Blessed & Broken

Chapter 14

The next morning when I woke, I found Ian sitting on the chair that I kept at my vanity. His elbows rested upon his knees and his hands were folded together. He stared at my bed as his thoughts were somewhere else.

I crawled across the bed and onto the floor until I reached him, where I stayed, kneeling before him. “Ian? Ian, What’s wrong?” He blinked his eyes and then looked at me. “I have to go for a little while.” My heart started to race and my breath picked up. Panic spread over me.

“Ian, what’s wrong? What did I do?” He placed my face between his hand and it calmed me. “You didn’t do anything, My Love. There is something that I have to go speak with Mother God about.”

“Is everything ok?” I could hear my voice frantic. Ian softly smiled at me and said, “Everything is perfect when I am with you.” I didn’t understand. My eyes became wide. “Did I do something?”, I asked again. “Is there anything I can do to help you?” He looked deep into my eyes. “You didn’t do anything, Kalia. What I need to see her for, you wouldn’t understand.”

He stood before me, took my arms, and lifted me to my feet. He placed his hands on the side of my face again. “Please don’t worry. I can feel it.” He deeply kissed my lips. “I promise that I won’t be gone long. I will still be with you.” 

He wiped a tear that had formed and rolled down my cheek. This came so sudden. He kissed me one last long kiss goodbye. “I love you, Kalia.” I clenched his shirt a little tighter. “I love you, too.”

Ian pulled away, making me break my grip. I watched him as he walked away and out the door.  My heart suddenly felt empty. In some way, he took it with him.

On my way to work, I tried to rationalize everything that had happened that morning. “Everything is great, Kalia. Ian will be back, waiting for you when you get home. There is absolutely nothing to worry about”, I kept repeating to myself. 

The day seemed to drag on. I found myself staring repeating at the clock. I just couldn’t concentrate on anything other than Ian. It was finally time to send the kids on their way for the day. I walked quickly to my car and drove a little too fast than what I should have. I pulled my car into the driveway. The porch was empty. I walked into the house. I checked every room and Ian was nowhere to be found. Once again, I began to reassure myself that everything was fine. “Let’s just make some lunch, maybe take a nap, and then he will be back.”

I tossed some leftover pizza in the microwave to warm it up. I sat on the couch as I ate and started to channel surf. There wasn’t anything on that was holding my attention. I then tried to nap, but was too awake for any sleep to come near me.

I changed my clothes and decided to go mow the front yard. As I was cutting the grass, I saw how dirty my car had gotten. So, after I finished cutting the grass, I washed my car. As I was doing that, I realized there were weeds that needed pulling.

I basically kept myself busy the whole afternoon and evening, waiting on Ian. I looked at the clock when I went in the house. “Is it 8:30pm already?”, I thought to myself. I went and took a shower to wash all of the dirt away that I had accumulated that day. I’m not going to lie when I say that I wasn’t completely bummed out when I went into my room and he still wasn’t there.

Just to make myself feel better, I walked through every room of the house again, as if he were hiding on me. When he was nowhere to be found, I went and laid on the couch and flipped through the channels some more. I didn’t even feel myself falling asleep, but I must have because the next thing I knew, the sun was shining in my eyes and a morning t.v. show was blaring from the television. 

I sat up and looked around confused. By the time I realized where I was and what day it was, I could hear my alarm going off upstairs in my bedroom.  I looked at the clock, “s**t, I’m going to be late for work!”

I ran upstairs, and literally threw my clothes on. I tossed my hair in a messy bun and stepped into the first pair of shoes my feet found. I think I yelled at almost everyone I passed on my drive into work.

When I got into the gymnasium, one of the teachers looked at me from head to toe. A sympathetic smile approached his lips and he said, “Rough morning.” He wasn’t asking me either.

I took a few deep calming breaths before Cole came in. Ian’s face came into my head. He never came back last night. The tears wanted to start forming and that damn pesky lump started to come up in my throat. I gave a good couple of coughs to make them all go away. 

The next four days played out the same way. I would go to tutoring in the morning and spend my afternoons cooped up in the house, flipping through the t.v. channels waiting for Ian. My mind was bogged down on why he had been gone for so long and why he had not come back yet. 

