Withering Soul

Not for Fun

I sat back on the sofa. The TV was on but I hadn't followed what was on since I switched it on. My eyes bumped into some magazines placed orderly in a gap space below the sofa table. Along with some album photos. And I heard her steps approaching my position. I looked in her direction. She covered her head, her wet hair with a towel, still in a bathrobe which showed the long cleavage of her breasts and the length was only to half of her thighs. I was too stunned to speak, looking at her, and she might have read my expression.

“Oppa…” she poked me to sober me up.

“Ah, yeah. What’s up…”

“You looked at me that way, what’s wrong?” What's wrong? She didn't know, what's even wrong?! I cursed in my mind. Maybe it was because she was gay, that she thought a man wouldn’t be affected by the sight she gave me. But no, in a split second I got all the reasons to shut up. She had been living in western countries for a long time, such things might be trivial. At that rate, it might be possible for them to just stay naked.

“No, nothing. Just… I need to get used to seeing such a beautiful girl with so much body exposure. You know…” I was a bit stuttered but I chose to continue. “Since coming here, don’t you realize you are being too open with your appearance? I mean… don’t get me wrong. I was living with my friends all the time, all men, and my mom always dressed herself moderately covered, and suddenly a beautiful girl was right in front of me with such a … you know what I mean…” I just blurted those words out and cursed myself inside a second after that.

“Hahaha! Oppa!” she laughed loudly, seeing the state I was in. I bet all my air was red. I could feel how hot my ears were. And I was so f*****g nervous.

“Well, yeah…” I gave up. I didn’t have the urge to defend myself anymore, to make myself look a bit better in front of her. She came near me and sat right beside me on the sofa acting like she was investigating me. Why did I see it like she was happy teasing me in that condition? I looked straightforward, pretending to focus on the TV screen. Well, I didn’t know what f*****g things were playing there. She took my face in her hands. Yes, she framed my face in her hands, to which I gasped in shock. Her touch bewitched me. My heart was not fine, the beat was too fast and loud. I was stunned following her movement. Our eyes met and she gave me an unidentified expression in her eyes. But how could I interpret everything from her expression as beauty? I cursed myself inside.

‘Wake up Zev, how can you be lost in front of a kid? You’re an adult here!’ but I didn’t have the energy to do so. She changed her expression into a serious one. I tried to interpret the meaning in her eyes but I couldn't put it into words.

"Oppa… don't tell me that you see me as a girl? Woman?" Yeah I did, so f*****g much. I just couldn't say it out loud, what's the use? She wouldn't ever see me as a man anyway. But I bet she could read me through my eyes. She pecked my lips and stopped there for a few seconds. The touch of her lips was warm and soft, yet electrifying. I was stoned, busy organizing the beat of my heart. She took off her lips, seeing me closing my eyes and was trying to get a hold of myself. And she made the second attack. It was not a peck, she sucked my lips and played there for a minute. I was totally sunk in it following her move. I have to admit that I was so stupid, succumbed to her play.

'Zev, where's your pride buddy, do something' pride? I crushed it right about that time, I was totally bewitched by her. She took her lips from mine, her hands were still framing my face, her fingers kept caressing my cheeks and I lost the moment of when I should open my eyes. I even savored the feeling when her hands caressed my cheek. I ate the shiver it gave me.

"Oppa… " She whispered. "I bet you like me as a woman. Am I right?" She insisted on knowing the answer. I opened my eyes, looking at the beauty right before my eyes. How could I not?

"Mmm…" I gave a decisive look in my eyes. She was a bit startled, licking her lips.

"Don't." She took her hands off my face.

"Why?" That was a stupid question. I knew exactly why. She had Cara. But her gesture of kissing me left some crumbs of hope. She might have a tiny feeling for me.

"You know why..."

"So what's that kiss for?" She smiled teasingly.

"I wanted to see how a man would react to his first kiss. It was the first, right? I could tell" Another event of story which made me stoned, I couldn't speak. But she was giggling as if it was worth a joke. What the hell, Sofie? I widened my eyes but she giggled even more. I tried to control myself by exhaling and throwing my face against her side. In a split second, I knew I should follow the scenario, but to be honest, I wanted to cry. It hurt deep.

"That was really your first kiss oppa?" She continued her saga of jokes. But I still couldn't look her in the eyes.

