NOT Your GUARDIAN

MISSING

True love is wanting the absolute best for someone. Even if what is best for them, is to not be in a relationship with you. True love wants them to soar,  And not be weighed down by anything that doesn't fully serve them. True love is unselfish. True love serves the person being loved on every possible level.

***Raki***

**********

Ever since the day Sasi snapped at me in the dining hall, I tried to distance myself from her as much as possible. Asking either one of the boys to attend to her needs instead. Even though it hurts so much to not see her, to not be able to go near her, to not be able to touch her,

My impatience was slowly eating my resolve away. I understand the reason behind her actions, her embarrassment, and her reaction in front of her parents. I understand it all. And to be the one who understands hurts like hell.

After that lunch, her father called for me and we talked in his private study. The talk with an outcome that I never expected.

"Raki, I won't beat around the bush, What happened back there?"

With all seriousness, he asked me.

He sat on his swivel chair while I stood in front of him, my hands were behind my back.

"I don't understand what you mean uncle."

"I mean, why did Sasi react that way? Do you have an idea?"

He eyed me warily.

"I'm quite surprised too uncle. I don't know why did she do that."

I will pretend I know nothing, hell may burn me first before I admit that I know why Sasi was acting that way.

"Oh, don't give me that excuse, please. I know that you do. Well, let me be a little straightforward, do you like my daughter?"

I was stunned by his sudden question, I held my breath for a second. My heart beats rapidly, and I didn't know how to answer that.

"W-what do you mean sir?"

"I mean like as in like. Do you see her as a woman?"

"I like her as a person uncle. And I care for her like a younger sister."

I lied big time.

"Good.. that's better.. You know, when I told you that it is better for both of you to get comfortable with each other, you understand that it is for the sole purpose of the future merging of my company and your father's, right?"

"Yes uncle, I know."

"Raki, I know you're a good man. I don't want to judge you or anything, please remember that. I am a father and I want the absolute best for my precious one."

I want only for her to have nothing but the best. I hope you are getting what I want to convey."

I've gone cold from what I have heard from him. Yes, I do understand clearly what he was trying to say. He doesn't need any confirmation, didn't need any proof or evidence. It's just a plain silent threat that says, KEEP OFF MY Daughter.

"I understand uncle, please rest assured that I won't go beyond my duty. I know my place. I won't disappoint you."

I replied with a heavy heart.

I know this will gonna be the end of me. But I also know where I stand in this agreement.

"I want to have a grandson or granddaughter with someone in the corporate world, to continue our line of heritage in the business..I might have to arrange a marriage for her soon..and I am hoping for your cooperation."

He remarks gently. Eyeing me, watching my reaction.

I maintained a blank expression until I was dismissed.

Sasi getting Married.

What a ruthless word.

It's like a heavy stone weighing down on my chest. Staying there.

I tried my very best to suppress my desire to knock in her room and apologize, I didn't do it. It is better this way. Things will be better this way. I'd rather keep my distance and still see her every day, even from afar, than be completely gone from her life for good. I don't think I could handle the pain. I know that uncle Alex isn't joking about the silent threat, and just the thought of it feels like an invisible hand squeezing at my lungs, I could barely breathe.

Daniels has always been there for me through all of this. He knows me better than anyone else, even better than my own parents. I have known him way back when I was still a private at the camp.

I have talked to him about almost everything, I confided about my feelings towards Sasi, and he understood me.

When Sasi pulled me into the dressing room that day of the photoshoot, all my inhibitions flew into the air. With just one hard kiss from her, I lost my self-control, yet again.

This woman is really my greatest weakness. I've been shot, almost get myself killed by a detonated bomb, but nothing compared to the fear I felt every time I am with her like this. I fear that I might overdo things and hurt her. I fear that I will scare her away with my rough nature, even though I tried my very best to be gentle.

But to my surprise, she didn't back down, she even matched my thirst, gave back everything that I offered her. She was equally as parched as me. And at that moment, I forgot everything her father has asked of me. I forgot how I must stay clear of Sasi, how I must not indulge her in more confusion like this. But I am lost, so lost in my own desire for this lady.

I got lost the moment I looked into her eyes. My mind got lost in her dark, hot kisses. And I love being lost.

It was at this point that I have decided to go with what I wanted all this time, f**k her father's threat, f**k the rules..fuck everything. All I want is to be with her.

