Travel back to heal

I am a young woman who is struggling, who can't move on the sadness , who can't move on in life and take decisions because i stuck in the mold and it becomes dry with the coldness. I am a mess. I acknowledge it finally, so i decided that i need to travel back to my past, and dig at decisions, emotional trauma to heal. Since i said it clearly I messed up, i hope it will be the first step to change things. Let's take this experience together to do some emotional cleaning. I know i am not happy, but i am thinking, what can i do to make myself happy? What are the small things that made me jump from happiness? I don't know when it started but i forgot about myself. I just don't know I don't remember what kind of person i was back then. What made me really happy?   The only thing i remember is that i was hurt a lot.  At a point when i hated being soft and sensitive, I hoped I would become cold-hearted and strong. But that wish became true with time and made things worse for me. Am i at fault for making that wish ? I just hated being hurt again and again. Now I have decided to go back to the past to every knot and fix it one by one. The adult me decided to go back to this young girl to hold her and be their for her. I know now that no adult did it for me. To the adults who are in my life, i am disappointed in you. What a shame of you, with your ugly feelings and dirty heart.