By the time Friday came, I was so mentally exhausted. Instead of laying on the couch that night, I headed straight for my comfortable bed. I laid my head on my soft feathered pillow that cradled me like a cloud.

Tears started to flow uncontrollably when my nose caught the aroma of Ian where he would lay on the pillow next to me. His scent was still there. All this time, I had been falling asleep on the couch and never realized I could have been feeling he was with me all along. I softly cried out, “I miss you.” It was inevitable though. Exhaustion had taken over and sleep conquered.

The next morning, I had awoken to a bird who felt the need to put on an opera right outside my window. He was so loud, singing or bitching, that it seemed like he was literally right in my room. I had a hard time opening my eyes because they were so swollen from crying the night before. When I went to roll over, my body felt as if it lodged against a hard log. I flung my hand out from under the covers to feel what it was.

My hand hastily touched the hard object. “That feels like a leg”, I thought to myself. I moved my hand up. “Is that a stomach?” My hand traveled up more. “A chest?” Bells started to ring inside my brain in a deafening tone.

“Ian!” I jumped up onto my knees, flipping my hair out of my eyes and there in all of his glory, with the biggest smile beaming across his face, was my Guardian. I crawled onto him as fast as I could and lost it. I grabbed his face with my hands and franticly started to kiss him all over.

I felt like I was losing my mind. I couldn’t control myself. I was so happy and relieved to see him. I buried my face in the crook of his neck and started to sob while he cradled me in his arms. “Kalia, it’s ok my love. I’m right here”, he softly said as he stroked my back. He embraced me while I cried and got out the emotions that I needed to. Every breath I took in, I inhaled his aura. “This is such an overwhelming happiness”, he whispered.

Once I was able to calm down and breath normal, I sat up onto his lap to take a good look at him. He was so beautiful. “You were gone for so long”, I said trying not to cry again. Ian brushed the hair back off of my shoulders. “Time is very different here then it is there, my love. I feel like I have only been gone for a few minutes.”

I looked down at my hands resting upon his chest. He placed his finger under my chin and gently lifted. I looked into his eyes. “I love you, Kalia.” I wanted to melt right there. “I love you, too”, I replied back through my sniffles. He kissed my lips so soft, so slow. I could feel the tip of his tongue brush against mine. He pulled away to embrace me in his arms once more. 

With my face up against his chest, I mumbled, “Did you take care of what you needed help with?” His lips were placed upon the top of my head while his hands brushed against my hair. “I did.” I lifted my body so that I was sitting straight in his lap. “Can you tell me about it?’, I asked with my voice low and delicate. The corner of his lips lifted ever so slightly. “Yes.” My body language was so that it urged him to go on.

He started out, “When we were with your family the other day, you were talking about how you wanted to have children and a family someday.” I sat and listened as he went on, not knowing what me wanting to have a family one day had to do with him being gone so long. “It was then that I realized I was doing the one thing that I was never supposed to.” I looked away from his eyes and asked, “What’s that?”

“Keeping you from living your life.”  I looked back at him and asked, “What do you mean?” He sighed. “I am keeping you from fulfilling what you came here to experience. One of those things was that you really wanted to have children. You wanted to be a mother.”

What he was saying was true. I wanted that more than anything. But now that I had Ian, I wanted him more. He looked at me with regret in his eyes. “Kalia, I can’t give you that. Not the way I am made.” I looked at him confused. “But we..” He interjected, “I can’t give you children, my love. I’m not created the way you are.” My decision was instantly made. “Then, I don’t want them.” My comment was final. He tilted his head with a small smile. “Please, just listen”, he gently urged. I did as he asked.

“Since I can’t give you what you want.” He took a pause. “I’ve decided to become like you.” My head moved forward and my eyebrows came together. “Ian, what are you talking about?” He gave me an unsure smile and said, “I’m going to become one of your kind.” 

“But....how?” I was so confused by all of this. Ian took a deep breath and his eyes moved off to the distance. “Well, that’s what I had to go talk to her about. I wasn’t sure if it could be done. She told me that with my free will, I could make that decision. So, I did.”

