Room 97

Chapter 19

It’s been three days without you here. I don’t know but I miss you. I miss your smile, your laugh, the way you cared for me, I miss everything about you. How are you doing? I hope you’re doing just fine. Me? I feel numb. I don’t know what I should feel. I feel like I’m trapped and I can’t find a way out. I know it’s only been three days but it felt like three weeks already. I feel stupid for realizing how much you matter to me now that you left me. I felt like I lost the battle again. I’m such a coward. I don’t really know what’s holding me back, why can’t I let go of Chaeyoung when you made me feel loved again? If only I were given a chance to escape so I could go to you, I will. I want to make things right. And maybe ask you to begin again if you’d allow me. I’m sorry Jennie, I miss you. Please come back.

Lisa sighed as she finished writing. Jennie’s absence made and helped her forget about Chaeyoung at least a little. There’s nothing on her mind but Jennie.

The sound of her door opening broke her train of thoughts, her mind automatically thought it was Jennie but she got disappointed when she saw Jisoo appeared in front of her. The latter just smiled when she saw Lisa had been writing on her notebook she had given her.

“Let’s go get your lunch.” Jisoo said and Lisa just stood up without saying anything.

Lisa sat on her usual spot in the loud cafeteria as she waited for Jisoo to get her food. As she was waiting for Jisoo, she remembered and imagined Jennie sitting in front of her, a scared expression painted on her face as she reached for the spoon to feed her. It happened a long ago but it felt like it just happened yesterday. Everything that happened seemed to be fresh on Lisa’s mind. She didn’t expect to be this hurt and lonely without Jennie’s presence around her.

“Here’s your lunch.” Jisoo said and layed the tray in front of Lisa and the latter almost didn’t notice her.

“Thanks.” Lisa blankly said and started eating mindlessly.

“I’ll get back to you when you’re done, okay?” Jisoo said and Lisa just nodded without looking at her. She just sighed at the sight of Lisa, it reminded her of Jennie the last time she was waiting in line with her to get Lisa’s food. Jisoo just shook her head and started walking away.

***

After lunch time, Jisoo told Lisa she would get back after doing her quick rounds to check her other patients. Lisa didn’t even realize and notice Jisoo was already in her room, how quick was quick for Jisoo anyway? The latter flashed a plain smile and Lisa just gave her a small smile.

“How are you doing today?” Jisoo asked as she sat across Lisa.

“Empty.” Lisa shortly answered with a blank expression.

“Have you been writing a lot these past few days?”

“I did.” Lisa answered.

“Do you mind me reading what you’ve written? I mean I would understand if you won’t allow me but I thought maybe I could help you if you’d open yourself to me.” Jisoo offered.

“What kind of help?”

“Help you realize some things maybe, I don’t know. It depends on what you had written.” Jisoo simply said as she shrugged.

Lisa sighed and got the notebook under her pillow and hesitantly handed it to Jisoo. Once the notebook was finally in Jisoo’s hand, she flipped the first page and began reading. Lisa embarrassingly bit her lip as she waited for Jisoo to finish. It took a while for Jisoo to finish what Lisa had written, she was a bit surprised that Lisa had written a lot in a short while. She closed the notebook and handed it back to Lisa.

“I noticed most of your entries are about Jennie, regrets, and hope. Well, it kind of puts the puzzle together.” Jisoo lightheartedly chuckled. “I visited Jennie the other day, we talked about some things, about you and your decision about ending things.” She slowly said.

“How is she?” Lisa carefully asked.

“She acts so tough on the outside but she’s actually breaking on the inside.”

“Are you mad at me?”

“Why would I be mad at you?”

“Because I didn’t keep my promise about loving Jennie.” Lisa mumbled, avoiding Jisoo’s eyes.

“Hey, I’m not mad. I understand that maybe you chose to take a break so you could make up your mind. There’s nothing wrong about it, it takes time. But I have a question for you, are you now ready?”

“I am if she is.” Lisa said, meeting Jisoo's eyes. “Can you give this to Jennie for me?” She handed the notebook to Jisoo. “I want her to read what’s inside that notebook. I want her to know how truly sorry I am, I feel stupid.”

Jisoo smiled as she shook her head, pushing the notebook back to Lisa slightly and the latter gave her a confused look.

“Do you want to see Jennie?” Jisoo asked and Lisa nodded. “I’ll take you to her without anyone here noticing.” She said and Lisa’s eyes widened.

