Unapologetically Me

Chapter Eight

James

I hated wearing anything with a collar. I felt like a stuffed sausage, all tight and uncomfortable. But I needed to do it for Kelly.

She hadn't asked me to come to the funeral, but I knew it was going to be a pretty bad day and if I could cheer her up, then why not?

Admitting to her that she was all I could think about was risky, but knowing that she felt the same had felt like I won the lottery. The only thing that was bothering me was that Michael didn't know. Michael and I had been best friends since I moved to Vegas when I was seven.

We told each other everything even if it was disgusting or private. It had always been why we worked out so well as friends. There were never any secrets. Except, now, the one I was keeping from him so that I didn't hurt him.

"Dude, chill. You look fine. Stop pulling on the damn tie. It took me forever to copy it from YouTube." Michael chastised. He had reluctantly decided that I would look like a weirdo if I went to the funeral by myself, so he decided to join me. He was wearing another button-up shirt he borrowed from Dexter's closet and some black slacks and dress up shoes.

I stared at the tie in the mirror and felt dweebier than usual. "Yeah, I'm getting rid of the tie. I can't do it."

"Fine. Half an hour of my time down the drain. No biggie!" I grinned at his surly mood and grabbed my keys from my desk.

"It's now or never. You coming?"

"Yeah," he grumbled. "I just don't understand why you're so adamant to go. I like Kelly. She's a cool girl, but I don't want to go to her dad's funeral. It seems so f*cking weird that you want to go for 'moral support.' " he air quoted moral support and I rolled my eyes at him.

It would be easier if I just told him, but I couldn't guarantee he'd keep his mouth shut. He liked to hear himself talk. I didn't want to ruin anything with Kelly. I knew I said that she wasn't in the right mind for anything, but my d**k wouldn't get the memo.

Hanging out with her after the wake a couple of days ago had made me feel like the horniest man on the entire planet. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever laid my eyes on and anytime I saw her, my stomach would feel queasy and my hands would get clammy.

The funny thing was that she actually liked being around me too. She was funny and cute and had this smile that made my d**k twitch every time she'd aim it at me. I had been shocked as sh*t when she asked me to give her a ride. I had hoped for a couple more minutes of chit-chat at the end of the wake and ended up getting a car ride and a meal with the girl.

"I thought you'd like to spend more time with her."

Michael gave me an 'are you serious?' look and I shrugged.

"Dude, spending time with her like the other night, would be nice. Not going to her dad's funeral. Video games, yes. Dead daddy, no."

I rolled my eyes and walked up the basement steps, listening to see if he was following. I heard him groan loudly and follow me.

"I doubt she'll even talk to us, bro. She's going to be busy bawling her eyes out. I think I'll skip out and see you after. I was okay until I realized how boring this sh*t is going to be."

"Fine. I'll go myself. I don't care." I waved him off as he walked to his car. He flipped me the bird and I flipped it right back. He grinned and waved. I waved back and watched him take off. Maybe now that he was gone, Kelly would want to hang out with me again.

I sat in the back pew of the church the service was going to be at and looked around to see if I could spot her. I could see her family in the front, but she wasn't here. I knew she'd show up at some point, but I was anxious to see her.

When she finally did show up, it was in the middle of the service and she had her mom by the arm, looking miserable. I could smell the alcohol from where I was sitting and felt my chest tighten with worry for Kelly. She half dragged her mother to the front and sat her down next to who I assumed was her aunt and said something to her uncle. She then made her way to the back of the church, her eyes trained on me.She had on a black dress with the same high heels from the other day that haunted my dreams these last couple of nights.

Despite looking like she needed two full nights of sleep and some food and sun, she was still the most beautiful girl there. She slumped into the seat beside me without a care in the world and took my hand in both of hers like she had in the car.

Our talk the other night had concluded with me taking her home and agreeing to be friends. Well this was friendly, right?