“So, what is going to happen?”, I asked clueless. He looked at me and said, “When I’m ready, the change will be made.” How could this all be possible? Ian made into human kind? “How does it happen?”, I asked. He shrugged his shoulders, “I’m not really sure. All I know, is that when it does happen, I will be cut off from what I can see now. The way your kind is when they come here.”

I went silent. I didn’t know what to say. Ian spoke, “Since I have made my decision, I will not be able to be your Guardian any longer.” My head tilted. “What does that mean?”

“It means that I have to leave again”, he said softly. My lips parted as my eyes searched his franticly. “But why?” He was calm. “You can’t be left without one, Kalia. I will have to go and search out another one for you, make sure they are properly trained, and make sure they will live up to the utmost duty of you fulfilling your destiny.” I wasn’t sure how to handle this. It all seemed too much.

“How long will you be gone”, I asked as my voice started to break. He looked down at me. “Honestly, I don’t know.” That was it. I didn’t want this. “Nope. I don’t want you to do this. I will give up having kids and we just stay like this”, I demanded. “There is nothing wrong with the way we are now. I don’t want you to risk anything and I don’t want you going away.” 

He took my hands gently to get my attention. “Kalia, I want to do this. I want you to be a mother. But I want to experience it all with you, also. This is something that I want to do for the both of us.” His eyes looked deep into mine as he placed his hand upon my cheek. “I’m in love with you, Kalia.”

I was defeated by his touch. “I promise that I will be as quick as I can. I just want to make sure that whoever will watch over you, will do it properly.” I looked down at our hands that were now locked together. His voice made me look back up at him. “I will have to find myself one also”, he said. “This means that I will not be able to watch over you.” The line in my forehead creased and my lips parted. “Don’t worry”, he assured me.  I have someone who will fill in for me in the time being. Someone that I trust and I know will do well.”

The more I thought about it, the more I wanted it. I wanted him. However, everything was so up in the air at this point, it scared me. Now, I would really be without him.  We both didn’t know what this would entail or how long he would be gone.

“Does this make you happy, my love?” His voice broke the thoughts that were running through my head. I placed my hand over my heart as If I were holding it together. “More than happy.” Tears filled my eyes. “I can’t believe that you are going to do this.” He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against his chest. “I want to do this for us.”

He kissed the top of my head.  My mind was just blown away at how much this divine being cared for me. That he would give up everything to fulfill my dreams.

He sat me up. “Listen to me though”, he said intensely. “When I am gone, you must continue to live your life the way you would have before you knew about me. You cannot, what so ever, put your life on hold for me.” I nodded my head. “I watched you while I was gone. Kalia, you must go live! Go have fun. Go travel. I will catch up with you. Promise me”, he gently demanded. I promised.

“You just make me so happy. When you left, it was as if it was all gone.” He took a deep breath and was thoughtful. “My love, I cannot be the source of your happiness. No one can. You must find it and create it on your own. The only thing that I or anyone else can do, is just enhance it. I really need for you to remember that. Otherwise, you are going to be searching for something that you had in you all along.”

I laid my head against his chest again. My breath was mimicking his. “When do you have to go?”, I whispered. “As soon as possible”, he replied. I rested in silence a little longer. “This is going to be one of the hardest things I have ever had to endure. Being without you, not knowing when we will be together again”, I said.

“We will be together again”, he promised. My fingertips roamed around on his chest. “Can we at least have this day together?”, I asked. I could feel his face move into a smile on the top of my skull. “Of course.”

“What would you like to do today?”, he asked as his hands glided across my back. “Hmm”, I said audibly. He started to chuckle and said, “I think food should be one of the things on our list. I can feel your stomach growling.” I started to giggle. “I think you are right.” I lifted myself up to face him. “I’ll go get washed up.’ I leaned to give him a quick peck on the lips. 

Just then, Ian’s hand slid across the side of my face, to the back of my head, where his fingertips intertwined in my hair. His other arm curled around my waist, pulling me closer into him. His mouth met mine with feverish furry.