And I made up my mind to confess to her about my feelings when the night comes. I will tell her everything. My past, my secrets..I will show her my weakness..and my pains. How exciting it is to hold her in my arms and finally whisper I LOVE YOU in her ears.

I am sure she will reciprocate accordingly. I knew it, I could feel that she liked me too. Just the thought of it gets my brain high with dopamine.

But before I even get to her room..I received a call. The call I have been waiting for for ages, the call that blew up everything.

I was briskly walking down the hall of the mansion, making my way towards Sasi's bedroom. I knew she was waiting for me. I knew she was anticipating my words of "We will talk later."

When suddenly, my phone vibrated, I looked at it and saw Mooki's number. Mooki, a private investigator and also my friend. I asked him a favor almost three months ago, and maybe he has some answers now.

I instantly stopped in my tracks. Why do I fright what she is going to say all of a sudden?.

"Hello?..Mook, what's up?"

I answered hesitantly.

[Hey Raki my brother, I have the DNA test results from the samples that you gave me..]

He answered on the other end. My breath hitched as I heard about the DNA, I forgot about it.

"Oh... well t-that's great..so..what was it."

I held my breath as I waited for the answer.. and my world came tumbling down the moment he dropped the bomb..

[It is 99.9% positive probability..She is your lost Sister.]

Shit!

Fucking f**k!

I should be happy about this news,

finally, I have found her..

NATTARIN, my lost step-sister..

Lulu will be happy up in heaven, I have found her daughter.

But why do I felt like my world had just ended?

I mean, I have a hunch. The reason I gave in to my uncle's request to secure her princess, was because I have a  suspicion that Sasi is Nattarin, but after all the stuff I have been through with her, I have already forgotten the reason why I am here.

My sentiment is, after all this feeling that has blossomed between us..why now?

Lulu, I found him...I finally found him..

but why does it hurt so much?.

[Raki..are you still there?]

Mooki's voice interrupted the flow of my thoughts.

"Uh,..yeah still here..I'll see you tomorrow Mook, I'll get the results personally."

I heard my voice crack a bit so I

I ended the call immediately. It felt like there's a lump in my throat. What am I gonna do now?

She is Nattarin, my lost step sister for f**k's sake!

The decision to vanquish my feelings for her took place instantly. I have to. I need to..

---------------------------------------------------

When I entered the room, I saw Sasi sitting by the bed, her hair shuffled. Her crumpled shirt was open halfway and showing the top of her reddened chest.

I almost lost my rein when our eyes met. Her eyes twinkling, full of unrestrained emotions.

Smitten is an understatement.

She looks at me like I am the most appetizing meal. I can see it in her enlarged pupils, I can see it through the lights were dim. She likes me, and despite of being gratified about it, I felt a wave of misery flooding my heart.

"I like you but, I don't see you in a romantic way Sasi."

I managed to let out these words full of lies. I want to punch myself so hard that I chose to grip the bedsheet tightly instead.

"I admit, I was attracted to your beauty. I got smitten, curiosity had me fumbling down your skirt. And I'm sorry for doing those things to you. I am sorry for confusing you."

I am not sorry! god...

I did everything because I want it very much to happen, for f***s sake!..

I would give everything in the world just to prove to you how Not-sorry I am.

But I do am sorry for hurting her now. God knows how much I despise this.

Every word that came out of my f*****g mouth feels like micro blades that tears up my heart into shreds. My own words hurt damn much that I almost take it back. I don't want to look at her, cause I know if I do, all of this will be gone to waste. If I do, I won't be able to control myself and pull her into a tight hug. If I do look at her now, I won't stop until she's panting heavily underneath the sheets. So I never dare look at her

"It's okay Raki..the feeling is mutual..

Don't think about it too much. I too was just carried away with the situation..you know, needs.

Let's call it quits then, and move on..e-everything..let's forget it."

I nearly grab her and squeeze her into my arms when I heard her voice crack.

I am hurting her. I am f*****g hurting my baby! And I don't know how to ease the pain I am inflicting.

Sasi! I am so sorry baby, but I have to do this. It's for your own good.

I don't want to ruin your career, as well as your family's reputation.

And there's the probability of us being legally siblings in the future. I can't risk it all just to have my way. I am willing to sacrifice myself, my feelings, my happiness...for you to have a bright future baby.

