Romance Is Boring

You'll need those fingers to crossing

One week later 

Jude was lying on his back, his hand folded under his head. He was naked, though the sheets covered the best parts. From his side of the bed, Zero reached over. His fingertips skimmed Jude's stomach. Down, down, down. Jude held his breath. Satisfied with the effect he was having on Jude, Zero lowered the sheets.

How f****d up was it that, he still felt like he had to justify spending the night? Sometimes you were just tired and wanted to crash.  It wasn't complicated, so why was he trying to make it complicated? It wasn't like Jude was demanding an explanation for his presence.

- When you look at me like that it's like you don't even see me. - Jude mumbled.

- Am I eyeing you like a hot piece of ass? Do you feel objectified, Jude?- Zero seductively drawled

- No, it's more like you're sizing me up. Trying to make sense of me.

Zero knew what Jude meant. Except he wasn't trying to make sense of Jude. He was trying to make sense of the two of them, together. He was thinking about how he couldn't f**k this up. It was all he had. And even if it hadn't been - even if he'd had another family and friends - he'd still not want to lose Jude. Jude's friendship would still be the most important thing in his life. Something real in the middle of all that fake crap.

- I'm serious - Jude sai - What do you think when you look at me like that?  What are you thinking right now?

It was a simple question but Zero panicked.

-s*x - he immediately offered. And now he was outright lying to Jude.

-I'd like to hear - Jude prodded, undeterred. He's saying that he knows that I'm bullshitting him, but he's giving me a second chance to come clean, Zero realized. Still, that whole thing about not wanting to lose Jude. Zero couldn't say it.

-Seriously, s*x - he replied. Jude sighed.

- It's alright if you don't want to tell me.  Really. You don't have to.

- I just did. s*x. - Zero reiterated

-Okay, never mind.

Jude clearly wouldn't hold it against him if he just admitted that he didn't want to tell him. Zero saw how easy it could be if he let it. Still, he hesitated. He tells Jude and then what?

Probably the stupidest thing he had done, was responding to Jude's plea. Just once. I'd like someone to reach back. Zero didn't regret it, but he knew that he'd set something in motion. Because it wasn't "just once", was it? It wasn't a gesture. You couldn't do it once and get it over with. You needed to keep reaching. And he wasn't going to do it. Reaching once had been bad enough. He was not going to do it again.

It was for Jude's protection. Jude should not come to depend on him, because he was the opposite of dependable.

Jude was staring at the ceiling, looking kind of bummed, but Zero was going to take care of that.

-I swear you've got this Boy Scout expression and it's delicious - he said rolling over to Jude's side of the bed. Jude practically blushed. It was cute. Zero draped himself across Jude's chest. They smiled at each other. They were fine. Eventually, however, Jude would expect him to open up about all sorts of s**t. Zero was well aware of that and it scared him to death.