My hands grasped into his hair as I returned the hard, alluring kiss. I felt as if my thighs had been set on fire. My hips started to rock back and forth. Ian grabbed onto my body and with one swift motion, flipped us over so that his large frame hovered gently against mine. 

His lips slid down my jaw line and onto my neck. I could feel his tongue tasting me on the way down.  His touch felt like magic upon my flesh as his hands ran along my body.

Just as my body started to anticipate what was coming next, Ian jumped up off of me. “Ok, go get dressed”, he ordered. I was out of breath. I slightly sat, propping myself onto my elbows. “That’s it?”, I asked in a high pitch voice. He rubbed his stomach. “I’m hungry now.” I grumbled as I got out of the bed. I grabbed my clothes in haste and started to stomp into the bathroom. As I walked past Ian, I mumbled, “Tease.”  I felt a slap on my ass and heard a deep laugh from his mouth.

After I took an ice shower to calm down my hormones, Ian and I went to eat at a nearby restaurant. The food was delicious and the company was extraordinary. We sat next to each other in a quaint little booth. Every now and then, I would look up and see different people smiling at Ian and I. It was true what people said. We were in love. We were so much in love that others had a hard time not noticing.

I wanted to keep pinching myself all day to see if this was all a dream. We were going to be together. I didn’t know how and I didn’t know when. We both made the decision that we wanted this more than anything.

The day seemed to go by in a flash. I guess we were having so much fun together, we never paid attention to the time. We ended our day at the park and found the same bench where we shared our first kiss. The bench where Ian told me that he loved me.

He held me in his arms as we watched the sun set. The sky was once again splashed in colors of pinks, oranges, and amethysts. The same feeling washed over me as it did before. That God’s beautiful masterpiece could not be taken in by my insignificant being. However, being held tight into Ian’s arms made it not as overwhelming.

I looked up into his eyes. “It still doesn’t seem real to me that you are going to do this.” He smiled and softly said, “I’m in love with you, Kalia. I want to share all of your dreams and desires with you.” I smiled back at him, but my shine faded as I thought about being without him. “I’m going to miss you so much.” His eyes looked as if he were feeling the same.

He looked down at his chest to where a stone pendant hung. He proceeded to pull the chain over his head and he held it in his hands to admired it. “I have had this for a very long time. It holds great meaning to me.” I took the stone in my hand to look at it. “It’s beautiful”, I said.  He looked at the necklace and then to me. “Just like you.” I could feel his compliment blush my cheeks.

Ian proceeded to take the pendant and place it around my neck. “Oh, Ian, I can't’.” Ian brought his face closer to mine. “I’ll have it back again”, he chuckled. “For now, I want you to take it. If you go through a difficult time when I’m not there, you can have a part of me there with you. You will know that whatever it is, it will pass and we will be together again.” I rested my hand gently upon his cheek. “Thank you.” He leaned slowly towards me and placed his lips to mine. 

Night was upon us and worriedness started to set in. Ian and I laid in my bed, both intertwined with one another. “Thank you for today”, I whispered. “Thank you, my love.” We laid in silence. I closed my eyes and concentrated on hearing Ian’s breath. I took in a deep inhale of his scent. No matter what happened, I never wanted to forget any part of him. Ian whispered, “It’s time.”

My head quickly lifted so I could meet his gaze. I knew this was coming. I knew that sooner or later; he would have to leave. He would have to leave for us, so that we could share our lives with each other. I wasn’t ready though. Even though I knew it had to be done, I wasn’t ready for him to go. 

My hand grasped onto him a little tighter. He knew what I was feeling. His eyes looked at me in such lovingness. “The sooner I go, the sooner I can come back”, he said. “I’m just not ready yet”, I replied. He kissed my forehead and said, “We have to be.”

We searched each other's faces, both unsure of the future. All we had was right now. “Now, just close your eyes and go...” I interrupted in a panic. “No!” He looked at me in a way that he didn’t want to leave either. “I love you, Kalia.” I tried to speak but nothing came out. He kissed my lips so soft. Then he whispered, his breath on mine, “Sleep.”