“Y-you will?”

“Just make sure you’ll do this right this time. That’s enough for me.” Jisoo smiled.

“Thank you.” Lisa gladly said as she reached for Jisoo’s hand and squeezed it, her eyes began to filled with tears of happiness. “This means so much to me.” Lisa began to sob and Jisoo patted her shoulder with her free hand.

“I’m sure Chaeyoung would be happy for you.” Jisoo assured her.

***

Jennie just finished her shift at a convenience store near her apartment at around 10 in the evening. She felt her eyes getting heavy as she was taking her steps towards her door, but something caught her attention. Someone was sitting across her apartment’s door; she was hugging her knees, her face buried in her arms. Jennie suddenly felt awake, the girl sitting across the door seemed familiar even though she hadn’t seen her face yet. The girl sitting across the door lifter her head and she rubbed her eyes before facing Jennie. The latter’s eyes widened as she took a small step backward. This should be a dream. There’s no way she was seeing Lisa in front of her. How?

Lisa stood up and gave Jennie a sweet smile before giving her a small and shy wave.

“Jennie.” Lisa said.

“W-what are you doing here?” Jennie asked. “How did you get here?”

“Jisoo helped me.” Lisa answered. “Can we talk?”

The two entered Jennie’s apartment and the latter prepared a warm drink for her visitor before they start their talk.

“Why are you here?” Jennie asked when she noticed they were just waiting for the other to talk first.

“I just want to check how you're doing.” Lisa said.

“I’m surprised they let you out of the asylum.”

“No one knows I’m out, I got here with Jisoo’s help. She’s going to pick me up at 3am.” Lisa explained.

“No one knows you’re out?! You two are crazy!” Jennie exclaimed.

“Yeah, maybe I am.” Lisa lightheartedly chuckled and she deeply sighed. “I just really came here to ask how you are doing.”

“Now you’re asking me that as if you didn’t hurt me?” Jennie scoffed. “Healing takes time Lisa. We don’t just wake up the next day feeling better that fast. You could’ve thought about this the moment you want to end things with me.” Jennie said with a stern voice and she then sighed. “Finish your drink, I’ll call Jisoo to pick you up.” She stood up and started walking to her room to get changed.

Lisa put the mug on the table as she stood up and walked quickly to catch up with Jennie. She hugged the latter from behind tightly as if she had no plan of letting her go, her head buried on Jennie’s shoulder. Jennie got startled by Lisa’s action. She had to admit, she missed being in Lisa’s arms. Jennie then felt her clothes were getting damped and that’s when she realized Lisa was silently crying. She shut her eyes and took a deep breath.

“Let go of me.” Jennie said in a low voice.

“Please stay with me.” Lisa sobbed as her voice broke.

“You’re the first one to let go so why would I stay?”

“I’d lost my battle when I lost you. I’m sorry Jennie. But I need you, I need you back. I will never let you go again. Please come back.” Lisa sobbed.

Jennie closed her eyes for a moment, trying to hold back her tears as she relaxed her body in Lisa’s embrace. She held Lisa’s hand and brushed her skin with her thumb before she gently pushed her arms away from her and she then faced Lisa.

“Lisa.” Jennie softly said as she reached for Lisa’s face to wipe away her tears. “Why would you want me back? Why do you need me?” She asked and Lisa lifted her gaze to look at Jennie’s eyes that was full of expectance.

“Being locked in that same old room ever since Chaeyoung died, I never saw the light. But then you came and I saw that light again. I can finally breathe again. I finally tasted happiness after years of bitterness and sadness. I felt free. And when I let you go that day, I felt locked up again. I couldn’t breathe, I see darkness, everything tastes bitter, I’m surrounded by gray clouds again.” Lisa held Jennie’s hand and squeezed it. “Jennie, I need you so I could feel again. And if you’d only let me, I’d like us to start again. Please stay with me and I’ll never let you go again.”

“What about Chaeyoung?” Jennie asked.

“I loved her and she’s probably one of my favorite chapters in my life, but what matters most is the one that I’m writing with you. I want you in every chapter of my life, may it be good or bad, you’re my most favorite.” Lisa smiled despite the tears that were still rolling down her cheeks. “I realized I would never really get rid of her, she’s the reason why the both of us are here. Maybe I should start to learn looking on the bright side instead of living in guilt.” She said and she took a deep breath to loosen up. “Jennie?”

“Yes?”

“Will you let me love you?”