I have to leave. I need to get away from her, so I excused myself..with a heavy heart, I left her, feeling like a total jerk.

I found myself sitting in the garden, in that moonless night after I broke Sasi's heart into pieces.

Silent tears were rolling down my face like a waterfall. For the first time in two years, I am crying. I never cried since my mother died. I was just sitting there, motionless, looking at the dark shadows of the flower beds..when suddenly, a heavy hand laid on my shoulder.

"Cap..are you okay?"

It was Daniels.

"D...I wish I am, but I am not.."

My voice was rough and shaky.

"Tell me what's the matter."

"I hurt her.. I have hurt her so bad. I feed her lying words just to break her hopes of us being together. I lied saying I don't like her the way that she thought I do, she must have hated me now."

"You love each other, only a blind person can unsee that fact. Why did you do that?"

"You won't understand."

"Try me."

In the next moments, I poured my heart out to him. I confided everything that was weighing me down while he stroked my back to at least ease my pain.

"I don't know how to face her now. I'm afraid if I go as much as to be near her, I would crumble down, beg her to forgive me, and confess the truth."

"Cap, the situation is always beyond our control..and Sometimes, we hurt the deepest those people that we love the most. In this life, you cannot always win. What's more important is that you did the right thing, and there's no better consolation than to see her soaring high, reaching for her dreams..knowing that you contributed a big part of it."

This man, always say the words that I need to hear.

"Thank you so much for always being there for me D. You're the best."

"Anytime buddy..anytime."

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The next day, I got fired.

Uncle Alex fired me, he said her daughter wants to.

My world crumbled down, again, shaken and broken. 

"Raki, I don't know what happened between the two of you, but my daughter wished not to see you anymore. I won't ask anything..I know this too shall pass. And I am hoping that this won't affect our relationship, especially my relationship with your father."

Uncle has said without any remorse. He looked at me rather coldly.

"It's ok uncle. I understand. Thank you very much. I'll take my leave then."

I felt like a lump has settled in my throat. I gripped my knuckles until it turns white.

My leave has been silent, I never had the courage to say goodbye to Sasi. I just let Daniels know of the situation.

"D, please take care of her. I entrust you with her safety. And command Jiro and Jose' to keep an eye every time. I know the problem has been solved but it is best that you be cautious."

"Don't worry yourself too much..You know my caliber, I won't let anything happen to her. Where do you plan to go now?"

"I'll be around..Just out of sight."

I said mysteriously, he smiled knowingly.

I left but never get far away. Constantly asking Jiro for updates.

Every time I missed Sasi, I asked Jose' to take photos of her while doing random things, like sleeping, gaming, yawning, smiling..anything that includes Sasi in it. Then he will send me the pictures..and my day will be complete.

This too shall pass my baby..

wait for me till I get to the bottom of this puzzle.

I aim to solve what happened in the past. How did Nattarin ended up with Lamwilai's household, and why my father was unaware of any pieces of information about this? Or was he really innocent?

Lulu..please help me solve this the fastest way possible..

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New Movie Presscon

Everyone in the room was busy scurrying around, including me.

I wear a black high collared jacket over a black turtle neck cotton sweatshirt. A  black mask on my face and a black bonnet. I wore a pair of thick-framed eyeglasses to totally hide my face unsuspiciously.

Yes, I am in the set of the presscon, hidden among the crew. I landed a part-time job as an assistant cameraman on the set. Thanks to my old connections in the industry, I filled in as they were short-staffed.

Sasi looked gloomy, unlike the others who were cheerful and full of excitement, she seemed occupied. From the moment she stepped into the room, my eyes never left her face, her eyes, her lips which I badly wanted to kiss.. I miss her so much. I miss her warmth against me.

God, help me take control..

As the live interview goes on, she appeared to be absent-mindedly looking around. Looking for something, or someone.

Does she feel my presence?

Then her eyes fall on D and Phi Best. uh, she's nervous. I want to assure her, I want to let her know that I am here, but I can't.

When suddenly, the host called up her name and asked her for a short performance. I sensed her apprehension but obliged after the one who was sitting beside her, a fair-skinned male idol, whispered something.

He's rather cute with his height, his hair and his eyes were of the same color..blonde brown. My teeth automatically ground upon their contact. He leaned rather closely.. and I don't like that at all.

Not too fast shortie.