"Shouldn't you be up there with your family?" I whispered to her as the priest began talking.

"I'm not dealing with my mom. I told them I was coming to sit with you. They can deal with it or suck it at this point. I'm tired of being told what I can or can't do." She shrugged her shoulders and leaned her head against my shoulder. I was definitely glad Michael hadn't come with me.

After the service ended the family was called back to a limo to ride to the cemetery but again I watched her talk to her uncle and point back at me. I lifted a hand in a small wave and hoped that he didn't come and strangle me. While they spoke, Kelly's mom came and stood next to me.

"Hey, lover boy. You're stirring up some sh*t aren't you?"

I looked up at the older version of Kelly and shrugged. She had Kelly's blue eyes and her mouth. Her hair looked more white than it did blonde, but seeing as she was in her sixties, it made sense. She was probably really beautiful when she was younger. I could see a lot of Kelly's looks came from her.

"I'm not trying to. I'm just here for support."

"Oh trust me, baby, you are stirring it up. Joe is going to have a conniption if Kelly doesn't straighten up." She nodded over at Kelly and Joe arguing silently. People were filing out of the church behind us, going to their cars to follow the procession line.

"Should I go?"

She snorted and shook her head. "This is a hell of a lot funner than following all of Joe's rules. Let's see if Kelly gets her way."

We watched as Kelly stomped her foot and pointed over to me again. Kelly's mom cackled beside me and I couldn't help but smile. She was tiny, but she was a firecracker.

Finally after rolling his eyes, he nodded and pinched the bridge of his nose. Kelly grinned triumphantly and walked over to me. She gave her mom a once over before ignoiher completely and pulling me towards the parking lot.

"Come on. Let's get in line before we get too far back."

I followed suit and we hopped in my car and lined up.

"What was all that about with your uncle?"

"He wants to control every aspect of the funeral. He's mad that I wanted to come with you instead of ride in the limo with the family." She shrugged and took my hand again.

"How are you holding up?" She shrugged and closed her eyes.

"As expected, I guess. It's hard but it's even harder having to deal with my mom and Uncle Joe. Highlights of my days right now are when I can escape to my room and the house is finally quiet. That and right now, with you."

I smiled at her and began following the cars. We were far behind. We wouldn't be getting to the cemetery for a while, but she seemed okay with it.

"What have you been up to these last couple of days?"

"School and playing video games with Michael. I worked on my essay for one of my college applications. Nothing special."

"Ooh. Where are you hoping to get in?"

"I'm looking at Ivy League schools, mostly. I made a pretty decent score on my SAT's and ACT's so I think I can get in."

"Wow." She snorted and shook her head."And you said I was out of your league. If anything, it's you who is out of mine. That's impressive."

I blushed and shrugged. "That's if I even get accepted. We will find out soon, hopefully."

"Well I hope you get everything you ever want. I, in the meantime, will probably end up at Southern Nevada. It's not bad, but not Ivy League."

"What are you hoping to study?"

"I want to be a registered nurse. Maybe help doctors give birth to babies. Or in the emergency department."

"That's good. What made you want to be in the medical field?"

"I'm not sure. I haven't really made up my mind yet. I haven't thought past highschool yet, if you want me to be honest." She stared through the windshield frowning and sighed. "Now that I think about it, I'm quite pathetic. I was so tied up with getting Dexter's attention that I didn't even think about my future."

" You're not pathetic." I squeezed her hand and she smiled at me.

"Not even a little bit?"

"Maybe a bit?" I pinched my fingers to show her how much and she laughed. Hearing it sent shivers down my spine and I gripped the wheel tighter.

She was driving me crazy. It was bad how much I wanted her again. I knew it wasn't going to happen but I did.

We arrived at the cemetery shortly and I waited in the back while she sat in a chair next to her mom. I watched tears spill from her eyes as they lowered the casket. Kelly's mom knelt down and begged for him to come back and it hit me hard in my chest. I actually even got a bit teary eyed hearing her pain.

