He pondered a moment and answered, “Some do.” My eye brows lifted. “You don’t get into trouble?” I questioned. His smile faded. “I won’t come around so much if you don’t want me too.” My breath caught. I didn’t even want to think about him not being in my life any more. He was the one thing that I looked forward to the most. “No! No, no, no. That’s not what I meant.” I attempted to fix what I was trying to say. “I love being around you. I honestly wish that you were here more.” 

The smile reappeared back onto his face. “What I meant was, are you allowed to see me as much as you do?” He looked at me for a moment. “All of God’s creations have free will.” My lips pierced together and asked, “But I thought you said that God gave you permission to show yourself to me?” He agreed with me and said, “Yes. That is when she reminded me of our free will. That, and I asked out of respect for my Creator. As long as I do not interfere with the path that you take or the decisions that you make, we will be just fine.”

He took a deep breath. “It’s just going to make it harder for me now that I know the emotion of happiness.” I looked at him perplexed. “We Guardians are created without emotion so that we do not hinder our Gaurdees.” I shifted my body. “So why would it be more difficult for you now?”, I asked. The look of his eyes burrowed deep into mine. “Because, I only want what will make you happy.” His words made my heart swell. “It will take restraint on my part to not persuade your choices. Especially if they lead you down the wrong path.”

“So, if we all have free will, then I choose for you to tell me the right path to take my life.,” I jokingly demanded. My beautiful Guardian began to laugh, “That’s not how it works. I playfully squinted my eyes and asked, “Just a hint?” He shook his head, “No.”

Then he said, “I’ll tell you what, you don’t ask me about your life and what will happen, and I can stay with you.” I smiled at him, “Deal.”

“I think that it is so amazing that you can see the future”, I said in awe. He lifted his eyebrows to me, “It’s my job, Kalia.” My mouth pulled over to the side as I thought about some more questions. “Can you read my mind?” He answered, “No, I know all of the paths that you could possibly chose, and just go from there once you have made a decision.” That made sense. 

I lowered my head and looked through my eye lashes at him. Maybe an innocent look would get me more answers. “Will my life be good?”  He gave me a “shame-shame” look. I chuckled and said, “I know, I know. I’m not allowed to ask.” His face then turned softer. “It can be”, he whispered. “Just remember something for me?” I looked up at him and nodded. “Just remember that you are in control of your life, your happiness. There is no one in this world who can cause it or take it away. You and only you are in charge of it.” I listened to his words, however found flaws in them. I mean, there are situations in our lives that are out of our control, right? Situations that effect how we feel. We don’t always have control over our feelings, right? However, I kept the speculation to myself.