"Mmm…"

"Woah…should we continue? I can teach you how to have fun, like you said" God, I didn't expect she could make a joke out of it.

"Shall we?" I blurted the words and was surprised by my own words.

"Yeah, why not?" She took my face again toward her, which I had thrown aside to avoid her eyes. She framed my face in her hands, f*****g again, and I obeyed. What the hell? I was led by my manly instinct, I forgot about the pride and the norms I held.

'Zev, she is underage, remember?' Yeah I knew, I remembered, but f**k it.

"Sofie, you must have done this kind of thing often, don't you?" I was seeking confirmation and complaining a bit as if I had the right to do so.

"I do. Often. This is only one of many ways of having fun."

"With who?"

"Who else? My girlfriend." Gosh! I closed my eyes, brushing off the thought of them doing such a thing.

"Often? How often?"

"Everytime we need it. You know, we were roommates when we were trainees. We really had so much fun." I didn't wait for her next story. In a split second, I covered her mouth with mine. Yes, it was my first, but she needed to know my ability was out of the world. I studied such things on the internet, and if it was a college degree, I would have gotten my certificate a long time ago. I only needed some field experience to make it a complete skill. I framed her head in my hands, doing all the things I wanted to do to a woman. Hell, she had done it already with some woman. I planned to take her over for myself. I was late, but it's much better than nothing at all. I caressed her neck with my fingers while sucking her lips. Yet she brought it to the above level, she played her tongue with mine. I have to admit that she was much more experienced than me. The towel covering her head had fallen down on the floor, and I didn't know that her bathrobe was a bit open, and what's more surprising, she was sitting on my lap. Her hands slid into my shirt. And I didn't wanna stop yet. I staged my skills to match her level. While still playing our tongues, my hands were doing an adventure in her whole back, inside the bathrobe. I took time to savor her smooth skin and it added to my burning desire. Till she took my hand and led it to her breast. It was like a moment of truth, I suddenly realized it was going too far. And I stopped. She was a bit startled but she received the signal obediently.

"Ain't it fun oppa?" She questioned my gestures. I made up her bathrobe and covered her body. She abided in it, still sitting on my lap. I was so out of the world, the happiness was elevating real high, but it was meaningless without any clear statement. I really wanted her for me, not for mere fun like she thought it to be.

"It's fun"

"Why stop?"

"Did you enjoy it? Or did you do it only to make me have some fun?" She literally enjoyed it, I knew. But I needed confirmation.

"I did. Why ask?"

"What about Cara?" She muted and changed her expression to grumpy. She got off my lap and walked out of the living room to her room. I took my time to digest the whole situation. I wanted her. But why did I feel strange? I was waiting for her to come again, but she didn't appear after 10 minutes or so. I walked to her room and knocked on the door.

"Sofie…" No answer. After repeating 3 times with no response, I knew I had to stop. Asking about Cara might be a bit rude. I should admit, it was the wrong question. But I needed confirmation. I was a kind person, a good and fine man, at least, that was how I wanted myself to be. Doing it with her was considered cheating, one indictment, and doing such a thing to a girl before she was 17, was another sin. Even though I was a bit angry knowing how far she had gone with Cara. And what? Roommates?! I could imagine the free access they had during the two years or so in the room, in the dorm, when they were still trainees. The intensity? I was curious how far they had gone in the play. Something was burning in my heart. I took my leave of the house and went back to mine. Only to sink myself, once again, in the feeling I got from the encounter of our lips.

I was back in my studio facing my computer screen, trying to continue my homework. I would be having an intense argument with Jude the next day. Hell yeah, I might just allow him to take over the whole decision. I was busy managing my euphoria. I still remember her soft lips playing its games on mine, and I repeated it again and again, not wanting to let it vain in the air. The warmth I got from touching her skin when I caressed her back, through its curve down to her butt, it was so soft. Her hands caressing my chest still electrified me till that very moment. And when my hand grasped her breast, gosh! Why did I stop?! My manly side blamed me. It was so full, soft and challenging. I continued the play in my mind. I should have let myself enjoy it, squeezing it gently and even licked them and sucked the n*****s. Aaarrrggghhh!!! Regret took over me for a moment.

'Zev, you're so stupid!' I cursed myself in between complimenting myself for being able to stop it. Till I felt the need to do self-service for myself using my own hands in the toilet while having her whole existence in my brain. It was a tiring day and I found myself lying on my bed hopelessly.