When it was all over, Kelly didn't even stop to talk to her uncle this time. Instead she walked straight to me and leaned up to me, her mouth against my ear.

"Take me to your house."

I nodded and we left quickly. I wasn't sure that she really wanted to go to my place, but I knew she didn't want to stay with her family.

"There's a reception at my house and it's going to be full of people. I really don't want to have to socialize with everyone and have them telling me how great my dad was. I've heard it all these last few days and I just need a breather. If that's okay with you."

Her wide, blue eyes looked into my face and there was no way I could say no to her.

"My mom is home with some of my younger siblings, if that's okay with you."

"Yes, I don't care as long as I don't have to be around my own mom."

I drove us to my house quickly and felt nervous. I hoped my mom wouldn't say anything embarrassing or stupid. I hoped that my little brother and sisters wouldn't scare her away. I want sure how much longer she would want to hang out with me now that the funeral stuff was over, so I wanted every little bit that I could get.

Walking inside through the garage door, I hoped to avoid my mom, but ofcourse she was in the kitchen, baking some s**t. She loved her kitchen more than most of us, I was sure. My dad made sure she had state-of-the-art everything. He spoiled her to pieces and in return she gave him a sh*t ton of kids.

I didn't really see the payoff in that, but it was whatever. My mom's eyes widened when she saw Kelly and she smiled brightly. I wished I could remind her telepathically that she wasn't in any mood to be cheery.

"Hi! You must be Kelly. Oh my gosh, he didn't tell me how gorgeous you are! Look at you! James! She's beautiful!" I glared at her and shook my head. Kelly giggled and held her hand out to shake my mom's. Instead my mom brought her into a hug and I felt my face burn with embarrassment.

Kelly's shoulders slumped and I watched as she dug her face into my mom's shoulder. Her shoulders moved as she cried silently in my mom's arms and I felt helpless. I didn't expect that to happen. My mom frowned and stroked Kelly's hair. She was about as short as Kelly, so there wasn't any height difference.

After a couple of minutes of my mom comforting Kelly, she pulled away and wiped her eyes. "I'm so sorry. I was not expecting that." She gave a shaky laugh and wiped at her nose with the back of her hand. My mom walked around the center kitchen island and grabbed a paper towel and handed it to Kelly.

"It's okay. I'm so sorry for your loss! I can only imagine how hard it must be."

Kelly nodded and wiped under her eyes, black lines appearing on the paper towel

"It's been hard, but James has made it a bit more bearable." She smiled up at me and I smiled back. Now I felt kind of guilty for only thinking of myself and what I wanted. I should have been watching out for her and her feelings.

"Well he is the sweetest of my children. They say the first one is born to trick you into having more. That was definitely what happened. I keep falling for it too, if you can believe it!" I rolled my eyes and Kelly giggled again, her smile brighter than it had been.

"Yeah, I've heard. A Starr in every grade."

"That was not intentional. Are you guys hungry? Or are you getting back from the reception?"

"Um..." She glanced up at me and I nodded.

"Sure. What do we have?"

"I just made some sandwhiches for the little kids, but if you guys want something different I can whip something up really quick."

"Sandwhiches are good," Kelly answered. " I can help." I watched as Kelly and my mom made some sandwhiches and talked a little about my mom's kitchen and about different gadgets.

"We're going to eat in my room," I told my mom when they were through. My mom nodded and smiled at Kelly.

"In case if my son hogs you for the rest of the time you are here, it was nice meeting you."

"It was nice meeting you too, Mrs. Starr. "

"Marlene, sweetheart. "

"Marlene." She smiled and I quickly led her out of the kitchen and down to the basement. My room was thankfully clean, seeing as last time I was embarrassed for it being so bad.

We sat down on the edge of my bed and she picked at her sandwich a little before she turned to look at me. " Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being here for me. I know you didn't have to be, but I appreciate it."