Lost between Two

The sweetness in the love heat

30 September 1973

My white dress is waiting for me on the other side of the room , I can't wait to open that package and see what I have to see .

A moment later

the magic of this dress is indescribable. It is white so shiny super glossy, my jeweled wedding gown is full of gemstones like white zircon, it's very long, it seems like a fairy tale princess's dress . I adore it ; Nina showed me again that I can trust her choice Despite this I am so stressed, tomorrow I'll lose my celibacy and I'm really so afraid , I feel the same way as my first gala experience . God help me pass this day .

3 October 1973

Now, I agree with James ; China is the best place to get a dream honeymoon ; how happy I am , I keep imagining that moment when I woke up and find myself sleeping next to my lover , more precisely in his arms , I think it's all heaven on earth especially when you have a husband like James , so hot and who transforms to a tiger in the bed .

I really want to write what happened with us in our wedding , as every bride and groom we were dancing and close to share a kiss when Fred screamed : > ? when James turned to check what's happening , he added: > , my crazy husband walked with long steps to Fred :> , > , during this time I caught Nina hiding behind me and watching carefully the scene , when I asked her for the reason why she's hiding , she couldn't answer but her eyes could then I realized that the one Fred was talking about wasn't James but Nina , but the problem is that James thought that Fred was talking about me , so he put up a fight with him .

You know that moment when two men start fighting no one can approach them , James hit Fred and pushed him on the ground and punched him . I screamed > , then James stood up and looked at me like if he was wondering ; > , I saw a regret on his face

After he reconciled with Fred , all eyes turned toward Nina , she said >and when everyone was gazing her with big eyes: > the lie was embodied in her eyes and we could easily see a beginning of a new love story like mine.

Despite this everything is so alright especially that James is coming to me now ...

4 October 1973

Who said we can have some private time together even in the honey moon we are supposed to see Nina and Fred , I think we are attached at the spiritual level , I really don't feel happy when I say that but what could I do to avoid their anxious visit.

Chest to chest , his arms were surrounding my hips everything was so good and tasty till we heard some knocks on the door , I was in the bottom of the room ;James went to check who is knocking suddenly I heard James's laughter ,the was so loud like if he was warning me of something coming but because i didn't understand him ;I walked to the door , I was like :>, at that moment when I saw Nina and Fred in front of me I could not take air inside my lungs and even my speech became so low , I took like two minutes to say one simple hello . What could I do except putting a smile on my face and pretending to be the most happy bride in the world due to their presence and the worst of all is that they rent the room next to us .

God forgive my sins and show me the right way to get rid of these two .

5 October 1973

I spent a crazy fantastic day with my little family , yes I started loving their presence in my honeymoon beacause they make me feel so much love and affection like I've never done before , it is so amazing when you have a family who loves you and follows you everywhere .

22 December 1973

What a great new after three months of marriage , I am pregnant ,I'm so happy this child will be the proof of James's and I love.

Today and as a future mother , I promise myself to sacrifice every piece of mine for my family and my baby .

17 June 1973

The 6 /June/ 2017 , I gave birth to my child and I named him Claus , this name means the world to me , it belongs to the person who gave me a new life.

Well I am so excited to give a complete description of my new born , his skin tone is so light and he has big green eyes , a mouth like a rose and a small body with a big skull, literally he's so cute and charming . Yet he is not able to talk but when he cries we could hear a nightingales' melody in his voice .I must be happy but my happiness can't be achieved .Once I heard some friends of my ma talking about their babies

and saying that when you touch your baby for the first time you feel like if something born inside of you and when you lift him you feel this thing growing and beating like if your body created a new heart and this is what we call the sense of motherhood but me when I lift my baby I don't feel like that , I sense the guilt , the treason and the betrayal , it's not that I am suffering of postpartum depression after giving birth but because I know that something's wrong with this child ; I gave him birth after seven months of pregnancy and not nine , the doctor told us that happens in some exceptional cases but within i have this sentiment about Fred

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27 June 1973

We bought a house by the the warm sea of california , the house is so big and sunny . we have three living rooms , a big kitchen and two bathrooms on the first floor and four bedrooms on the second floor as for the top of the house we have a pool that can turn to a jaccuzzy the house is so dreamy .

I am so obsessed with James he can't stop driving me crazy with his sexy moves and surprises like today he oragnised a surprise for me.

I was sitting on the couch trying to brainstorm ideas with myself for a new song and suddenly I heard the living room door open by itself i was expecting James to come in but as much as I knew James wasn't even home he went out to the studio an hour ago and I was home alone I waited few seconds but nobody came inside the living room my heart started beating fast I felt terrified and for a second I tought It CAME TO CLAIM ME just the thought of It scares the hell out of me I can't say Its name

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Thankfully It wasn't It .I walked slowly watching every move I make to the door then I opened it quickly to find out that James is hiding behind a big Red teddy bear as much scared as I felt the cute gesture made me smile and hug James we ended up caught in a long-lasting kiss.

30 June 1973

Sometimes when I wake up next to James , I could not believe that we're together and I feel like if something's going to drag us down and away from each other then I can't help crying till my dream boy wakes me up and calms me down with his irresistible kisses . Today something exceptional happened ;Fred asked Nina's hand for marriage ,she was in doubt but I gave my best to persuade her after hesitation she accepted Fred's demand .I am so happy for her she was my companion in my road to success due to her I could achieve some of my dreams , I fought and I killed ,I fell and I raised, I loved and I've been loved , I gave and I've got but all what I've ever done is nothing comparing with what I will give .