Withering Soul

Just for Fun

“Oppa, dinner?” see? Why the need to worry about my meal? She was really determined to pay back all the favors from the past. And I knew I was so stupid, I was happy to receive the text. There was always a tiny bit of hope inside me, expecting that there might be a chance for me in between the encounters we made.

I got myself ready quickly and walked to her house. I didn’t need to press the bell anymore, I had the pass key in my hand. She gave me free access to the house whenever I wanted to go and have meals. I found her getting the dining table ready. I saw a very beautiful sight of a woman who diligently prepared the table of meals for her family. The feeling inside me clenched my heart even tighter at the sight. I changed the hope in me into determination. I had an urge to own her for me, to pull her interest totally in my direction. I aspired to be a boyfriend, a fiance and a husband for her, no matter what. She looked at me while holding the last stuff to prepare on the table, glasses. She smiled so sweetly and greeted me.

“Oppa, c’mon” And I walked to the table and took a seat. She gently prepared every detail, the rice, spoon, chopstick, and all side dishes cheerfully. “Oppa, eat” I nodded.

“Thank you”, we started to dig in. It was quiet. I was busy realizing all kinds of feelings and emotions visiting my heart and mind right at that moment. The main topic was, how could I be so blind about her? I didn’t know her at all. And from that point of view, everything she did was new to me. There were some things done in the opposite direction. She was not supposed to act like a woman treating a family if she didn’t want me to be part of her life, but she did. She was not supposed to kiss me if she didn’t have feelings for me, but she did. And just like so, I realized how stupid I was to still exist in her presence bringing a slice of hope that there would be a chance for us, even when she said that she didn't want me.

“Oppa, why so quiet?” She broke the silence. And I should add one more before I forget. Why did I even receive her kindness, knowing how weird the relationship between us was? And I didn’t feel the need to eat anything. Was I even hungry?

“Can I be honest?” I made sure to look into her eyes. She still acted casually, like nothing weird, and continued her eating. “I don’t know how to react to things here, I don’t know what to say either.”

“Is that because the question I didn’t answer about 9 years ago?” She definitely knew what made me feel unease yet she took it easy. I sighed, even the way we saw things was so much different.

“It was one of many things. I simply can’t understand you”. She stopped her eating activities.

“Do you remember? All the meal boxes were all made well?” I answered her through my eyes. She looked at me.

“My mom made them perfectly. I knew. You saw them too. My nanny said they tasted well too. When I brought them home, they couldn’t just waste the meal and they ate it. I never touched them. It was a way to show my mom. I didn’t want them, no matter how well she tried to make it. All the things she did, to make us look perfect, I mean... our family, including all my stuff. You must have realized they were all expensive. My only goal was to ruin them. I was forever hungry, but I was so determined to ruin everything. Including myself.” She didn’t change in emotion while telling it, still, she delivered the story in a different way than mine. She talked as if she wasn't affected emotionally, but I knew she did. I was a bit surprised by the story. I bet she could see it from my eyes.

“May I ask why?”

“Just because I didn’t like her, like, so much”

“Do you remember? We once met at a church when we were kids. Remember? She was so gentle and kind. Well, you must have a reason”, another surprising event. She chuckled and smirked.

“Really? She really looked kind?” I was in doubt as to how to answer the statement. “Good for her, she did it. That’s what she wanted. I bet aunty and uncle even think of her the same way.” she smiled, pulling aside one corner of her lips. And it was creepy for me. She showed me a big hatred for her mom. I totally stopped eating. Her story was more interesting for me.

“Wasn’t she?” She gave a sign that she had enough of the food by placing her spoon and chopstick on the table.

“Have you done oppa? Aren’t they good? Tell me what’s your favorite food. I will ask my nanny to prepare the ingredients. Please come here every time, you should have good meals. Okay?” She changed direction, again.

“Yeah, they are good.” I knew I should follow so as not to make it awkward.

“But you don’t eat that much.”

“Maybe because of the meals we took in the afternoon. I'm still full."

“Which one?” She looked at me in teasing mode. I felt like I was dumb. Which one? Did we have many? “The main course? Or the dessert? Should we have some of it again?” Yes I was totally dumb, I didn’t get it till she giggled and blurted the words. “Oppa, you forgot we had such a good dessert? But you stopped it. I didn't know why” while I started moving around cleaning the table and the dishes. I was stunned. I couldn’t catch her way of thinking. Such a twist. And I just sat in the chair unable to move, managing my heartbeat. In a split second, my manly pride challenged me. I couldn’t just take it, she played with me too much. I walked to the sink counter, taking her waist in my hand. She was a bit startled by the movement but soon placed herself on the ground. Smiling. What the hell, smiling? I was a bit annoyed.

“Do you want dessert?” while slowly taking off the gloves from her hands and placing her hands on my chest. She showed me how skillful she was at such a game. Not to mention, she matched her gesture with the flirty look in her eyes and lips.

“Can I say that you like it so much… right, oppa?”

“I told you, I like you”

“Not that one. Let’s just focus on things we can do”

“No, let’s keep the facts checked first. I like you”

“What do you like about me?”

“Everything”

“Why do you like me?”

“Because you are you. I like you.”

“You know how to lie?”

“It’s not a lie.”

“Since when?”

“Since day one”

“I even hated myself so much at that time, how can you like me?”

“I don’t know. It just happened that way.”

“Maybe because you met me again and said ‘woah, she turned into such a gorgeous lady, why not?’ such kind of thing?”

“Let’s say it’s true, can’t I?”

“See? You’re just one of those bastards who crave beauty and big boobs”. To my surprise, she said those words while continuing her flirty gestures. Wasn't she supposed to be a bit angry when saying them?

“Was someone doing this? Before me?”

“Mmm…many of them. And for your information, I hated them. I enjoyed how they worshiped me, and then suffered because they didn’t have even a tiny chance to interact with me.”

“Don’t say you try to make fun of me then leave me in desperation?”

“So you get it now. It’s quite fast. But I should be kind to you. You are different. I decided to trust you, you are not one of them, even most of the time, you are all the same in my eyes.”

“It’s painful, Sofie. You want to play me from the start?”

“Yes. And I didn’t expect it to be that easy to get you hooked up. Men are cheap”

“Is that why you decided to have a girlfriend?”

“I’d rather say, she’s not a girlfriend. We agree not to tie into any kind of relationship. We just enjoyed each other's company while having fun. That’s all. We need each other.”

“She knew it?”

“Supposed to. Unless, we can’t come this far. I hate being tied to anyone.”

“You are an evil bitch.”

“I am. That’s why oppa, I told you. Don’t involve any feelings when you are with me. You will be hurt. Let’s just be thankful for what we get and that’s it.” I knew it’s time to let go of herself. I lost my appetite for the dessert. And again, she took it casually. She put back the gloves and went about her business with the dishes. Looked easy for her. I was the only one holding tears, it was another broken heart moment.

“I bet you wanna go back to your house?”

“Mmm…”

“About meals, please come every time you can make it oppa. I would be so sad if you ignored my good intentions about that.” I said no words anymore and took my leave. I am totally blind about her.