shadows

the first beginning (3)

Evan and Emma were quarrelling. That wasn’t something that happened often. In fact, this was only the second time they were truly quarrelling. Sure, they had disagreements. But those were different. Disagreements weren’t like this.

The two had known each other all of their lives. The families were friends, and rivals. But more friends. And when they realised Evan and Emma were about the same age, and seemed to like each other fine, the families set the two up. The two went on one date. And agreed to marry.

And it had been a happy marriage. Except for that one transgression on Evan’s part. The affair. He said it didn’t mean anything. And he meant it. It didn’t mean anything. He didn’t even try to hide it. And he accepted whatever punishment Emma gave him. And he made the solemn promise to never stray again. A promise he kept with such tenacity that even Emma was surprised. He didn’t even look at other women, let alone get too close.

Evan made another promise. He wouldn’t interfere. A promise he kept all these years. A promise he was breaking now.

“How can I remain quiet?” He asked. “Yes, he is a reminder. Yes, he isn’t the same as our children. But, he is also innocent. And he has never once complained. Has he? Whatever we threw at him, however much contempt we treated him with, he just accepted. Don’t you think that’s enough? It’s been more than a year. He hasn’t left his room. Do you want him to remain inside the rest of his life? Is that really it?”

“And what if it is,” she asked spitefully.

“I can’t accept that,” he said. “You are better than that. And if it is, that’s all the more reason for me to interfere. I refuse to allow you fall so low. You are so much better than that.”

“What do you want to do?” She demanded.

“I will send him away,” he answered. “A residential school. And then college. And then overseas. He will never return. None of us will ever see him again. That should be enough, shouldn’t it?”

She wanted to refuse. Yes, he would be gone. Yes, not having to ever see him was perfect. But they would still be paying for his education. They would still be caring for him. But she had to agree. She couldn’t think of anything better. And so, reluctantly she acquiesced.

Evan passed down an order. Everyone would be present for dinner that night. Anton included. The servant passed the order to Anton, from outside the locked door. She delivered food everyday. And despite her best efforts, never did manage to catch him opening the door to take the food in or leave the empty plates out. Today would be the first anyone was seeing him ever since he locked himself in. And that got everyone strangely excited.

Dinner was at nine. Anton was the last to arrive. Everyone was sitting in their usual places. Evan at the head of the table. Emma by his right. The twins by her side. The girls on the other side. Anton sat at the other end of the table, the furthest from the family. And he was a surprise.

Anton had grown. He was taller. The same lanky, but also bulkier. Like he had built muscle. Ignited everyone’s imaginations about what he might have been doing inside his room everyday. His hair had grown long, hiding his eyes. The clothes were too small. Giving him the appearance of disharmony. More importantly, and noticeably, the silence hung around him like a cloud. A very visible and very dark cloud.

After Anton arrived, dinner was served. And they ate in silence. Everyone was staring at Evan to speak first. And Evan was staring at Anton. But Anton’s lips didn’t part except for eating until the end of dinner. And Evan could wait no more.

“Anton will be leaving for school this weekend,” he said to everyone. And then to Anton, he said, “You will not be returning. I hope you can study well. And live a respectable life. Take care.”

That was it. Anton didn’t reply. Evan said no more. And with Emma’s silence, the other’s had nothing to say either. None of them saw Anton again.

Anton locked himself in his room. Until the morning of Saturday, when he was to leave. The driver had visited him last night. Told him they would leave early. So as to not disturb anyone. Anton didn’t have an opinion. He sat in the back of the car. They crossed the city limits before sun rose.

Anton had truly left. And he would never return. Not because he left for school. He never made it to the school. They were on the highway when a truck’s tyre burst, sending the heavy truck into the car. The front half of the car was unaffected. The back half was completely crushed. The drivers of both the car and the truck were unharmed, except for some scratches. Anton was a sight that would haunt the dreams of the drivers. He was more a broken doll than a human being. Impossible to be alive.

The paramedics and fire service arrived at the scene ten minutes later. They worked together for another five minutes, freeing Anton. And rushed him to the hospital. They were too late. Anton was long since dead.

Hours later, Evan arrived at the hospital, alone. He couldn’t even bring himself to take a final look at his son who he could never care for. He arranged for the hospital to take care of the cremation and the rites. He was visibly sadder as he returned home. Along the way, he couldn’t help but wonder, maybe this was for the better. At least Anton wouldn’t have to live in misery. Maybe Anton could reincarnate, if there was such a thing, into a better life, a better family.

Emma and Evan were out on their balcony that night. Evan returned late. Dinner was over. And he didn’t really have an appetite. Emma was the only other person in the house who was aware of what happened. And tonight was as good a night as any for the couple to have a talk.

“I’m sorry,” he said. Apologising for the millionth time for the same thing. The affair. “I was terrible. I guess I’ll always be terrible.”

“No,” she cut in. “You were terrible, yes. But you made up for it. I forgave you. And that’s that. You have always been great, except for that one time. Everyone’s allowed one mistake.”

“So are you,” he said.

“I don’t know,” she mumbled. “Mine is a mistake fifteen years long. Does that count as merely one?”

“If you were wrong, so was I,” he said. “I let it be. What does that make me? Worse. I was the father. You were the stepmother. I bear the greater share of the blame. If not all of it.”

“How was he?” She asked. Yes, she hated Anton. He was a reminder of her failure as a wife. Because that was how she felt. She failed as a wife. That was one big reason why her husband strayed. And she knew Anton was innocent. But with Emilia gone, she had nowhere else to vent. She couldn’t help herself.

Evan shook his head. “Maybe this is better. He doesn’t have to bear our hatred, our anger, anymore. He is freed of us.”

She said nothing. She had seen with her own eyes all that Anton had suffered. Yes, a great part of it was her doing. But a great part was also her children’s. And now, looking back, she couldn’t help but wonder if she was right, just letting it be. Had she turned her children as evil as she was?

It was a long night for the couple. The next few days weren’t going to be any better. But they knew they would pull through. They had each other. They would never let go. And they had their children. The ones still alive. They would be fine, eventually.

As for Anton, that was the end of the story.