A soft melody played and the shortie started singing..uhh, he will sing along with Sasi..maybe he sensed too that my baby was nervous..

Hmm, I changed my mind about you shortie..good job.

The song was catchy, and when she started singing, my jaw dropped. It felt like my heart stopped beating for a couple of seconds, my breathing get hitched. Is that really her, rapping? My baby could rap?! What damnation in the world was this?.

In three months of me being constantly around her, and two months of stalking secretly, It never occurred to me that she could sing, much more, she could rap, and she's good at it.

A gentle wave of pride washed over me. My baby is soo good. Then I realized the meaning of the lyrics....

"You’re my all, you’re my world, I’m lost without you..

You’re the one and only Ruu wai na my boo..

Tha tur yang rak kheyim hai noy, I’ll make it better for you."

I too, am so lost without you baby..how I wish to hold you in my arms right now..

"Yak dai faen phom keun maa dii gan naa..

dii gan naa ja dai mai

Miss you, the same old you, so much.

Miss you my baby 

Klabmaa te kon dii..

oh please forgive me

Ja tham dtua hai dii..

Miss you my baby..."

I could see the emotions pouring out of her eyes. And I almost stepped forward to her, if not for the uproaring applause that took place.

You are my baby, then..now..and always, yai nong. I miss you too. I wish I could tell you.

A minute after, the interview ended and I saw Sasi stood up instantly and walked out of the mini-stage towards the direction of the restrooms. I followed her out on impulse, maybe because I used to do this before that's why. But I was stopped in my tracks when my mobile phone rang, it was Daniels.

[Raki, hold up..I saw you..would you like to blow your cover-up?.stay distant. Remember she doesn't want to see you. Yet.]

"Yes... I'm sorry I got carried away. I'll just stay here near the lavatory, just to make sure she's safe."

[Uh, so clingy..You're not even her boyfriend yet.]

He laughed teasingly.

"Guilty as charged..happy?..now shut the f**k up."

I ended the call abruptly without waiting for her reply and waited patiently near the restroom.

Five minutes have passed when I suddenly felt odd. It's been a while since Sasi went in, but she hasn't come out yet. Something wasn't right. I got this feeling of perturbation and I've been itching to run into the lavatory any moment, but the thought of Sasi seeing me was taking me on hold. I called Daniels.

"D, something is wrong..I can feel it. I'm coming in the comfort room now. Can you check at the back?..just in case."

[What? what's happening? Hey buddy are you okay being seen? Wait up, Jiro is coming over.]

"I don't f*****g care anymore. She's been in there for a while now but hasn't come out yet. I'm worried. Im going in."

I slowly walked towards the lavatory, my heart keeps beating rapidly from

anxiousness.

[Okay, I'll go check at the back.]

I didn't hang up, just let the call on.

When I got inside, it's eerily quiet. Too quiet that it feeds my apprehension madly. I checked the cubicles one by one, nothing.

Sasi is not here.. no one is.. but I haven't seen anyone come out of the single exit..unless..

My eyes flew into the open window of the Comfort room and the chair sitting below it.. It is five feet above the floor and wide enough for an adult to get through. My guts are boiling, praying, hoping that nothing bad has happened to Sasi.

As I walked towards the window, I heard an inaudible shot outside. I'm certain it was a gunshot with a silencer on. I run, almost fumbled up the chair to look out the window.

My eyes widened in horror as I saw Daniels engaging in a hand-to-hand combat. His shoulder was bleeding while his opponent, a big bulky man in a black coverall..a black mask and bonnet on his head, was shaking his hands as if preparing to attack anytime. A nighthawk AAC was thrown nearby.

"D! what is happening?!"

"Hey Cap. what are you doing?"

Jiro asked behind me.

"Sasi is missing, go call Jose' and let's meet at the parking lot."

I hurriedly get through the window and jumped to the ground outside.

"Go after the mistress! she is being kidnapped! that way.."

He managed to point the direction while the opponent lunged forward.

"But should I help you with that first?"

I asked flinching as he connected a flying kick into the man's chest.

"Do I look like I needed help? Go!"

He snapped at me as they continued to brawl.

"Okay..take care with that..don't go overboard."

I said running towards the direction that he pointed.

God please..don't let anything bad happen to my baby.

My adrenaline spiked up and nothing was on my mind right now but to find my step-sister, Nattarin..my one and only Sasi..my bii.

...to be continued.